Sunday, November 7, 2010

I Cream With Genie (1991)

I made a big mistake when I confused this title for the 1988 I Cream Of Genie with Nina Hartley and Tracey Adams which I'm sure isn't very good either but it has to be better then this shot on video piece of crap.
I Cream With Genie is about a bum who stumbles across a (yes your guessed it) a magic lamp while climbing through some garbage. The bum picks up the lamp to examine it and the movie cuts to a sex scene in what is supposed to be inside the lamp, between a genie who doesn't have an erection and a blond bimbo. The homeless man shakes the lamp and the limp-dick genie sex scene becomes all shaky. The genie appears in a puff of smoke that looks like it came from a 99 cent smoke bomb and scolds the bum for ruining his moment and shaking things up. The bum apologizes and the genie starts to grant him wishes. First the genie gives him a place to live, some food and clean clothes. Luckily for bum, this genie grants more then three wishes. The bum wishes for some sex and the genie gladly helps him out. From here on the bum pretty much only wishes for sex and we are forced to watch the same girls in different sexcipades. These sex scenes get tired pretty quick and the only real form of entertainment is these really cheesy scenes where the bum flies around naked with the genie on a magic carpet. One magic carpet scene in particular managed to get a chuckle out of me, The naked bum was complaining about not having any friends. The genie replies in a ridiculous accent "you don't deserve any friends because you're a bum". Then he tells his naked passenger that he has given him everything a man could want and hes still "a no good bum". The genie eventually gives in and gives the bum a friend but I don't think anyone would want to be friends with this clown. He's some long haired rocker dude who looks like he might be in Quiet Riot or something and when its time for him to preform and do the dirty he cant get it up. I Cream With Genie is just full of winners.
I probably would not have been able to make it through this one if I was alone but I did watch it at work with some coworkers and between the awful genie dialogue and his silly accent and some of the atrocious special effects I managed to watch the whole thing. Other then a small chuckle here and there I really hated this movie and just couldn't wait for it to end. It was shot on video and that is always a bad thing, The script was so minimal that it almost wasn't there and the music was almost unbearable. Every sex scene is worsened with music that sounds like it was done on a Kaseo keyboard. Don't waste your time with this one unless you're at work. Its a painful sit through.


  1. You shoulda watched this one instead:

  2. Haha "Hardcore pounding and foot sucking"
    Ill get right on it dude