Friday, December 9, 2011

Grotesque (1988)

Having first seen this thing when I was a young teenager who was really into punk rock and horror movies Grotesque was an immediate candidate for a vhs bootleg. Even back then when I was still green as far as ultra rare horror titles went I knew that Grotesque was a bad movie but that just added to the appeal for me.

Personally being a big fan of any movie that portrays punk rockers as violent/horrible people, Grotesque definitely fits into that category. Movies like Class Of 1984 is just scratching the surface of over the top and ridiculous punksploitation. Sure Class Of 1984 is a way better movie but Grotesque is just so gratuitous with its senseless violence that it really has to be loved, unless of course you're one of those pansy p.c. hippies disguised with a Mohawk and a studded vest who think punks should be portrayed positively in cinema. To all those people, I say fuck off! I want to watch Linda Blair being terrorized by a bunch of stupid, cackling, spiky-haired, degenerates. If that sounds like your cup of tea, you better be sure to check this one out.

Blair takes on one of her most unattractive roles as a good girl who wears way to much clothing (complete with 80's shoulder padded, women's suits) and has a really bad mullet. She crosses paths with a gang of "Punkers"... Gotta love the excessive use of the word punkers. Covered from head to toe in leather, chains and of course face makeup these bastards invade Blairs home and kill her entire family including the scream queen herself. Achy-breaky skulls are smashed in with bats (complete with gore) and mommy gets knifed up. Blair is strangled but the one thing the leather clad gang didn't count on was Blairs mutant brother breaking free from his cage in a secret room in the house and getting his bloody revenge. Who thought this up, I don't know. What I do know is that its as awful as can be. Things happen for no reason and without any warning and once the deformed brother breaks loose the viewer doesn't know what to expect next.

Big-chin, Maniac Cop himself shows up as one of the punks and his appearance is always well appreciated. We also get a bunch of silly and totally ineffective jump scares, with bad masks and even worse acting. The movie eventually shifts gears again when the mutant brother is killed with a shotgun blast to the torso and another family member finishes up the job of revenge. He straps the only two surviving "punkers" to a medical table and performs surgery on their faces. When hes done the punks wont have to spike their hair up to look outlandish. Now they look like natural born freaks. I suppose this was supposed to be some kind of weird commentary on punk rockers from the filmmakers and it just makes the movie all the more ridiculous and terrible. The old television version of this had one more surprise in store for us. Before the films final credits roll the film falls off of a projector and Frankenstein and The Wolf Man show up and talk about how they are still the scariest. Yeah I know its dumb, random and makes no sense. Well that's why I call them Movies From Mars.

Check this one out for scummy punk rockers, cheesy special effects, a totally disjointed plot, universal monsters throw-back, and a horribly dressed Linda Blair.

5 comments:

  1. I really wanna see the Frankenstein version of this. It just sounds so ridiculous.

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  2. and it's on Youtube, Yay! Just as dumb as I thought: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GP9Jx6orto&feature=related

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  3. Yeah man I just recently saw the television ending for the first time. Angela and I stared at the screen in complete confusion. Awesome!

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  4. I don't remember ever seeing this movie on TV but I know they would add stuff to make a movie fit into a 2 hour time slot on a lot of stuff back in the 70's and 80's. One of the weirder ones is A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS where they made a whole prologue with a fake Clint Eastwood: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppZuqec9lq0

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