Monday, November 12, 2012

Sex And The Single Vampire (1970)

What we have here is one of the weirdest porno films, if you can call it that, that I have ever seen. I saw the very short 27 minute version of this oddity which has all of the hardcore shenanigans cut out but apparently there is an hour long version out there which deliver all of the strange vampire-sex that you can handle.

Johnny The Wadd Holmes is credited as Count Spatula and Bella Donna. Yep that's right he plays a vampire. He comes complete with red lipstick and blue eyeshadow. As if this isn't all weird enough a group of swingers stop by Count Spatula's old mansion for a night of swinging sex. Little do they know that John Holmes is dry as hell and ready for a drink. He ties the naked men together and then joins in on the swinging party with the babes.

This one is supposed to be a comedy and I may just be completely brain-dead but I found it to be pretty damn funny. It wasn't sexy, that's for sure. John Holmes walks around with his foot-long out and he clearly puts every other prick in frame to shame.

Watch Holmes play Dracula. Then watch Holmes play with the girls. See Holmes get electrocuted. See Holmes stay out past dark with his naked lady friends. This is good ole time wasting at its best. Not to smart and not to classy. Just trashy enough to keep a 70's obsessed weirdo happy for a good 30 minutes to an hour, depending on which version you pick up.

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