The Deadly Spawn (1983)

I think my friend described this movie best when he said its a very "wet movie". This statement couldn't be more true. There's rivers of blood, buckets of monster slime and it is always raining. Its a wet movie!

The Deadly Spawn is the perfect example of a mindless 80's gore film. It doesn't ever take its self to seriously. Instead it relies on splatterific special effects and a fun, fast pace. Leaving behind a classic, campy gem that can be watched over and over again.

The plot is as minimal as can be. Aliens from outer space are spawning in a families basement. First dad will have his head eaten. Next mom will have her face ripped off. Lucky for us the real man of the house is an eleven year old monster movie fanatic. This kid is awesome! His room is plastered with posters for classic monster movies and he spends most of his time pulling pranks on his family. Monster-kids always lighten up any 80's horror movie for me. Perhaps because I can relate to it. I also drove my parents crazy by running around my house in gory Halloween masks all year long.

Another thing that makes this movie so unique is how good the special effects are, especially considering how small the budget was. It is more then apparent that The Deadly Spawn was in fact the spawn of genuine horror-hounds. The love for the genre really shows through in scenes of graphic violence and gore. Some of the treats that this one has in store for us is decapitation, severed limbs, a vegetarian massacre, an alien autopsy, exploding monsters and many many more gory delights. The Deadly Spawn pays homage to movies like The Blob and gives it that gooey 80's touch. Keep an eye out for all the cool posters. Monster On The Campus, The Green Slime, King Kong etc. They even manage to mention The Mole People and It The Terror From Beyond Space. A must see for all gore-freaks born in the 80's.

The Devils Sword (1984)

So, whats your genre of choice? Fantasy, sci-fi, horror, kung fu, romance or Bollywood type song & dance flicks? The Devils Sword blends all of the above into one big chaotic package and has something in it for anyone and everyone. That is providing of course that you don't mind a little insanity and anarchy with your movies.

A village is attacked during a wedding ceremony by an evil warrior who makes his entrance on a flying rock. He kills just about everybody in sight except for the groom who he was sent to kidnap and the wife who is a bad-ass kung-fuing bitch. We are treated to a giant massacre with severed limbs and decapitation. Indonesian cult icon Barry Prima or (for those familiar with the cannibal flick Primitives) as I like to call him Berry Prima shows up a day late and a dollar short. He makes it just in time to see the whole village bleeding to death and his arch enemy running for the hills or in this case the caves with his captive groom.

Berry Prima seeks out his master who also got his ass kicked by the evil warrior and is left a bloody mess. Naturally Berry cuts his masters legs off to prevent infection from spreading. Once his master regains his strength he informs Berry of the evil queen and the worlds evil warriors who have band together to help her find The Devils Sword. It is up to Berry to beat them to the punch and get to the mystical sword before they do or else "This will be the end of the world as we know it". Berry takes the kung fu bride with him on his quest for The Devils Sword. Along the way they fight alligator men (not to be mistaken for the 50's monster movie), skeletons, evil witches and statues that shoot laser beams from the eyes. The unstoppable force that is Berry Prima also proves that he can shoot lasers of his own from the palms of his hands.

Berry does find The Devils Sword but has to fight and kill a giant cyclops monster before becoming the rightful owner. He takes to the evil queens cave where he becomes hypnotized and takes part in the queens perverse orgy. Unfortunately with the exception of a mans asshole and testicles we do not get any other nudity but that's okay because the film has just about everything else you can think of from flying guillotines to cannibals. Bodies are split in half and then rejoined with weird magical powers. Heads explode and limbs go flying. The saw wielding alligator-people are weird enough on their own but when you add all of these elements together you are in for one hell of a crazy ride.

Blood and gore. Kung fu and monsters. You know you want to see it at least once.

Fiend Without A Face (1958)

Fiend Without A Face is one of those movies that starts off a little slow with invisible monsters roaming about the country side and killing off the townsfolk. We all know and love the 1933 classic The Invisible Man but how much fun can a 50's monster flick be when you can't see the monster? Fear not my demented minions, before long these things take their physical form and they are amongst the coolest looking monsters of all time.

While the monsters are still invisible they seem to be almost vampiric. They wrap themselves around the victims neck and put two puncture marks in the back of the neck but a military autopsy shows that these things are actually sucking the brain and complete spinal column from these holes. When the monsters take their visible form they are in fact nothing more then a brain and a spinal chord and guess what. These things can fly. Since they are nothing more then a flying brain with a spine and antennas these little killers are actually highly intelligent. They even use weapons and in one of the best scenes one of these killer brains actually picks up a hammer.

These fiends were thought up by a mad scientist who used nuclear power to help separate a single thought from a human being. Once free from the human mind, the thought becomes more and more powerful with the help of the nuclear power plant which is right in the back yard. Its not long before the human race is in danger from the deadly grips of The Fiend's without A Face.

Eventually the military steps in and goes to war with the flying brains. We get plenty of really cool 50's stop animation complete with exploding brains and lots of black and white gore. While the soldiers are having fun playing target practice with these things the civilians board up the house in true Night Of The Living Dead fashion and arm themselves with pitchforks and axes. In one of the most memorable scenes an axe is buried into the twitching brain and blood spurts out across the floor.

Fiend Without A Face is pure 50's monster-rama fun. It's campy, its bloody and its just plain crazy. This is a must see for anyone who digs these old monster flicks and luckily for us Criterion has added The Fiend Without A Face to their collection. It looks better then ever and is well worth the purchase for the average brainless fiend.

The Omen II : Damien (1978)

The Omen 2 is one of the best horror sequels ever made. It certainly is better then any of the Exorcist sequels and it always makes for an entertaining watch.

Damien is now thirteen years old and we all know that when a boy hits the age of lucky 13 he starts to act a little crazy. Well the same thing goes for the son of the devil. For those familiar with the first film, Damien killed off his parents by the end of the movie. Now adopted by William Holden (The Wild Bunch) Damien has a whole new family to kill. In some of the more memorable moments we see a man get split in half in an elevator, a woman has her eyes plucked out by a bird in what seems like an Alfred Hitchcock homage. A man meets his end under the ice while ice skating, another is crushed between two train cars, we have a stabbing and death by explosion.

The thing that makes this sequel so interesting is that Damien is now learning who he is. He has had followers and enemies since his birth but when he hits the age of thirteen he becomes aware of his awesome power. Anyone who stands in his way will meet their end by Damien's super natural force. Amongst his followers is Lance Henricksen (Terminator, Pumpkinhead). Henriksen has a way of making sequels better doesn't he? Remember him in Piranha 2 : The Spawning? Lance Henrikesn informs Damien that one day the whole world will know who he is but until then he must remain quiet. He tells Damien to read the bible, chapter 13, revelations to have a better understanding of who he really is. Once Damien figures it out he doesn't exactly remain neutral. He poisons all of his classmates, he mentally destroys his teacher and even goes as far as to kill his best friend and stepbrother. There would be three more Omen movies and even a remake in the series but none of them can touch the first two films. The Omen 2 comes complete with a driving musical score, some pretty good acting and some unique death scenes.

This one tends to play on television a lot as we near Halloween. Of course they leave some of the brutality out as far as the man being split in half in the elevator and the women being run over by an eighteen wheeler truck. Check it out for some fun with Satanic children and killer birds.

Wake In Fright (1971)

Ever get the feeling that you are trapped in your own personal hell? Like the rest of the world are living and your dead end town is going to be the death of you? Wake In Fright also known as Outback is exactly that. It deals with a discontent school teacher who leaves his life behind. The school, the kids, and the hell-hole he calls home.

On his way to the big city he stops in a small town called The Yabba with the intentions of staying over night before getting back on the road for the big city. Well lets just say his plans fall through and there just might not be any way out of this town alive. The townsfolk insure the school teacher that The Yabba is the greatest place on earth. Perhaps one mans paradise is another mans hell. Personally The Yabba seems like a place that I would want to call home. It consists of insane alcoholics whom really have no ambition in life rather then having a drink, having a fight and just living like there is no tomorrow. From the time the teacher arrives in The Yabba till the end credits everything is one big nihilistic drunken blur. Is this a nightmare or is this reality. Its just The Yabba... The greatest place on earth.

Donald Pleasance plays a former doctor who left his profession in the big city for a life of drunken insanity in The Yabba. This is possibly Donald Pleasance's greatest role. His acting style is so intense in this movie it takes stamina to just sit and watch him. Pleasance found a free life in The Yabba, devoid of all care. He lives for free, drinks for free, fucks for free and finds pleasure in standing on his head (literally) and drinking. He is also good for a fight here and there and he also takes the audience on what has to be the most insane hunting trip in cinematic history. Pleasance and a group of friends take to the barren lands of The Yabba and kill kangaroos for sport.

The Kangaroo massacre is disturbing and maddening at the same time. The surreal images of these men plowing through the upright animals with their car and unloading shotgun shells into their bodies is intense on its own but a real Yabba-man will fight these things with his bare hands. They slit the Kangaroo's throats with knives, they punch, kick and strangle the animals and these marsupials are as big as 14 feet tall. It is completely twisted set piece that has to be seen to be believed. However Wake In Fright is not just here to shock you. There is a sort of philosophical moral tale to be told, which I will not give away.

This Australian flick was thought to have been long lost. With no vhs or dvd release and is currently circulating through the bigger cities. I was fortunate enough to catch a screening of this thing in New York City and the audience seemed to have the same reaction that I did. Now I await the dvd release of this 70's classic and only hope the company that puts it out is worthy of the title. I highly recommend going out to your nearest arthouse theater and seeing this thing for yourself. Its crazy!

Messenger Of Death (1988)

Here we are getting near the end of Charles Bronson's career. With the exception of Kinjite and Death Wish 5, from this film on Bronson was pretty much reduced to doing made for television movies and with that said Messenger Of Death really is not all that bad.

Of course M.O.D. doesn't compete with the mean spirited 70's stuff like Death Wish but it still manages to tell a decent story and is much better then some of Bronson's other movies from this time such as the wretched Assassination and in my personal opinion this is due to the films director who has some great credits to his name such as the early 80's slasher Happy Birthday To Me and one of my all time favorite Bronson flicks Ten To Midnight. Don't get me wrong, Messenger Of Death is far from being flawless. The acting is a bit horrendous and despite its {R} rating it is a bit on the soft side. One wouldn't guess it due to the harsh subject matter which deals with psychopathic religious fanatics and child murderers.

In the films opening an entire Mormon family is brutally murdered. While the man of the house is away, his three wives and six children are shot to shit by a madman with a shotgun. From here on we watch Bronson suffers from the mindless religious ranting of Mormon madmen and he gets caught in the middle of their gun fire. We also have some rich bastards who are trying to kill Bronson.

This movie is just like real life. Religion, police and rich scum-bags are the bad guys and Charlie Bronson is the one who has to wipe them out.

No Country For Old Men (2007)

The Coen brothers are amongst the most interesting filmmakers in Hollywood today. While that isn't saying very much because Hollywood film has gone to complete shit over the past 30 years or so. This makes the Coen brothers work stand out even more.

The Coen bros. seem to have followed a formula that has worked for them even from their earlier works with movies like Blood Simple. It is good story telling which is pieced together with a fair amount of action and some what graphic violence. While the story is generally interesting and holds the attention the films seem to have a certain mysterious element to them as if they purposely leave out certain bits of information from the original script. Whether or not this is actually done purposely I am not sure but for me this what what makes the films of the Coen bros. worth a watch.

No Country is unique in its own sense. With a minimal score and not even to much dialogue. The silence to the film almost gives off a 70's vibe. For me No Country almost plays as a throw back to a time when cinema had a lot more going for it.

We have interesting characters, a nice screenplay and enough violence and bloodletting to give the movie some replay value.

A drug deal goes bad (people die), a man finds the money (people die), a ruthless serial killer wants the money (people die), and the police want the money (people die). Its one big game of cat and mouse and did I mention people die?

No Country For Old Men is an exception to the rule that movies from the 2000's are a complete waste of time. I'm looking forward to the Coen brothers next release.

Inside Deep Throat (2005)

This documentary takes a look Inside Deep Throat, "The most profitable film of all time" and the scandal that followed.

Ground breaking director Gerard Damiano would go on to do a whole slew of XXX porno movies in the 70's and 80's. He is considered to be amongst the most artistic and talented directors in the adult industry. Known for legendary greats such as The Devil In Miss Jones and Odyssey. Deep Throat is the one that started it all. "Shot for $25,000 and grossing somewhere over six million" and the cast and crew would leave the film virtually penny less. There is probably no other film in history that suffered a tragedy as great as Deep Throat. From the legal end to the involvement of organized crime. Inside Deep Throat takes us through the films legacy up until today.

Hollywood favorites such as Jack Nicholson and cult icons such as John Watters and Harry Reems as well as court attorney's, right down to projectionists help share some light on Deep Throat and its affects on society.

For many, Deep Throat was a symbol of freedom. A last staple in the sexual revolution and for others it was pure smut and was used as an example of moral decay in order for the politicians to censor Americans and keep adult material off of the streets. With every police raid and court trial the film grew stronger and would make that much more money in another city. Actor Harry Reems faced up to five years imprisonment for nothing more then acting in the movie. Ignorant women's activist groups fought the film, the church fought the film and middle class Americans fought to have the right to see it. This amazing documentary serves as a great time capsule to a time when the fight for artistic freedom could very well put you behind bars or even in the ground.

Inside Deep Throat is the perfect watch for anyone who holds the golden age of porn close to their immoral little hearts.

Mad Doctor Of Blood Island (1968)

Mad Doctor Of Blood Island is the second film in the Blood Island trilogy. For those familiar with the insanity of the first film Brides Of Blood, this follow up is pretty similar in pace and madness.

John Ashley arrives at Blood Island for a another go against mad scientists, green-blooded monsters, mutant trees and of course a bit of love making. This time around Angelique Pettyjohn serves as the titular blond sex appeal and has John Ashley running around the Philippines with a hard-on.

Our blond, boobilicious, bimbo has a bad habit of roaming around the jungle on her own and being stalked by the green-blooded monster. Luckily for her, John Ashley always seems to show up just in time to chase the killer away.

The natives on the other hand are not quite as lucky. In some of the better scenes we watch the green monster pull heads off and rip guts out. Aside from the decapitations and the disembowelment the monster does get a bit rape-happy in one scene when her rips a villagers clothes off and claws her body to shit. Mad Doctor Of Blood Island also offers up some real animal death in a sacrificial offering scene. I believe it is a goat and a pig that fall victims to the knives of the natives and these scenes always serve to disturb your vegetarian friends a bit, so that's a plus.

While I am a fan of the whole Blood Island trilogy, the monster in Mad Doctor is a little bit less humorous then the bubbly headed one in Brides Of Blood and this might have been the most uncomfortable makeup of all time. While some of the victims are painted green from head to toe, other unfortunates are covered in some kind of green grassy type shit. I start itching myself just from watching it and I can't imagine what it was like wearing it. The monsters are cool looking and it is all just so weird that you have to love it. On the down side these movies all tend to be a bit slow moving with way to much bad acting and long dialogue scenes that you have to sit through before the next monster-rama gore sequence comes up. They also used a really horrible camera affect on this one. Whenever we see the blood monster, the camera pulls in and out very fast from extreme close up to the opposite. This of course makes the movie even weirder but lets be honest here. Its stupid and a bit annoying. Especially if you have seen the movie more then once.

Mad Doctor Of Blood Island is a perfect example of a Movie From Mars. It is to weird to not love it!

The Life And Death Of A Porno Gang (2009)

With all the hype that circulated around A Serbian Film it is more then obvious that there is a market for these sex and violence snuff type films. With the success of Saw and especially Hostel it was only a mater of time before non American countries released there own versions.

A Serbian Film gained most of its notoriety by American horror-hounds due to the extreme levels of brutality. The raw stylized depictions of explicit sex and ultra violence is something that American film producers are not willing to take a gamble on. For now it is up to young film makers from countries which have suffered from great tragedy. The Serb's seem to be the perfect candidates in recent time. They don't mind blending pornographic material with grizzly murder. Not since the mean spirited 70's have American film makers ventured out into this dark territory.

The movie opens up with a young ambitious film maker named Marko who is determined to make a feature film that the world can not ignore. He gathers a group of equally depraved lunatics and they take to the road in a giant hippie bus that has dicks and vagina's spray painted on it. "Porno Gang" is written across the bus so as they travel from town to town the villagers will know they are coming. The idea is to perform a theatrical play in each town. The plays consist of murder, rape, homosexuality, bestiality, drug abuse, vomit and any other piece of perversion that you can possibly think of. I personally couldn't help but be reminded of John Waters classic trash flick Multiple Maniacs. I am sure the writer/director found some inspiration from John Waters and there is even a Pink Flamingos poster to be seen in the movie which backs my theory.

The Porno Gang is basically a modern day group of hippies similar to the Manson family or something. They consist of nymphomaniacs, homosexuals and junkies who are more then happy to share the aids virus with each other. Although very nihilistic in their political and social views, it is art that comes first. It is their artistic form that they use as an escape from the shitty struggle of their home life and the Porno Gang make it very clear that morals, emotions and good judgement comes secondary to shocking the world with their artistic brand of smut. However the gang take a sudden turn towards self destruction when they get mixed up in a snuff film racket. They are being payed handsomely by some rich piece of shit to blend real death into their perverse plays.

From this point on it is a dark road to the end. Just about every character in the movie will die. With every victim who meets their end by the hands of the Porno Gang the survivors sink further and further into a world of depression and despair. The gang seems cursed and destined for destruction. It all comes complete with a final message of nihilism and it doesn't paint a pretty picture.

The Life And Death Of A Porno Gang has scenes of hardcore gay sex as well as straight sex, man on man rape as well as man on woman rape, multiple decapitations, a hanging, suicide, gun violence, a awesome scene where a man is cut up with a chainsaw, self mutilation, slit wrists, slit throats, sledge hammer to the achy-breaky skull (complete with flying brains), lots of full frontal nudity (male and female), bestiality, animal murder and one hell of a morbid social message and the best part is that it actually came out a year before A Serbian Film. Fans of the Serbian tale of pedophilia-porn and snuff should definitely check this one out as well.

New Wave Hookers (1986)

The infamous New Wave Hookers is one of those 80's titles that deserves all of the hype that surrounds it. Not because it is a remarkable piece of art in the adult industry but more so for the sake that it is just so damn wacky.

New Wave Hookers has become a cult classic and is embraced mainly by subcultured punk rockers and exploitation movie addicts alike. Its weird, mean and completely politically incorrect.

This 80's oddity comes from the warped minds of the Dark Brothers. Jamie Gillis (Through The Looking Glass) and Jack Baker are two pimps who run a scummy joint called New Wave Hookers. Not only is Jamie Gillis a pimp but he is a racist, Japanese, punk-rock, pimp. Who the hell decided that Jamie Gillis should be Asian in this movie is a mystery to me but I would think they were probably on a lot of drugs. Jamie Gillis comes complete with an over the top, stereo typical (Very fake) Japanese accent. He wears an anarchy shirt and leather pants and spikey bracelets. If he is not calling Jack Baker "a stupid negro" then he is spreading his man juice on some of his hookers.

Jack Baker's character is equally offensive and delivers some more racism for your viewing pleasure and in one of the most outrageous scenes Gillis devours a bunch of sushi while Baker licks away at a Asian girls box. New Wave Hookers also comes complete with a man who thinks he is a dog. Every once and a while the pimps throw the dog a bone and he humps away at a New Wave Hooker. The human dog also serves as a telephone. You will just have to see the movie for yourself. I warned you, its weird! Anyway, the sex scenes are pretty good in this movie. Two that stand out the most is a double penetration scene with Tom Byron. Loud drilling new wave music blares as a hooker is double plowed by two nerds. Then we get a big orgy that takes place on a spinning table.

In its original uncut form New Wave Hookers stared Traci Lords as the devil but that version of the film has been long pulled from the shelves due to the fact that miss Lords was under age. They replaced the Traci scenes with some Ginger Lynn action and unfortunates like myself who were two young to see these movies before the scandal are left scratching their heads wondering how good the Traci scenes really were. Apparently there is also an extremely cut version which removes all the racist stuff as well. Who the fuck would want to watch the politically correct version of this trashy classic? The film without the Traci stuff is short enough, clocking in at an hour and fifteen minutes. Take the racism, sexism and S&M stuff out and we are probably left with one cunnilingus scene.

Check this one out if you have not become a complete robot. Its funny, its weird and it will probably offend your college student sister. Boo hoo

Count Dracula's Great Love (1973)

Its really easy to become a fan of the great barrel-chest, Paul Naschy but its not always so easy to understand why. Especially while sitting through the really bad ones like Count Dracula's Great Love.

This one tries really hard to take the immortal tale of Dracula in a different direction but when it is all said and done it is really pretty stupid. Two men and four women (I like those odds) have a bad accident while traveling and are left stranded in the middle of nowhere. They take shelter in an old abandoned sanitarium where Paul Naschy lives. Pretty cheery huh? Little do they know, Paul Naschy is a vampire and its not long before they will become blood drinking vampires themselves. Then we have a love story thrown into the mix. Hence the dumb title of Count Dracula's Great Love.

This very standard vampire flick has its ups and its downs. Unfortunately there are more downs then ups and its not a very good movie at all but that is besides the point. Lets start off on a positive note. Some of the more entertaining elements consist of scenes of sex and violence but that goes without saying. The film opens up with a bang and shows an axe which comes crashing down onto a mans achy-breaky skull. This scene comes complete with gore and then is played on a loop over and over again during the opening credits. I thought this was all pretty brilliant and figured that this movie was going to be a hoot all the way through but somehow they still managed to fuck it all up. Some of the other glorious moments of violence show chained women being whipped and tortured by Naschy and his band of female vampires. We have the expected steak through the heart stuff, lots of bare breasted vampire sluts, vampire melt-downs and a ridiculous vampire suicide scene.

Now for the bad stuff. Well first off the Elvira's Movie Macabre print that I saw is very dark and its not easy to see everything that is going on. Even worse then the lighting is the audio levels. It is so hard to hear these people speaking but then on the other hand it is not as if there is any kind of a real plot to follow so I suppose it doesn't matter. It also sucks that Paul Naschy doesn't take his shirt off as much as expected. I think he only bares his barrel-chest once in a love scene. Perhaps the worst thing about Count Dracula's Great Love is how slow paced it is. It is a real sleeper and I found myself forcing my eyes open more then once. Long reels of film go by where nothing seems to be happening until we get the next nude scene or if we are lucky a bit of blood but goddamn does it seem like ages are going by between each high note.

One thing that I thought was really strange about this movie was how the girls seem very attractive one minute and then in the next scene they are rather hideous. I am not sure if this was due to the makeup department or if there was just some sort of shape shifting magic going on here but I swear these babes are hot one moment and butt-ass ugly the next. So for this reason I am not even sure if all the Euro-Trash nude stuff is even a possitve thing.

I understand that Naschy fans are going to watch for Naschy sake but all others might want to skip this one. Its boring, slow and virtually plotless up until the end of the movie and they few moments of depravity is not enough to save Count Dracula's Great Love from being a great bore.