Monday, January 31, 2011

I Eat Your Skin (1964)

Del Tenney was very busy in 1964. He directed three movies that year. The Horror Of Party Beach, Curse Of The Living Corpse and Zombies. Zombies sat on a shelf, unseen by the world for about six years until the great I Drink Your Blood was released and needed another movie to play as a creature double feature. Zombies name was changed to I Eat Your Skin and a cult film was born.
I Eat Your Skin is cheap, cheesy and no frills but it worked perfect as a second film on a double bill. The Zombies in this one are not the George A. Romero flesh eating Zombies. They are the old school voodoo Zombies but in this one they carry around machete's. One zombie even caries around a giant box of explosives and there is no question to whether or not the box contains explosives because in big bold print, the box says "EXPLOSIVES".
I Eat Your Skin offers up a decapitation by machete (A bit surprising for 1964), a flare gun wound to a stomach, a knife in the back, a decapitated chicken and some pretty girls. We also get some decent special F/X for a low budget flick. Zombie transformations are done Lon Chaney Jr., The Wolf Man style and the Zombies do look pretty cool with decaying flesh and big melted buggely eyes. We also get to see the bullet holes appear in the Zombies chests when they are shot.
I Eat Your Skin isn't the greatest movie ever made but its an entertaining watch. I Drink Your Blood blows it out of the water but the films of Del Tenney have a place in this world and it just so happens that this one belongs right after the end credits of I Drink Your Blood.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Three The Hard Way (1974)

Its kind of hard to believe they could mess this one up. Instead of one we get three of the genre icons. Jim (Slaughter) Brown's girlfriend is kidnapped by a white fascist group whom plots a genocide against the black man. Jim Brown teams up with Jim Kelly (Black Belt Jones) and Fred Williamson from movies like Black Caesar, Legend Of Niger Charlie and Hell Up In Harlem. The three blaxploitation super stars go to war with the white fascists and get Jim Brown's woman back.
The plot is ridiculous and the action scenes are all pretty lame. The movie doesn't even get slightly entertaining until Jim The Dragon Kelly shows up and kicks a bunch of cops ass in a pretty amazing kung fu scene. Kelly blurts out his usual weird keeyah's and refuses to use a gun. Williamson and Brown's characters are both pretty lame and the shoot-em-up scenes get boring and repetitive pretty fast. Three The Hard Way was directed by the same cat who did Super Fly but really lacks in every department. Skip this one and take home Five The Hard Way also know as Sidehackers staring the great Ross Hagen.

Gummo (1997)

Written and directed by 21 year old Harmony Korine (Kids). Gummo is the dark tale of a town that was hit by a tornado, leaving the people financially and mentally damaged. Gummo mainly focus's on the youth and the film depicts directionless kids, lacking in moral and social education.
Most are shocked by the weird, offensive and sometimes disturbing imagery. Depending on your perspective Gummo is a work of beauty or a vile piece of trash. Which ever your opinion be, the shocking images stick with you well after the movie has finished. We see transvestites, plenty of retarded folk, a gay black midget, plenty of white trash, drunken rednecks, violence towards animals, self mutilation, foul moth young children, a chain-smoking kid in pink rabbit ears, retarded prostitutes, glue huffing, eyebrow shaving, etc, etc. This is all strung together with nihilistic monologue from different characters.
Personally I am a big fan of this movie and like it much better then Kids (Which I also like very much). Still I can understand why others might not be interested in this sort of thing. Gummo is filthy in a way that could only be understood after viewing. Its almost as if a awful stink comes off of the screen with the dirty imagery of poverty. The bathtub scene should sum it all up for you.

Black Samson (1974)

Black Samson is kinds like the black version of big Bufford Pusser from the Walking Tall movies. This one came out one year after Walking Tall but it seems as if it was cashing in on the success and bringing it to the Blaxploitation genre. Big Buford doesn't have a giant Lion for a pet but Buford and Samson have a lot in comun. For one, they both carry a big stick and use it as a weapon of choice. They also do their best to keep their streets clean. Their personal politics may be different but the consequences are the same. The mob comes down hard on righteous Samson in order to gain teritory. The only problem is that Black Samson is a sort of messiah on his streets. The people follow him and he does his part to keep drugs and prostitution away from his "brotha's & sista's". 


    Marlbro Man, William Smith (Run Angel Run) is known for being a bad-ass and he is the perfect woman beating bad guy in this movie. In one of the most memorable scenes William Smith throws his girlfriend out of a moving car because he suspects she had sex with a black man. 
Blaxploitation veteran Carol Speed, who most would remember best from Abby and The Mack plays Samsons girlfriend in this one and her acting is unique as usual. She gets her breasts slashed up by William Smith's goons and Black Samson learns how loyal his black brothers and sisters are when they join him in his war against the white gangsters.
Black Samson starts off a bit slow but really picks up as the movie runs. We get a coke-head who does a over the top Richard Pryor empression. Lots of fist fights. Disturbing girlfirend beating. Topless dancers, a huge fucking Lion and an amazing climax involving a race war in the streets. Black Samson turns out to be a pretty fun under-rated Blaxploitation flick with some original happenings. Its availible on a four movie set including three Jim Kelly movies. Well worth the five bucks.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Hot Potato (1976)

Pretty lame Jim Kelly Kung Fu comedy about four martial artists who band together and kick ass in search of a kidnapped woman. Don't waste your time trying to follow a plot on this one because it is paper thin. Also don't expect this thing to be a Blaxploitation flick because it really isn't at all. In fact there isn't really any exploitation value to this one. Its generally a pretty annoying flick with hokey music playing over Kung Fu scenes. Its filled with bad sound effects and I'm not talking about Jim the dragon Kelly's Keeyah.
Kelly Fans will get their share of ridiculous Kelly-Fu complete with silly faces, crazy leg movements and absurd noises but for me the only value this movie had was a character named Rhino played by George Memmoli from Mean Streets. He doesn't call anyone a Mook in this one but he does run around topless, do some pretty embarrassing dances, get it on with the ladies, has a food eating competition, dishes out some ass whoopins and has one of the silliest looking outfits in any Kung Fu movie. He looks like a cross between a cowboy and a leprechaun. He wears a sort of Pancho with green shorts and different colored striped socks.
Then we get some leotard wearing bad guys who jump from the trees and smash up picnics. A guy is eaten by a tigers but unfortunately the violence is off screen. We don't get any nudity and there is no blood.
You wouldn't be missing much by skipping this one. Its a bad Kung Fu flick and its not a good Jim Kelly flick. Only worth a watch for anyone who feels the need to see George (The Mook) Memmoli in yet another fight scene.

Gorgasm (1990)

Bottom of the barrel shot on video piece of garbage from Hugh Gallagher who would go onto do Gore Whore (Which I have not seen yet) and produce Jess Franco's Tender Flesh which is a totally sleazy version of The Most Deadly Game, complete with golden showers and close-ups on vagina's.
Well anyway, Gorgasm is Gallagher's first feature and its a pretty rough sit through. The plot is cool but the lack of budget and professionalism really put a hurtin on this one.
Gorgasm is about a desk cop who does a bit of detective work on his own and finds out that latest brash of murders are connected. The murders are being committed by an anonymous woman who runs an article in a smut zine for sexual deviates. She goes by the name of Gorgasm and she offers what she calls "The ultimate climax". The ultimate climax of course being death which she will act out the way her victim chooses. All she asks for in return is all of the money that particular person had in life, after all they wont need it anymore.
Gorgasm has its ups and downs but unfortunately the downs outweigh the ups in this one. Some of the highlights are a sleazy clerk behind the counter of a sleazy adult store who charges 50 cents for you to even enter his store. Then we have a paper editor who surrounds himself with smut. He has filthy posters all over his walls and his mouth is more filthy. Then we get some bare breasts, some transsexual penis on display, a kid wearing a Ted Bundy shirt is decapitated, we get some cool stock footage from a S&M stag film and a cool hand dismemberment scene. The quote of the movie "This place is sleazy. You're nothing but a bunch of perverts".
Then we have the downs. First off its shot on video. The acting is as bad as it can get. Aside from Gorgasm the female cast is pretty damn ugly. One woman looks like she is having a stroke as she butchers her lines. Her mouth and teeth are deformed and if Hugh Gallagher was using family members in this movie its was just cruel of him to force the world to look at this woman. Then we have a saggy titted blond in a black leather outfit and she either has some pretty nasty razor burn going on or a mean case of the herpes. Either way it isn't exactly pleasant to watch her roll around with a weed-whacker, wielding psycho slut. Then we have some shitty subplot with a dummy hanging in a garage (Don't even ask). We are forced to listen to awful 80's hair metal and the main character is smoking cigarettes constantly but as a smoker its annoying to watch this oh so obvious non smoker twirl his cigs around as if it was necessary to the plot. There is moments when the guy holds a cigarette with two hands (it really is horrible). The same guy spins his gun around his finger as if he is the Lone Ranger or something.
Save yourself some time and money, skip Gorgasm and check out George C. Scott's Hardcore. Its a much better film and I feel that is the route Gorgasm was trying to go.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Curse Of The Living Corpse (1964)

How many times are they going to make this movie. This is one of the most recycled plots in film history. It has been used countless times in forgettable movies. Its the old tale of a wealthy relative who has passed on and leaves the fortune and castle/mansion to family members providing they stay in the old castle foe X amount of time and follow the wishes on the will.
This time the castle and wealth is being left in the will of a crazy old man whom is presumed dead. In the will the old man demands that his children stay in the castle and follow certain orders.
If they fail to meet the demands they will be killed in a way that each individual fears the most. One is afraid of fire. Another afraid of drowning and the crazy old mans fear was being buried alive. Well sure enough the deceased coffin turns out to be empty and the family members start dying. Is the old man back from the grave or was he buried alive? You will have to see for yourself. I suppose out of all the movies that used this tired old plot, this is one of the best.
 Still that isn't saying much but at least this one has a bit of gore.
It was directed by Del Tenney who is most remembered for The Horror Of Party Beach which would play on a double bill with The Curse Of The Living Corpse. I'm sure 99% if not all of the late night movie goers who went to see this creature double feature found the beach party monster flick to be the more entertaining of the two. Still The Curse Of The Living Corpse is not a bad movie it just is a bad choice for a double bill. The Horror Of Party Beach was a total fast paced camp flick where this one moves rather slow with an occasional bit of nastiness.  Some of the highlights consist of a death by quicksand, we have lots of cane beatings, a man is dragged by a horse and has his face ripped up, a woman is drowned but the real money shot is a decapitated head served on a platter for breakfast. This thing was rightfully placed on a double feature dvd with the far Superior Horror Of Part Beach. The dvd is worth owning, there for Curse Of The Living Corpse is worth a watch. The dvd has beautiful cleaned up prints of both movies and neither one ever looked so good.

The Horror Of Party Beach (1964)

Ever wonder what it would be like if they crossed the beach party movies with a monster movie. Well the answer is The Horror Of Party Beach. Its one of the most fun monster movies of all time. We have pretty girls dancing on the beach in their 60's bikinis and silly looking beach boys in little shorts doing some ridiculously embarrassing dance numbers. Even the violent rebel biker gang will get down for a dance before smashing up a beach party.
Its no wonder that these cats spend so much time dancing. They have their very own beach band, The Del-Aires and they totally rock with awesome surf jams like The Zombie Stomp and Summer Love. The Del-Aires are completely ridiculous (in a good way), you gotta see them in all their lip-singing glory.
Unfortunately for the beach bums and Del-Aires fans it can't be a picnic all the time. The beach goers are terrorized my a monster created from toxic waste that was dumped into the ocean by some very enviorment unfriendly sailors. When one of the waste containers spills a leak and the toxins leaks on to a human skull, the marine life on the floor molds with the skull and forms one hell of a silly looking monster.
It has giant round eyes, a fin on its head and its mouth looks like its filled with hot dogs. The monster also walks like a old hunchback and its near impossible not to laugh. You gotta love these early horror flicks that didn't take themselves seriously and still manage to be way more entertaining then anything people are putting out today.
On the other hand aside from being fun The Horror Of Party Beach has its share of gore. Of course its no where near as gory as the Herschel Gordon Lewis pictures but it does have its share of red stuff. Apparently the police were even sent to investigate on the set when someone reported a bloody mess on a rolled up carpet.
The monsters do have a pretty big body count. I'd say its somewhere up in the 30's. We get one big Slumber Party Massacre (not to be confused with the 80's slasher), where "over twenty teenage girls were brutally attacked and murdered". We also have local drunks being mangled and even mannequins are not safe.
In the movie the characters keep referring to the monsters as zombies which just adds to the weird, fun that is The Horror Of Party Beach. The monsters are not zombies and it doesn't take a bullet to the brain to stop these things. Nope, they have to be stopped with sodium. We learn this when a careless voodoo practicing, house maid accidentally spill sodium on the severed arm of one of the creatures. With this knowledge a scientist, the police and regular towns geeks band together armed with sodium to stop the blood-thirsty, hot dog mouthed killers.
The Horror Of Party Beach is a must see for anyone who likes the earlier 50's monster movies. Its pure fun, in the same vain as Faster Pussycat Kill Kill. Check it out for a fast paced bikini beach, monster bash.

Fräulein Devil (1977)

Fräulein Devil is another Nazisploitation brothel on a train flick. Where sometimes sexy and sometimes not so sexy Nazi women are to offer up services to German officers. This train is run by a sadistic prostitute named Elsa, not to be mistaken for Ilsa (Dian Thorn). Elsa shows her loyalty to the Fuher by spying on Nazi officers and the trains prostitutes. More often then not she finds what she refers to as traitors. Even Nazis slip up from time to time and say the wrong thing durring intamate moments and unfortionatly for them Elsa's way of dealing with traitors is a bit harsh and usually results in death, exicution style with a bullet to the back of the head. She also whips and tortures suspected traitors for information. Some of the highlights is a strange prostitute musical scene with lots of pubic hair in frame, a pair of burnt tits, a suicide and a really weird scene where Elsa pretty much rapes a young virgin German soldier and then kills him. There is also some trashy conversation about a man who needs a horse to maintain his erection. I was just upset that there wasn't a horse in the movie. In fact Fräulein Devil is pretty tame in general. Its no where near as disturbing as Ilsa She Wolf Of The SS or as trashy as Bruno Mettei's Womans Camp 119. It lacks the art from Tinto Brass Salon Kitty and generally rips off Hell Train (another Nazi whore-house on wheels flick). Worth owning for collectors and fans of the genre but no where near the top of the list. Fräulein Devil also goes under the following titles, Elsa Fräulein SS, Captive Women 4, and Fraulein Kitty.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Terror On Tape (1983)

What we have here is a 90 minute or so compilation of gore scenes from movies released on Continental Video. It stars Cameron Mitchell (Blood And Black Lace, Haunts, Night Train To Terror) as a video store clerk who plays the most ghastly scenes from his video collection. The only downfall of the tape is that there really just isn't enough titles on here. We see clips from the same movies over and over again but it still manages to be entertaining compilation.
This thing is long out of print and Continental Video is gone as well, so I doubt this thing will ever be re-released. Still its worth owning if you can find a copy anywhere.
It shows scenes from some of the greats like H.G. Lewis, Blood Feast, Two Thousand Maniacs and Color Me Blood Red. We get clips from the ridiculously gory Umberto Lenzi zombie-camp-fest, Nightmare City. We also get a little bit of tit with Vampire Hookers.
Terror On Tape shows scenes from a few more obscure slashers like Nightmare which is actually a awesome movie with tons of gore.
It also shows clips from a few that I have not yet seen like Slayer which looks really cool and brutal. Another one that I have not seen is Scalps. Scalps looks pretty crappy to me and its not really anywhere near the top of my list of things to see. I think I will stick with Maniac for the time being when I want my scalping's.
We also get scenes from ridiculous monster movies like Return Of The Aliens Deadly Spawn.
Then we get into the cursed and demonic section with movies like Cathy's Curse and The Eerie Midnight Horror Show. This section  also sports one that I have never seen. Its called To The Devil A Daughter and it looks pretty good.
Terror On Tape all in all is a pretty fun sit through and anyone who likes horror compilations should dig this one. Its another good party tape to add to your collection.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Elves (1989)

I really had high hopes for this movie after seeing the trailer but it turns out to be a pretty bad 80's monster movie with a lot of wasted potential.
Three girls gather in the woods and do some witchy voodoo type shit and before you can say bah humbug we have a demonic Elf running around and killing people with sharp kitchen knives. Eventually we find out that the Elves were genetically engineered by the Nazis and our main characters grandfather (who turns out to actually be her father) had something to do with the Nazi Elves experiment. I know the plot alone sounds awesome but the film makers really screwed this one up.
The main problem is that the movie just isn't violent enough. When the Elf is actually killing people the movie is pretty cool but it takes ages between each murder. The best scene in the movie involves a cocaine abusing Santa who has his balls slashed up by a knife wielding Elf. Then we got this awesome foul mouthed little kid who spies on his sister while she is taking a shower and when he gets caught he says things like "I'm not a pervert, I fucking like to look at naked girls and you have huge fucking tits and I'm gonna tell everyone" This kid is by far my favorite character in the movie and I wish he had more screen time. Then we have a psychotic mother (Deanna Lund) who drowns cats for fun and is just a general loony bitch. The funny thing is the mother is the only good looking girl in the whole movie (and she does have a nude scene.
The three teenage girls are ugly as sin and I think the Elf might even be slightly more attractive. In the opening we see just a slight bit of nip from our main character but thankfully we don't get any more flesh scenes from these dumb 80's bimbos. However they do walk around in lingerie and bright 80's spandex.
Elves was shot on 16mm but it looks more like video. It must have been a pretty low quality film and this thing went straight to video. As I already mentioned, this movie was so close to being good but just didn't quite do it for me. Normally a movie that involves incest, crazy Nazi mutant Elves and a bit of gore would be praised by me but not this time. This year for Christmas Ill just stick to the classics. Black Christmas (1974) & Silent Night Deadly Night. Bah Humbug!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Black Belt Jones (1974)

Jim (The Dragon) Kelly plays Black Belt Jones and he is as ridiculous as the genre will allow him to be. Not in the Rudy Ray Moore way, with a foul mouth and slick 70's jargon. In fact he is a gentlemen... Or at least until someone gets in his way. If you do Mr. Jones wrong he will give you a kung fu ass kickin.
For this reason Black Belt Jones reminds me a lot of Dolemite and the Kung Fu is equally as silly but not because Jim Kelly is awful... Its more because of his over the top indescribable "Keya" and the often hilarious faces he is making while performing his martial arts. He also reminds me a bit of Fred Williamson when he is trying to be sexy, slick or romantic with a lady.
No matter how ridiculous Black Belt Jones is, he is the man needed when the Italian mafia team up with a black gangster named Pinky and his "Bogart's" ("Bogart's is some treacherous motha fuckas"). Together the criminals try to take over a Karate school run by no other then Scatman Cruthers. When Scatman refuses to give up his school, the gangsters come at him hard and we get to see Mr. Cruthers do some Kung Fu and dish out a ass whoopin. The gangsters eventually kill the smiling, pearly-toothed Scatman and Black Belt Jones teams up with Sydney (Scatmans bad-ass Kung Fu daughter). Together Jones and Sydney kick the ass of every mobster, gangster, pimp, pusher and criminal who had any affiliation with the teachers death.
Black Belt Jones also offers some pool hall violence, flying "Panties in my face", girls on trampolines, lots of Afro's, a really ridiculous chase scene, gratuitous "Faggot" calling and a really crazy final fight that takes place in a car wash that is over filled with suds and soap. Another thing that one can't help but notice is that every second another person seems to be thrown through a window. Even Black Belt Jones knows how to relax because when the fighting is all done he likes to hang out with his friends at McDonald's. 
So grab a Big Mac, throw your friends though a window and check out Black Belt Jones, I'm sure you will give it a Jim Kelly thumbs-up!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Diary Of A Closeted Nun (1973)

Diary Of A Nun also known as Diary Of A Cloistered Nun, Unholy Convent and many more is the tale of a girl with an arranged marriage from birth who falls in love with another man. When she refuses to marry, her father sends her off to a nunnery. "If you don't want your daughter to be completely destroyed, get her to a nunnery."
Once inside the convent, things will only get worse for the young nun. First her worldly possessions are taken from her. Next she is stripped and eye-balled by perverted nuns. Then she is locked in a concrete room for 30 days, where she is on the brink of insanity. Inside her concrete cell she is fed beans and water once a day, except on Fridays. Fridays are a day of absence. She is also given a bucket for body fluids and is allowed to wash but under no circumstances is she allowed to speak with her sisters until her 30 days are up. Well the young nun makes it through her trial period without killing herself but that might have been her biggest mistake. From here on she is subjected to perversion, torture and religious madness. Her lover is eventually killed and her father along with the rest of her family disowned her. She is eventually impregnated and banished from the convent.
Diary Of A Closeted Nun is one hell of a depressing movie but its surprisingly clean for a film in the nunsploitation genre. Apparently its based on a true story, which I'm not so sure I believe (After all this is an exploitation flick). We do get a bit of blood but not much at all. One man has his face slashed and another is stabbed in the guts. Then we have a whipping scene and a drowned nun. Diary Of A Closeted Nun does offer up a decent amount of bare flesh but the real shocker of this film is the down trodden path this poor girl is forced to walk.
Fans of ultra trashy Nunsploitation flicks like The Killer Nun will probably be disappointed with this one but anyone who is willing to give it a try might be surprised. Its actually an example of a nun film with some real emotion behind it and a touch of sleaze for good measures. I couldn't help but be reminded of the work of Tinto Brass while watching this one.

Horror Express (1972)

Christopher Lee plays an English anthropologist who discovers a frozen corpse in North Asia which he believes to be proof of evolution. Lee boards a train with his fossil locked in a big crate and its not long before the frozen body thaws out and wreaks havoc on the people aboard the train.
The monster looks pretty cool. Kind of a cross between a Lucio Fulci zombie and a sort of Bigfoot. Its not long before the people realize there is a creature on the train and they star forming they're own opinions on what the creature is. Is he in fact just a thawed out caveman? The religious people think its the devil. The ones who believe in science think its a alien from another planet. The different ideas help keep Horror Express moving along at a nice pace and it stays interesting.
The movie really starts to get good when Telly Savalas (Dirty Dozen, Lisa And The Devil) shows up as a fascist Russian soldier. Savalas enters the train with authority and beats the people for information. When he learns that there is a monster on the train he is ready for war.
Peter Cushing has a big role in this one. He plays a doctor and in one of his finer scenes we get to see Mr. Cushing cut open a head with a hack-saw.
Aside from the head sawing scene Horror Express does have a bit of the red stuff. I wouldn't go as far as to say its gory but it has just enough to satisfy the average horror fanatic. The blood is accompanied by bulging eyeballs that appear to have no pigment left. The blood pours out from the white, bulging eyes and I found it to be slightly disturbing at times.
Another memorable character is a monk. Who rejects his religion for the creature. The monk believes the creature to be Satan and decides to help and protect the monster.
Before the films final, The monster summons up all of his victims and the white eyed corpses come back to life as staggering zombies.
Horror Express is a cool little British/Spanish horror flick from the 70's and it definitely does not disappoint. Usually British films are very tame and tend to not deliver. This is not the case with Horror Express.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Multiple Maniacs (1970)

Multilple Maniacs is perhaps the most punk rock movie ever made and is amongst my personal favorite John Waters films. Its right up there with Pink Flamingos. Its just as filthy and seems a little more on the artsy side at the same time. Of course Multiple Maniacs blew its chunks across art-house screens a good four or so years before the punk explosion but it is the attitude of the nihilistic punk rockers to come that takes form in this brilliant piece of disgust-o-rama.

Divine is a psychopath who runs a freak show called Lady Divines Cavalcade Of Perversions. At this show locals gather together to watch "Queers" kiss each other, girls lick bicycle seats, Junkies go into convulsions from withdrawal, and a man eat his own vomit.
I know this sounds like quite the show but what the viewers do not know is that when they make it to the main attraction and are about to see Lady Divine herself, they will be tied up and have their "Cash, jewelry, furs and narcotics" stolen. Then the traveling freak show of criminals will move to the next city.
Throughout the film Divine sinks further and further into depravity until the end where he/she runs through city streets (Wearing some very ugly lingerie) killing people.
Multiple Maniacs is truly 90 minutes of filth and we get all kinds of sick, trashy happenings. One of the most memorable scenes takes place in a church between Divine and Mink Stole. Divine gets down on the pew while Mink gives her a "rosary job". Yes you guessed it, rosary beads are being used as anal beads. Multiple Maniacs is completely blasphemous with long rantings about Jesus the pope and the catholic church and all of the "Divine" spirit that comes with it. We also get to see Jesus being tortured, spat on and eventually crucified. We have a little boy dressed as the pope as he walks the streets with Divine in drag.
The film also offers up some nasty slash-em-up scenes that were obviously inspired by the Manson Family murders. There is a really nasty cannibalism scene where Divine eats raw meat and tries to look away from the camera every time she is gonna puke. We also get a crazy moment where Divine is raped by a bearded tranny in a dress and a butch woman. Divine (of course) loves it. There is cop killing, lots of witty foul language and before the film is over we get a huge monster. A giant lobster monster shows up after Divine goes ape shit and kills everyone in the room. The monster then rapes Divine.
Anybody who likes Pink Flamingos, Female Trouble, Desperate Living or any of John Waters other trashy films will love this movie. Its also one of his earliest. It is the first "Talkie" that Waters has ever done and it is well worth the watch. Just make sure to grab yourself a Brillo pad because after watching Multiple Maniacs youre gonna need it to scrub the filth off.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Chinese Torture Chamber Story (1994)

Chinese Torture Chamber Story is a totally off the wall Category III flick. Its anarchy from beginning to end. My VHS print doesn't have the best subtitles but its rare when these Cat. III films are some what coherent.
Its a simple tale of a man and his pretty young servant named Little Cabbage whom are wrongfully tortured and sentenced to death by the court for adultery. The couple were framed by the jealous wife of the servants master. Will little cabbage die a virgin? Will her loyal master be executed in front of his village? I will not give the ending away but what I will say is that the torture scenes are relentless. Some of the tortures that Chinese Torture Chamber offers up are castrations, scalping, breast bondage, canning's, whippings, sharp objects are shoved under finger nails while other finger nails are just ripped off with a pair of pliers. We have people being strung up by their hair and whipped, thumb screwing, giant dildos are put to use, we have people walking across broken glass on their knees, rolling across nails, etc. etc.
Aside from the torture scenes, this movie is extremely perverse. One character has a penis that is so big that it almost touches the floor and he can never have sex with a woman or he will "screw her to death". Well lets just say this guy has some strange masturbation habits and his penis eventually gets so big that it explodes and blood sprays all over the place, leaving his virgin wife soaked with his red dick blood. Then we have all these strange sex toys and devices. We also get a crazy sex scene with a couple that likes it so rough that they break beds and go through walls. Of course they keep screwing all the while. We also get a rape scene involving an invisible man. The scene was done surprisingly well. The editing is perfect and the young rape victim actress is convincing as she flails her arms around and he clothing goes flying. Then we have the most infamous scene. Its almost impossible to explain the madness of this scene, it really does have to be seen to be believed. It involves a sort of kung fu couple who fly through the air and  have what can only be explained as kung-fu-sex. The couple bounce from tree to tree while performing every sexual position on each other. All the while they are yelling at one another and showing off they're new technique. Try to picture a woman yelling at her man that he won't be able to handle or counteract her new move and then they jump up in the air and the woman flips upside down and lands on the mans face in a standing up 69 position. This is the kind of thing that is in store for you when watching A Chinese Torture Chamber Story.
This is probably my favorite Cat. III film to date. There are tons in the genre that I am yet to see, including big titles such as Sex And Zen but this one just has it all going on. Its sleazy, cruel, funny, chaotic and it still makes sense unlike others in the genre that tried to go this rout. I strongly recommend this one to anyone who isn't offended easily and is sick and tired of conventional cinema. Take a chance with this Hong Kong piece of filth!