Dangerous Charter (1962)

Why do I do this to myself? This one came in a pack of 12 movies which cost me five bucks. The pack had a few titles in it that I wanted such as the gay biker movie The Pink Angels and Sidehackers which was awesome and you can also read about on my blog. The pack is called Savage Cinema and so far it seems to be averaging one bad flick for every good one. Dangerous Charter however is one of the bad ones. Its about a drug smuggler who abandoned his boat "The Medusa" along with the narcotics hidden within it. A group of fishermen find the Medusa and bring it back. The police ask the fishermen to secretly work for them with the idea that the smugglers will come back for their yacht. Things don't go as planned and the fishermen are held captive by the head smuggler and his goons. The acting is awful and the whole movie is boring talky scenes between the hostages and the criminals.
I'm also getting really sick of all these movies that use awful guitar playing and singing as filler. It seems like every movie I watch these days went that rout and it sucks just as much every time. If were not watching these uninteresting characters botch up their lines we are waiting for Dick to put down his guitar and shut up. The characters name is Dick and that's what he is, One big Dick!
Dangerous Charter doesn't get remotely interesting till the last five minutes when we are treated to a shootout between the conflicting characters. One of the goons gets a harpoon through the gut and two others crash their motorboat and drown. Unless you are into movies that take about three sittings to get through, take my advice as a warning and stay as far away from Dangerous Charter as possible.

Curse Of The Devil (1973)

Paul Naschy really likes doing these werewolf movies. Its a shame that I don't always enjoy watching them. This one is pretty boring all around. Curse Of The Devil opens up with two knights dueling it out on horseback. One of them is decapitated and the head is held in front of the camera for gore hounds to gawk at with the awful 70's style blood that we all know and love and its more silly than ever here. Then we have some witches being hung and another burned at the stake. Before the witch is burned alive she places a curse on the family who is responsible. We jump forward in time and a axe murderer is on the loose along with a werewolf who is of course played by Paul Naschy. Unfortunately the murders are not shown in enough detail. We see axe's coming down but never really get to see anybody being hacked up. The same goes with the werewolf scenes. We get a little blood here and there but not enough to save the movie from being a bore-fest. My personal favorite scene consists of a pick axe to the chest and a bit of splatter on the camera lens. There is also a a scene with a man who's face has been shreaded by the claws of the wolf. We also get a few naked babes running around and of course a few man to wolf transformations but they don't really offer anything new. Aside from these few decent moments Curse Of The Devil is pretty slow. Naschy completest might dig this one but the rest of us should skip it.

Dr. Lamb (1992)

Here's an earlier Hong Kong Category 3 film from director Danny Lee (Untold Story a.k.a. Bunnman). This ones a nasty tale of a perverted taxi driver who likes to strangle young girls. The he takes the bodies home where he will put makeup on them, take pervy pictures, fondle the corpse and eventually saw them up with a circular saw. Why this movie is called Dr. Lamb is beyond me. The killer is not a doctor nor is there any doctors in the film that make any kind of difference. I also find this infamous title to be slightly over rated. Most of these serial killer/rapist Cat. III films are all pretty much the same. This one plays very much like The Untold Story and Diary Of A Serial Killer in the sense that the story is told from the killers point of view from behind bars after being severely beaten by the police. There are some shocking scenes, mainly the disposal of dead hookers. When our killer chops up the bodies with the circular saw blood and guts fly all over the place. The walls are splattered bloody red and chunks of guts fly into the fish tank which I thought was pretty nasty. The killer also keeps some souvenirs. In one scene he cuts off a girls breast with a scalpel and puts it in a jar. Later in an investigation scene the jar falls off a shelf and lands on a fat man. The boob lands on his shoulder and the filthy stinky water is all over him. This leads to a Three Stooges esque dismembered boob juggle. It is tossed from one cop to another and eventually lands on a girls back as if Curly threw a mouse down the back of a dress at a diner party. The movie manages to supply a bit of tension in one scene where our killer picks up a school girl in his taxi. He feels that she is "good" and everyone else is bad. He creeps her out, telling her how she has to keep her innocence. When she tries to make a run for it the taxi driver chases after her in the rain. It doesn't end so nicely for the Innocent school girl but it makes for a pretty creepy scene.
Dr. Lamb is worth a watch for Cat III fans but in my opinion doesn't come close to movies like The Untold Story and Ebola Syndrome. There is just not enough going on here plot wise. Dr. Lamb is just another sickie quickie from China. Could have been worse and could have been better. Fans of this movie or Danny Lee's style in general should check out Diary Of A Serial Killer.

House On Haunted Hill (1959)

I first saw this one when I was a little kid with my father. It had a pretty big impact on me along with all the other horror films my father showed me, Night Of The Living Dead, The Exorcist, The Invisible Man and even the incredibly cheesy Night Of The Lepus. Over the years I have seen all these films so many times but tonight was the first time I have ever seen House On Haunted Hill colorized. Usually I can dig colorized movies almost as a sort of novelty. I usually prefer the original B&W version but I have to admit, tonight I saw this movie with completely different eyes. The colorization was done really well and it brought so much life to the castle. It was pretty amazing seeing the decapitated heads and the rat melting away in the vat of acid. Fans of this movie should take a look at this one in color if the chance comes. I already have about five copies of this movie since its in every public domain pack that you can get your hands on for about 50 cents but now I feel like I need one more copy.

Vincent Price is excellent as usual in the amazingly ultra-goofy haunted house flick. He plays a very wealthy man who invites five people to spend the night in the haunted castle. If the people make it all night they will receive ten thousand dollars each. According to legend the castle has a long history of murder. In one scene one of the guests explains that a murder was committed in almost every room in the house at one period of time or another. With this in mind each guest is given a small coffin with a handgun inside it. Once the guests are armed they are given free reign to the house. Its not long before they are visited by floating ghosts and walking skeletons. There are hangings and decapitated heads. Certain rooms seem to be booby trapped with falling chandeliers and vats of acid in the floor. The guests start to lose their cool and its not long before everyone loses their trust for one another. The guests attempt to drug, poison, shoot and stab each other.
House On Haunted Hill is a classic from the king of gimmick William Castle and those who love the original really need to see the colorized version if not for anything else at least just a change of pace. Its well worth the watch and way better then that crappy Hollywood remake. Even Emergo would find this version interesting.

Sidehackers (1969)

For those out there who don't know what a Sidehacker is, it a motorcycle with a sort of side car on it and it allows a passenger to stand up or hang off the motorcycle and drag their ass on the road. Its really a team work sort of thing where the passenger in the sidecar helps for quicker turns and what not. I'm not sure if this was a actual sport back in the old bizzaro days but it looks pretty cool in this 1969 revenge flick.
This one also goes under the title of Five The Hard Way but I'm a bigger fan  of Sidehackers. Sidehackers opens up like a typical boring motorcycle exploitation flick with lots of "sidehacking" around a bumpy dirt race track. Its not long before this thing completely changes directions and becomes a nasty rape/revenge flick.
Our main character is played by Ross Hagen who some might remember as Speed from Al Adamsons Angels Wild Women. Ross Hagen reminds me of a B-movie version of Charlton Heston with a horse voice. This time Hagen plays Rommel a Sidehacker who is soon to be married. Rommel finds himself mixed up with a psycho biker named J.C. (I guess we can call him a Motorpsycho.) J.C.'s girl has a thing for Rommel but when Rommel turns her down she cries rape to her sadistic boyfriend J.C. This pisses J.C. off really bad and his form of justice is to rape and murder Rommels soon to be wife. Then we get a bad montage of Rommel morning over his fiance with a song that you would expect to be in a Blaxploitation flick that explains exactly how he is feeling. Rommel groups up some bad-ass friends and plots out his revenge.
Its so obvious that the sick sick 70's are right around the corner here because this really is a nasty picture. The movie ends with a bloody shootout between Rommels crew and J.C.'s. There are a couple of excellent squib shots that are very convincing. One is a bullet to the knee and it almost looks like theres some bone and meat protruding from the leg.
Its funny that this movie is better known with the Mystery Science Theater 3000 commentary because I really thought it was a awesome movie with a great 70's style nihilistic ending. I have not seen the MST3K version of this movie yet but now I want to. I can't see them laughing through the films final.

Zotz! (1962)

William Castle changes it up at the height of his gimmick career and does a comedy. Its a weird comedy about a man who is given a coin that holds a strange power from an ancient civilization. Are you guys ready for this? Its the power of a word... Zotz! The back of the coin has an inscription explaining the three powers that come with the holder of the coin and the word Zotz! Rule number one, The extension of the index finger pointed in a persons general direction will cause sudden pain. In other words if I hold the coin and point at you, you will fall over in sudden pain. Rule number two, the word Zotz causes temporary "retardation" to anything in site. For example if I hold the coin and look at you and say the word Zotz! Out loud, you will move and speak in slow motion. The third rule is the most dangerous, he who holds the coin has the power to destroy anything in sight. All he has to do is point at someone or something and say the magic word at the same time and it will cause sudden death.
What a strange concept for a comedy. Eventually the coin causes all sorts of trouble. The Mafia the government and the military all want their hands on Zotz! There is a really cool scene towards the end where our main character is dodging bullets and jumps from a sky scraper in slow motion (thanks to Zotz!). Theres also a funny Three Stooges bit in there with some mice thrown into a diner party. William Castle fans will also get a laugh out of the Drive-In scene where a couple go see Homicidal.
Zotz! was a change of pace for me a step away from horror and trash film for a moment and a fun time with a strange comedy from the king of gimmick.

Horrible Horror (1986)

Horrible Horror is a made for video compilation of so bad they're good horror and scifi flicks from the 30's to the 60's.  Its hosted by Zacherley The Cool Ghoul and he has a few funny bits in here. My favorite segment is on zombie flicks where Zacherley sticks a drill into a brain and gets his 6th finger caught inside it. Horrible Horror may have been for home video but you can't help but be reminded of It Came From Hollywood. Trailer fanatics like myself will get a kick out of this video because its basically a 110 minutes of trailers. We get trailers for William Castles 13 Ghosts in 3D and House On Haunted Hill. A awesome trailer for The Alligator People, The Blob's trailer shows up too.
If The Cool Ghoul isn't on screen and we are not watching trailers then we are probably just watching some silly clip from some B-movie like Ed Woods Bride Of The Monster. Speaking of Ed Wood, one thing I couldn't figure out is why Glen Or Glenda was in here. Sure its a classic Exploitation film at its best/worst but its not really horror or science fiction. Either way its always great to watch Bela Lagosi "Pull the strings!". We also have segments of the incredibly strange Spanish brain sucking classic Brainiac and the incredibly racist 1930's King Of The Zombies.
The VHS cover states "The Ultimate Party Tape!" I really don't know if this should be your number one pick but its certainly worth a watch for anyone who's into Zacherley, rare trailers or just oldies and B-movies.
See ya later Igor!

Film Is Dead

I was very disturbed to hear the news from a friend who works in a multiplex that he will be firing all his projectionists. Why would anybody want to fire all the projectionists at a movie theater? Well because film is obsolete. Since everybody shoots on digital now there is no need for 35mm projectors anymore. One by one the screens are being ripped down at the local multiplex's and new digital screens are taking their place. The screens are at the height of technology and the picture is supposed to be ten times more clear then a 1080P digital screen and Blue Ray player. This means no grain, which means no ageing which means no classics. The new system is basically a huge ipod. The new digital movies are uploaded into this new player and then its transmitted over to the screen. This means that people will be paying their 12 bucks or whatever it is to go watch T.V.. Why would anybody go to a theater to watch t.v.? I asked my friend at the multiplex what the point of all this was and he said aside from the difference in a clearer picture this allows theater owners to pause, stop, and rewind a movie. I asked him what the point of that was and he said "lets just say a fight broke out in the theater or someone pulls a fire alarm or the sound goes out for a second. This will allow us to stop the movie and go back to were we left off." How stupid is that? Apparently it might be a normal thing for the theater to stop your movie. Does this mean I get a remote and can pause the movie when I want to take a piss or get some over priced popcorn?
 This process of eliminating film in theaters is very expensive. Were talking hundreds of thousands of dollars. So the Art-Houses won't be able to afford this. Which means the art-houses that play cult films and foreign films might do okay but the little guys who were trying to compete with the multiplexes are all going to go under.
As if this news isn't bad enough, this new equipment can not even play old film unless of course it transferred over to digital and uploaded into this new system. Not that the multiplex's would ever play anything old anyway.
Eventually they destroy everything. The Drive-Ins are all gone and now they are taking film out of the theater. I never thought that when I get old I'd have to tell my kids what it was like to see a film on a screen but I guess the future is here and I don't like it.

Hell On Wheels (1967)

Not even slightly interesting piece of garbage about a racecar driver played by Marty Robbins and his jealous brother. For 97 minutes we get to watch Marty Robins drive in circles on a race track or play awful country music in a night club. Marty's younger brother played by John Ashly (Brides Of Blood) is a whinny little brat who is determined to beat his brother in a race. Then theres this stupid subplot about criminals and their moonshine stills. The brothers get caught up in their racket for a bit but it only eats up about 10 minutes of the crappy screentime.
It was pretty hard to make it through this thing. I found myself trying to find one redeeming value aside from John Ashly and the only thing I could come up with was that I liked the grandpa character because the majority of his screen time he was sleeping. I guess I just felt I could relate to the old man. If you don't want to sleep, stay far far away from Hell On Wheels. On the other hand if you need a good sedative it might be of some use. Ya know what, scratch that. The loud motors will keep you up. Just stay away from Hell On Wheels all together!

Youth Aflame (1944)

Another juvenile delinquent flick from the guy who did Assassin Of Youth and Swamp Women. This ones about two teenage sisters. One is a nice girl who respects her daddy, does her school work, keeps up with the house and is seeing a nice boy. The other is a selfish brat who hates her family, hates school and is running with older hoodlums, which makes sense because the alternate and better exploitation title is Hoodlum Girls. The girls don't have a mother and their father can't be hip to everything the girls are doing. Dad doesn't catch on till the police arrive at a teenage milk-bar club called the "Jive". One of daddies little girl spiked the punch and the clean-cut milkbar is shut down. By the time dad tries to confront his daughters its to late. The bad girl ran off with her bad boyfriend but when he refuses to marry her she pulls a gun on him. The two hoodlums wrestle for the gun and the nice Innocent daughter is caught in friendly fire.
I usually tend to like all of these juvenile delinquent movies. This one is far from my favorite but its still a fun watch if not for anything else just to laugh at some of the silly shock-of-the-time stuff. In one of my personal favorite scenes the bad daughter comes home drunk and unbuttons her blouse in front of her innocent sister. She has a slip on and the innocent sister huffs in disappointment as says "where did you get that?" The bad sister replies, "The booze or the slip?" Theres also some cool scenes in a bar with chicks in dresses doing some old time dance/acrobatic acts. We also have one really cool juggling act and a really bizarre ending with a group of children playing She Will Be Coming Around The Mountain When She Comes. This scene just needs to bee seen to be believed.

Vampyros Lesbos (1971)

Although sexually charged this early 70's lesbian vampire film comes off rather classy for Jess Franco. Its also in my opinion one of his most visually pleasing films. The color schemes and camera work is excellent and helps depict the sexy vampires as almost elegant. Franco chooses to shoot through glass in many scenes, either a window, glass door or mirror and on occasion has blood trickling down the glass to portray a dreamlike moment. The film never comes across as trashy, as many of his other films do like Barbed Wire Dolls or his Ilsa entry. I think I do prefer his trashier work but this one was still a nice watch for me.
Vampyros Lesbos lacks a bit in the story which is pretty normal for Franco. Its about a sexually frustrated women who isn't happy in her current relationship so she takes off to shack up with a sexy vamp who inherited her estate from Count Dracula.
I thought it was a bit silly that the film chose to bring up the king of all vampires but at the same time I never try to take a Franco film seriously. Another thing that I found odd about this one is that the vampires spend most of their time on the beach (naked of course) in the daylight. Franco references Dracula but denies the basic foundations.
There is no lack of nudity here. Between the lesbianism and the sunbathing we have plenty of flesh to look at. If you're looking for a typical low budget Euro-Trash flick you probably will want to skip this one but if you want an erotic art flick this one would probably do the trick.

Re-Animator (1985)

This is Splatter! Re-Animator is one of my all time favorite Zombie flicks. Its a non-stop gore fest from beginning to end with scenes that just can't be forgotten. It opens up with a mans eyes bulging out of his head until they pop. Then it gets crazier and gorier with decapitated talking heads and exploding entrails. The most memorable scene is probably the one where the talking severed head performs oral sex on Barbara Crampton. One detail that I never noticed until my last viewing was that there is a sex scene between Cramton and the main character and there is a poster on the wall for the band The Talking Heads, of course foreshadowing the great scene that I just mentioned. Another memorable moment concerns a dead cat with a broken back who is brought back to life. The cat screams in pain and our great anti-hero has this to say... "Birth is always painful". Then we have brain surgery, lobotomies, a bone saw rips through a zombies back and comes out its chest. We have fingers being bit off, heads thrown across the room, zombie nudity(complete with swinging zombie dick), people are strangles with intestines, severed zombie arms and just a whole mess of splattery madness.
Re-Animator is one of those horror flicks that stays fun no matter how many times you see it. Its full of great quotes and the gore is off the wall. If you like mad scientist's and you like zombies, I can't see you not liking this movie. All out 80's fun done the right way.

Cemetery Man (1994)

Michele Soavi gives a perfect blend of entertainment and art. Cemetery Man is a zombie film with a thought provoking message and surreal cinematography all mixed together with a bit of humor. The zombies in the film are almost there as filler in a story of a man who runs a cemetery and has completely lost touch with reality. Cemetery Man is one of those movies that people spend hours talking about. So I will not go into my idea on what all it means but I really feel that if you watch the movie a few times its not really that hard to figure it out. What I will tell you is that Cemetery Man has it all. It has flying/talking zombie heads, vomiting retards, plenty of zombies, gory flesh eating, In one of my favorite scenes a motorcycle gang crashes into a bus full of boy scouts. The gangs heads splatter all over the place with brains that look like blueberry pie. The movie also stars the beautiful Anna Falchi who bares it all for us. we also get castration, dead nuns. dead priests, dead nurses, prostitute college girl massacre, a street gang massacre and whole bunch of great one liners. "Id give my life to be dead"
This ones really got something for everyone. Zombies, Sex, Murder, Comedy, Art and Style. Check it out.

Wild Rebels (1967)

A race car driver joins a motorcycle gang called Satan's Angels as a getaway driver for their new big bank robbery. What the gang doesn't know is that their new pretty-boy gang member is working undercover for the police. Things don't work out as smoothly as the police thought and the movie ends in a nasty shoot out in a lighthouse.
This one really has very little bike riding scenes but makes up for it in the violence department. The gang is really small and its pretty laughable. The leader and the brains of the gangs name is Jeeter. Jeeter looks the part of a biker but speaks more like a college professor. Then we have the exact opposite, a fat bastard named Fatty. Fatty can't speak at all aside from making the occasional choo-choo train noise. My favorite member of the gang is Banjo. Banjo pretty much comes off as retarded but hes also the only member that could pass as a real biker. Banjo is the brawn of the gang, all he wants to do is drink and fight. Hes always at someones throat and he always takes the violence one step further. In one scene he has Fatty hold up a mans head (who has already been knocked out in the fight) so he can run up and kick his head like a football. This scene comes across somewhere between humorous and disturbing, if that makes any sense. The last and final member is the gangs momma. She helps the gang in their robbery's and also gives them plenty of reasons to fight. Lets say for instance a "square" asks her to dance, the gang will happily break bottles over their head and smash in their face with chains.
Wild Rebels really doesn't get good until the end. The movie opens up with a pretty cool theme song but unfortunately its not heard again. Instead we get an awful soundtrack with some of the worst dancing I have ever seen in a movie. The undercover race-boy also feels the need to play really awful songs on his guitar and there is one scene in particular where he is lip-singing with a band and its rather embarasing to watch. One thing that I found a bit surprising is that there wasn't one nude scene. A bit strange for a Biker Exploitation flick. For me Wild Rebels really delivered in the final. The bank robbery scene is cool and its followed by a nice car chase and it all comes to a end in a Wild Bunch type shoot out at the end. Through the whole movie the gang explains how they are not in it for the money "We do it all for the kicks" but the audience can tell that the future is pretty bleak and once the gang realizes, its already to late. The cops drop like flies as the Satan's Angels blow em away one by one with shotguns, hand guns and automatic weapons but there is no way out and no escape.

The Curious Dr. Humpp (1969)

Do you like late 60's Sexploitation monster flicks? If so you might want to check out The Curious Dr. Humpp. Its an all out wacky Sexploitation movie from Argentina with tons of bare breasted women with huge pubic. In one of the opening scens a girl manages to have hair hanging out of her huge 60's panties, it almost looks like its gonna get caught in her garter. Some of the other things you have to look forward to is lesbians, masturbation, drugs, hippies and a mad scientist named Dr. Humpp. The odd thing is Dr. Hummp is probably the only character who doesn't hump anything. Everyone else is super-sexed and gets down and dirty with anyone. This one also has a really silly looking monster who stumbles around in his metallic boots and kidnaps men and women so Dr. Humpp can use them for his sexual experiments. The monster is kind of the leader of a group of monsters who almost appear to be robots. The way we know he is the leader is, well I guess his amount of screen time. The monster is actually quite the romantic, he gives girls flowers and plays them songs on his guitar. Yep that's right, the monster plays an instrument. The monster isn't always so sensitive, from time to time he might have to pimp smack a nude babe across the room and carry her away like Frankenstein.
Dr. Humpp may control his monsters, robots and human experiments but Humpp himself is under the control of a talking brain that he keeps in a lit up, bubbling jar and this brain is one rude bastard. Its always yelling and calling people idiots. The talking brain is the brain of a dead scientist but Dr. Humpp managed to keep it alive in order to complete the sexperiments. "Sex dominates the world and now I dominate sex."
As crazy as this all is The Curious Dr. Humpp can still get a little slow at times and some of the sex scenes go on a bit to long but overall the silliness of all the insane perversion can keep the audience laughing. It was directed by the same guy who did Feast Of Flesh a.k.a. The Deadly Organ but in my opinion Dr. Humpp is way better. Worth a watch just remember to leave your brain at the door... or in a jar for that matter.

Caged Heat (1974)

One of the best (W.I.P.) Women In Prison movies ever made. This one was written and directed by the same guy who went on to do Silence Of The Lambs which I am not a big fan of but considering this is his first film, we really see how talented he was right from the beginning. I don't want to go as far as saying Caged Heat has class but it certainly does appear more polished then the average W.I.P. flick. The plot is pretty standard in all these movies. Criminal girls are being mistreated on the inside, in some movies more severely then others and theres almost always a wicked warden, This time played by wheelchair bound Barbara Steele. 90% of the time the inmates plan an escape and that's usually as far a a plot goes. These movies are always filled with lots of nudity and usually violence. A fight scene in the shower is almost necessary and its also not so rare for some medical type violence to be going on as well.
This one has the perfect mix of sex & violence but also offers up some humor which is pretty rare for this genre. The small bits of comedy really doesn't take away from the film either because it was done properly. It actually almost enhances the film because it adds another layer of depth to a genre that is usually pretty thin layered. Don't get me wrong, I love W.I.P. movies especially ones like this that Roger Corman produced. Anyone who likes movies like The Big Doll House and Black Momma White Momma will love this movie. Caged Heat "Will knock your pretty little teeth so far down your throat that you will need a picket fence around your asshole" so sit back and enjoy!

Devil Girl 18 (1992)

Possibly the craziest, weirdest, strangest most bizarre movie I have ever seen in my life. This Hong Kong Category Three film is a complete and total utter mess. From what I was able to gather Its about a demonic couple from hell that is here to have sex with the people of earth and take their souls. The scenes and characters come out of nowhere without any warning. For instance we can go from a Kung Fu scene to a sex scene in a shower and then it will cut away to a head explosion. While viewing this I wasn't able to tell if the film was missing footage or if it was possible to really have such a disarray of mish-mosh. Based on what I have read from a few other people this really is just the way the film was edited together.
If there ever was a Movie From Mars, this is it. The truth is that the chaoticness of it really made it enjoyable for me. Its so strange that you almost have to sit there and see whats going to happen next.
Devil Girl 18 came out somewhere around 1992 but the year is questionable. However this thing totally has 80's style F/X going on with all these crazy lightning bolts being shot all over the place. Some of the scenes reminded me a lot of the Indonesian horror flicks especially during these weird mystical kung fu scenes. To make this Cat. III film even a bit stranger, its not really even a horror flick. Its more of a mystical softcore porn. For me the sex scenes is actually what slowed the movie down. There was a couple of cool artsy sex scenes in the beginning and then there was one in a brothel with a really hot girl in a garter-belt but other then that the sex got really boring. Some of the other strange happenings we have going on is lots of leather clad Asian sex and one of the demonic leather-clad dudes wears tons of lipstick and its very hard to take him seriously as a bad-ass. Then we have a very strange sex scene on a rotating yin yang. We have a weird blowjob scene with a guy in elephant underwear with a huge trunk hanging down and then a beam of neon light shoots from his crotch and a girl performs oral sex on the light. We  also have some fat man Kung Fu, A few cool shoot-em-up scenes. A few head explosions and we even get a hopping vampire. This is just scratching the surface of how weird Devil Girl 18 really is. Its one of those movies that you have to see for yourself to believe it. I still don't believe it.

Popcorn (1991)

This movie plays like a shitty 80's flick but its actually a early 90's movie. Does that make this good? Nah, it still sucks! This ones about a group of kids who decide to throw a all night horror/scifi marathon in a old movie theater. The movies are all supposed to be 1950's gimmick films similar to William Castle. The first film is called Mosquito and they have a giant mosquito rigged up so it can fly over the audience. This of course being William Castles Emergo for House On Haunted Hill. The second film is The Amazing Electrified Man which reminded me of that Lon Chaney Jr. flick The Indestructible Man and yes you guessed it this one has the electric seats that will shock the ass of the audience just like in The Tingler. The third film in their marathon is called The Stench which is shot in Aroma-Rama which was take from the king of trash John Waters. The kids find a mysterious canister of film which contains footage of a madman who killed his family. Now the psycho is back to terrorize the audience of this all night horror-fest.
Unfortunately the fake films within the film is better then what we are actually watching. Popcorn is filled with really bad 80's style affects and a whole mess of bad joke. In fact while watching this I could have sworn it was a 80's flick. Dee Wallace is in this one and its a shame because the movie is just so bad you initially feel bad for her. The special F/X are all right but other then that this one is a complete stinker. For all of you out there who like shitty 80's movies filled with lame jokes, this is a movie for them. If you're like me and you rather watch something a little less silly, then don't even waste your time.

Corrupt Lieutenant (1983)

Originally titled Cop Killer then retitled Corrupt Lieutenant to cash in on Harvey Keitel's much better and much more successful Bad Lieutenant, This Italian Thriller not only stars Keitel but also casts Johnny Rotten or John Lydon of the Sex Pistols. Very strange casting going on there. The music was done by Italian master Ennio Morricone and everyone rants and raves about it but I feel it was probably one of his worst musical scores. This movie is pretty boring and it has trouble holding the attention. For me the only real entertainment was watching Rotten and Keitel act together. Its just such a strange concept and its kind of humorous to watch Harvey stick Mr. Rottens head in a oven and beat him up constantly. For the most part Rotten comes off as himself, a snot-nosed punk with a nihilistic attitude but then theres the sensitive scenes where he has to be all soft spoken and he loses his sarcastic tone of voice. Very amusing for anyone who's into Punk Rock.
Other then the strange cast Cop Killer is pretty lame. Harvey Keitel plays a Corrupt Lieutenant who has been using drug money for his own gain. Johnny Rotten plays a spoiled bastard who wants to bring Keitel down and pin the latest brash of cop-killing on him.
There is a psychopath  running around in a ski mask, slashing up police officers with a Gialo-style knife. These scenes are not very graphic and come off rather silly. Another thing that really annoyed me was the ending. It was awful and totally anticlimactic. Stay away from Cop KIller. Its a waste of time unless you also feel the need to see John Lydon and Harvey Keitel work their magic together.

Color Me Blood Red (1965)

I have seen this thing countless times being that its from my favorite director, Herschell Gordon Lewis a.k.a. The Godfather Of Gore. I have always viewed this movie as a remake of A Bucket Of Blood from the great Roger Corman but I never realized until now how much this film is like another Roger Corman classic, Little Shop Of Horrors. Color Me Blood Red is kind of a cross between the two films, just with that H.G. Lewis touch of excessive gore. For instance in Color Me Blood Red the main character Adam Sorg is a failure as an artist until he realizes that human blood is the touch of color that his paintings needed. He slits his own fingers with razor blades in order to squeeze out the blood that he needs for his painting. Its not very long before he feels drained and decides to start using other peoples blood. Sounds a lot like Seymor in Little Shop Of Horrors, right? Now I look at this movie almost as a homage to Roger Corman. Either way Color Me Blood Red is typical of a Herschell Lewis film in the sense that its under par as far as film making goes but its a whole lot of fun. The body-count isn't exactly huge in this one, we only have four murder scenes but they are what you would expect from a Lewis film. Bright red gore fills the screen in scenes with eye mutilation, a spear to the guts leaving a damn bloody mess, a rifle wound to the face and the most infamous scene was

used on the cover of the 80's VHS that I used to stare at when I was a kid in the local video stores. Its a scene with a girl tied to a wall with all of her guts pouring out of her stomach. Adam the artist is holding a bowl in his hands and squeezing blood out of her intestines which he will later paint with. The gore is of course cheesy especially by today's standards but that's the fun of it all. The acting is terrible, the dialogue is just ridiculous and we even have all this nostalgic crap that is just amazing to look at today. For example theres a few scenes where kids are riding around on these weird looking water bikes. You sit up right on it like a bicycle and you can steer and peddle and the thing has little paddles that help it move in the water. As if this isn't dumb enough the thing has the nerve to have a horn as if other water bikers are going to be in your way. Color Me Blood Red also has the hippest lingo of the time, can ya dig it, daddio? and some really silly looking 60's get-ups.

Mr. Lewis is still making films today. He just finished up the Uh Oh Show which I have not seen yet but I heard from a friend that its pretty amazing. Cult icon Frank Henenlotter the director of Basket Case is finishing up a documentary on Lewis called Herschell Gordon Lewis : The Godfather Of Gore which I am really looking forward to seeing. I just wonder if in 40 years people will be watching Lewis's new stuff the way we love his oldies today. Color Me Blood Red is a great one for anyone who likes B-Gore-Movies.

The Human Centipede : First Sequence (2009)

Surprisingly good and yet disturbing at the same time modern horror flick. I have to admit I wasn't all that hyped about seeing this thing. I think I was one of the few who didn't jump to the Human Centipede trend. I didn't see it in the theaters and now I regret that a bit.
The film opens with two American girls who cant act for their lives in a hotel in Germany. The girls go out for a night on the Deutschland and their car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. At this point in the film I hated these dumb white girls so much I almost couldn't wait for them to get what was coming to them and of course we all know what is going to happen. They end up in a mad surgeons house where he sews their mouths to their assholes and cuts the ligaments from the kneecaps so they can not stand up. During the surgery scene we see some nasty bits of gore. Chunks of flesh is cut out and an I.V. is ripped from a girls vein causing a pretty nasty wound. We also see some teeth being pulled out but this is all rather tame compared to the psychological disturbing horror that will come. The two girls are of course connected ass-to-mouth and they are the tail end of the Centipede. The front piece is a Japanese male victim. Once the insane doctor starts to describe the digestive system is when the film gets good. My mind suddenly changed from me wanting these dumb, trendy girls suffer to me wanting them to get away. The main reason I didn't really want to see this thing aside from the fact that it was just so trendy was I figured once we see the Centipede, where can the movie possibly go? well the movie just moves onward into a darker and more bleak territory. Nobody here really stands a chance and that's what makes it so great. The movie also sports a gun shot to the head, drownings, bullets to the guts, throat slashing, scalpel to the knee, and a cool cannibal throat ripping scene. Human Centipede is not for the squeamish but should be seen by anyone who likes psychologically disturbing cinema.

Rock 'N Roll Wrestling Women VS. The Aztec Mummy (1964)

As if Mexican Wrestling Women fighting a shape shifting Aztec Mummy wasn't enough, American Rhino Video got their hands on it and added in some cheesy Rock & Roll, creating Rock 'N Roll Wrestling Women VS. The Aztec Mummy. This version of the movie is missing about a half an hour of footage and runs at about one hour long. I have never seen the full untampered Mexican version but I don't think I want to. Its hard enough to make it through this thing. The movie is unforgettable due to how bizarre it all is but that doesn't necessarily make it any good. What we got here is a few wrestling Mexican babes and a rival tag team of Kung Fu bitches who don't look very Asian. We also got a few really scary wrestling girls in unflattering leotards. Then theres a Mexican guy in a Fu Manchu get-up who also doesn't look Asian. The movie has a bunch of wrestling, Kung Fu, fight scenes with the awful 60's pop-rock added in soundtrack that ya just got to love. Then the movie gets really wacky when we see the Aztec Mummy, who's makeup looks surprisingly good. The Mummy can change forms. In one scene the Mummy turns into a bat and wreaks some havoc on the city. The Wrestling Women and the Aztec Mummy do have their big fight and I'm sure you can figure out who wins.
With all the crazy sensational happenings in this movie it still tends to get boring at times. The Mummy moves slow as hell and he doesn't really due all that much. The main thing that saved this movie for me is the bad dubbing. Theres one scene where a man impersonates the Mummy that had me laughing so hard. It really has to be seen to believe. The Rock & Roll helps this thing move along a bit quicker too. I just don't think I could make it through the original uncut version. This one is worth a watch for its overall weirdness and lovers of bad movies will undoubtedly get a kick out of it. So put on your Santo mask and clench your teeth through the awful Rock 'N Roll Wrestling Women VS. The Aztec Mummy.

Casualties Of War (1989)

If there was ever a war film that did not glorify war this is it. Casualties Of War is less of a action movie but more of a powerful drama on human moral and the choice or lack of choice between right and wrong when put in certain situations.
Michael J. Fox steps away from the comedies he was known for at the time to play a soldier who is put in a very rough situation. His squad is led by Sean Penn who is going over the deep end due to the environment of the Vietnam war. Penn and the rest of the squad decide to get their own form of vengeance by kidnapping a Vietnamese girl. The squad take turns beating and raping the young girl until she is bruised, swollen, sick and near death. Fox refuses to take any part in the squads brutality and they turn quickly against him. Now Fox is forced to make a choice between doing what he feels is right and possibly end up being killed by his own so called men. Although he holds his ground on trying to help the girl he hesitates from fully helping her escape, for the fear of his own life. This eventually leads to the girls murder.
The script, the acting and Brian De Palma's visual eye makes Casualties a heart wrenching, emotional roller coaster. The real war here seems to be an internal battle and a bad enviorment can make a man go wrong but at the same time he has the choice to do what is right. If the soldiers of the Vietnam war felt that there was no reason for them to be there then what would keep them from doing things that are considered wrong? I guess again it comes down to morals.
The only other war movie, I can say strikes a similar emotional nerve would be Come And See. Both films are a powerful look at war and affects it can have on a person.

The Coming Of Sin (1978)

Another waste of time from the same loser who did Rest In Pieces.The main problem with this Jose Ramon Larraz guy is that he tries to come across as some kind of artist but all hes really dishing out is boring crap with shots that linger to long. This one follows a Gypsy with a odd phobia of horses. The Gypsy is shacking up with a blond babe in the country and they are visited by a naked man on a horse. The Gypsy first tries to shoot the nude dude but misses. The Gypsy and the blond country babe are sharing more then the same roof. We get a couple of soft (very soft) lesbian scenes between the couple and the Gypsy begins to fall in love. The naked guy on the horse tries to rape the Gypsy and fails. His visits to the house become more frequent and its not long before Mr. nude and the blond have a sexual relationship going. The Gypsy kills the blond out of jealousy and the movie ends.

If that's not a waste of time, I don't know what is. The Coming Of Sin, Violation Of The Bitch, or The Sex Maniac, whatever title you prefer to call it. I call it uninteresting, anticlimactic, garbage. The film goes nowhere and generally serves no purpose. Unless you like soft core lesbian flicks or naked men horseback riding, I recommend staying away from this title.

Seven Golden Vampires (1974)

Shaw Brothers teams up with Hammer to bring one of the strangest Vampire films ever made. Its half a Vampire movie and half a Kung Fu flick. Its hard to see this movie really appealing to an audience for either genre because the two production teams just seem to be stepping on each others toes the whole time.
Peter Cushing plays Van Helsing (yet again) and battles the legions of the undead but hes not in Transylvania, this time hes in China. So what we end up with is a totally disjointed mess of vampires in golden masks along with their army of minions in cheap Halloween store masks and a bunch of Kung Fu action scenes that flow together like the power rangers in a Nazisploitation film. It just doesn't work. I preferred the Kung Fu stuff over the boring Hammer scenes but I'm also not a very big fan of Hammer films as a whole. Maybe if we had some hopping vampires the movie would have moved along at a nicer pace but I doubt it. I can't say The Legend Of The Seven Golden Vampires is a complete waste of time because its kind of interesting to see Peter Cushing swinging a flaming torch at angelic Asian zombies, its just to bad the film gets tired due to all the long drawn out talky scenes. This one sports some brief nudity, some cool fight scenes with a touch of blood and a few cool vampire melt-down scenes. Slightly more interesting then your average Hammer film.

Cannibal Ferox (1981)

Cannibal Ferox a.k.a. Make Them Die Slowly is one of the most infamous titles in the Cannibal Genre and rightfully so. It came out one year after Ruggero Deodato's Cannibal Holocaust and holds back on the moralistic story. Instead Umberto Lenzi gives us a pure exploitation gore-fest. This one has two castration scenes, followed by genital cannibalism. It has half a decapitation, followed by brain-eating. Its got gut ripping, gut munching. A nice knife to the eyeball scene, Machete to the arm. Spiked booby traps that are only found in cannibal flicks, flesh eating piranha, a anaconda v.s. some sort of muskrat type animal, tigers eating monkeys, gratuitous use of the word twat, gratuitous grub eating, a whole bunch of nasty decaying bodies, etc. but for me the real money shot is a scene where a girl gets a hook through each breast and then is strung up and left to die. This one is similar to Cannibal Holocaust in the sense that white men are the true villain in the movie and the natives are just protecting themselves but the message isn't drilled into your head like in Holocaust. Some argue that Ferox is better for this reason but I disagree. For me Cannibal Holocaust is the king of all the Cannibal films and then Last Cannibal World is a close second. Ferox is probably right after those for me. Ferox works perfectly for what it is but it fails to get any kind of emotion from the audience other then weather or not we should use our vomit bag. For me Holocaust is slightly more realistic and it also gets more emotion out of the audience. The argument can go on and on. Both films are amazing and needs to be seen by every gore-hound at some point. Robert Kerman is in this one, this time as a cop. The movie also stars John Morgan as a drug abusing psychopath with a lust for blood. So if you're into gory movies and you like cannibals you should order a rack of ribs from the nearest Chinese restaurant, pig out and enjoy Cannibal Ferox.

The Ugly (1997)

The 90's was the worst decade for horror films. Everything was watered down thrillers and the world was becoming politically correct fast. We also had the introduction to cgi which was another murderer of the horror genre. There was some good foreign films here and there, especially Chinese Category Three films. In the late 90's a film from New Zealand called The Ugly stirred up a bit of controversy. The Ugly is a surreal look at a serial killer named Simon. Simon reveals his life story to us through a female doctor. The movie makes the audience feel sympathetic and repulsed by Simon at the same time. He was tormented as a kid by bullies and his psychotic mother. He eventually starts hearing voices which tell him to kill his mother. Simon listens to the voices and slashes his mothers throat in her sleep with a Gialo style straight razor. Simon is sent away but is released by the time he is 17. He is only supposed to be about 12 years old at the time he killed his mother. Once Simon is released back to the sick world he is haunted by his mothers corpse who tortures him mentally until he kills again. Each new victim becomes a new visitor in Simon's warped mind. Simon explains how this is a vicious circle, "Each time they make it harder for me. They won't leave me alone until I do it". The Ugly cuts in and out of dreams and reality, past and present along with different perspectives. One moment we will be inside Simon's head and the next we will be in the doctors. However The Ugly never gets confusing. The unique style of editing and cutting does not work against the film at all. Instead it adds a creepy layer of surreal imagery. Another thing that I find odd about this movie is that the blood is a dark black. I'm not exactly sure what the purpose of this is but it also makes the film a bit more scary. The Ugly plays like a smarter version of Henry : Portrait Of A Serial Killer and is under rated. I have heard this film compared to Hollywood movies like Seven and Silence Of The Lambs, neither of which I am a fan of. To me this is a insult! The Ugly is a visually stunning film with more style then either one of those films. The trailer for The Ugly calls it the most "daring film since Reservoir Dogs".  This statement seems much more accurate to me.