Saturday, July 11, 2015

The Ecstasies Of Women (1969)

Ecstasies Of Women was a long lost Sexploitation flick from director Herschell Gordon Lewis until very recently when it was finally found and released on DVD for all us dirt-bags.

While it may not be the best example of a Sexploitation movie or even a Herschell Gordon Lewis film for that matter it does have some kind of bizarre charm like so many other films from the director.

The Ecstasies Of Women is sort of a anti-marriage film. This one follows a goofy looking prick named Harry who is about to be married in a few days. Harry and his pals go out to the local Go-Go titty-bar for one last drunken night of debauchery. Harry goes in and out of consciousness as he drunkenly sits in the sleazy boob-joint and dreams/fantasizes about various different women and the crazy sex-capades he would indulge in with them.

 The story is simple and stupid. It has an odd combination of unintentional and intended humor which is typical of the great H.G. Lewis. Fans of 60's Sexploitation should not be let down by the massive amounts of giant jugs on display in this one. While I usually prefer my 60's smut a little more on the violent side, this one still makes for a decent time waster. While the dialogue does tend to get a bit annoying at times, especially in the beginning, there is still enough silliness and bad acting to keep us B movie guys entertained. One of the highlights is Harry's smooth talking hippie friend who looks more like a business man in some really dumb fashionable get-up. Or at least I guess it was fashionable for 1969!? This guy is a total jack-ass. Come to think of it, everyone in the movie is kinda a dork.

I guess if you have some kind of crazy plans of getting married this one might do the trick. I guess the over all message is that there are too many fish in the sea. Well there are also too many crappy exploitation movies out there. With that being said I take my hat off to the Godfather Of Gore, Herschell Gordon Lewis for yet again delivering a total piece of trash without any shame.

Well perhaps there was a slight bit of shame considering he is credited as "Mark Hansen" on this one.  

Thursday, July 9, 2015

The House Of Secrets (1936)

House Of Secrets is another example of a bad movie about a man who attains a mansion in the will of a deceased relative. Why did they feel the need to use this plot over and over again? Its almost as if producers from the 30's up until the 70's were like... Okay lets make a really boring movie. I know, lets do the ole inheritance thing again. That will be sure to bore the audience.

 Unlike most of the other films that bare this old tired plot, House Of Secrets is not a haunted house movie and there is no murderous phantom roaming around through secret passages while strategically knocking off the characters. This one is nothing more then a crime mystery which takes place in an old mansion.

When a street smart American inherits an old house in England he is kept off of his own property by a woman who he falls in love with at first sight. The pretty blond and her father have been holding up in The House Of Secrets and refuse to allow the new owner of the home entry into his estate. Next a bunch of gangsters pop up and further keep the man away. When the police step into the matter they too give him a hard time and do everything in their will to keep him off of his own property. Its not until our unlucky main man bumps into a fellow American friend who happens to be a detective who helps him learn the mystery of The House Of Secrets.

The whole thing is pretty forgettable and there is really nothing interesting happening. The movie is extremely repetitive and it becomes annoying very early on. The entire movie pretty much consists of our main character trying to get into his mansion and then being forced off of the property in various different ways. While it is supposed to be a mystery/drama it comes off more comedic then anything else with the unbarring repetition. I personally spent more time watching the time run thru on my DVD players digital interface then looking at the screen. That's how boring this one really is. The dialogue is filled with typical 1930's jargon and I suppose that might get a chuckle or two out of some viewers but the characters are predictable and over all they are pretty lame.

House Of Secrets is filled with one cliche after another and unless you need a sedative I would recommend staying away from this one. Its a sleeper.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Prison Girls (1972)

I guess with a title like Prison Girls and such an amazing poster most would have guessed that this is a pretty trashy movie and they would of course be right. Like just about every other movie in the women in prison genre Prison Girls focuses on sex and great abundance of naked flesh. However the thing that separates this one from most of the other women in prison films is that this one is basically a soft core porn.

I never liked using the words "soft-core porn". When I hear those words I think of bad late 80's early 90's shot on video crap. For me most Sexploitation flicks fit into a different genre but this one truly is as close as you get to porn without quite crossing that boundary. Prison Girls also known as Prison Girls In 3-D barely even takes place in a prison. In the first ten minutes we are treated to an all out brawl in the prison showers. Its all out breasts and bush in this spectacle of 70's smut but in the very next scene the girls are given a weekend pass out of the prison. A weekend pass? What the fuck is that? Anyway 99% of the film takes place outside of the woman's prison. Now of course this doesn't mean that there is going to be any less naked flesh but naturally we wont be seeing anymore group showers or food fights or women being hosed down when they get out of line like in most other women in prison flicks.

This one comes from director Tom DeSimone. This guy is A-Okay in my book. With so many cool titles to his name like Terror In The Jungle and Hell Night it is hard to believe he turned out such a turd with this one. I mean the man has done quite a few women in prison flicks, some of which are personal favorites in the genre like Reform School Girls but this one just slacks in so many different areas. For starters this one seems like it is a foreign film. Uschi Digard shows up with her giant melons on display and her constant awkward smile that she is known and loved for and the entire film is so poorly dubbed it makes a Hong Kong Kung-Fu flick look like a major Hollywood production. While this isn't necessarily a bad thing it does serve to make the whole viewing experience all the more strange. The plot... if you can call it that is as bad as it gets. None of the characters are very likeable and the dialogue is equally as terrible. The sex scenes are very confusing with an over abundance of talky-talk and most of the girls here are not much to look at.

The best scene in the entire film showcases a biker gang that forces a man to rape the woman he loves. When it is all said and done the guy seems really proud of what he did and I can't help but be reminded of the character of Matthew in I Spit On Your Grave. "I did it! I really did." Its too bad the rest of the movie didn't focus on the sleazy biker trash. There is also a very small subplot about a bank robber who is on the run but that is all very uninteresting and in the end they try to make up for all the nonsense with some stupid moralistic dialogue which also comes off ridiculous and not needed.

I could have skipped this one all together and just have stuck with a better film from the genre but that's how it goes when you have a life long dedication to trash cinema.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

The Devil Inside Her (1977)

The Devil Inside Her was the first horror-porn I ever saw. Back in my teenage years when I got my first apartment, an older punk rock dude showed me this movie. I have to admit it was weird at the time watching a porno film with another guy but the movie itself blew my mind. All these years later I finally found my own copy and it is probably among my all time favorites in the satanic-porn genre.

Obviously cashing in on the success of Gerard Damiano's classic The Devil In Miss Jones. This one is far more gritty and almost a bit disturbing. Vile images of depraved sexuality and debauchery fill the running time for this one. It never gets slow or boring with almost non stop satanic sex.

This one is set back in the 1800's on a farm. Faith and Hope are two sisters who love the same man but their domineering, bible bumping father does not approve of their lustful ways. When daddy catches Faith innocently kissing the man she loves he forces her to strip naked while he whips her with a switch from the ground. "Strip naked before god and show him your shame". When Hope learns that her sister is planning on marrying lover-boy she prays to the devil and offers her soul. She gets what she bargains for when a demon appears with some of the most disturbing cock-rings attached to his genitals. The rest of the movie is demonic possession and sex orgies with plenty of shape shifting and appearance changing. The demon takes the form of just about every character in the movie and tricks them all into a life of deviation.

I love this movie. It has a cool blasphemous plot and some really sick and twisted scenes. As I mentioned the demon wears some absurd cock-rings and its almost painful to watch him violently stretch his genitals. He also comes complete with some really bad KISS makeup. Then we have an old witch who is covered in warts and she gets in on the sexy action as well. In one of the grossest scenes a woman lay naked in the mud while masturbating with vegetables. I would imagine there was a yeast infection at the very least after this scene. Another great moment shows a man swinging from a tree while a horny nymph blows his dangling body. Annie Sprinkles shows up in a satanic orgy, we have fisting, golden showers, interracial sex, incest, lesbianism and just about any other depraved sex act you can think of. There is even a vicious dog that attacks a religious man.

I highly recommend this one to anyone who digs nasty porno movies from the 70's. If you like movies like Through The Looking Glass or of course The Devil In Miss Jones then this one is perfect. I know it is available on multiple DVD labels but I have the old Something Weird Video VHS double feature with Count Erotica - Vampire which I have not gotten around to seeing yet. Not sure if the DVD's have been remastered or anything but the old VHS is as gritty and grainy as they get. Personally the grit and grain works perfectly for me. I wouldn't really want to see a polished print of this thing. The Devil Inside Her is as filthy as they get. While it might not be the best option for some sexy alone time it certainly makes for a great party flick to shock your friends with.


Monday, July 6, 2015

Schoolgirl Hitchhikers (1973)

Here's another real weird one from Jean Rollin. In fact it is so weird it is hard to say what exactly the director was trying to do here. Is it a comedy? Is it an action movie? Is it a thriller? I guess its a bit of everything.

Schoolgirl Hitchhikers plays a lot like a 60's Roughie but since it is shot in color and came out in the sick sick 70's it comes off more as a confused mess of a sexploitation flick.

The paper thin plot follows two girls who enter what they believe to be an abandoned house. Its only a mater of minutes before the two little nymphos are stripping nude and rolling around in a bed together. Eventually the girls learn that they are not alone in the house when they bump into Frank, a jewels thief who is hiding out in the old house while he waits for his fellow crime buddies. Of course the two girls get it on with Frank and all seems pretty cute and tame until Franks friends show up and the stolen jewels are missing from Franks hiding spot. Naturally the two sex crazed girls are blamed for the disappearance and the hard earned criminals take turns torturing the gals between knife point rape sessions.

 This makes for a pretty typical 1970's rape revenge plot but there is nothing typical about this one. Instead it comes off a bit like a comedy with ridiculously silly music playing of the scenes of savagery. Then we have a couple of bumbling idiots for police officers. They kind of just sit around and watch the violence being committed. One of the dumb cops is played by a miniskirt clad chick with pigtails and in case you haven't guessed she gets the old rape treatment as well. This one offers up some riding crop violence with a naked babe being whipped repeatedly and even some booby twisting with what appears to be some kind of fireplace instrument. There is also a bit of hot poker action and what has to be one of the weirdest shoot-out scenes to ever plague the big screens. The whole thing is a bit to strange to explain. It goes from being really artsy to a bit violent but it is all drawn out in such a silly manner.

Yet again I am not overly big on a Jean Rollin film but fans of his work might dig this one because there is still the typical Rollin sleepy moments that play like some surreal dream or something. Not really to much to recommend in this one aside from how weird it all is. I'm still confused!

Thursday, July 2, 2015

My Teenage Daughter (1974)

My Teenage Daughter also known as Keyhole is a Swedish porno film shot in Denmark. It tries really hard to be different from the other porno films that were coming out around this time but ends up a typical run of the mill fuck-film from the golden age of smut.

 A porno producer hires a man to write a script for his new movie with the exception that it will be unlike any other porno film around. The producer wants it to be realistic and believable. Sounds boring right? Well the writer takes on the job but little does the producer know, that the new writer is dating his daughter Mette. Mette comes up with the idea to base the story off of her parents perverse life. Together the couple sneak around and spy on Mette's parents, friends and business associates. I guess Denmark really was sexually liberated because these people are a bunch of swinging deviates.

The story itself is quite basic and you can tell they tried really hard to make a realistic film. Between the dialogue and the way people act seems like normal every day life. That is of course aside from all the sex that is going on. The main problem with this movie is that normal every day life doesn't make for a good cinematic experience. There is one pretty funny sex scene that is sped up in something that is oddly reminiscent of the threesome scene in A Clockwork Orange. The leading lady in this one is pretty nice to look at and I wouldn't mind seeing more of her in the future.

The copy I picked up of this was very blurry. It also seemed to have been cut as well and possibly missing something at the end of the film. This also might have made the movie a bit less entertaining. In the end what we get is another porno film from the 70's with a good looking lead actress. That's about it.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Linda And Abilene (1969)

Herschell Gordon Lewis has delved into so many different genres. Of course he is most famous for his early gore films like Blood Feast and Two Thousand Maniacs but he has dipped his feet into just about every exploitation sub genre known to man. He did nudist camp films like Natures Playmates. Sexploitation trash like The Alley Tramp. Hillbilly horrors like This Stuff'll Kill Ya. Biker films like She Devils On Wheels. Juvenile delinquent stuff like Just For The Hell Of It. I can go on and on but I'm sure you get the point. With this one he offers up a sexploitation flick in the form of a western.

This one starts off a bit slow and it takes quite a while before we even have any dialogue but eventually it gets into the warped tale of a incest, lesbianism and murder.

A brother and sister attend their parents funeral and are left to tend to the farm and house on their own and I'm sure their parents wouldn't be proud of them when the siblings start spying on each other in various states of undress. Both of them lust after the other and they have sleepless nights of a masturbation with dirty incestuous thoughts. Eventually they give in to their desires and its not long before they are humping all over the house, farm and creek. Things turn sour when big brother takes off to the nearest town for a night of liquor and ladies. A dude at the bar named "Rawhide" over hears a conversation between big brother and a local hooker about how he left little sister home all alone. Naturally Rawhide heads over to the farm-house where he will indulge in a night of rape.

When big brother comes home to the aftermath of his beloved sisters rape he promptly decides to kill Rawhide. So I guess it is also a rape/revenge flick too. The whole revenge thing comes off rather rushed and it all comes to an anticlimactic and abrupt ending.

The main problem with this flick aside from its boring beginning is that there just isn't enough naked flesh in it. There are only two girls in the entire movie and after a while we get tired of seeing the naked frolic scenes. However there are some truly awesomely awkward moments in here like the churning butter montage. We watch bro and sis join hands and jerk-off a barrel of butter. Who thinks this stuff up?

Linda And Abilene was thought to be long lost but lucky for all us Herschell Gordon Lewis fanatics it was recently found. Not the best movie in the world but fans of Lewis are used to that sort of thing. Check it out for fun with lesbians, incest, rape/revenge and of course butter churning.