The Freakmaker (1974)

Originally this one was supposed to be called The Freakmaker which is the more suiting title but for some odd reason the producers felt it would work better as The Mutations. Not quite sure I agree with them. At any rate this one takes Tod Browning's Freaks and gives it the 70's treatment with violence and nudity amped up.

Freakmaker is a strange little exploitation flick. Its not necessarily strange just because of its odd subject matter or the fact that we will ogle human deformities and killer plants. Its odd because it was all done so well. We have beautiful lighting, very nice cinematography, excellent direction and big actors like Donald Pleasence. Granted Pleasence may not have been a super star at the time or anything but it is still strange to see such a professional approach at a film that most would probably consider a piece of trash. Due to its production value Freakmaker plays a bit like an art film masked as a exploitation movie. Leave it to the British!

Donald Pleasence plays a mad scientist who has discovered some new Mutations is carnivorous plants. He bribes the deformed ringleader of the local freak-show to abduct beautiful young girls as subjects in his new experiments. The demented scientist is turning the victims into a sort of half human half plant but as I mentioned these plants eat meat. Its not long before the giant plant monsters are roaming about and munching on the flesh of bums and street trash. This one comes complete with plenty of midgets including Michael Dunn who I remember best as the necrophiliac dwarf in Dr. Frankensteins Castle Of Freaks. We also have a deformed dwarf who calls himself the human pretzel. Lets just say his appendages move in all the wrong places. We have the alligator woman, a monkey woman, the bearded lady and even the human skeleton which is nothing more then an anorexic woman. Aside from the freaks there are also quite a few naked ladies on display in this one which is always nice and there is a touch of the red stuff for all the gore-hounds out there. However the real highlight of this movie is Popeye! Popeye is famous for his ability to pop his own eyes out of his skull. Yuck!

Certain scenes are directly lifted from Browning's Freaks and others seem to be completely unique. There are also elements of Eyes Without A Face (1960) to be found within and perhaps a touch of Day Of The Triffids.

While I wouldn't exactly say that The Freakmaker is a great example of cinema, it certainly is strange enough for the average exploitation fan. Check this one out for fun with drooling freaks, mad scientists and knife wielding dwarfs.

Evil Dead Trap (1988)

The first time I saw this movie I was up for well over a day. My over tired and over partied brain wasn't quite ready for what I was about to see. Already being a jaded horror fanatic I didn't think there was too much I haven't seen. Well I guess it was a perfect blend of tiredness and delusion because this movie scared the hell out of me. While I'm not to sure Evil Dead Trap would have the same affect on a well rested and normally functioning person, I wouldn't change my first experience for anything.

Looking at this movie now as a sober and responsible adult with a normal sleeping schedule the film still managed to be creepy and gross but maybe less scary.

Evil Dead Trap is about a late night television host who reaches out to her insomniac viewers and tells them to send in their personal home videos which she will air. Amongst the piles of boring shit she receives a VHS tape that showcases a young woman having her eye punctured by a psychopath with a kitchen knife. Blood and fluid pour from the screaming woman's eye before she is killed in graphic detail. The mailed in snuff film also comes complete with the location of the murder so the curious TV host gathers some friends and heads out to the abandoned building where the killing supposedly took place.

Once inside the creepy old building the characters are killed one by one in stalk and slash fashion. The entire movie is soaked in crimson and each death scene is totally different from the last. The masked killers identity doesn't become known to the very end but there seems to be something super natural about this place. Many of these murders seem impossible for one man to do on his own and it all serves to keep the viewer scratching their head in confusion.

The title of this movie is bound to annoy Sam Raimi fanatics but at least the name isn't completely random. This one plays like a cross between Evil Dead and Suspiria. We get the Evil Dead cinematography crossed with the influence of Dario Argento's stylish lighting. Even the musical score seems like something that would come form an Argento flick. When its all said and done it probably has more in common with Argento then Raimi considering it is almost a Japanese version of a Giallo.

The only problem I have with this movie at all is some of the supernatural elements. It ends up going into a bizarre world where nothing makes much sense. When it is all eventually explained it is to silly and strange to be taken seriously at all.

Still Evil Dead Trap is gory and sick enough to please the average gore-hound. Some of the more memorable scenes include eyeball stabbing, a body swinging from a meat-hook, a woman has multiple poles shoved thru her bloody body, heads are split open by sharp booby traps, a woman is raped and then strangled with a wire and a man is set on fire and crumbles to ash.
This one works for fans of slasher movies, Italian Giallo's, monster movies and supernatural ghost flicks.

Little Shop Of Horrors (1986)

26 years after the release of Roger Corman's 1960 cult classic Little Shop Of Horrors comes this musical remake. Taken from the success of the off Broadway show this has to be one of the most bizarre remakes of all time.

While big Hollywood, family orientated productions is usually not my bag I have to admit that due to how weird it all is its a interesting watch. Rick Moranis plays Seymour, the nerdy clerk at a flower shop in "skid row". He comes across a strange plant which he believes is a sort of flytrap. Eventually Seymour will learn that the plant is in fact a blood thirsty meat-eater from outer space. How does he learn this you ask? The plant speaks of course. The foul mouthed jive talking plant even sings and thats just plain wacky. The plant promises Seymour success under one circumstance... Seymour must provide the plant with human victims and its not long before Seymour is chopping up a dentist with an axe and feeding his limbs to the killer plant.

 Steve Martin plays a sadistic dentist who rides a motorcycle and comes complete with a leather jacket and enjoys beating his girlfriend, inhaling medical gas and of course torturing his patients with a variety of dental tools. In my personal favorite moment Bill Murray shows up as a sadomasochist who is looking to be tortured in Steve Martins dental chair. This is the kind of scene that is kinda weird to think of families watching together. While it is all done in typical Bill Murray fun the idea of it itself is a bit sick and twisted. I remember as a kid I could not understand what was going on. I just though Bill Murray was being silly again.

  John Candy also pops up in here for a cameo and offers up a few laughs. I personally couldn't help but think about Planes, Trains And Automobiles which would come out a year later and star Steve Martin and John Candy. They both had supporting roles in Little Shop and of course would be the stars of the John Hughes film.

The budget on this thing was enormous and it shows. Estimated to be filmed for $25,000,000 the special effects are awesome. When putting it in comparison to Roger Corman's 27 thousand it seems all the more bizarre.

If you can stand musicals Little Shop Of Horrors is probably the best of the whole shitty bunch. Its light hearted family entertainment but its possibly weird enough for monster movie fanatics and horror fans. "Feed me Seymour"

The Living Corpse (1967)

The Living Corpse also known as Dracula In Pakistan was the first of its kind to come from the highly religious and censored country of Pakistan. In fact there was only one previous horror film ever in the country. For this reason The Living Corpse serves to be one of the most rebellious and dangerous films ever made.

 Unlike India which has a somewhat more relaxed censors code, Pakistan has never had a film which was restricted for adults until this adaption of Dracula. The censors board passed the film with an "adults only" certificate for the first time under one condition. The conditions was that the filmmakers would never again attempt to make a film with such a dark story. The Pakistani film industry was sure that The Living Corpse would be a miserable failure and pretty much go unseen. They were of course proven wrong when it was an instant success. The Living Corpse proved to be a big hit and the people of Pakistan flocked to the film in droves to see the first ever adults only film.

  By western standards it is hard to understand how this movie would be restricted in any sense. The scenes where vampires dig their fangs into victims are almost entirely cut and of course there is no nudity or anything like that. The filmmakers were even forced to add religious texts to the beginning of the film so the viewers did not feel they were doing something blasphemous by going to see it. Being an atheist I can't help but feel sorry for such a blind and socially bound country. Since there are not vampires in Pakistani folk lore the story is a bit different. It almost seems to be a cross between Dracula and The Invisible Man. The film starts off with a sort of mad scientist who is working on the elixir of eternal life. Well the concoction turns out to have very different effects. Upon drinking the elixir our scientist drops dead. He is placed in a coffin in the basement of his mansion only to return as a blood thirsty vampire. From here it becomes a pretty standard retelling of Dracula and seems to be more influenced by Hammer Studios 1957 version The Horror Of Dracula.

 In one of my favorite moments Dracula says to a guest at his mansion "Children of the night... The music they make would not appeal to a city dweller like you" of course being an odd twist on the famous "creatures of the night... what lovely music they make" line from the Bela Lugosi classic. This is just one of the many bizarre takes on the classic 1931 film. The Living Corpse also adds in the expected song and dance numbers that one would expect from a movie of this region. It also comes complete with a very creepy scene that I can't believe passed the censors board. When a female vampire tries to take Dracula's victim for herself. Dracula throws her what looks like a bloody baby wrapped in a sheet and says "Feast on this". This unexpected disturbing imagery  is not the only shock in the film. We also have a vampire melt down and knives plunged into chests of vampires. One thing I found interesting is that the violence towards women seems to be shown more on screen then the violence towards men. This again possibly shows the mentality of a backwards society. When it is all said and done The Living Corpse is a entertaining watch for Dracula fans. The lighting and camera work is exceptionally well done and it manages to keep a creepy gothic atmosphere.

This one was released on DVD with English subtitles from the cool dudes at Mondo Macabro. The DVD is worth a watch for anyone interested in South Asian horror.

Demons (1985)

Out of all the movies that I have ever caught on the big screen, be it a midnight movie, a creature double feature or a all night horror festival, I believe Demons is the one movie that I have probably seen the most times with an audience. While Demons never seems to get old for me, this weekend I had the privilege of seeing it yet again with an audience, however this time I watched it the way the gods intended it to be seen. At the drive-in of course!

 Seeing this blood drenched monster flick under the stars amongst rows of cars filled with gore-hound ghouls was an experience all in its own. The film print looked great and the reaction was what one would expect from such an awesome crowd. For those who have never seen Demons, the basic plot although full of holes... is about a group of people who get trapped inside of a movie theater while an untitled horror film is playing. While this may not sound like the worst thing that could happen to someone, things do turn for the worse. Its not long before members of the audience are being attacked by blood-thirsty Demons from hell.

Its a good thing that this movie is so much god damn fun because the story is as stupid as they come. If you try to follow this thing with any kind of logic you are bound to end up scratching your head in confusion. Things seem to happen for no apparent reason and there is never any explanation to back them up. Normally this would piss me off to no end but Demons is something special. The gory spectacle that splats across the screen is so damn entertaining that you tend to ignore the fact that the whole thing is really brain-numbing and dumb. The Demons cult following rightfully so usually has a strange obsession with the character of Tony played by the great Bobby Rhodes. Tony is a jive-talking, foul-mouthed, black-pimp who takes two of his bitches to the movies. When his main girl Rosemary (Geretta Geretta) becomes a Demon and rips her friends throat out Tony, or super-pimp as I like to call him, takes charge of the situation and leads the movie-house crowd down a path of survival. It is a combination of the dialogue and the dubbing that makes Tony the super-pimp a cult icon of his own. Sometimes I feel that there is a bigger fan base for this character then the actual movie.

Partially written by Dario (Suspiria) Argento and directed by Lamberto Bava (Macabre), I think its safe to say that they pulled much of their inspiration from George A. Romero's Night Of The Living Dead. Super-Pimp is kind of like an over the top version of the character of Ben from NOTLD. This of course even stranger when you think of where Demons comes from. It is of course an Italian film and I can't think of any other Italian film that portrays a black man as such a beloved bad-ass. I guess they knew there was going to be a bigger market for this thing in the United States and risked it. I just can't see Italy loving this character in the mid 80's the way us Americans do. Long live Super-Pimp!

Aside from Bobby Rhodes character Demons sports one gory special effect after another. It comes complete with eyeballs being pushed into the sockets, throat ripping, teeth falling out, exploding latex pimples (complete with green puss), scalping, strangulation, stabbings, torsos are completely ripped open from the inside and of course plenty of flesh chomping. This thing played in the drive-in as part of a weekend long zombie festival. While I personally do not really consider Demons to be a zombie film, it does have enough of the elements to work amongst them. Apparently demonic possession is transmitted thru saliva just like zombie-ism because thats how these monsters wreak their havoc.

If you like fast paced, insanity mixed with heavy metal and pimps then Demons is a must see. Its pure splatter-house entertainment and plot comes second.

Curse Of The Aztec Mummy (1957)

This 1957 follow up to The Aztez Mummy is yet again not a example of great cinema but the like Rock N Roll Wrestling Women Vs The Aztec Mummy it gets entertainment points for how bizarre it all is.

This low budget Mexican crap-fest blends classic horror, Monster Movies with Mexican wrestling Lucha Libre madness. It's silly and short but still manages to get a bit tired in some of the talky scenes. While The Curse Of The Aztec Mummy clocks in at a short 65 minutes it feels more like a full length feature due to the slow pace of the movie.

The evliv Dr. Krupp is back and wants to get his hands on the ancient jewels in the mummy's tomb. Krupp concocts a plan to abduct a scientists wife and hold her for ransom in exchange for a translation of ancient hieroglyphics that behold the secret hiding place of the jewels. However Curse Of The Aztec Mummy shifts gears and gets a bit more fun when a masked super hero shows up to kick the evil doctors ass. At first glance one might think that is El Santo up there. Wait why does Santo have a anarchy symbol on his belt. Ohhhh wait, that isn't El Santo at all. This silver masked Mexican wrestler is El Angel. Of course we all know El Angel. Wait... who the fuck is El Angel?

  Anyway since the Aztec Mummy doesn't show up until the lats ten minutes of the movie El Angel is really our main source of entertainment here. Don't worry we do get to see this masked hero jumping around in his horribly fitting leotard, kicking the ass of every thug in the movie. However Angel seems to lose just about every fight. He gets captured over and over again and one can't help but wish Santo was doing the action scenes here. Before the film is over El Angel has his mask removed and we learn his true identity. Everyone in the movie acts surprised but I kinda just thought to myself, who cares? When the Aztec Mummy finally shows up in all his rotted glory he seems to have a certain preference to who he attacks. It all comes to a rather abrupt ending and left me wondering why they felt the need to make more of these stupid Aztec Mummy movies.

This one is only for lovers of really bad monster movies and lucha libre antics. It's silly, poorly acted, poorly lit and generally slow but on the other hand it is a sort of strang comic book film and gets points in the bizarre and unintentional humor departments.

Class Of Nuke 'Em High (1986)

Remember when Troma Studios was still cool. Aside from The Toxic Avenger, this one is probably Troma's second biggest hit. Clearly influenced by the cult classic, Class Of 1984 which would come out four years earlier then Nuke 'Em High. This is one of the best from the Troma team.

Directed by Troma president Lloyd Kaufman (Terror Firmer) and Richard Haines who's directorial debut was Splatter University, Class Of Nuke 'Em High is a strange concoction of genre films that fills the screen with fast paced anarchy, adrenaline and pure entertainment. Nuke 'Em High manages to mix the classic Juvenile Delinquent films with monster movies. While the film never takes itself serious. Nuke 'Em comes off somewhere between a spoof / comedy type movie and a geek-boy homage to many films before it. Yet it still has enough originality and style to stand alone as a highly entertaining movie with tons of replay value.

Here's the stupid plot. Tromaville High School is located next to a nuclear power plant run by Troma fatty Pat Ryan who most would remember best as the fat corrupt mayor in The Toxic Avenger who gets disemboweled. Yet again Pat Ryan plays the bad guy and he doesn't care to much that Tromaville High is becoming a radioactive nightmare. "I don't give a wet fart" He says when he learns that the radiation levels are becoming dangerous. Its not long before the honor society at the school become a violent gang of drug pushing maniacs. They call themselves The Cretins. This group of wild punks are so over the top, they make the cast of Grotesque look serious. Its not long before The Cretins start selling radioactive marijuana to the clean-cut students and things start to get really strange. The atomic weed is causing the students to mutate and in one of the most memorable scenes a teenagers erection grows to be about eight feet tall and he also grows giant latex breasts. His girfriend becomes pregnant and vomits up a little monster similar to chest bursting creature in Alien. She flushes the monstrous fetus down the toilet, where it will end up in a vat of toxic waste and grow to become a menacing slimy killing machine.

Its not long before the whole gang of Cretins get expelled from school and they plot what might be the worlds first school shooting. The punks walk into the radioactive school and blow away the teachers with assault rifles. They drive motorcycles thru the school halls, spray paint the walls and destroy the whole building. It all comes to a conclusion when The Cretins meet the giant green monster in a battle to the death. Class Of Nuke 'Em High comes complete with decapitation, extreme genital stomping, mutilated faces, giant monsters, small monsters, radioactive human melt-downs and one of my favorite party scenes in any movie.

If you like movies where high school punks take over the school (Over The Edge) and run amok or you dig giant monster movies, then this one is perfect. Its got the typical Troma tongue in cheek social comentary, comedy, action, sex and violence. Its fun!

The Suckling (1990)

This one plays like a cross between a Troma movie, a Frank Henenlotter film with a touch of John Waters. The Suckling also went under the title Sewage Baby which is arguably the better title.

 A pregnant woman and her boyfriend go to see Big Mama, who runs a local brothel with a secret abortion operation upstairs. Right off the bat you know this is gonna be a classy one. Big Mama rids the pregnant one of her problem and flushes the fetus down the toilet. We watch the fetus go down the drain and land in sewers. When raw sewage pours into the drainage system the fetus begins to mutate and becomes a monster with a thirst for human blood. Its not long before the killer baby is coming up out of the toilets and pulling the heads off of the houses prostitutes in gory detail.

The degenerates within the house become trapped inside when the house is coated with a strange placenta like substance. I guess you can say in a way the house almost becomes a womb and the hookers, pimps, madams and perverts are all stuck inside with the rapidly growing, mutant, monster-baby. One can't help but wonder if there is supposed to be some anti-abortion message going on here but the total depravity and sheer bad taste of the film would suggest otherwise. If there is some kind of moralistic metaphor going on in this one it was certainly executed horribly. On the other hand if you are a fan of exploitation films or just trash films in general this one is a pretty entertaining watch.

 Being a fan of The Suckling I am the first to admit that there is a lot of problems with the film. First off its supposed to be set in Brooklyn. Being a New Yorker myself I can say that this thing was certainly not shot in Brooklyn. The whore house is in the suburbs somewhere and it takes place in a giant mansion. If the Suckling was shot in New York at all I would guess it was upstate somewhere. Anyway aside from this, the acting is pretty horrendous with the exception of one blond hooker who offers a believable performance from time to time. The rest of the cast is extremely wooden and have a sort of shot on video feel to them. However The Suckling was not actually shot on video. They did have the decency to use film. A low grade, bottom of the barrel film yes... Perhaps super 8 but at least its film.

 For me the films worst aspect is how annoying the characters get at times. The entire cast in The Suckling is  constantly bickering and arguing amongst themselves. At times its funny and reminds me of a John Waters film but other times it gets quite irritating. I suppose in a way this works because it makes you despise just about every character in the film and when the get killed off it makes you so much happier. Everyone in this movie is on some kind of a power trip. Its almost as if they took Mr. Cooper from Night Of The Living Dead and molded every single character after him.

On a more positive note, just about everybody dies. The monster in this movie is awesome. It looks like a cross between Pumpkinhead and the monster in Entrails Of A Beautiful Woman. The Suckling doesn't lack in the gore department either. We have decapitations, slit throats, gunshot wounds to the head, electrocution and a great moment where the Sewage Baby retreats back into its mothers womb. Some of the other highlights include a rape scene gone wrong, in which the monster interferes and a hilariously raunchy scene where a prostitute preforms some dildo-fu on a obnoxious client.

As a hole The Suckling is a entertaining piece of filth and its very surprising that this thing came out in 1990. It certainly is better then most of the other stuff coming out of America at this time and its well worth a watch for fans of this kind of smut.

Attack Of The Crab Monsters (1957)

Directed by Roger Corman, Attack Of The Crab Monsters is everything and more that you could want from a 50's monster movie.

First off it clocks in just over one hour and it moves along at a nice speed with a fair amount of monster mayhem, gore and a ridiculous scenario that one can't possibly take seriously.

Attack Of The Crab Monsters opens up good and proper with a nice & bloody decapitation. The giant killer crab rips a mans head from his body and the headless shoulders are pointed straight at the screen for our viewing pleasure. Sure from time to time these 50's monster flicks offer up some severed heads but it is very rare when a film would open up with a scene like this. The only other one I can think of off hand is The Crawling Eye. As the film moves on we are treated to other beautiful scenes of dismemberment such as a severed hand which rolls across the screen in gory delight.

Aside from the decapitation and the flying hands Attack Of The Crab Monsters displays big breasted 50's women who come complete with tight sweaters and night gowns. However aside from the boobage our lead actress isn't all that nice to look at in the face and she really does cake on the makeup but lets face it we came here to see giant crabs killing humans, not titties from the fifties.

This one plays like a sort of early version of Attack Of The Giant Leeches considering both showcase telepathic monsters who lure new victims in with their superior intelligence.

By the end of the movie things are looking pretty bleak for the humans. The monsters have pretty much killed off every character in the movie and destroyed most of the land around the survivors.

The truth is that it all ends rather abruptly and seems a little rushed when it is all said and done. However this is a small price to pay for a bad-ass quickie from the 50's with monsters, blood & guts.

I place this cheapie in the same ranks as movies like The Monster Of Piedras Blancas, The Crawling Eye and Brain That Wouldn't Die for examples of early, schlocky monster movies with gore and dismemberment.

This ones just awesome!

Chillerama (2011)

When I saw the trailer for this I didn't expect anything all that spectacular. First off its from 2011. Secondly its very low budget. The only thing that made me want to see this movie at all is that it was obviously made by fan-boys and it would most likely play like one big throw back to a time when horror films were still watchable. That and of course the fact that it looked pretty raunchy.

Well I pretty much hit the nail right on the head. This schlocky monster comedy is a total fan-boy movie. Chillerama is an anthology horror movie homage to movies like Creepshow and Tales From The Crypt. The first flick is done in total bad taste and goes by the demented title of Wad-Zilla. Yep you guessed it... Wad-Zilla is a giant sperm monster who takes over NYC and leaves a slimy mess of destruction and carnage in its wake. This one is pretty damn funny in a very sick way. It holds this child like humor similar to something like Monsturd. So if you like childish potty humor you might actually enjoy this movie. Where it goes wrong is the massive use of CGI. It seems that these ass-hats behind Chillerama could not make up their mind if they were going to use practical special effects or use computer graphics. They end up using both and it makes for a pretty uneven mess in the end.

The next short feature is a mockery of the 50's Juvenile Delinquent films called I Was A Teenage Werebear which I didn't like at all. This one was obviously thought up by a homosexual and plays as a silly metaphor for gay adolescents coming to terms with the sexuality. In this case our gay lead is bitten on the ass in a wrestling match by a werebear and becomes a carnivorous homosexual. The theory is that when a Werebear becomes aroused he kills members of the same sex rather then facing up to his own sexual needs. This one is basically a cross between Rebel Without A Cause and of course I Was A Teenage Werewolf but it also throws in elements of those 60's Beach Party flicks. I didn't enjoy this one for multiple reasons. Despite the fact that it was over bearingly gay and lacks female flesh it just wasn't funny. We get all these stupid Grease like song and dance numbers which really sucked any of the life out of it that it could have possibly had. Then we have this dip-shit with a Justin Beeber flip cut and fucking hell I hate those haircuts. I never liked A Nightmare On Elm Street Part 2 and all of its homo antics but imagine if they threw in silly songs. It could drive one to suicide. This one just sucks.

Next up we got The Diary Of Anne Frankenstein which I thought was a very funny and very witty title. This one also has its ups and downs. It plays like a cross between They Saved Hitlers Brain and Frankenstein but never has the balls to be a Nazisploitation movie, to ensure that nobody gets their p.c. little feelings hurt. Since this short film was created mainly by Jews they chose to go the complete and total comedy route which is very typical of boring fucking film makers in this wretched decade of shit. Its to bad to because I kind of liked this movie. The whole cast speaks in German with the exception of Hitler who does a rather convincing job of faking it until he throws a random and ridiculous line in. Hitler creates a monster to kill off all the Jews but it turns on him when he learns he was built with the bodies of other dead Jews. Its pretty funny but a bit to wimpy to be great.

Last we have Zom-B-Movie which links all of the short films together and shows modern day geeks hanging out in a drive-in theater while zombies go on a sex crazed killing spree. This segment is full of naked female flesh and offers up castration, eye violence, exploding heads, flesh eating, penis eating and a whole lot of 50's homage. The worst thing about this segment is a pussy-boy, horror-geek with a 311 T shirt on. It was a honor to watch somebody in a 311 shirt get killed. I just wish I could do it myself some day.

This one brings back that sick childish charm that Wad-Zilla offered up. I would say the best audience for this movie would be fans of Monsturd which I actually do like very much. Young horror-nerds who have not yet become overly jaded and judgemental would also probably like this movie but die-hard exploitation fans and lovers of 50's, 60's and 70's schlock are bound to get annoyed a bunch with the non stop use of computer graphics and embarrassingly modern shenanigans that unfold on the screen.

I am not about to throw this movie away or call it a complete waste of money and time but it could have been vastly improved with a little more love and dedication to the oldies. Worth a look for fan-boys who can take a joke.