Hedwig And The Angry Inch (2001)

The Rocky Horror Picture Show is of course the most famous transsexual, musical of all time. It is one of the worlds biggest cult films and one of the most successful of all midnight movies from the 70's. I however prefer this strange little title from the 2000's.

Hedwig is a punk rock transvestite from Germany who tells his story through song of how he lost his manhood on his way to America. Growing up Hedwig idolized the likes of David Bowie, Lou Reed and Iggy Pop (which is funny because the actor looks a bit like Iggy). The young German rocker dreams of being an American star. When Hedwig meets a gay, black soldier he decides to get a sex change and marry the American soldier. "The operation gets botched" and Hedwig "is left with a one inch mound of flesh" between his legs. Hence the title The Angry Inch. Hedwig is neither man nor woman and he doesn't mind making a spectacle of himself on stage. Fans of the great Jayne County are sure to love this movie. Sure the music is a bit cheesy with the exception of the song "I got an angry inch" but the bizarre nature of the movie is enough for weirdos like myself to enjoy it.

We also have a sub plot going on about an ex lover of Hedwig who stole all his greatest songs and took all the credit for them. Hedwig's rival ex lover is played by Michael Pitt (Bully) and the viewer can't help but want to beat the shit out of this Hollywood pretty-boy.

Things go from bad to worse as Hedwig struggles along in the music industry and tries to find himself at the same time until he finds a way to feel comfortable in his own skin. This film will go down as a cult classic for lovers of glam rock and punk rock alike. Check it out for some fun with penis chopping and men in makeup.

Fright Night (2011)

The original Fright Night isn't exactly the worlds greatest vampire flick. It is a pretty cheesy 80's movie but still has managed to carry some what of a cult status. Then came Fright Night 2 and I didn't know it was possible to make a worse movie then that one. That is of course until the 2011 remake.

What we have here is another painfully enbarrassing remake from the 2000's. It stars Hollywood boy Colin Farrell whom I have never seen anything else from since big budget Hollywood flicks are not my bag but I hear he is a hit with the ladies and I suppose that is why the director has him walk around in his wife beater and turn on the house wives in the area. Farrell plays the evil vampire who moves next door to a trendy highschool kid. The two will battle it out in an awful mess of cgi and shitty over budgeted special effects. Shitty is an understatement. I am the first to admit that I dont watch these computer graphic time wasters but I would imagine that the average Hollywood shit-fest is slightly better in the f/x department then this one.

This thing was also supposed to be shot in 3D which is also pretty fucking ridiculous. The 3D scenes are wretched with exploding glass and more bad cgi blood which sprays straight at the camera. It looks like shit on its own and I really did not need to see it in a third dimension.

If you remember from the original the great Roddy McDowall (Class Of 1984, Legend Of Hell House) played Peter Vincent : The Vampire Killer. This time around we get some flamboyant schlep who runs around in a glittery cape with a very fake beard. However for me the best character in the original was Evil, the super-nerd-vampire. I suppose the nerd in the remake is the only good character as well but of course he doesn't compare to Evil.

Don't watch this fucking shit!

Acts Of Violence (1985)

"Violence is more American the apple pie". What we have here is a long out of print made for television documentary on the problems of violence or should  I say murder in America. This morbid docu. clocks in at 72 minutes and takes a look at three different killers in the country with the highest murder rate. While each killer was very different in motive and tactic they do have two things in common. The first being that they are murderers and the second being that they are American.

The first part of the film focuses on James Oliver Huberty and his act of mass murder which took place in a McDonalds restuarant on July 18th 1984. James Huberty kissed his wife goodbye and told her that he is "going out to hunt humans". Naturally she didn't question him. James Huberty then walked into McDonalds with a pump action shotgun, a 9mm automatic pistol and a fully automatic Uzi. He opened fire and shot 41 people. 22 of which would die. He killed mothers, fathers, children and infants. We are treated to footage of piled up bodies and the family, friends and neighbors reaction to the grisly massacre.

Next we take a look at John Hinckley Jr. and his attempted assassination of United States president Ronald Reagan. Unlike James Huberty who was angry at society and felt the need to lash out against innocent families Hinckley Jr. was obsessed with the brilliant 1976 Taxi Driver and especially the lead actress Jodie Foster. Trying to catch the actress attention Hickley decided to emulate his hero from Taxi Driver and kill the president of the United States.

Last but certainly not least we take a look at serial killer Henry Lee Lucas who confessed to 360 murders across the U.S.. Henry speaks about his abusive childhood and his younger years of crime which all lead up to murder. He takes us to the scenes of the crimes and describes in detail what he did to the victims. Henry was first arrested for killing his mother. Upon his release he pleaded for the warden to not let him back into society because he knew he could not control his murderous rage. Well they didn't listen and now the country has 360 some odd murders on their hands.

The thing I found very interesting about this documentary is the fact that all three of the killers have reached out for help and were basically rejected. Huberty called the mental health clinic the day before his massacre and was refused. Hinckley Jr. wrote letters to Jodie Foster and Henry blatantly told police officers what he will do.

This documentary is definitely a good watch for anybody who is interested in serial killers, mass murders and multiple murders.

Happy Birthday To Me (1981)

The exploitative poster boasts "Six the most bizarre murders you will ever see" and while this isn't necessarily true it certainly grabed my attention when I was a young horror-hound in the VHS days.

This 80's Slasher follows a college girl named Virginia who runs with an elite group of yuppies who refer to themselves as "The Top Ten". Luckily for us these rich assholes start getting killed one by one by an unknown killer in true 80's stalk and slash fashion.

Happy Birthday To Me comes complete with many red herrings and a twist ending that reminds me of April Fools Day (1986). Personally preferring Happy Birthday To Me over April Fools Day for more then one reason but mainly in the kill department, I find this movie a worthy watch to come back to every so often. In other words it has replay value.

While the movie could have sported some more naked flesh it does offer up severed heads, stabbings, a very cool kill which shows a mans neck scarf being thrown into the moving spokes of a motorcycle. Naturally his face is pulled into the spinnng wheel and comes complete with a bit of splatter. This scene would be ripped off in the horrible Pet Cemetery Part 2. We also have a ridiculous kill with a shish kabab stick as a weapon of choice. Of course this is the moment that the poster so proudly exploits. "John Will never eat Shish Kabab again". Then we are treated to some gory open brain surgery which is pretty damn graphic and might get a squirm from the less jaded of viewers.

It all starts to come together when we learn how twisted Virginia and her family really are. They have some serious birthday party hang ups and in the films climax we are invited to a party but this party is pretty fucking dead if you know what I mean.

The director of this film is known more for his Charles Bronson escapades. He was responsible for titles such as the great 10 To Midnight which I suppose was the closest he ever came to doing a horror movie other then the one in discussion. He would also do The White Buffalo, The Evil That Men Do, Death Wish 4 and a bunch of other Bronson flicks. For someone who wasn't particularly in the horror genre he does a pretty good job on this one.

Not to be mistaken for Bloody Birthday which would come out in the same year.

Zero In And Scream (1971)

Lee Frost is always good for some classic exploitation in bad taste. The director is responsible for such filthy titles as House On Bare Mountain, The Black Gestapo, the great Defilers which he teamed up with fellow exploiteer David Friedman, The Thing With Two Heads, Love Camp 7, Ride Hard Ride Wild and many more.

Zero In And Scream however is not one of the better films from the director. Sure it is sleazy. Sure it was rated X. Sure it was done in pure bad taste, the way way the exploitation gods intended it to be but unfortunately this doesn't save Zero In And Scream from being a big bore.

The truth is Zero In is one of the worst movies I have seen in a very long time and it is a pretty painful sit. It follows a pervert serial killer who uses his high powered rifle as a weapon of choice. He likes to Zero In on couples having sex and pulls the trigger on the man. This of course is just an excuse to show lots of full frontal female and male nudity alike. The sex eats up the majority of the running time and the kills are pretty dull too. Another down side to this one is how quiet the film is. We have some music to fill the sex scenes but other then that there is barely any speaking. From time to time a news cast will update us on the sniper killer but other then that we get one long ranting from the killer where he shares his stupid ideas on women and how they should remain innocent.

It all comes together with a really bad twist ending that doesn't make any sense and will leave you scratching your head and wondering why you do this to yourself. Stay away from this movie unless you enjoy torturing yourself.

Meatballs (1979)

This 79 flick is a look at things to come. The 80's will offer up a shit ton of these forgettable comedies. While there isn't really any bit of a plot here other then a bunch of kids being dropped off at a summer camp there are some funny bits mainly which come from Bill Murray who plays a camp councilor. We also get some shenanigans from the stereotypical fat kid. Other then that these camp comedies are all always pretty much the same.

I suppose I would have liked this one a bit more if it offered some nudity and Pee Wee Herman.

Blood Diner (1987)

Movie-wise there wasn't very much that was good about the 80's. Of course Splatter films and Slashers being the main exception to the rule. Luckily for us Blood Diner is an all out 80's splatter flick.

Its obvious where the director got his inspiration from. With Blood Diner's alternate title being Blood Feast 2 and of course coming out more then a decade before Herschell Gordon Lewis did his own sequel to his classic cult flick. Its not easy for me to admit it either but Blood Diner really does make the better sequel.

The movie is dumb as can be but that is almost expected, after all this is the 80's but there is enough decapitation, dismemberment, cannibalism and nudity to keep a demented gore-hound happy.

Aside from the gore and obvious H.G. Lewis inspiration, Blood Diner also pays homage to the great Doris Wishman with footage spliced in from Another Day Another Man. At least these guys give respect where it is due and that is of course from the forefathers and foremothers of classic exploitation.

This time around we are not having a cannibals feast in the name if Ishtar. This time the Egyptian goddess is Shitaar and she is actually resurrected for a bit of blood letting and gory mayhem. While I of course will take the classic Blood Feast any day over this silly 80's knock off, Blood Diner is good clean fun. Okay maybe it isn't very clean. Its actually quite filthy and its not only filthy due to the senseless sex and violence. The movie is dubbed with some very childish dialogue. Filled with profanity and all that good stuff.

Some of the other treats that Blood Diner has to offer are Nazi wrestlers, Nazi rockers, rockabilly zombies, eyeballs are knocked from their heads, brains talk, stomachs open up and bite the heads from victims. Hooks are shoved through legs, women are split in half from achy-breaky skull to vagina, others have their heads sent flying off with broom as a weapon of choice. We are also treated to a brilliant scene of naked aerobics (complete with gory machine gun massacre). If the 80's is your thing be sure to give Blood Diner a go. Other then that this one is really only for the gore fanatics who are willing to sacrifice a bit of substance if it is made up for with shit-loads of the red stuff.

Joe (1970)

What we have here is my favorite hippie-killer flick from the 70's, right next to The Peace Killers which would come out one year after Joe and offer a savage biker gang that crucifies pacifist hippies. While both films are gritty, The Peace Killers is a total exploitation flick and Joe is a serious piece of cinema from the 70's, complete with social message and a great depiction of two different generations from the time.

Joe played by Peter the-wizard Boyle (Taxi Driver) is your average working class stiff. Or should I say your average Joe? He is filled with hate a resentment for the younger generation which he feels is "shitting on everything he loves and believes in". He looks back fondly to when he served in the war and wishes he could start a new war against the homosexuals, blacks, and especially the hippie-youth of America.

Joe teams up with a high society yuppie who killed a drug-pushing hippie who got his daughter hooked on drugs. Things go from bad to worse with each hour that the two men spend together.

Joe offers up some nudity from Susan (Rocky Horror Picture Show) Sarandon in her first role ever. Sarandon plays the victim in a story that really doesn't offer up any hero's. She is part of the so called love generation which really isn't portrayed in a much better light then the older generation.

The old-timers carry on their ideals of democracy blended with racism, sexism, bigotry and class war while the young hip generation seems to be nothing more then a bunch of back-stabbing, junkie degenerates who lack in loyalty, respect and trust.

Joe really must have been an interesting theatrical experience back in 1970. It is some what of a dangerous film and I can almost picture the young and old leaving the theater together and having learned nothing. Since Joe has no clear message on who is right and who is wrong I think it is safe to say that the average viewer walked out the same person they were before the walked in but the film may have worked as fuel for their own personal political hatred.

I personally feel the film leans more to the left since it shows the hippies as victims of violence and murder but as I mentioned before these kids are no angels.

Joe is a perfect example of what will follow in the movies in the 70's. A dark look at humanity with a very downbeat ending. You don't walk out from this film feeling very good. Yet at the same time there is a lot of very funny moments in the film which we can thank Joe for. Peter Boyle's character is perhaps the most politically incorrect person in any film ever. He is so fucking racist that you have to laugh. "42 percent of all Liberals are queer! ... And that's a fact!"

So if you want some good ole gay-bashing and racial slurs thrown in with your hippie killing be sure to check this one out. The director would go on to do some big films in the 80's like the Karate Kid and Rocky but fuck all that. He would also go on to do a crazy little sex comedy called Cry Uncle which is probably the only other movie worth watching from this director.

Roamin Holiday (1937)

Roamin Holiday is getting close to the end of  the Our Gang shorts. The gang which is not my particular favorite line up consists of Spanky, Alfalfa, Buckwheat, Darla & Porky. In this one reel short the gang decides to run away from home where they can live free of parental law. No more babysitting and for Alfalfa & Spanky especially no more dance lessons.

When the boys hit the road to freedom the come across a bakery where they see an old couple feeding cookies to a dog. They use Pete The Pup for some free cake, cookies, creampuffs and apple pie. Little did they know that the man behind the counter is also the towns constable. He chases after the boy with his trusty shot gun and before the gang can say Oh-Tay they have got stripes thicker then Johnny Cash and they are forced to break rocks behind the mans bakery. The gang makes a run for it and its a lesson learned until the  next escapade. 

While this may not be my favorite years for the rascals I do like the fact that they were so quick and short. By this time The Our Gang shorts were clocking in at about 10 minutes apposed to the early half hour and 20 min. flicks.

The Baby (1973)

Yes the 70's was a crazy time for film making. The most outrageous, original and outright bizarre cinema came from the 70's and The Baby is no exception to the rule. A film like The Baby couldn't have come from any other decade but the sick, sick 70's and it is a must see for exploitation and cult fanatics of the era.

The Baby is about a boy named... well... Baby. The only problem is that Baby isn't actually a baby. He is a grown man who sleeps in a crib, wears diapers, drools and cries but this isn't some stupid asshole from the 2000's with some weird fucking mommy fetish. In fact The Baby falls into the 70's genre of sick and twisted families. There seems to be a lot of those from the glorious decade.

Baby lives with his insane mother and his two very hot sisters who seem to get their rocks off with a bit of incest from time to time with baby brother. However things are going to get even weirder when a new social worker starts coming around and takes a special interest in Baby.

The social worker starts to catch wind that there might be some sort of abuse going on in the house and threatens to take Baby from the house that he was born in. It is hard to tell who the bad guy is in this movie because everybody seems to be kind of fucked up and although this is also very common for the 70's The Baby comes complete with a twist ending that really can't be seen coming.

The Baby is disturbing in general just in its subject matter but we are also treated to some scenes of perversion and violence. In one of the craziest moments a babysitter is caught with "Her tit in Baby's mouth". This doesn't go over so well with Baby's mother and sisters and we have some excessive violence complete with blunt objects to achy-breaky skulls and gratuitous bitch-slapping. We also get some axe wielding, hatchet-fu and some kitchen knife violence and it all makes for a pretty wacky watch.

In my humble opinion the only thing that could have made The Baby better would have been a touch more of the red stuff and some very gratuitous nudity. Fans of this movie should also check out Bab Boy Bubby which is similiar in context or Death Game (1977) which holds a very similar feel in pace and suspense.

Seytan (1974)

Also known as The Turkish Exorcist and that's exactly what it is. Seytan is basically shot for shot, line for line The Exorcist with much more ridiculous and cheesy special effects of course but that goes without saying.

While your average every day moron would probably condemn Seytan for its obvious flaws in production value and blatant plagiarism it is those very things that make me jump on the Seytan cult following band waggon.

Everything right down to the classic musical score is lifted from the 73 classic and it is a goddamn hoot watching these Turks do their best to play it serious. Seytan is never once meant to be comedic but if you don't laugh while watching this one you have some serious problems. I am sure there are a few bootleg copies circulating with more coherent subtitles but mine is all miss spelled and completely grammatically incorrect which did nothing more but make Seytan even more enjoyable.

Obviously Seytan : The Turkish Exorcist is more of a fun watch for true fans of the original Linda Blair flick. Its virtually impossible to watch the Turkish remake without visualizing the scenes from the more familiar movie.

Some of my personal favorite moments were the scenes where little Regan or in this case Gul is having the series of medical tests done on her. The needle is injected into the neck and the oh so memorable blood sprays out onto the white sheets. Then she gets a spinal tap but next we are treated to the shock treatment scene which is a laugh riot and has to be seen to be believed. One thing that I found very interesting due to religious differences and geographic's is the fact that the Turks took the crucifix out of the movie. However they couldn't loose the gory and shocking virgin-masturbation scene so the supplemented the crucifix for a book mark...? Yep they chose a book mark with a demons face on it which our you possessed victim would shove into her virgin vagina. Unfortunately the infamous "Let Jesus fuck you" was removed as well.

However we still get plenty of silly bed-thumping and I guess the Turks didn't understand the beauty of green pea soup cause they used some kind of green putty like substance. Check it out for a good time with Turkish devils and exorcism. Who says that remakes suck?