Detention (2003)

Take everything that is awesome about Class Of 1984 and throw it out the fucking window. Add in a bunch of shitty shoot-em-up action scenes and you will end up with something like Detention. This lame-ass hack of a movie is a modern day example of actionsploitation and it just doesn't fucking work. Dolph Lundgren (Rocky Part 4, The Expendables) who I never cared for in the first place plays an ex war hero turned school teacher. He decided to resign from teaching and on his last day he is on Detention duty. The school is taken over by terrorists who are using the highschool as the middle grounds for a huge drug heist. Of course our blond muscle-head gets the chance to do a bunch of action stunts and kill the bad guys, the girls all love him and he even manages to throw in a few shitty typical action movie one-liners.

The director Sidney J. Furie gave us the far superior rapist-ghost flick The Entity in 1982 and was also responsible for Doctor Bloods Coffin and a movie called The Snake Woman (1961) which looks half interesting. Its a shame that this director ventures into the murky waters of shitty action movies.

For a much better time with punks running rampant in a high school check out Class Of 1984 or Over The Edge. This thing should be shoved back up the ass that it exploded from. I had a better time sitting in detention when I was in highschool.

The Hunger Games (2012)

So this is what everybody is talking about? The Hunger Games comes from the same director who did that Hollywood piece of shit in the 90's which went by the name of Pleasantville. I guess The Hunger Games is better then that sappy nonsense but it still makes for a typically over priced waste if time.

The Hunger Games is set in the future and depicts a world of two classes. That of the starving and that of the filthy rich. Those who are hungry will fight till the death. The winner will join the rest of the rich scumbags.

Now I have not read the novel so I can not compare the two but the movie is just dumb. Sure its a good idea but when it all comes together it is an overly predictable and sappy bore. Its just fucking stupid.

If you took Soylent Green and Battle Royale and Hollywood-ized them up with tons of bad c.g.i. and tagged on an upbeat happy ending you would be stuck with something like this. For me the sad part is that people are actually arguing over whether or not The Hunger Games is actually better then Battle Royale. Obviously this thing doesn't rank anywhere near the brilliance of the Japanese flick and it is a pretty useless argument all together. I have not heard anybody compare it to Soylent Green and I suppose I will be thankful for that.

The Hunger Games does have a few entertaining moments of action and murder but for the most part it is a modern p.c. fuck-tard of a movie with the most obvious of endings. Don't bother to see for yourself. Just stick with Battle Royale. Even B.R.'s sequel is better then this!

Inglourious Basterds (2009)

Many Quentin Tarantino fans say the young director lost his freshness with his youth. Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction made its mark and now the man is living off his name alone. I do not totally agree with this and I still am a fan of Tarantino's work. I liked Kill Bill and Death Proof but Inglourious Basterds is entirely to long and boring as well. If this thing was cut down to a 90 minute film it would probably be much more tolerable but instead we get long drawn out talky scenes and the truth is that the dialogue just isn't as interesting as it was in Pulp Fiction or Reservoir Dogs. Basterds does offer up a great opening scene with some brilliant dialogue but Tarantino must have blown his load on that one seen. We also get some violence which really helps the film crawl along at a slightly faster pace. We have a character known as The Bear Jew who likes to bash the brains in on Nazi soldiers, lots of gun-fu, Hitler gets his face blown off, Swastikas are carved into the foreheads of Nazi scum, brutal stabbings and some silly guns that are taped to the hands of the Basterds. The climax is slightly entertaining. It all comes to a end with a theater full of Nazi's burning to the ground. Aside from the more graphic moments Inglourious Basterds has nothing going for it and the original 1978 version is a much more entertaining watch. The worst part of it all is that the last sentence in the movie is "I think this might be my masterpiece" Hmmm anyone else think that Quentin Tarantino might be a little bit confused and conceited?

The Fighter (2010)

Usually I do everything in my power to stay away from sappy Hollywood movies where everything works out in the end, Not only do I despise the standard format of modern film making but life affirming endings drive me crazy. The Fighter however did surprise me. Sure it had the exact formula that I mentioned above but it also offered something else... and that would be Christian Bale all hopped up on crack. Its quite amusing to watch Bale twitching and ranting about boxing and any other nonsense the writer felt necessary to throw in. Not only do we get to see Bale blast some rock but we also follow him in and out of crack houses filled with hookers and other basic degenerate scum. He eventually goes to prison and cleans up his act and the film of course took a negative turn for me at this point.

The Fighter really should only appeal to two people. Christian Bale fans and 12 year old girls who want to drool over Mark Wahlbergs pecks. Somehow I fit into one of these categories and I really can't decide which one it is...

Inception (2010)

Once again I give into the pressure of others and attempt to watch a big budget Hollywood blockbuster only to be let down and annoyed. All I have heard about this movie since it hit the theaters was how smart it was and the general public didn't understand what was going on. Well all I have to say to that is that the public is pretty dumb because there was not any secret hidden message of genius in this one. I can see how someone might be confused for a short moment because the movie weaves in and out of dreams and reality. At times there is dreams within a dream and the viewer can lose his bearings.
The movie stars Leonardo Dicaprio as a man with the ability to enter other peoples dreams and either plant or erase parts of the individuals subconscious. Okay Ill give it to the writers, its a good idea but the idea is to deep for the movie. Inception had some very visually stimulating scenes with huge amounts of detail but the movie gets tired and annoying with the constant surreal theft of reality. Inception might be slightly more watchable then the average box office hit but that's still not saying much.
Another thing that bothered me was the runtime. Inception clocks in at 148 minutes and that's just way to long for a movie that is holding onto one good idea. This thing has a replay value of zero and the ending was so drawn out it made me sick. Only worth a watch for those who love flashy cgi special effects.

The Expendables (2010)

I originally wanted to call my blogspot Movies From Mars Vs. The Hollywood Monster because I feel that Hollywood really is just a huge fucking monster and all the money that is spent on these new movies is one big waste because nobody is going to remember them in 15 years. Well that idea was to long for a blogspot and most Hollywood movies are to long too. This movie is your typical big budget action flick with tons of explosions and shoot em up scenes. The movie is also full of big tough guys who all get sweaty together every five seconds for another fight scene. Over all i cant say I hated this movie but I cant really say I liked it either. It was just a time killer for me. My one main gripe with the movie is that it was to dark. It was really hard to see what was going on a lot of the time and when you mix dark scenes with the shitty new style of editing movies together you basically get a visual cluster fuck of nonsensical images. This thing was written, directed and staring Sylvester Stalone. Sylvester isn't the only star here, the whole cast is huge in more way then one. We got Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Mickey Rourke, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Bruce Willis. Most of these actors have small cameos in the movie. If youre a big action movie fan I suppose you will like this movie. I mean there are quite a few of shitty one liners. For anyone else I don't recommend this movie unless you're really bored at work and your coworker wants to help you kill time. Then we would be in the same boat.