Saturday, December 31, 2011

Manos : The Hands Of Fate (1966)

Having read for years how horrible Manos : The Hands Of Fate truly is and having personal friends of mine who are equally deranged as myself warn that even the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version is barely watchable I knew it was only a matter of time before I took fate into my own hands and ventured down the supposed torturous road of Manos.

Personally being a fan of awful movies and "So bad its good" cinema I was rather pleased with the outcome of this journey into the bizarre. This is inadequate film making at its best/worst. The dub-over-voices add a element of freakish, weirdness that will leave you wondering if you are going insane. Its hard to follow whats happening with any normal mind frame and the characters are as out there as they get. The character of Torgo is by far the highlight of Manos. He is some sort of a cripple freak with lots of padding in the pants around the knees. I have never seen the MST3K version but I' sure they made the Torgo stuffs joke. I know I did! Torgo lives only to serve his satanic master (or defy him). He is also the most awkward character in cinematic history. He peeps through windows and touches girls hair. Its just a day in the life of Torgo.

We have this couple who spend day and night in their convertible making out in the desert. I don't think they have or ever will get passed first base. Its a day in the life of Manos youth. Then we get Manos six wives who all wear sheer togas. They are frozen in the day but they awake to wrestle at night. Then we get this retarded little girl who runs around chasing her dead puppy. We drift in and out of consciousness as this thing rolls on and by the films end you can be thankful that the nightmare is over but you can't help but miss Manos and his crazy-ass cape. Its a bad-ass cape!

Hands Of Fate is only for the toughest and most jaded of bad-film lovers. If you take this one on, be brave and just remember... Its only a movie. Only a movie. Only a movie.

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