The Thing (2011)

John Carpenters remake of The Thing From Another World is possibly the best remake in cinema history. He offered a much more graphic take on the 50's monster movie with groundbreaking special effects for a modern audience in 1982. In theory I suppose The Thing 2011 had the same responsibility to deliver the computer graphics to the audience of today. Personally not being a fan of CGI at all I had very low expectations for this movie and knew there was no way possible they could have out done John Carpenters 82 remake which still stands up today as far as the effects go. In the 82 flick the computer scenes seem a bit dated by todays standards but the gore is still outrageously affective as it was the day it was released.

The 2011 take on the other hand will not become the timeless classic that Carpenter directed and the reason being, character development... Where is it? The characters in the new movie all seem worthless. They don't offer anything there for their lives are meaningless. This keeps the audience in a certain mind frame... Bring on the next gore scene. In that sense I suppose The Thing (2011) wasn't horrible. The CGI looked good for what it is (At least at certain times). Half of the effects looked like total shit and there was one scene in the space ship that was just an embarrassment but we also had some cool double headed monster action and stomachs that split open with other monstrous surprises that pop out. 

The film makers did their best to hold the mood and creepy pace of Carpenters film and succeeded to a certain level but failed miserably when it came to screen writing. The blood test scene in Carpenter's version is one of the most tense scenes in horror history. The characters and the audience alike await the results of the blood test and then before you can blink, Bam! in your face all out monster mayhem complete with gory catastrophe and death. This time around they check for fillings in the mouths of the suspected infected. Fucking fillings? They have to be kidding me.

I will admit The Thing (2011) is probably one of the better remakes to come out but it just doesn't meet the high expectations and standards of a true American classic like The Thing (1982).

Rituals (1977)

Every once and a while I catch a flick that I love so much that I can't help but wonder how it could have gotten past me, unnoticed for all these years. Then you have the ones that were very rare at one time and seem to be a hype at the moment. Those ones usually tend to let me down a bit but Rituals falls into this category and definitely didn't disappoint.

Many movies have jumped on the Deliverance ripoff band wagon but very few are worth a shit. I would say Just Before Dawn is probably one of the best along with this one and although Rituals isn't quite a slasher the two films have a lot in common.

Five doctors take a vacation in the woods in Canadian mountains. They are terrorized by a seemingly invisible visitor. Of course the terror in the woods isn't really invisible, he is just damn good at hiding and doing sneaky shit. The doctors are knocked off one by one until only Hal Holbrook (Creepshow, Girls Nite Out, The Fog) is left. When he meets the killer face to face he is forced to fight for his life.

Of course there is a motive behind the killings and the deformed lunatic behind the killings is pretty deranged looking. Rituals also known as The Creeper offers up a feeling of total abandonment and hopelessness. The vast woods seem endless and a happy ending doesn't seem to be in our future. The mood and tone of the film works perfectly and the tension builds to a point where the viewer really starts to feel for the characters. I suppose the good acting helps out a lot and Hal Holbrook really does an excellent job as a man with who is fighting odds that are not in his favor.

I have to admit as much as I liked this movie the ending was a bit of a let down for me. I felt slightly cheated and almost feel the need to go back and watch it again as if I will feel better after a second serving. Despite the abrupt ending Rituals is a pretty damn good movie. Fans of back-woods, survival flicks like Deliverance will not be disappointed. Check it out for some killer bees, bone breaking brutality, a severed head on a steak, severed head tossing, mutilated feet in bear traps, weird dialogue "He was a boob... Such a gentle boob.", Shotgun violence and deformed hillbillies.

Terror In The Jungle (1968)

No this isn't a cannibal flick. This is something special. Terror In The Jungle is about a airplane that crashes in the amazon and the only survivor is a little boy. The boy survives the crash but can he survive the Terror In The Jungle, which is full of deadly snakes, tigers, spiders, quicksand and of course headhunters?

Right from the beginning its obvious that this thing is going to be a lot of fun. The over the top characters are so cheesy and the film is as campy as can be. The passengers of the airplane consists of a 60's rock & roll band with really bad wigs, the sex appeal girl who breaks out go-go dance moves in the aisles of the airplane, a greedy murderess, a couple of nuns, the handsome rich man, the cool pilot and of course the blond boy who will survive it all. The plain crash is pretty amazing and deserves to go down as one of the best crashes in film history. The passengers heads are smashed into the walls in slow motion complete with achy-breaky skulls and red gore. One nun is thrown from the airplane and falls to her death. The other is eaten by crocodiles in an amazing scene complete with some awesome stock footage. The pilot is blown up in an explosion and we just have a whole mess of dead bodies.

Once the boy makes it to land he is captured by a tribe of headhunters who want to sacrifice him to the sun-god but the king sees his golden blond hair and believes him to be a son of god. The natives don't agree with the king and they burn the temple down and get a bit stabby. The king is killed with a knife to the gut complete with slow motion stab wound and red gore. Its a very strange special effect and I don't know if I have ever seen it before or since. The slow motion violence is used more then once and its just as strange every time. Terror In The Jungle also offers up a dead priest who is eaten by piranha, severed heads, a Spanish pilot is killed by a poisonous dart and in one of the best scenes a man is eaten by a tiger.

Terror In The Jungle is not so bad that its good. Its so weird that its great. Okay its pretty bad too and Ed Wood fans are sure to find a place for this in their collection as well. Check this one out for dead priests & nuns and some really weird bloodletting.

Fubar : Balls To The Wall (2010)

Terry and Deaner are back to spread more idiotic, drunken, mayhem on society and its great to see these characters again. This time around the budget is bigger and it plays much more like a movie with multiple cameras and a much obvious larger film crew. For this reason Fubar 2 lacks the artistic quality of the first film but I suppose there was no real option. The gig is up that Fubar was fake due to the end credits of the first film. So this time around we get a much more exaggerated version of the two metal-heads.

The sequel has a pretty depressing tone running through it. Deaner and Terry split paths when Terry falls i love with a fat slob who bar tends at a strip club but not before Deaner screws her too. On the plus side Tron is back and this time has a much larger role. His wife left him and now he is a hopeless junkie on a suicide mission. When Deaner's cancer comes back, he looses his remaining testicle and he makes a suicide pact with Tron. Right after Christmas the two degenerates will kill themselves together. I won't tell you how it all ends but it does pay off.

Fubar 2 offers up reckless drinking and driving, gratuitous drug use, gratuitous glam rock and hair metal, a fist fight between Terry & Deaner that ends with some gory kitchen knife-fu, a bad acid trip that involves Ronnie James Deo, toothpaste, speedo's and a house fire, We also get some insanely destructive chainsaw-fu from Tron, strippers and lots of filthy language complete with memorable quotes "I can go cunt hunting".

Fans of the original are sure to get a laugh out of the sequel but when it all comes down to it the original is still way better. If you haven't seen the first film I would stay far away from this thing. It will just ruin everything that makes Fubar so great.

Bon Appétit (1980)

Not a bad porno flick but has little to none replay value. The acting isn't horrible and we get plenty of locations from around the globe. The only problem is that its a love story. Its all done to nicely and of course whenever us sickos are subjected to movies that are to nice, we feel that there was nothing very memorable about the film.

A working class girl named Faith (Played by Kelly Nichols, Ultra Flesh, Toolbox Murders) leaves her deadbeat boyfriend for the opportunity to make a quarter of a million dollars. Her task is to fuck the ten most desirable men who were voted in by some high society yuppie bitches. Faith has 50 days to complete her filthy mission. The men consists of famous painters, a famous anchor man for channel 6 news, a politician, a famous fashion designer. etc. The only problem is that she is falling in love with her partner/photographer.

If I was to make a list of the ten most desirable men it would have been a much more interesting movie. We would have the one and only cabbage-patch-kids-faced, Arch Hall Jr. (The Sadist), Vigilante mustache bad-ass Charles Bronson (Death Wish), The Italian stallion Franco Nero (Django), Blaxploitation bad-ass ladies-man Fred Williamson (Black Caesar), Porno super star Harry Reams (Deep Throat), Rock & roll legend G.G. Allin (Hated : G.G. Allin And The Murder Junkies), King of orgies and and serial killings Charles Manson, Mutant cock Johnny the wad Holmes (Teenage Madam), The Marlboro Man himself William Smith (Run Angel Run) and of course David Hess from Last House On The Left. Now that would make for a memorable movie.

Ron Jeremy shows up for a cameo in Bon Appétit as a television announcer but doesn't put his rocket to use. Randy West (Playing With Fire) plays Faith's lover and over acts his jealousy a bit. He also makes silly faces as he strips and tries to taunt the audience with his body but for me the best and most memorable scene takes place in a dirty porn theater in Washington where Faith gives a blowjob to a perverted politician while obscenities are being shouted from the speakers of the theater. Whatever movie they were watching, I'm sure it was better then Bon Appétit.

I put this one into the category of couples/porn and that means skip it.

Q : The Winged Serpent (1982)

Exploitation director Larry Cohen offers yet another amazing cult film. This time dressed as a classic style giant monster movie like The Giant Claw but still holds that sleazy feel from his 70's flicks like Black Caesar and Its Alive.

Q is chock full of senseless violence and gratuitous nudity. Decapitation and people being skinned alive are on display in gory detail. Despite the excessive blood letting and bare breasted women Larry Cohen has the actors play their roles totally serious which helps make the movie more enjoyable. It's always nice to see a totally ridiculous movie played straight, rather then the Troma Studio's formula of never take yourself serious. This seems to be something that Cohen has always been very good at and it helps his films move along at a nice pace. Movies like Hell Up In Harlem and God Told Me To could easily have been cop-out flicks with annoying comedy bits thrown in but they remain extremely unique due to Cohen's style of direction.

The plot (also written by Cohen) tells of a low-life criminal who botches up a heist and discovers a nest in a New York City skyscraper where a ancient Winged Serpent is hiding. David Carradine plays a cop who places a connection with a brash of nasty serial killings with the giant monster. I'm sorry but you would never guess this one... It turns out that Q is in the ranks of Godzilla in the sense that the giant killer bird is a "God" and the brutal killings were sacrificial offerings to the ancient god. "This thing was prayed back into existence". Not only do we have the privilege of a giant monster eating the people of Manhattan but we get to watch David Carradine go to war with it.

In the 80's there just wasn't to many giant monster movies in America and especially not monsters that would terrorize N.Y.C. While Godzilla had a craving for Japanese food, Q is lucky enough to be in the melting pot and we all know that New York has the best food in the world. In other words this fucker is hungry. Q offers up dead cops, 80's special effects, severed heads, limbs falling from the sky, a man has his heart cut out, another is hit my a taxi and we even get a baby monster as a added bonus.

Wesley Willis's Joyrides (2008)

You have cult films and then you have cult musicians. Both cater and appeal to a certain audience and the rest of the world would normally dismiss it as garbage. Why not mix the two with a movie about idiot savant, musician, Wesley Willis?

Personally being a fan of Willis and his repetitive and completely insane form of "Rock & Roll" Joyrides was a nice watch for me. It was slightly more informative then the previous Willis documentary Wesley Willis : The Daddy Of Rock 'N' Roll and just as fun if not more.

This one digs back deep into the tragedy that is Wesley's life. Discussion from family members on his abusive household and the foster homes are all here and it does clear up a lot of questions of where somebody like Wesley comes from. His brothers have their share of screen time and lets just say somebody definitely pissed int the Willis family gene pool. Retardation and mental disease seems to run in the family and Wesley is the lucky one who was able to turn it into art.

The fact that a man who most thought was a homeless bum was in fact walking around with ten or twenty thousand dollars on him is just insane but then again insane is what we came to see. During the runtime of the documentary Wesley has his ups and downs or as he calls them Joy-Rides and Hell-Rides. He speaks of his schizophrenia and his demons. He abuses himself on video for us and its a funny and disturbing at the same time.

There is definitely a sad tone that runs through Joyrides and it plays with the senses. One moment you laugh at Wesley's ridiculous behaviour and the next you feel bad for him.

The dvd offers up plenty of head-butting, lots of silly rock & roll music. Some really funny interviews with family and friends. We follow Wesley through the city streets all the way to his death-bed. Wesley fans won't be disappointed.

Rock over London! Rock on Chicago! and long live the insanity of Wesley Willis!

The Legend Of Lady Blue (1978)

The alternate title to this is Confessions Of Lady Blue but I have a confession to make. I am embraced of myself for even renting this lovey-dovy piece of shit. Naturally this nostalgic piece of smut appealed to me due to the fact that it was from the 70's and also has the word BLUE in it. Little did I know that this thing was made for a female audience. Maybe if they marketed it that way, I would have kept my pride and have stayed far away.

The Legend Of Lady Blue tells the sappy tale of two virgin lovers who go all the way before they split paths. Boy goes to the Marines and girl goes to Hollywood to be a star. Well things don't go as planned because boy becomes a love-sick junkie who shoots heroin and slaps Vietnamese prostitutes around and girl becomes a total whore bag who preforms cunnilingus on her superiors to get where she has to go.

Sure there are a couple of funny moments, one of which shows a homoerotic African American circle jerk (complete with silly orgasm faces) but the rest of the movie is just to god damn sensitive. Not my cup of tea. Last time I checked I had a penis which means this movie doesn't appeal to me in the least.

The Wizard Of Gore (1970)

The genius of Herschell Gordon Lewis titles doesn't leave much room for question. Movies with titles like She Devils On Wheels and Gore Gore Girls. The title above gives you exactly what you expect... a magician and a whole lot of blood letting, gut spilling and general gory mutilation and mayhem.

The film opens up with our magician Montag The Magnificent giving a speech on the human race and the fascination with murder, execution and death. He then sticks his head in a guillotine and pulls the string. His severed head falls in a basket and blood squirts from his neck. Don't worry he is a magician... His head is rejoined with his body so the audience can enjoy a full 95 minutes of dismemberment and ghastly tortures.

They just don't get much better then this. If you're into conventional film making The Wizard Of Gore and any other Herschell Gordon Lewis production is probably not for you because these movies are definitely from mars.

For those familiar with H.G. Lewis and his earlier films like Blood Feast and Color Me Blood Red, the format is the same. Gore substituted for budget and production value but Lewis definitely takes this one to the next level. More blood and much more graphic special effects are used and we end up with a true piece of smut that wouldn't be topped till The release of Gore Gore Girls. There is no doubt about it, The Wizard Of Gore was done in bad taste and that of course is the beauty in it.

This one also stands out in the sense that it is a supernatural film. The Wizard Of Gore and Something Weird are the only two Lewis films that I know of that deal with supernatural powers.

Not only is the gore exaggerated but the acting is so far over the top in almost appears to have been purposely. Some of the gory treats that The Wizard offers is a chainsaw to the torso complete with splatter and flying guts. A spike is hammered through a girls achy-breaky skull complete with brain matter. Hilarious hypnotism complete with nose-bleeds. Swords are rammed down throats of not only one but two girls who are bound at the wrists, An eyeball is popped out of the face of a girl, A man is burned alive, A drill press is pushed through a woman's stomach complete with gut fondling and blood appears on the hands of the magician's victims which is never really explained but I think it has something to do with the hypnotism. It reminds me a bit of The Wolf Man and the pentigram that appears in the palm of Lon Chaney's victims but it just adds to the weirdness that I love so much from a H.G. Lewis flick.

The Wizard Of Gore is the perfect remedy for anybody who is sick of polished horror movies. Stay away from the 2007 remake with Crispin Glover and chill with The Godfather Of Gore who delivered the goods and exploitation for all us filth fans for all those years.

Beatrice Cenci (1969)

To the average horror buff Lucio Fulci's name usually means one thing... GORE! Unfortunately most of his early films go unnoticed by the true horror community. Beatrice Cenci also known as Conspiracy Of Torture is definitely one of Fulci's great gems that has been forgoten and is never spoken of which is a shame because it is one of his greatest works visually and holds a serious social commentary on the Catholic church.

The setting 1599 Italy. The villain Francesco Cenci... or is it religion? Francesco Cenci is a rich and powerful man with a very sinister side. His daughter who goes by the title name of Beatrice Cenci gets the brunt of his abuse. She is beaten and locked inside a concrete dungeon. Beatrice prays for an escape from the tyranny of her evil father. Her dreams of being sent to a nunnery are shattered when her father tells her she will remain in her cell until he is dead. Plan B... kill daddy. Beatrice and her lover plot out the murder of Francesco Cenci along with the help of her mother, two brothers and a infamous criminal. After the murder is acted out Beatrice and the guilty party learn that the horrors of the church and their brutal form of punishment is far worse then anything they could have imagined.

Lucio Fulci didn't make a lot of friends with release of Beatrice Cenci. Italy being a very religious country viewed the film as an assault on the Catholic church and it was. This caused an outrage that ended with theater goers chanting in the streets "kill the director". Luckily for us gore-hounds these religious psychopaths didn't get they're hands on Fulci and the director didn't live out a nasty execution in the name of god. That really would be life imitating art or the other way around.

Fulci would go on to attack the church more then once through celluloid with movies like Don't Torture A Duckling about killer priests and such but its Beatrice Cenci that really portrays Catholics as scary and horrible people. The black hooded men of god seem no different from the executioners who send severed heads-a-rollin. They are fat, sweaty, greedy and most of all corrupt. Whether or not Fulci knew his film would have such an impact on viewers is questionable but there is no second guessing who the director was pointing his finger at.

Beatrice Cenci almost differs from Fulci's typical misogynist undertones at first with a female lead as the victim but soon falls into familiar Fulci territory with questionable ideals. As the film moves on Beatrice almost seems selfish and to be a manipulator of men and I suppose the film leaves her loyalty to her lover open to sugestion from the viewer.

Beatrice Cenci is a masterpiece from a once brilliant director who would be remembered as The Godfather Of Gore (not to be mistaken with Herschell Gordon Lewis). His talent is here and most wouldn't believe what he was capable of. The film plays in true Quentin Tarantino fashion with a story that is told through flashback and no emphasis between runtime and events similar to movies like Pulp Fiction. It has its share of brutality with a scene that shows a man being mauled by wild dogs. We have a father, daughter incest rape scene, a spike is stuck through a mans eyeball (complete with gore), some bare breasts and decapitation. We also get a fair share of nasty torture from various device's in the same vain as Mark Of The Devil but less exploitive.

Fans of Lucio Fulci need to own this movie and pay respect where it is due.

Monstroid (1980)

Monstroid also known as It Came From The Lake, Monster : The Legend That Became A Terror, The Toxic Horror and The Toxic Monster... You can call it what you like but I call it a fucking mess.

Monstroid crawled out of the murky watter and was released upon the world in 1980 which is ridiculous because the production started almost ten years earlier in 1971 and its very obvious. To call movies like Dont Answer The Phone and Maniac polished seems crazy but by the standards of Monstroid's film quality it is very reasonable. The sound is muffled, the colors are faded, and the acting is pretty damn bad but its okay because (Yes you guessed it) John Carradine appears in it. Monstroid is yet another title in the seemingly endless list of sludge from bottom of barrel movies in which Mr. Carradine makes an appearance. Carradine has a bit more screen time then the average awful B-movie that he shows up in with a pretty big character as a priest.
 The print that I own is really shaky ass well. The opening credits jump up and down on the screen as if the film makers were trying to make us nauseous before we even see anything and it only gets worse as the runtime marches on.

Defending this movie is pretty hard to do because Monstroid is no more then another big let down. It had potential with a huge monster that doesn't look half bad if you're into these goofy types of movies but of course they fuck it all up with scenes that are so dark you really can't tell what the hell you are looking at. In one scene two kids snap pictures of the monster as they escape through the woods. When they show the pictures to the adults all you can see is a eye in one picture, scales in another and maybe a few blurry teeth. The pictures were good enough for the grown ups but the blurry and way to dark scene were not good enough for me. Us monster movie hounds want to see our blood, breasts and beasts and it pains me each time when a movie is dark to enjoy.

Of course the inept film making is all part of the fun and we do get plenty of botched up night for day shots of the monster but it really just hurts this flick in a very bad way. Although the monster is sort of a giant Loch Ness Monster, for some reason I couldn't help but be reminded of the far superior sleazy, sea urchin, monster flick Humanoids From The Deep which also came out in 1980 but is a much more gory and trashy monster flick.

The Whip And The Body (1963)

Released the same year as Bava's classic Black Sabbath. The Whip And The Body tells of Sadomasochism, insanity and ghosts.

Also known as What, The Whip And The Flesh, Son Of Satan, Night Is The Phantom and many more.

The story is morbid but it crawls along at a slow pace with lots of talky scenes. Bava's direction, cinematography and lighting are the saviour yet again. With out Bava's artistic sense of direction The Whip And The Body would have been unwatchable.

Christopher Lee plays a sadistic man named Kurt who has been exiled from his wealthy families castle. He returns to torment his family once more. The lead actress is played by Daliah Lavi who reminded me a lot of Barbara Steele (Black Sunday, Caged Heat). Lavi is arranged to marry Kurt's brother but deep down inside Lavi has a secret love for Kurt and S&M of course. At first look it seems there is about to be a violent rape scene with clothes being ripped off and a bit of slap-happy fun but when Kurt brings out the whip Lavi's facial expression changes from horrified to a look of ecstasy. "You haven't changed I see... You always loved violence" Soon after Kurt is mysteriously killed with a dagger through the throat. The other members are of the house are being killed off one by one as Lavi is visited by the ghost of Kurt for some romantic sex and violence.

The Whip And The Body doesn't offer up any naked flesh but does deliver stabbings, a burning corpse, creepy settings, creepy lighting, elegant camera work, a repetitive score and of course whips. Gialo fans should see the predictible ending from a mile away but its still worth a watch for all Mario Bava fans. Although it doesn't match up with movies like Blood And Black Lace which would come out the following year The Whip And The Body is another example of what  Bava can do with limited resources.

Eerie Midnight Horror Show (1974)

70's Italian film makers didn't waste much time when it came to genre flicks and ripoffs. The international success of America's The Exorcist means only one thing... Euro-Trash versions of green vomit spewing demons. Unfortunately for us The Eerie Midnight Horror Show isn't all that trashy or even good for that matter.

The VHS title obviously trying to cash in on The Rocky Horror Picture Show does catch the eye but some of the earlier titles were way better. Also released as Enter The Devil, The Devil Obsession, The Tormented and the awesomely exploitive title The Sexorcist. Which ever title you choose The Eerie Midnight Horror Show is bound to let you down.

A hand carved wooden statue of a crucified Satan is discovered and of course tampered with. Satan comes back to life, pulls himself from the cross and possesses a young girl named Danila who strikes a odd resemblance to Ashley Laurance from Hellraiser. The demonic Danila acts out against the church, family and friends. She tries to indulge in some incest with daddy which leads to some domestic violence (complete with gratuitous daughter slapping). However Danila's level of perversion pales in comparison to her devious mother who likes to run around with the town bad boy. In one of the best scenes Danila spies in on her mother as she is stripped down, thrown on a bed, covered in rose petals and then whipped with roses. Blood and roses (Sounds like a Mario Bava movie or something) is on display and Danila's mother loves every minute of it of course.

We also get a rape scene between the devil and Danila, a sadomasochist priest who likes to whip himself and if they used regular split pea soup in The Exorcist they definitely used chunky for The Eerie Midnight Horror Show.

Aside from the bare breasts and the awesome rose whipping scene we get a pretty cool crucifixion. It doesn't quite compete with the brutal crucifixion in Lucio Fulci's The Beyond but the red stuff does spill as giant railroad spikes a hammered into our female leads hands and feet.

In the end we get the final showdown between good and evil, priest and demon. I'm sure you guessed it but the conclusion is right out of The Exorcist with one dead priest and a healthy Danila. The only difference is that in this one the priest takes a beating from a big heavy chain.

Out of all of The Exorcist ripoffs out there The Eerie Midnight Horror Show isn't a top pick. Aside from the crucifixion and the whips there really isn't much to offer. Check out Exorcismo or Seytan (Turkish Exorcist) for some more silly possession from over seas with devils and exorcism.

Bean (1997)

Mr. Bean or Dr. Bean as he is portrayed in this feature comes to America and terrorizes Hollywood with his insane mannerisms.

Bean is obviously more polished then the T.V. show with an unnecessary bigger budget. Some of the infamous skits from the show were redone here and Rowan (Mr. Bean) Atkinson is hilarious as always in a retarded kind of way.

I didn't mind this one so much because it wasn't really directed towards a children's audience like Mr. Beans Vacation which would come out ten years later. Bean had its share of crude moments and isn't necessarily for the eyes of children, with a perverse scene involving Mr. Bean dry humping random objects in a public bathroom. Then we get a incredibly funny scene where Bean drives around Hollywood Boulevard giving everybody the middle finger.

In another scene Bean gets drunk and sings songs from The Beatles which was pretty odd. He also has a fixation on Dirty Harry and gets himself in trouble with the law more then once. He vandalizes a priceless work of art, blows up a bag of puke on a airplane and pops it (complete with flying vomit), Sticks his head up a turkeys ass and breaks just about anything of value around him. The one thing that I found really weird about this movie is that Bean talks much more then usual. He even gives a speech about art in one scene. Burt Reynolds also shows up as a bad-ass soldier who thinks Bean is some sort of genius. Perhaps a bit of commentary on the intellect of our military?

One big down side to the movie is the soundtrack. Classic songs from The Beatles and even Alice Cooper were redone in easy listening format. Makes ya kinda want to puke. Aside from the awful music and the over budgeted production Bean is a worthy addition to any bean-fan's collection.

Doctor Jekyll And The Werewolf (1972)

Yet another Paul Nashy, León Klimovsky (The Vampires Night Orgy, Devils Possessed) werewolf collaboration. This time writer Paul Nashy blends the tale of Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde with The Wolfman.

Although this one starts off a little on the slow side it becomes quite the spectacle with Nashy of course playing the part of the werewolf and the evil Mr. Hyde. I have heard people call this one confusing but I think they just weren't paying attention because it makes sense. Even the edited, choppy, cut down version still makes sense. The story may be a little bit dumb but it isn't confusing. If you're looking for an intelligent plot you probably shouldn't be watching silly monster movies in the first place. I personally love this movie. It has one of the greatest moments in wolf-man cinema as far as I am concerned. It involves Paul Nashy transforming from Mr. Hyde to the reoccurring character of Waldemar Daninsky to the wolfman in a crazy hippie-delic Go-Go club. These hipsters are dancing they're bell bottoms off while the hairy version of Waldemar goes on a violent drooling rampage. Pretty Awesome!

Jack Taylor who I remember best as Professor Brown in Pieces shows up as Dr. Jekyll whom is of course still experimenting with granddaddy's old serums. (Try to follow me here) He finds an antidote for the evil identity of Mr. Hyde and when Waldemar comes to the Dr. for help he has the brilliant idea to strap Waldemar to a table on the first full moon. Inject him with the old grandpa Mr. Hyde solution. Naturally Mr. Hyde will over power the Wolfman (I don't know why he is so sure of this) and then he will inject the antidote which will "Destroy both demons". Not confusing, just dumb... but fun none the less. Of course the plan gets botched up when Dr.Jekyll gets stabbed in the back by his hot, jealous assistant.

This Spanish production offers up lots of good looking women. Unfortunately my copy is cut so I don't know if we get any bare breasts but I would assume we do. I would like to obtain an uncut print of this but for now my copy is good enough. It offers up a rape scene that is broken up by old barrel chested Paul Nashy while wearing his trademark turtleneck. We get the expected severed head which appears in almost every Nashy flick. Werewolf vs. a nurse in a elevator, Throat ripping, Stabbing, Shooting, Go-Go dancing mayhem, Drooling, Gratuitous "Bitch" calling, A scene where Mr. Hyde pushes a man into a river (just for the kicks), Burning corpses and of course some silly transformation scenes.

In one of the best moments Waldemar's lover watches from a balcony as Waldemar turns from man to wolfman under the full moon. This scene stands out due to the interesting camera angles and creepy lighting. Its a pretty creepy moment that should be appreciated by werewolf fans. Turn the lights down and the disco up and get on the dance floor with Nashy in one of the more entertaining of Nashy's Waldemar Daninsky, Werewolf flicks.

West Side Story (1961)

West Side Story might be the silliest juvenile delinquent picture ever made. The story is a serious commentary on the problems of racism in this country and the affect it has on the youth but due to the fact that its a musical (and probably the greatest musical of all time) its filled with dancing, singing and of course crazy spinning and twirling.

Its a little hard to take these rough and tough street kids seriously when they jump ten feet into the air and do a sort of spinning split but for me that's what makes West Side Story so much fun.

The truth is that West Side Story is a pretty sad movie and you really can get sucked into the story of two lovers torn apart by a race war. Which is why West Side Story is the perfect flick to watch with your best girl but its still nice to sit back with a few friends and some drinks while getting some cheap laughs out of the dance numbers.

Although West Side Story is a sort of modern adaption of Romeo And Juliet looking at it today there are certain things that make it a bit hypocritical. For instance the movie tells of two gangs in NYC. One being a all white gang called The Jets and the other being a Puerto Rican gang called The Sharks. The two gangs are at war and believe segregation is the only way. In a scene at a dance hall which is supposed to be nutural territory The Jets and The Sharks taunt each other with some silly dance routines but for a movie that is making a statement against racism it doesn't come off politically correct. If you look in the background all of the black people are just kind of standing around. They are the only ones who are not dancing and we all know that black people have much more rhythm then white people. Al Sharpton would have a field day with that scene but I just found it interesting in a nostalgic kind of way.

Another thing that comes off a bit weird while watching it today is the fact that the movie never really gives a date to the location. Since it was released in 1961 and the whole duck-tail, greaser true juvenile delinquent films were done and over with the dress code seems a bit out of place and doesn't quite go with the attitude of the street kids.

Russ Tamblyn who would go on to do some sleazies like The Female Bunch, Satan's Sadists and Dracula Vs. Frankenstein plays the leader of The Jets. Its strange to think that a man who did a film that won so many Oscars would go on to work with the likes of Al Adamson. I guess an actor will do a lot of things when hes hungry for work and anything beats a nine to fiver. Whatever Tamblyn's reasoning, I'm glad he got back to the drive-in.

The trailer on my dvd states "Unlike other classics West Side Story grows younger." I don't know if I can totally agree with that but the subject is still relevant today and its a lot of fun to watch.