Black Dynamite (2009)

In 2009 we got the best homage/spoof explotitation film possibly in history. Tarantino and Rodriguez got together to do Grindhouse but this thing blows those movies away. Black Dynamite looks like a authentic Blaxploitation film from the 70's. The soundtrack seems like it coulda came straight out of The Mack and the wardrobe is incredible. Black Dynamite is a cross between Rudy Ray Moore, Fred Williamson and every other black bad ass motha fucka from trash 70's cinema. They really must have known their movies because it seems like every five seconds there is another reference to a specific Blaxploitation flick, from Dolemite to Coffy, from The Mack to T.N.T. Jackson and Black Belt Jones. Their all in here. Not only does the movie look like a legit 70's exploitation movie but its funny as hell and perfectly paced. It never seems to slow down or get the least bit boring. After watching this movie I had to paint myself up in black face and stare at the mirror because I want to be Black Dynamite.

Ride Hard, Ride Wild (1971)

70 min Biker film from Denmark that doesn't have to much going on plot wise. It does have a few orgies and a sex scene that had me wondering if the actors were actually having sex. Theres also gratuitous marijuana smoking and lots of motorcycle racing. Ride Hard appears to be going nowhere until our main characters are attacked by a group of three bikers. The attackers tie up the guy and take turns raping his girl. First we get a pretty lengthy lesbian rape and then the two men have their turn. After the gang of three get their rocks off they try to decide what to do with her boyfriend... Should we cut his face up? Nah! Should we beat him a little more? Nah! Oh I know lets burn him a little. They warn the beaten boyfriend to close his eyes so they can burn his face with a road flare a little bit. The gang-raped girlfriend takes revenge by shooting one of the rapists in the face with a shotgun. The couple take off on the road and the other two rapists go free. Ride Hard, Ride Wild seems rushed and theres not really any sort of a conclusion. The director was credited as Elov Peterssons but is in fact cult/exploitation pioneer Lee Frost, who is responsible for tittles such as House On Bare Mountain, The Defilers, Mondo Bizarro, Love Camp 7 and The Thing With Two Heads etc. I think this is my least favorite Lee Frost film that I have seen to date with the exception of Zero In And Scream. Only worth a watch for die hard biker film fans and even they might be disappointed at the lack of story.

Piranha (1978)

The military hires scientists to genetically engineer a new strain of carnivorous Piranha. They called this project "operation razor teeth". The Piranha were originally designed to destroy the water system in Vietnam but of course the operation gets botched and the killer fish are loose in a American river. A children's summer camp and a summer resort become the main targets for the blood thirsty fish.
This is the first of the Piranha films and the best out of all of them. It was directed by Joe Dante who would of course go on to do The Howling. James Cameron will go on to do the sequel in 1981 where the fish will mutate once again and fly. Then in 2010 we got the Piranha remake in 3D. All of the Piranha films are dumb-fun but this one is by far the best. It has Paul Bartel as a summer camp councilor who bullies around young girls but he wont be stalked by a dude in a hockey mask. Instead he will be ripped to shreds by the Piranha. We also have Dick Miller (the king of cameo) and hes always great to look at. Barbara Steele also shows up, not looking so great in 1978. The movie also throws in some gratuitous nudity for good measure and I find it completely brilliant that the Piranha eat the bikinis off of swimming babes for some bare boobage. We also got some nice gore here and there. I'm not sure who decided that the fish should make such an obnoxious sound when they attack but you might need some ear plugs. So stuff your ears with some cotton balls and enjoy a bloody outing with Piranha.

Black Devil Doll (2007)

People complain that this movie is totally racist, sexist and just 100 percent offensive. Some have called it pornographic and Al Sharpton of course is strongly apposed to it. To me this is the best write up or review you can give a movie. You just have to love a movie that offends everybody. The only thing is why would anyone be offended by a movie about a puppet? How serious can this movie possibly be? There is no point here, there is no message. Black Devil Doll is pretty much a filthy, disgusting remake of the 1984 shot on video, so bad its good, Black Devil Doll From Hell. For once the 2007 movie is better. Its filled with every type of perversion you can think of. Black Devil Doll offers us five rape scenes, Explosive diarrhea that can burn through locked doors, Sexy babes showing their huge fake jugs constantly, Sexy car wash scene complete with puppet masturbation, We have puppet on man anal rape, Strangled wiggers, the constant use of racial slurs, Theres an electric chair scene, A woman gets fried in the bathtub with the ole toaster trick, Theres a bloody throat slashing, A gory baseball bat to the head scene, We have a knife to the guts, A spaghetti Western style showdown, Necrophilia, Salad tossing, A arm gets blown off complete with splatter, Bullets to the gut complete with leaking intestines, We have a head explosion, Lots of jive 70's jargon (ya dig?), We have a suicide, A disgusting puppet child birth scene complete with umbilical chord biting and blood spewing from between the legs. Theres a sexy-lesbian-twister scene, golden showers and piss drinking, Puppet blow jobs and I'm sure I'm leaving out all kinds of sick happenings but I'm pretty sure you get the idea. Quote of the movie "Baby I say Nigga over a hundred times a day. Its the only thing that keeps my teeth white." Just about every line in this movie is hilarious. Its really the perfect movie to watch  with a few friends while knocking back a few beers.

Run Angel Run (1969)

This is one of the weirdest biker films ever made in the sense that it has a little bit of class. Usually these motorcycle movies are just exploitation flicks filled with rape, violence and sex but Run Angel Run dares to be sensitive. For this reason I didn't really care for the movie all that much the first time I saw it. I would much rather watch Satan's Sadists or Hells Angels 69 but I have become quite fond of this movie. It still has the violence and of course the rough biker gang rape scenes but it also has this whole subplot with a couple trying to make their relationship work, At times it can really make the movie drag but as a whole I dig this wimpy biker flick.
Run Angel Run follows a biker named... Angel and Angel is on the run from his biker gang who he betrayed and snitched on for ten thousand in cash. Angel's ten grand is waiting for him in San Francisco but his ex-club members are on his tail every bit of the way. There is one really cool motorcycle chase in the beginning of the film with split/screen being used in every way possible. Its a really cool scene that you just won't see in movies today unless maybe you're watching a Tarantino movie or something. There's also a typical bar fight scene which is expected from any biker flick but this time we have a go-go dancing babe shaking her ass in her purple leotard. The rape scenes although done very well are not overly graphic due to the fact that the movie unfortunately doesn't exploit many naked bodies. The movie ends with a big brawl, Angel versus his now rival motorcycle gang. Run Angel Run can be a interesting change of pace for a fan of the biker genre. I would rather watch this one any day over Easy Rider.
This thing was directed by Jack Starrett who has a few other biker flicks to his name, Nam's Angels and Cry Blood, Apache (neither of which I have seen). He also has a few Blaxploitation credits to his track list, Slaughter and Cleopatra Jones (not the best in the genre but both fun movies). Mr. Starrett also did Walking Tall : The Final Chapter which you can also read about on my blog.
So sit back with your chick and enjoy the most sensitive biker film ever made. Its one for the couples!

Through The Looking Glass (1976)

A cross between The Devil In Miss Jones and Night Dreams with a touch of Valerie And Her Week Of Wonders. Through The Looking Glass is a very dark piece of 70's smut with a lot of style. A rich woman inherits her deceased fathers mansion and her secret obsessive fantasies for him are growing until she sits in front of a old mirror in the atic and her father (Jamie Gillis) appears as a half rotten corpse and finger bangs her. From here on the visits to her childhood mirror become more frequent and with every visit she enters another world... A surreal dream-like world where perversion, fantasy and pleasure is always the main course. The movie works so well in the sense that every time we enter this other devious world, we feel very uncomfortable. The audience just knows that something bad is going to happen. The musical score mixed with the strange use of lighting really adds to the creepy atmosphere of the film. Jamie Gillis is incredible as the supernatural, demonic father and the supporting actors are all believable as well.
In one very strange scene we have a girl douching herself out on the toilet. The camera then enters her vagina and travels around for a bit. Similar to something you would see on a medical documentary or something. We also have all this strange perverse imagery going on, like Jamie Gillis screwing a mound of sand and licking it. Or a golden showers scene with two girls covered in filth inside a bathtub filled with dirty brown water. There's also some incest going on in here which seems to almost be normal for 70's porn. I also feel that Through The Looking Glass has a artistic message about people with to much money not being able to face reality and perhaps not being able too look at themselves in the mirror. One of the best hardcore flicks I have seen in a while. A must see!

The Beast Within (1982)

What do you get when a woman is raped by a slimy creature within the opening of a film? You get one big let down where everything is to dark to see! Why is it that in the 80's they thought it was okay to make a slew of Slashers and Monster movies that is to dark to make anything out? Well this one is very dark and even when you think a scene might be cool you cant really see whats happening. The movie has a few scenes that is actually lit well enough to let you enjoy a little bit of gore but it doesn't last for very long. One of the more memorable murder scenes involves some splattery blood mixed with chop-meat-feet-grinding. Almost sounds more like a fetish for some foot pervert but I think the main reason anybody would possibly like The Beast Within is the transformation scene... The camera lingers on a boys face swelling up (with those crazy 80's latex bubbles, that we all love), allowing the Beast Within to escape and reveal its true form. This scene is awesome and beats the transformation's in most werewolf movies. The funny thing is that The Beast Within plays very much like a werewolf movie. You almost expect there to be a crazy transformation scene and its obvious that the director must have had a soft spot in his heart for werewolf flicks because he went on to do The Howling Part 2 and 3 (oh god, remember The Howling Part 3, with the marsupials?). This movie also stars the great Don Gordon (The Mack and Out Of The Blue). He loses his head in a decapitation death scene but his character is kind of lame. Really only worth a watch for a couple of special effects but if you're going to take this one on don't forget your flashlight because you're really going to need it.

Piranha Part 2 : The Spawning (1981)

James Cameron delivers a pretty dull follow up to Joe Dante's Piranha and just in case if the first film wasn't dumb enough for you they decided to make the killer fish fly in this one. Lucky for me its not hard for a nature gone wrong film to please me. I pretty much like em all from Hitchcocks The Birds to Frogs (1972). I even like the really bad ones like William Girdler's Something Is Out There. Piranha 2 is pretty lame up until the second half. It opens up with a weird under water sex scene, where a couple cuts each others scuba gear off and then get down and dirty before being eaten by piranha. This is the only nudity that the film has to offer. The movie really goes down hill from here for a while with not much interesting going on except for maybe some bad dialogue  (watch for the dentist scene). It takes a while for people to start getting killed and then we see more of the ridiculous flying fish. There is some gore in the film and my favorite scene involves a piranha flying out of the guts of a body in a morgue and attacking a nurse. Another great scene involves Lance Henriksen jumping out of a flying helicopter for no apparent reason other then having a helicopter explosion in the movie. This ones really only worth a watch for nature gone wrong fans who don't mind brain-dead horror movies. I just find it interesting that the remake went with the end of this downer.

Battle Royale (2000)

Battle Royale is a movie that I try to watch once a year. Every time I see it, its just as fun as the first time. Its almost like a really violent version of Lord Of The Flies (which is another favorite of mine) but instead of the kids getting stranded on a island, they are placed there by adults so they can play a game of survival. They have to kill each other off within three days. Only one survivor is allowed. If there are any more their necklaces will explode and everyone will die. The violence is nonstop because there are about forty or so kids per game. The kids are all classmates, so there are friends and enemy's amongst them. Some choose to commit suicide rather then participate in killing their friends while others get much more pleasure out of the situation that they were put in. The thing that makes this movie so cool is that every kid gets a bag with a random weapon in it. It can be anything from a machine gun to a garbage can lid. I have the full 121 min. directors cut so there is a lot more dream sequences and other back stories then some other versions but it does not slow the mayhem down.
We have three suicides by hanging (one with pants around the ankles and note written on toilet paper). We have three suicides by jumping one leaving some red stuff all over the rocks. Theres exploding necks with Japanese spraying-splatter-gore. We have shot gun blast to exploding head, Stab wounds to the penis, Theres a really cool scene where a guy gets decapitated and has a grenade stuffed in his mouth, then the head is thrown through a window causing a big explosion. Theres also a cool poisoning scene where a girl pukes blood up in her launch, this followed up by one of the best shoot outs in the whole movie. Every couple of minutes someone is being machine-gunned, shot-gunned, hand-gunned or being sliced and hacked. My kind of movie!

Nude On The Moon (1961)

Doris Wishman directs what is probably the weirdest Nudist Camp film ever made. While watching this one I wondered was this supposed to be a middle finger to the censors or was it just Doris kind of making fun of herself. Knowing Wishman it was probably the later but who can really say.
This movies called Nude On The Moon and it was shot completely within a Nudist Camp somewhere in Florida. The movie is totally ridiculous and insane. Its about two scientists who dress up like Power Rangers and take a trip to the moon. When they get there it is inhabited with bare breasted 60's babes in underwear that is way bigger then the space suits. The take off scene in this movie is great. One of the scientists kind of lifts his ass up from the seat and clenches his teeth while letting out a deep groan. The actor might have possibly shit his pants in this scene, If not he definitely farted. Oh also the new mustache craze is nothing new. Apparently in the 60's space-babes liked to make fun of men with mustaches and try fake ones on. There is just all kinds of weirdness going on in this film. Theres this old lady who walks around nude with all the other young girls, like nobody will notice that shes ancient. Then we have this scene that just seems so wrong. Theres young children in frame while a bunch of naked babes catch some sun. I'm not exactly sure what the law is on having nine year old boys in a nudie movie but they sure do stick out like a mole on a nipple. I also think that one of the scientists might be a kiddie-toucher because he spends more time looking at the little boys then he doe's all the naked moon babes. The best part of all this is that the two scientists didn't tell the world that they were going to the moon. They just figured they would take some pictures and they would show the world later. Can we say dumb? Nude On The Moon is the weirdest, craziest, most ridiculous, Nudist Camp film ever made... So take off your top, take a seat and enjoy your trip to the moon.

Baron Blood (1972)

Another Mario Bava film that comes so close to being great. This one came out one year after the far Superior Gialo, Twitch Of The Death Nerve and doesn't quite hold up to his earlier work. To me most Bava films look amazing, Everything from the lighting to the cinematography and editing but fall short somewhere within the story and the pacing. Baron Blood is about a Marque De Sade type character who tortured the villagers in the dungeon inside his castle. The Baron was eventually tortured to death and then burned. The Baron's only true relative conjures up his spirit with some silly Evil Dead type incantation and the Baron is back as a sort of burn victim zombie, leaving a trail of blood where ever he goes. (no seriously, he bleeds all over the place.) Baron Blood once again will reap terror on the villagers.
The Baron is played by Joseph Cotton who is always great and the movie also stars that annoying little red head girl from Who Saw Her Die and Deep Red. The movie can get a little slow at times and in my opinion was a little to long. It clocks in at 100 min. and there really was no reason to go over the 90 min mark. It holds back on the gore which is surprising because only one year earlier he gave us the incredibly brutal Bay Of Blood. For me Baron Blood really gets good at the end when the Barons victims come back as zombies to reap their vengeance but unfortunately we don't see the vengeance in gory detail.  Bava also pays homage to himself and Black Sunday in one of the best scenes where a man is put inside a coffin with iron spikes on the lid. The spikes pierce the mans face and later the man returns as a corpse with a face full of holes. Baron Blood is typical of a Bava film in the sense that its worth a watch but if only it had a touch of Fulci in there it would really make it a better experience.

Obscene House (1969)

Where do I even start. This sexploitation flick has absolutely no depth to it and I don't even know where to begin explaining how odd it really is... Obscene House is about a big fat pimp named Jo Ann or "Fat Momma" who runs a brothel. The movie was shot silently so the only way we know what is happening is from the narration of Fat Momma, which isn't very unusual for a 60's Sexploitation film. Fat Momma explains what goes on in a typical day in the Obscene House.
Right in the beginning of the film we have a lesbian-prostitute-orgy, where the girls (two at a time) rub their nipples against each others (with no hands), its to bad they couldn't afford to do second takes because these girls have the worst coordination and they lose balance and its just really silly watching these girls trying to get their nipples to touch. Okay moving on from the nipple scene, we see right away that this thing is not quite a Nudie-Cutie flick because of the intensity of the sex scenes but also Porno will still not be legal for a few years. So some girls lick belly's and other body parts but stay very far away from the important parts, while others fake the licking and kissing. This comes off very strange in a scene where two girls are supposed to be kissing. It looks more like they are sniffing each others cheeks.
Obscene House gets pretty boring pretty quick and I found myself staring at the screen just waiting for another ridiculous sex scene. Another scene that I found to be totally strange was this palm licking scene... A girl spends a few solid run time minutes licking a bearded mans palm. After she gives the palm a nice tonguing she sucks each finger one by one and then sucks them all together. As if this isn't enough hand sucking, once she spits all fingers out of her mouth she starts to lick the palm again. I'm sorry but this is just to much hand slobbing for me. Oh also the guy who's hand is pruning up eventually has a orgy with three girls and manages to fake every sex position in his black man panties. I know this movie was not against showing man junk because we also have an awful bubble bath scene where a limber man member is sitting on display in front of the camera, So why couldn't hand fetish man at least take off his man panties? Okay lets forget the man panties. Obscene House is fun for about ten minutes and then becomes long and boring. There is one or two nice looking girls, especially this one brunette with some huge ole milk jugs but basically the only thing that will keep you from sleeping is Fat Momma and some weird sex. Not much worth recommending here unless you really dig the weirdest of the weird 60's Sexploitation.

Trasgredire (2002)

I often wonder how Tinto Brass is able to capture such beauty in his films. Of course the cinematographer on this film, Massimo Di Venanzo deserves credit as well but no matter who is operating the camera on a Brass film, every shot is perfect. This one is called Trasgredire a.k.a. Cheeky and if it was done by anyone other then Tinto Brass it wouldn't be worth watching. Its just a softcore erotic film about a French girl named Carla who moves to London. Carla's boyfriend is on his way to join her but while Carla awaits his arrival she is passed around by men and women who just cant keep their hands off of her.
Carla is played by a beautiful Russian actress who's name is impossible to pronounce, Yuliya Mayachuk. She is the ultimate tease in this flick. Every five seconds the camera allows the audiance to see up her skirt at her perfect ass, or down her blouse. There is no lack of full frontal nudity here, its almost constant but yet the way the film was shot would make this the perfect film for a Voyeur which is the title of another Brass film. If it wasn't for the amazing camera work and the stunning lead Trasgredire would be pretty dull. theres nothing to crazy or exploitative going on here but yet Tinto Brass can make a speck of sand on a actress lying on a beach look like a work of art. So if you like artsy camera work and ya like looking up skirts, you gotta see Trasgredire.

Bad Biology (2008)

Now this movie is crazy. Its so nice to know that someone is still sick enough to do a down right sleazy, trash-o-rama fest. Bad Biology has all kinds of weird shit going on. It's about two sexual genetic freaks. A girl with seven clits and a guy who has to keep his mutant cock doped up in order to keep control over it. Who is sick enough to think something like this up you ask... In this case it took two madmen. One is the cult icon in the trash cinema world, Frank Henenlotter (The same lunatic who directed Basket Case and Brain Damage). The other is underground "hip hop legend" R.A. The Rugged Man. When two guys like this team up to do a project together you know its gonna be insane. One of my close friends helped out all over the place on this film so I got all kinds of great behind the scenes type stories from him. Some of the general madness that you will endure while wathcing this classless mayhem is a detachable penis that gets lose in a project type building and crashes through walls (similar to something you would see on loony toons) and rapes woman after woman. We also get to see some crazy birth scenes where bloody babies splat into bathtubs and garbage cans, We also have naked chicks running around with cunt faces. We have weird junkyard hillbilly sex, p.o.v. shots from inside vagina's, a crazy vacuum cleaner masturbation scene, teenie-boppers having conversations about the one and only John C. Holmes and his massive wad, shit loads of nudity and really foul language. Unfortunately everyone out there is not as depraved as I am but you could all take one step forward and check this thing out. The only real negativity I have heard from some people is they don't like all the hip hop in the film. I don't think it hurt the movie at all. I think that maybe if the movie held back on a little bit of the Ebonics it would have possibly been taken more seriously but how serious are you gonna take a movie about super human genitals?

At Midnight Ill Take Your Soul (1964)

This is the one that made Coffin Joe famous, or would infamous be the better word? I believe this was the first horror movie ever to come out of Brazil and a pretty nasty one at that. The movie sutured up a lot of controversy being that Brazil is such a religious country and the film has a atheist message to it. For this reason Jose Mojica Marins a.k.a. Coffin Joe had a very hard time even getting this thing started. He wrote, directed and was pretty much forced to take the lead role on himself because nobody else would touch this content. I'm glad Joe took the lead for himself because the film just wouldn't be what it is today if some other half hearted sap played the lead. The movie became so infamous in Brazil that Coffin Joe himself became a real life boogieman. Joe kind of did mold the main character from himself. The real Coffin Joe had long finger nails and dressed all in black. He is also a atheist and apparently he slept in a casket. His name alone would scare Brazilian children and outrage many adults. One of my favorite scenes in the movie is a free-style piece of monologue from Coffin Joe where he goes on about a 5 minute rant about how gods and devils do not exist and were created by weak people. The movie is also very violent for a mid 60's flick. In one scene we get to see Coffin Joe brake a wine bottle and smash the jagged end into a mans hand, chopping off a few fingers. In another we see a man have a crown of thorns shoved into his face. We also have a head smashed with a fire poker, a head smashed repeatedly into the bathtub causing the bath water to change colors very quick, we also have some violence towards women and a simulated rape. Theres also a lot of creativity going on in this film with the special affects. Coffin Joe obviously didn't have much money to do this thing so he came up with new ideas. To enhance one scene Joe sprinkled glitter onto the actual film causing a zombie to look like he is glowing. Coffin Joe did a sequel to this the following year which in my opinion is just as good if not better then this one. Joe remained a cinematic rebel throughout his career and the censors didn't take it easy on him. Most of his movies would end up extremely cut or just out right banned in his home country. Coffin Joe is someone who must be stumbled upon by anyone who's into the cinema of the weird. So skip church and check out At Midnight Ill Take Your Soul.

Laugh Clown Laugh (1928)

Once again Lon Chaney will die for love and to me this is his most emotional role. The movie might be titled Laugh, Clown Laugh but this is one sad, sad clown. Lon Chaney plays a clown named Tito who is secretly in love with Simonetta played by Loetta Young. He struggles within himself to find a way to tell Simonetta how he feels about her. He finds it morally wrong to have these feelings because he raised Simonetta since she was a young child when he found her abandoned as a small child. Tito's best friend Count Luigi shares the same feelings for Simonetta. Its no wonder why everyone is in love with this woman. Loretta Young is beautiful in this film. The strange thing is how sexually charged this film is. The censorship was so strict in America in the 20's that in some states film makers were not even allowed to show any skin at all on a woman's leg. In this film the camera lingers on very sexual scenes. Like kissing a woman's bare foot or caressing bare legs and there is scenes where men's hands almost are touching women's breasts. Of course this all seems very tame by todays standards but back in the 20's this kind of thing just wasn't shown. Anyway, back to the story. Tito and Count Luigi both try to win Simonetta's heart and the audience knows that she loves Tito (Chaney) but Tito is unwilling to cope with his moral hangups. Chaney gives a heart wrenching performance before he finally kills himself in the end. Many people say that the clown makeup is very unsettling and that the character Tito is kind of scary. I however do not share this opinion. At times the makeup can look kind of creepy but for me Lon Chaney portrayed his character as the saddest clown in the world and for an actor to be able to pull that off through all the makeup is incredible. Laugh, Clown Laugh is probably my favorite Chaney film I have seen to date. Its a must see for anyone who is into cinema in general.

Another State Of Mind (1984)

This is a pretty cool documentary on two California punk bands Social Distortion and Youth Brigade traveling across country in a school bus and doing gigs. The band members were ranging in age from about 16 to 21 and these young punks had a lot of balls. By the end of the film everything pretty much goes wrong for them. Their bus breaks down, their hungry, broke and they start fighting. The thing that's so cool about this movie is the honesty to it all. By the end of the film even their friendships are falling apart "were not as good of friends as we used to be. Or at least not at the moment." We also get to see a cool show from Minor Threat where their mic. goes out and the audience has one big sing along. As the bands travel from city to city they meet all kinds of cool kids who allow them to crash at their houses and are willing to feed them. It really shows how the scenes may change but a movement the same. Kieth Moris from Circle Jerks does some really cool interviews but my personal favorite part is in Montreal with a interview with some street punks. You can really see the hard living that these kids have endured. There are parts i can do without, like these kids in a swimming pool talking about dancing and some lame goth kids crying. The movie does have lots of laughable moments even by Mike Ness, doing his make up and being all emotional. One cool scene with Ness takes place while all his friends are sleeping and hes sitting up writing the song Another State Of Mind. Overall its a cool interesting flick especially if you're into 80's L.A. punk or Social Distortion or Youth Brigade.

Ace Of Hearts (1921)

Ace Of Hearts is a little on the silly side as far as the plot goes but the performance and the movie its self is pretty good. I can't say I like it as much as Phantom Of The Opera or The Hunchback Of Notre Dame or The Unknown but i still enjoyed the movie it's just that it's replay value is a lot smaller. Lon Chaney plays a member of a secret organization. The organization consists of nine men including Chaney and a woman whom Chaney and another man named Forrest are in a love triangle with. This isn't your typical nice group of people. This group of ten decides peoples fate and whether or not people deserve to live. They call this the "Cause". If they take a vote and the majority feels that a certain person has nothing to offer society, they will kill this person. The way they chose who will do the killing is unique. A deck of cards is dealt out evenly to everyone in the group and who ever gets the Ace Of Hearts will be the murderer. When Forrest gets the Ace Of Hearts the girl agrees to marry him and Chaney yet again will play the role of a desperate heart broken man. One of the best scenes in the film takes place outside of the new married couples home with Chaney standing out in a awful storm being rained on and blown around by the strong winds. Its almost impossible to believe that this scene took place on a set in 1921. In the movie Forrest decides to betray the group and not go through with the murder and traitors in this organization are punished by death. Now you would think that Chaney's character would jump at this opportunity to kill Forrest but instead he makes a deal with his true love to help them escape. Chaney decides to blow himself up along with his organization so his love can be free. To me the story is a bit lame but apparently the group is supposed to be a metaphor for Communism since there was a huge "red scare" going on at the time in America. Not the best of Chaney flicks but worth a watch for true fans.

The Expendables (2010)

I originally wanted to call my blogspot Movies From Mars Vs. The Hollywood Monster because I feel that Hollywood really is just a huge fucking monster and all the money that is spent on these new movies is one big waste because nobody is going to remember them in 15 years. Well that idea was to long for a blogspot and most Hollywood movies are to long too. This movie is your typical big budget action flick with tons of explosions and shoot em up scenes. The movie is also full of big tough guys who all get sweaty together every five seconds for another fight scene. Over all i cant say I hated this movie but I cant really say I liked it either. It was just a time killer for me. My one main gripe with the movie is that it was to dark. It was really hard to see what was going on a lot of the time and when you mix dark scenes with the shitty new style of editing movies together you basically get a visual cluster fuck of nonsensical images. This thing was written, directed and staring Sylvester Stalone. Sylvester isn't the only star here, the whole cast is huge in more way then one. We got Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Mickey Rourke, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Bruce Willis. Most of these actors have small cameos in the movie. If youre a big action movie fan I suppose you will like this movie. I mean there are quite a few of shitty one liners. For anyone else I don't recommend this movie unless you're really bored at work and your coworker wants to help you kill time. Then we would be in the same boat.

The Violent Years (1956)

Written by your favorite toothless, cross dressing, idiot savant Ed Wood and directed by some loser who never did anything else worth watching. This ones called The Violent Years and its a teen delinquent film about a gang of teenage girl hellcats. The gang is lead by Paula and she has some connections with a underground crime ring (the ring appears to be one middle aged woman in a shiny dress) but Paula isn't really in it for the money... Shes in it for the kicks baby! "Shes a thrill seeker". Paula and her gang cruise around town and hold up gas stations, mug people, make chicks strip down to their 50's underwear, rape pretty teenage boys who are necking at lovers lane (off screen of course), and have really obscene pajama parties. The gang bites off a little more then they can handle when they invade the high school and smash the place up. Paula ends up killing a cop and two of the teen queens get killed. Paula also shoots and kills the older woman who runs the underground crime racket and steals her money in a attempt to flea the country. Paula is caught by the police and is sentenced to life in prison. This is where The Violent Years takes a very silly Ed Wood change in direction. Basically the movie becomes a sob story for neglected spoiled children. The juvenile delinquency is completely blamed on the parents. "We gave her a car instead of a hug". Then we find out that Paula is pregnant and is going to have her own little brat. The baby is to be born in jail. I think the better exploitation title would have been My Baby Is A Jail Bird. Paula ends up dying during the delivery and her parents try to adopt the baby but the jury finds them unfit to be parents. The Violent Years is only just over a hour and is a pretty fun watch if you're into silly 50's rebel rouser flicks.

Brain Damage (1988)

Brain Damage is probably Frank Henenlotters best film. The cinematography is nice, the acting is pretty good and the colors are amazing. The bright colors really make this movie work so well. The plot just as crazy as Basket Case but this film seems to have much more of a message to it. The story is about a guy named Brian who makes a new friend. His new friend looks like a cross between a piece of shit and a penis and its name is Elmer. Elmer is a strange creature who feasts on human brains and uses Brian as a source to get around and help find his victims. In return Elmer allows Brian to place him on the back of his neck so he can stick his needle like tongue into the back of Brian's neck and inject a blue juice into his brain that allows him to see things very differently. The juice's affects is sort of like a psychedelic but the after affects is more like Heroin. Brian can not live without the blue juice and Elmer cant live without brains. Oh also the voice of Elmer was in fact the voice of The Cool Ghoul Zacherley. Some of the better scenes consist of a psychedelic-disco looking junk yard with broken down cars giving off some strange glowing lights, A brain-sucking-blow job, brains being pulled out of a ear, a ear being ripped off, blood pouring from a ear which appears to be gallons, breathing brains in a spaghetti and meatball diner, a weird homo erotic scene in a shower stall with a appearance from Zorro from Frankenhooker, a awesome splatter scene in a public toilet, senior citizen brain munching, 80's style bubbling head complete with one of the weirdest gun shots to a head ever in film history etc. and the best of all the movie has a nice anti drug message for the kids. So kids get your permission slips from mom and check out the positive role model Brain Damage...

Mondo Cane (1962)

Mondo Cane the grand daddy of Mondo films. This is the one that set em all off! After this film a whole slew of Mondo Shockumentaries will come. Its no wonder why Cane influenced the world. The film is beautiful! Every shot is framed perfect and the music from the amazing Riz Ortolani makes the madness on the screen that much more powerful. Mondo Cane's narrator slyly comments on the actions of so called humanity as the film makers take us around the globe. We get to see all kinds of crazy shit. Some of the most memorable scenes are, A woman breast feeding a pig, New Yorkers indulging in a nice feast of insects at a high end NY restaurant, Dogs being cooked and eaten, A mass wild boar slaughter and feast, crazy religious nuts cutting up their legs with shards of glass in Rome, a under water cemetery bone yard for human remains, radiation and its affect on turtles and birds, German alcoholic's (just being themselves), Nude artists smearing blue paint on their bodies and humping a canvas, Sailors chasing babes in 60's bikini's, Bare breasted native/jungle babes chasing men, children cleaning human skulls, etc. etc. So yeah Mondo Cane is filled with animal violence, human perversion and just human stupidity. If you're not afraid to see the world for how bizarre it really is then Mondo Cane should be a treat for you.

Manson (1973)

Out of all the Manson family documentaries I have ever seen, I think this one might be my favorite. This one is so good because it has a mix of typical documentary, interview stuff and a sense of art to it. The main reason I like this movie so much is because it was filmed only 3 years after the murders happened and Charlie Manon and some of the family were behind bars while others were still living free in the streets of California and open for very fresh interviews and for this reason we see and hear much more from the girls and the Family then Manson himself. The film also has this sense of danger to it, where Squeaky and the girls are almost threatening the film makers and the rest of the world while the freely wave knives and point guns at the camera's. One of my favorite interviews is with Clem (a Family member), It is so obvious how much influence Charles really had on him. He talks and acts just like his leader and he has some really interesting things to say. We don't get to hear anything from Tex Watson but do have a excellent speech/rant from Charlie near the end. The film also has these really cool psychedelic scenes where the camera pulls in and out of focus on naked hippies and horses while euphoric music plays. My personal favorite segment is when they talk about Susan Atkins aka Saddie Glutz and her sadistic confessions. Saddie is one sick chick but it sure is interesting to hear the stories. So arm yourself and get prepared for the revolution with Manson (1973).

Man From The Deep River (1972)

Umberto Lenzi gives us what is regarded as the first cannibal film. Although there is hardly any cannibalism in the whole movie and we don't get to see much of the cannibal tribe. The film is still the staple that many other film makers would try to copy including the much more infamous Ruggero Deodato film Cannibal Holocaust. Man From Deep River is about a British man played by Ivan Rassimov (Jungle Holocaust, Eaten Alive) who gets separated from his guide and abducted by savages in the amazon. The people of the village believe that he is some sort of a fish due to his wet suit. He endures all forms of torture and unsuccessfully attempts to escape from time to time until he saves a little boys life and the villagers make him one of the tribe. He marries the villages beautiful, Me Me Lai and gets her pregnant. This is when he decides his life is in the jungle and he doesn't want to be rescued. Man From The Deep River has everything you expect from a Cannibal film. Its got the violence and gore, it has extreme animal violence, it has savage rape scenes, torture scenes but unfortunately not much cannibalism. Some of the scenes that stick in the mind is the removal of cannibals tongues, a scene where a woman is raped by the males in the tribe on top of the burning ashes of her dead husband, A really nasty fight between a Muskrat kinda thing and a cobra (believe it or not the Muskrat wins), A old woman gets her hand chopped off, there's plenty of J&B Whiskey slugging, we have the half decapitation of a Monkey, followed by brain eating, we have a cockfight, lots of Me Me Lai nudity, Switchblades to the guts, Arrows to the neck, knives to the throat, spears in the chest etc. If youre into Italian Cannibal Films this one is for you.

Martin (1977)

I never have been a big fan of Vampire movies but this one is way up there at the top of the list for me. Martin is one of George Romero's earliest films and in my opinion one of his best. This film totally defies all of the rules of vampire flicks and that's because we never really find out if the main character is in fact one of the undead. The film is completely open to suggestion and allows you to make up your own mind. What we do know is that the main character Martin, Vampire or not is a very sick individual. He is completely antisocial and has a intense thirst for blood. Weather or not our villain is a folklore style vampire he is still a serial killer and his methods are very realistic despite the bright red paint looking blood. He drugs his victims with an unknown source by needle. While his victims are asleep he cuts them up and drinks their blood and depending on weather or not he's in the mood for "some sexy stuff" he might necromance them as well. In the movie Martin swears that he is a vampire but at times it is suggested that he could be brainwashed from his seemingly almost equally sick grandfather. Martin also explains that everything from the Hollywood movies is all nonsense, Garlic, A crucifix, holly watter will not stop a vampire. He disproves what he calls magic constantly in the film. This also gives off a strong anti-religious vibe as well. Another thing that I find so interesting about this film is that Martin never seems to get caught for his actions. He only makes mistakes when he mixes with the outside world. In the movie he explains how he has never had sex with a living woman because he is much to shy but I think it is because he is self absorbed. Once he decides to try to be like other people, he finds himself getting sloppy. Martin is a must see for any Romero fan or just 70's horror fans in general!

Walking Tall : The Final Chapter (1977)

This is the third film in the Walking Tall series and I really don't understand why everyone is so harsh on it. It was directed by Jack Starret who did a bunch of cool exploitation movies in the 70's. He did the Biker film Run Angel Run, two Blaxploitation films, Slaughter and Cleopatra Jones and then he went on to do the Peter Fonda terror on the road flick, Race With The Devil. Unfortunately Walking Tall : The Final Chapter was probably his last decent film.
Final Chapter brings back Bo Svenson from Walking Tall Part 2 as Buford Pusser the sheriff of a small town who goes way beyond the limit to bring his form of justice to those he feels rightfully deserves. This one opens up with a flashback of Bufords wife being brutally shot down and killed by his rivals. The movie is supposed to take place one year after this incident but it tends to recycle a lot of the same old bullshit from the first two films but its still fun to watch. Big Buford Pusser is running around once again with his big block of wood and smashing all his enemies. In one of my favorite scenes Buford makes an abusive father drop his britches Deliverance style and he proceeds who whip his bare ass with a branch pulled from a tree. There is also a sick 70's torture scene where a prostitute is electrocuted with two open wires that look more like jumper cables for a car. We also got a few good fist fights, a couple of car chases and shoot em up scenes. We also have some racism thrown in there, a car explosion and a bunch of over acting from Bo Svenson. Bo Svenson plays one of the all time best gay hating, fag bashing cops ever in a campy 80's Slasher called Night Warning. That one is a must see but Final Chapter is worth a watch especially if you like the first film.