Grotesque (1988)

Having first seen this thing when I was a young teenager who was really into punk rock and horror movies Grotesque was an immediate candidate for a vhs bootleg. Even back then when I was still green as far as ultra rare horror titles went I knew that Grotesque was a bad movie but that just added to the appeal for me.

Personally being a big fan of any movie that portrays punk rockers as violent/horrible people, Grotesque definitely fits into that category. Movies like Class Of 1984 is just scratching the surface of over the top and ridiculous punksploitation. Sure Class Of 1984 is a way better movie but Grotesque is just so gratuitous with its senseless violence that it really has to be loved, unless of course you're one of those pansy p.c. hippies disguised with a Mohawk and a studded vest who think punks should be portrayed positively in cinema. To all those people, I say fuck off! I want to watch Linda Blair being terrorized by a bunch of stupid, cackling, spiky-haired, degenerates. If that sounds like your cup of tea, you better be sure to check this one out.

Blair takes on one of her most unattractive roles as a good girl who wears way to much clothing (complete with 80's shoulder padded, women's suits) and has a really bad mullet. She crosses paths with a gang of "Punkers"... Gotta love the excessive use of the word punkers. Covered from head to toe in leather, chains and of course face makeup these bastards invade Blairs home and kill her entire family including the scream queen herself. Achy-breaky skulls are smashed in with bats (complete with gore) and mommy gets knifed up. Blair is strangled but the one thing the leather clad gang didn't count on was Blairs mutant brother breaking free from his cage in a secret room in the house and getting his bloody revenge. Who thought this up, I don't know. What I do know is that its as awful as can be. Things happen for no reason and without any warning and once the deformed brother breaks loose the viewer doesn't know what to expect next.

Big-chin, Maniac Cop himself shows up as one of the punks and his appearance is always well appreciated. We also get a bunch of silly and totally ineffective jump scares, with bad masks and even worse acting. The movie eventually shifts gears again when the mutant brother is killed with a shotgun blast to the torso and another family member finishes up the job of revenge. He straps the only two surviving "punkers" to a medical table and performs surgery on their faces. When hes done the punks wont have to spike their hair up to look outlandish. Now they look like natural born freaks. I suppose this was supposed to be some kind of weird commentary on punk rockers from the filmmakers and it just makes the movie all the more ridiculous and terrible. The old television version of this had one more surprise in store for us. Before the films final credits roll the film falls off of a projector and Frankenstein and The Wolf Man show up and talk about how they are still the scariest. Yeah I know its dumb, random and makes no sense. Well that's why I call them Movies From Mars.

Check this one out for scummy punk rockers, cheesy special effects, a totally disjointed plot, universal monsters throw-back, and a horribly dressed Linda Blair.

Kitten With A Whip (1964)

Why people love to bad-mouth this movie is beyond me. I personally really dig this movie. Its a home invasion flick with a sexy looking blond as the villain, violent beatniks and a stupid good-doer as the hapless victim.

John Forsythe (Trouble With Harry) plays David Stratton, an aspiring politician who's life is about to take a dramatic change for the worse when he finds a young attractive blond (Ann-Margret) sleeping in his daughters bed. David does what any man with a brain would do and wakes her up for some questioning. David is taken in by the girls sob story of abuse and he decides to help her. First he buys her a pretty dress that shows off her finer aspects and then he takes her to the local bus stop where she can catch a ride out of town and start a new life. With the help of a news bulletin Mr. Stratton learns the truth about his new friend. She wasn't on the run from her abusive family at all. She is in fact an escaped juvenile who is wanted for stabbing a guard at the delinquent center. Its not long before David is being held captive in his home by the young tigress and two violent beatniks.

This is where Kitten With A Whip gets really good. The two beatniks take turns mentally and physically breaking David down. One of them is a vicious brute who gets a little slash-happy with a straight razor. The other is a sort of sophisti-cat who spills amazing dialogue that you can't help but love. "Those are the meanings of the meaningless, The exactitude's of the inexact. Man don't you dig the desire to not communicate?" I don't know about you but I can dig it and I love just about everything that comes out of this guys mouth.

The home invasion eventually takes to the road as the four characters get caught up in a game of cat and mouse and we are treated to a few fight scenes. A awesome moment where a guy is tangled in barbed wire and then run over by a car. A car crash (Complete with crash & burn) and a surprise ending.

For me Kitten With A Whip was a great watch and not necessarily in the exploitation sense either. Its not really very campy and while some of the characters maybe a bit gullible I think its a great movie with nice camera work and a few surprises that I really didn't see coming.

The Strangers (2008)

When I first saw the trailers for this thing I avoided it at all costs and despite the occasional positive recommendation from a few reliable resorces I still avoided The Strangers like the plague. After all the masks looked fucking silly and it stars Liv Tyler who has never had any appeal to me unless if she planned on being naked and the other star is that loser from those shitty c.g.i. Underworld flicks. Basically The Strangers sounded like fucking torture.

Well lets just say curiosity didn't quite kill the cat, it just left him in a state of confusion. I have very mixed feelings about this movie. It starts off with a bang. The tension builds and builds and it plays like a old time hunting's & ghost flick like House On Haunted Hill (1959) or something. Noises are very effectively used to keep the viewer at the edge of their seat. The tension builds so high that you just know its going to turn out to be an amazing movie. The Strangers appears to be one of the only horror films that remembered the whole point is to scare the audience and then out of no where the movie takes a drastic turn for the worse. Strangers turns out to be no more then just another modern home invasion movie and nothing is explained. I suppose some out there might like the movie for this reason by I personally was annoyed and extremely let down. The movie went from very subtle and creepy scares to silly masked characters who taunt a young couple. There is not enough characters in the movie for a decent body count and when it was all finished The Strangers is nothing more then another forgettable disappointment. I don't think I will be watching Strangers 2 any time soon.