Bride Of Chucky (1998)

Bride Of Chucky has always been my favorite in the somewhat shitty Child's Play series. It may be lacking in the violence department but where Bride falls short in that area it makes up for it with comedy in pure bad taste. This one goes way over the top when it comes to good raunchy humor.

Jennifer Tilly plays Tiffany, the ex-girlfriend  of the late Charles Lee Ray. She has spent ten years tracking down the remains of the doll. With the help of some sewing needles and a staple gun, its not long before Tiffany has Chucky looking like Frankenstein's monster. With the help of her "voodoo for dummies" book, Tiffany manages to yet again resurrect the soul of Charles Lee Ray into the infamous Good Guy doll. Once Chucky is brought back to life he wastes no time and kills off Tiffany's cheesy, goth, boyfriend. This pussy makes Marilyn Manson look like a hetero sexual. Chucky rips the 90's-bastards lip rings out and smothers him with a pillow while he watches the hot Jennifer Tilly shake her thang.

Tiffany and Chucky start butting heads when Tiffany learns that her serial killer boyfriend never had any plans of marrying her. In one of my favorite scene Jennifer Tilly takes a bubble bath and watches Bride Of Frankenstein. Too bad for her she never sees the ending of the movie because Chucky throws the television into the tub and fries the sexy blond alive. Next Tiffany is resurrected into a doll of her own and the two dolls go on a killing spree while trying to get to the grave of Charles Lee Ray. During the course of the movie we watch the murderous dolls send nails flying into a police officers face, blow another cop to bits in a car explosion scene, knife a man to death and kill a newly wed couple on a water bed with shards of glass. However since this one was done in the late 90's and came out seven years after Child's Play 3 there isn't very much gore to gawk at.

What really makes this one so funny is seeing how the two dolls interact with each other and even other people. In what is probably the most memorable scene we watch Chucky get it on for the first time ever. They even used that as the tagline, "Chucky gets lucky...". Chucky gives it to Tiffany doggy style and delivers the great lines "I don't know about you but I'm beginning to feel like Pinocchio over here" and Tiffany has this to say "I wonder if all the plumbing works". Now that is just great. This of course all ends really badly and the couple fights over who is worse in bed, just like real married couples. It all comes together with a twisted ending in which Tiffany shits out a bloody baby getting us ready for the next sequel, Seed Of Chucky, which is just awful.

Bride Of Chucky is without a doubt the best in the series. If you are only going to watch one, it might as well be this one.

Hell Of The Living Dead (1980)

If Bruno Mattei is known for any one thing, it is probably for being the biggest thief in cinema other then Quentin Tarantino. Never is this so blatant then in Hell Of The Living Dead. Bruno Mattei out right steals scenes, music and dialogue from George A. Romero's Dawn Of The Dead but ya know what? We love it!

Originally titled Virus and then Hell Of The Living Dead and Night Of The Zombies, not to be mistaken for the Joel M. Reed movie of the same title. Right from the films opening this thing screams Dawn Of The Dead but it was obvious that Mattei had alternate scripts. Hell Of The Living Dead jumps around like fleas on a rat and speaking of rats we do have a zombie-rat scene in which a scientist is gnawed to death by the killer rodent. Of course only four years later Mattei would release his most famous movie Rats : Night Of Terror. Anyway this zombie flick really is all over the place. We go from inner city viral outbreak to the jungle and back to the city and into rural suburbs and back to the amazon. It just seems very confused but some how it all works out. The jungle scenes seem more like a Italian cannibal film and blatantly rips off moments from Ruggero Deodato's Cannibal Holocaust.

Despite the fact that Hell Of The Living Dead is basically cinema plagiarism, it manages to stay so damn entertaining. Maybe Bruno Mattei really knew what he was doing. Just take all the best elements from movies that are big hits. When Hell Of The Living Dead comes up in conversation usually somebody always says "oh yeah, thats the movie with the music from Dawn Of The Dead". Mattei shamelessly directly lifts Goblin's musical score for Dawn and why did he do this? Because he liked the music of course! It really is that simple with Mattei and while some may hate him for that and call him a hack, I rather enjoy his films and know I'm in for a cluster-fuck of ripoff entertainment when I go into one.

 While there is not any one thing that makes this movie so good, I do believe that the over the top violence, bad dialogue and sometimes nonsensical weird scenes really give this movie plenty of replay value. In one of the strangest moments a cat claws its way out of a dead womans stomach. Now I don't try to over analyze silly zombie flicks or anything but exactly how does a large cat get inside a dead womans stomach? There is just no logical answer for that but Bruno Mattei has no problem leaving it in his movie. Hell Of The Living Dead also sports what might be the most gratuitous nudity ever. It is almost comical when our lead actress first bares her boobs for us. Oh then there is the oddly reminiscent scene from Lucio Fulci's zombie film of the same year Gates Of Hell. When a woman begins to bleed from her eyes. Throw in some head explosions and a child zombie who eats his own father and you end up with a pretty fun movie. Hell Of The Living Dead is in my top five of Bruno Mattei films, right next to S.S. Girls, Womens Camp 119 and of course the great Women's Prison Massacre.

 

Childs Play 3 (1991)

Here's another Childs Play movie written by brain child Don Mancini. I will give this writer credit for sticking with his love for the little, red-headed, murderous, doll but the thing that probably hurts this series so bad is the fact that each film had a different director. It becomes apparent that aside from Don Mancini everyone else probably took this thing on strictly as a business deal.

While I wouldn't consider the Child's Play series to be the worst franchise of all time, it also isn't all that good either. Personally thinking the first film was a little on the lame side and preferring Child's Play 2 it would have been nice if the third film was even better. This however is not the case. Child's Play part 3 is pretty crappy with minimal gore and very uneventful kills. The film relies more on jokes and silly tongue in cheek moments that come off more embarrassing then actually funny. Sure Chucky is known for his silly one-liners but it is usually followed with a bloody death sequence. "Don't fuck with Chuck" is probably the most memorable of all the cheesy lines in this one and I think this movie is the first time we ever see Chucky flip the middle finger.

 In case you forgot Chucky explodes in the end of the last film but its okay because the Good Guy franchise will yet again salvage the pieces and rebuild the psychotic doll. Once Chucky is back up on his own two feet he wastes no time getting back in to the swing of things. First he kills the greedy owner of Good Guy Dolls with a golf club to the achy-breaky skull. Then the film takes an odd turn and brings Chucky to a military school where he will be reunited with little Andy Barclay who is now eight years older. I guess Chucky only likes young boys because he decides that Andy is no longer the body that he wants to possess and in stead moves on to a young black boy named Tyler. In what just might be the best moment in the movie Chucky tells Andy Barclay that he is going to possess the body of Tyler with these lines "Just think, Chucky's gonna be a bro".

during the 90 minute running time we will witness Chucky slash a mans throat with a straight razor, put live rounds in the rifles during a training event in which a few kids will get shot, he blows a nerd to bits with a hand grenade, crushes a man in a garbage truck and in a very lame scene gives a man a heart attack. The violence is totally dulled down in this one and the only moment in the film with any kind of cool special effects is the climax when we witness Chucky being mangled.

Even as a kid I didn't really like this movie. If I never see this one again, I will be just fine. Child's Play 3 is amongst the worst in an over rated series.

Hellhole (1985)

Why is this movie so god damn fun? Hellhole has very little going for it as far as production value, acting or even plot. This one has something else. It pulls you in with sheer bad taste and holds you all the way through. I really like this movie!

Busty, Judy Landers plays Susan, a dumb blond who witnesses her mother being killed by a leather clad weirdo with a scarf and mustache. The killers name is as ridiculous as his attire. He goes by the name of Silk. Silk is a sight for sore eyes. He is so over the top in wardrobe that he comes off looking less like a punker and more like a gay biker. Oh Silk, you are my hero. After killing Susan's mother, Silk takes after the titular blond and throws her off of the second story of a construction sight. Believing her to be dead Silk  takes off only to learn that Susan survived with amnesia and was placed in a loony bin for psychiatric examination. From here the film becomes more of a Women In Prison movie and less of a typical thriller.

 Silk disguises himself as a hospital orderly and stalks Susan, waiting for the perfect moment to get her alone. However Susan has much more to worry about and Silk just might be the least of her problems. The great cult icon Mary Woronov (Death Race 2000) plays Dr. Fletcher, a sadistic bitch who uses the patients as guinea pigs for her new drugs. The only problem is that the drugs tend to either kill the subject immediately or put them into a sort of zombie like state. Once the subjects become brain-dead drones they are brought to Hellhole! Hellhole is a second building outside the hospital where Dr. Fletcher practices her sick and twisted medical work. She also has a bunch of guards running around in what looks like NYPD uniforms. One of the goons is played by the biggest chin in cinema, Robert (Maniac Cop) Z'Dar. As always Robert Z'Dar's character is menacing and he seems to really have been enjoying this role.

 Hellhole is jam packed with titties and bush. We are treated to the typical women in prison shower scenes, cat fights and plenty of lesbian sex. The one and only disappointing factor here is that we never get to see Judy Landers in the nude. What a ripoff that is. She even has a shower scene and we don't even get a glimpse at those massive melons. Where we lack in the bare breasted Judy Landers department the film does make up for it with every other actress. Plenty-o-boobs on display here. In one of my favorite sex scenes a blond bimbo sneaks into Silk's room where he is transformed back into homo-punk. Silk takes some dirty pictures of the blond loony while she calls him daddy over and over again. The thing I find so funny about this is that when Silk leaves the doctors ward and enters his living quarters, does he immediately snap on his studded bracelets? Just a silly thought.

 Then there is the very random mud-bath scene in which Silk takes on a threesome in a tub full of mud. Don't worry, the girls still call him daddy. We also have some murder and mayhem. Axes come in handy, shards of broken glass are used, switchblades, billy clubs and giant syringes all act as instruments of death in Hellhole.

This one is a whole lot of fun and recommended for fans of women in prison movies, loony bin movies, or just fans of trash cinema in general. Its funny, its raunchy and  it would never be made today. For these reasons alone it is worth a watch.

Childs Play 2 (1990)

Personally not being the biggest fan of this series or what I like to call joke-ster horror. You know the type, those Freddy Kruger movies and just about everything else to come out of the late 80's. However while looking at the Childs Play series this one isn't all that bad. I like this sequel much better then the original and that rarely happens.

If you are in the mood for a silly Slasher type movie where you don't have to use your brain, this one can actually be kinda fun. Childs Play 2 takes off where the first film ended. Little Andy Barclay has been sent to an orphanage while his mother is being psycho analyzed in some loony bin but we never even see her in this movie, so fuck her. Of course the authorities don't believe either one of them that they were being stalked by a possessed, serial killer doll and its not long before Chucky pops back up in the picture. It just so happens that all the news around Andy and his mother has made for very bad publicity for Good Guy Dolls incorporated. The company has managed to acquire the so called possessed doll and is putting it through testing to see if the doll was in anyway defective. Well for some reason the company chooses to completely refurbish the ugly red headed killer toy and before you can say "I hate kids" Chucky is back in the swing of things and killing off humans.

Chucky manages to track down his old pal Andy, who is now living with a foster family. Jenny Agutter who I remember best as nurse Alex in American Werewolf In London plays Andy's new foster mother. Chucky makes sure he gives the new family hell before eventually killing everybody off. The best kill scene is when Andy's school teacher has a bicycle pump stabbed deep into her chest and then is beat to death with a yard stick. Other then that most of the kill scenes are typically silly which one could expect from a movie about a talking killer doll that came out in 1990.

However the films best moment is the climax. It is a gory cat and mouse scene in the Good Guy Doll factory. The whole end of the movie is done in good splattery fun. Eyeballs are pushed in, arms are ripped off and we also get a really cool head explosion. Even if the whole first half of the film is mediocre to lame the ending makes it all better. Childs Play 2 also offers up a plastic bag suffocation scene, a twisted neck breaking scene, a stabbing and an electrocution. As far as this series goes, I stick with Bride Of Chucky and this one. The rest of them are all pretty lame.

 

Sleepless Nights (1984)

You can probably guess by the cover on this shitty video that Sleepless Nights isn't exactly a good movie. In fact I only own this thing because it was included on a Helga Sven triple feature. Wait a minute... Why do I own a Helga Sven triple feature? Oh well, whatever!

What we have here is a typical 80's, shot on video piece of shit. It opens up with a rape scene in which Lili Marlene is attacked in her bathroom by a pervert in one of those clear masks. You know, the kind that can be seen in movies like Last House On Dead End Street or better yet Alice Sweet Alice. Well anyway as the rape scene goes on it becomes apparent that the victim is enjoy it possibly as much as our masked rapist. Oh and while all this is happening our horny victims husband is soundly asleep in the next room. While this opening scene makes it seem that Sleepless Nights has potential of becoming a rough sleaze-fest, the movie shifts gears instantly when we learn that this is just one of the many fantasies of our main character played by Lili Marlene. In fact the rest of the movie will be one fantasy after another and each one is more cheesy and dramatic then the last.

In case you are wondering, yes Sleepless Nights is yet another shot on video piece of shit from the 80's. It comes complete with crappy 80's love songs and plenty of bad acting. Chubby German Helga Sven does show up eventually for a fuck scene but quickly disappears. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing. In another random moment the poster for Abel Ferrara's Ms. 45 appears and I'm not quite sure why. Its not like Sleepless Nights is a rape revenge flick or anything. The only other moments really worth talking about is an incestuous scene where our main character fantasizes about blowing her "kid brother" and one particularly raunchy foursome where a leather clad bimbo demands her clit be sucked while her asshole & cunt is finger-banged. The dialogue in this scene is just charming "Ass! Cunt!! Clit!!!" repeat this about one hundred times and you get the point after a while. Last but not least there is this weird sort of artsy-fartsy sex scene on a staircase in which horny groping hands reach up in true Repulsion fashion. Wait why am I making reference to Repulsion? This movie sucks.

Unless you enjoy shot on video crap from the 1980's or feel the need to own a Helga Sven triple feature??? You could probably skip this one all together.

Black Magic (1973)

Here's another off the wall psychotic horror gem from the Shaw Brothers. Typical of a Hong Kong horror flick Black Magic is all over the place with wall to wall mayhem and insanity. Warning! This one is perverse!

 So basically everyone in this movie is a horny bastard and this does include the women. For the sake of lust these hard-on's visit a Black Magic priest who is equally horny and perverted. For the right price this witch doctor will cast a spell and make someone fall in love with you. These love spells can last as little as a day or for a few years, this is of course up to the witch doctor. He also has the power to cast a "death spell" which happens to be his strongest spell. If the Black Magic priest chooses, he can kill you within three days.

   I love the methods and ingredients that the evil magician demands before casting a spell. It seems like he is just living out his own perverse fetishes. In one of the films most sleazy and memorable moments the witch doctor tells his client that he will need her breast milk. When she informs him that she is not pregnant and doesn't have any milk, the pervy old doctor gives her a concoction and before you know it this asian hottie is shooting tit-milk into a bowl. Now if thats not awesome, I don't know what is. Aside from all the hot milky lactation action we do have some centipede eating in this one. A Hong Kong horror flick without some centipede action is like a gay porn without mustaches. Its just wrong! So we do have that going for us. Oh and we also have a centipede puking scene as well just in case if you enjoy seeing it come up as much as it going down. Yum!

 We also have the expected hopping ghosts. I'm sorry they don't appear to be vampires in this one but did I mention this movie is perverted? This one is jam packed with bare breasted women and plenty of sex scenes. In one odd moment a woman has some paste shoved up her crotch and rice is pulled out? Not quite sure what was going on there but either way its bound to put a twinkle in your eye. We also see a human chin get set on fire and nasty moment where worms are crawling around under a woman's skin. I couldn't help but think how much cooler this is then the HELP ME scene in The Exorcist. Eventually a knife is plunged into the woman's back and the worms come falling out. Yuck!

Black Magic comes to its conclusion when we learn that there is a good witch doctor out there. Does he have his own movie, White Magic? You never know with the Shaw Brothers. The two magicians duke it out with some silly magic-fu and we all live happily after. Well that is at least until the sequel. I am aware of the fact that there is a Black Magic part 2 out there which I have not been lucky enough to see yet but it is on the list of things to do.

If you're a fan of this filthy shit, you would probably also dig Seeding Of A Ghost another horror smut-fest from the Shaw Brothers. However I have warn the Kung Fu fanatics that there is absolutely no martial arts in this movie and when I say none that means none. Sorry guys seek out another one if thats what you're looking for. Still Black Magic will kick you in the balls. This one is just great!

Don't Look Now (1973)

This British, Italian co-production is mainly shot on the canals of Venice. An ideal setting for a thriller mystery. At times the canals appear to be very peaceful and others they are dark and creepy. In Some scenes they are spacious and others they are claustrophobic. In Don't Look Now the locations act as a character themselves and this just might be the films strongest point.

This one follows a married couple (Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie) who tragically lost their daughter. The little girl drown in a murky lake while playing in the yard. The unexplained death left the married couple emotionally distraught and now they fight to pick up the pieces of their lives. Donald Sutherland plays John Baxter who's profession is in the restoration of art in ancient churches. Business has taken Mr, and Mrs. Baxter to Venice where they meet two elderly sisters, one of which is a blind psychic. Eventually the creepy, old, blind, hag convinces Mrs. Baxter that her dead daughter is trying to communicate with her and her husband. She also claims the dead girl delivers a warning, that "as long as they stay in Venice her husbands life is at risk".

 Being a man of logic (no he is not religious) John Baxter doesn't buy into the bullshit that the old bags are laying on his wife. This all starts to change when he almost meets his fate in a church. John starts to have premonitions which do not become clear until the films final moments. Throw a deranged serial killer into the mix who in running around Venice, killing off young women and leaving the corpses in the canal and the viewer is never quite sure which way the film is going to turn. Is it in fact a supernatural movie with a ghostly little girl? Is it all in the minds of the distraught parents? Or does the killer have a bigger a part in all of this? I wont be a total bastard and give the twist ending away but I will point out the films high points.

This one offers up a steamy love scene between Sutherland and Christie which is almost to romantic for my taste but its also kinda weird and artsy which makes it interesting to look at. Julie Christie bares it all for the camera in this one and so does Sutherland. Now I know Donald Sutherland has never been shy and has quite a few nude scenes in his filmography but I can't help but wonder if the guy is a bit of an exhibitionist. Perhaps he requests to do nude scenes like Harvey Keitel. Just a thought... Anyway being the childish moron that I am I can't help but chuckle at the bare-ass Donald Sutherland scenes. We also have a creepy dwarf thrown into the mix and of course the blind psychic who wears those creepy, foggy contact lenses which always remind me of The Beyond. There is also a really cool scene where the killer is revealed and a kitchen knife is pushed through a unsuspecting victims neck. This scene is quite gory and unexpected from a film which is done more on the classy side.

While I personally prefer my horror to be a bit more on the raunchy side I suppose Don't Look Now was done pretty well for what it is. This one is more of a psychological thriller but does have some great moments. Not the best thriller I have ever seen but certainly not the worst.

Midnight Blue Collection : Clebrities Edition Volume 3 (2006)

For those who are unfamiliar with Midnight Blue, it was a late night public access show which started around 1974. Run and hosted by Al Goldstein, the publisher for Screw Magazine, one could probably guess what the show consisted of. Midnight Blue served as another outlet for Goldstein to fight against censorship and give us the dirt. The show mainly consisted of interviews with porn stars of the time and filthy commercials.

What we have here is a compilation of Midnight Blue moments concerning celebrities other then porn stars. Midnight Blue Collection volume 3 offers up some truly hilarious moments. My favorite interview is probably with Gilbert Gottfried in which he tells big Al that "Pussy tastes like chicken" and that he will fuck just about any animal in the world except Al. Goldstein laughs so hard in his Gottfried interview that he can hardly catch a breath. Another amazing moment is in the Debbie (Blondie) Harry interview where we learn that Debbie has fucked black men and "they don't necessarily have larger dicks then a white man" she also enjoys the taste of pussy and has had quite a few lesbian experiences. Then we have a very bizarre chat with Tiny (Tip Toe Through The Tulips) Tim where he tells us of his strange and creepy sexual habits. This has to be seen to be believed. Amongst the others who show up is Al (Grandpa Munster) Lewis, Russ Meyer (Faster Pussycat Kill Kill), Arnold Schwarzenegger, O.J. Simpson, R. Crumb, Larry Flynt and Penn & Teller.

Aside from the interviews we get the official SCREW YOU!!! rants from Al Goldstein and we hear his hatred for the likes of Jane (Barbarella) Fonda... How can anyone hate Jane Fonda?, Jack Nicholson, Sean Penn, Howard Stern and Donald Trump.

We also have plenty of filthy infomercials and some pornographic sex scandals caught on film such as the Barbra Streisand stag film, Robert Lowe's sex tape and that stupid tape in The Go Go's dressing room.

Midnight Blue is the kind of humor that is a perfect for those who aren't up tight, dislike censorship and are perhaps a bit on the the perverted side. If you do not fit into these categories I feel its okay if I speak for big Al. Fuck You!!!

 

Centerfold Fever (1981)

This early 80's XXX porno flick has some pretty funny moments. Directed by Richard Mailer (Rape Victims) and starring lots of heavy hitters in the smut industry. Robert Kerman a.k.a. R. Bolla (Cannibal Holocaust, Debbie Does Dallas, Come With Me My Love) plays Mr. Scuzzi, a editor for an adult magazine. His name suits him just right because Kerman's character all though hilarious is out right sleazy. Mr. Scuzzi puts out a add for a new intern with the intentions of manipulating the new gal into posing nude. His real goal is to find the perfect centerfold.

A young Ron Jeremy (All The Way In, Citizen Toxie) plays "The Maniac", the magazines photographer. They call him The Maniac because sometimes while on a shoot he goes ape-shit crazy in a sexual frenzy, rips off all of his clothes and joins in on the action. What a maniac! Ron The Maniac Jeremy offers up many of the films laughs. In one scene he shakes his hips and turns his massive rod into a spinning helicopter while juggling apples. He also does the old Inside Seka gag and sucks his own pecker! However my favorite Ronny moment is his scene with Annie Sprinkle (Bizarre Styles). The dialogue is just way too funny in this scene. Annie is great as always and plays a nympho swinging wife who acts out a triple suck-job and then preforms her booby ballet? The booby ballet scene is terrific and must be seen first hand. Oh Annie, I love you!

Some of Centerfold Fever's  other highlights consist of Marc Steven's who plays himself as Mr. Ten And A Half. Marc Steven's has a maid named heather who comes to his command. In his best moment Marc flips his lid when he is asked if he is really ten and a half inches. He demands his penis is measured immediately "measure it from the asshole". When it turns out to be under ten inches he demands a blowjob so it can grow to its full potential. During this oral scene he calls to his maid "Heather! Assume the normal position" heather promptly gets on her burned up knees and tosses Mr. Ten And A Half's salad. After Marc Steven's busts his nut he has this to say "Heather! Please clean up this spill". There is also a giant movie theater orgy. The perverts in a sleazy movie house all get it on while watching cheesy porno trailers. One of the trailers is called Deep Sheep, a fictitious bestiality flick in which we get to "See Annie Sprinkle milk the cow". Next up we have a demented little S&M scene in which a leather clad bimbo ties her labia in a knot.

While there might not be the worlds best plot in this one, there is enough silly shenanigans going on to keep this one fresh and fun through the running time.

  

Rawhide Terror (1934)

Written and produced by Victor Adamson, the father of the great schlock-meister Al Adamson (Satan's Sadists, Girls For Rent). I think it is safe to say like father, like son. This has to be one of the most cheesy, wackiest, weirdest westerns I have ever seen.

  A bunch of dirt-bags pose as wild Indians and terrorize a family of four who are having a nice picnic. They rob the father of his gold and then brutally murder him execution style. The mother is next to go. For some reason they let the two children survive. One of them runs off into the woods while insanely laughing to himself and the youngest boy of the two is left behind with his dead parents. Now we jump forward in time a good 12 years or so and the criminals are being killed one by one. The man doing the killings is a masked phantom type known only as the Rawhide killer. The whole community is hot on the trail of the masked villain but he always seems to be one step ahead and gets away every time.

 The Rawhide Terror is packed to the gills with flaws. The acting is ridiculous, the action is not very eventful and the audio has certainly seen better days, there are still some things that make this one worth a watch. First off the Rawhide Killer is outright absurd. With his giant over-bite and silly attire, you can't really help but like this guy. Then there is the fact that we are indeed watching a western but the killer chooses to strangle his victims rather then shoot them. Aside from that there isn't a whole lot more going on in this one but what can you expect from what was supposed to be an old time serial. What we are actually seeing today is a pieced together hour or so long feature version of the serial.

Probably only worth a watch for lovers of truly bad cinema and of course Al Adamson fanatics but then again I would assume they would be one in the same.