Quiet Days In Clichy (1970)

I have to admit this movie makes me feel a little bit like a fake. Personally not being much of a reader I have never read any of Henry Miller's novels. While I certainly know who Henry Miller is I have to admit that I am more familiar with his image and interviews which can all be found on the Internet then his actual writings. Yet Quiet Days In Clichy is one of my all time favorite Sexploitation movies.

This Danish film offers a very minimal plot but stands strong as high art in trash cinema. This overly sleazy sexploit follows two piss-poor writers Joey and Carl who indulge in the finer things in life such as sex and binge drinking. They make it a point to sleep with as many women as possible and morals come secondary to their sexual decadence. The two men find themselves in a bit of trouble when they find a 14 year old girl aimlessly walking the streets. They become aware that the girl is a bit slow in the head to say the least and they also are aware of her age but this doesn't stop Joey and Carl from exploiting her youthful body in every way possible. She becomes the men's personal sex toy and they await punishment. "All her brains are in her cunt"

The 14 year old retard only eats up a small part of the runtime and there are plenty of other women who will bare it all in Quiet Days In Clichy. The film is loaded to the brim with naked female flesh and yes there are a couple of swinging dicks for added trash points but there is more to this film then sex sex sex. There is almost a poetry that flows through the film. A interesting and unique philosophical message. Yes its perverse and many would consider it depraved but there are moments of monologue that really punctuate the film and bring it to another level making Quiet Days In Clichy something a bit more then your average Doris Wishman sleaze-o-rama. "Better venereal disease than a moribund peace and quiet." The film has this beautiful nihilistic feel to it. Joey and Carl live by their instincts and the consequences and repercussion do not really enter the men's minds. That is at least until it is to late.

Another thing that makes Quiet Days stand out so much is how the story is told. Yes there are long moments of monologue but for large portions of the film nobody is speaking and I am not just talking about the sex scenes. Plus the film is not entirely in English. I would say only about half of the film is spoken in English but this doesn't really keep the viewer in the dark because texts sprawl across the screen explaining what is happening. Yes I said texts not subtitles. Almost as if the characters should have bubbles coming from their heads explaining what they are thinking, like a comic book. "Those were the days when the air was filled with cunt"

In one of my favorite scenes we see Joey going to sleep hungry. He has no cash because he gave it all to a hooker "The woman he loves". We watch him toss and turn as garage rock blares on the soundtrack and images of food spew across the screen. He wakes up in a frenzy, suffering from starvation, he roams the city streets looking for a hand out. He finds nothing and resorts to eating out of the garbage. He washes the garbage down his throat with some wine and goes back to sleep with a satisfied smile on his face. This all of course being a metaphor for his lifestyle and the trashy women in his life which keep him satisfied. In another scene we see Joey eat bread from a toilet bowl. Some of the other trashy delights that this film has to offer is a bathtub orgy which reminded me a bit of Denis Hopper's American Dreamer, sex scenes play like rape scenes and an amazing soundtrack by Country Joe. You have to hear this theme song to believe it. Its dirty!

Quiet Days In Clichy is the perfect experience for anyone who can dig a little bit of art with their sexploitation movies. Even for those like myself who are not familiar with writings Henry Miller.

The Fog (1980)

I have no idea how many times I have seen this classic. I first caught it on television as a kid. Then on VHS, then on DVD. Its one of those movies that everyone owns, so if you go to a friends house who has a slim movie collection you might be stuck putting this one on again. I was even lucky enough to see it on the big screen some time back. All these years later The Fog still works. Its a classic! Its The Fog!

Remember when John Carpenter was still cool? Halloween, Assault On Precinct 13. Even Carpenter's 1978 made for television movie Someones Watching Me was good for a scare. Well The Fog wasn't exactly the last good film in the directors career but it is closing in on the end. After The Fog John Carpenter would go on to do Escape From New York, The Thing and then Christine in 1983. From 83 on his films would get worse and worse but this just seems to be the trend for great American horror directors from the 70's. Wes Craven, George A. Romero and many others would all go the same way.

The Fog on the other hand continues to impress me to this day. It is genuinely creepy and holds a very good story. Yet it is not overly graphic. Almost all of the violence takes place in a thick fog which leaves a lot to the imagination. Usually this is a disappointment but it works perfectly in this one.

The Fog is a ghost story. It tells of a group of men who were betrayed, robbed and slaughtered by the new settlers of Antonio Bay. 100 years later the victims come back to Antonio Bay. They roll in with a thick fog and take revenge on the town. Like most super natural movies from this time many of the things that happen are confusing and don't make a whole lot of sense. Things catch fire for no explained reason. Clocks stop and electronic devices go ape shit. For me this is the only down side to the movie. I was never able to just say okay its a ghost movie, it doesn't have to make sense. I always want an answer. This is just a small flaw in a great movie. It doesn't hurt the film much.

The Fog comes complete with a great cast. We have Adrienne Barbeau who I remember best as Billy from Creepshow. "Just call me Billy. Everybody does." Barbeau plays the host of a radio station which is stationed from an old light house where she can warn the people of Antonio Bay which way The Fog is rolling. Hal Holbrook (Rituals, Creepshow) plays a priest who must answer to the vengeful walking dead for the sins of his ancestors. Janet Leigh (Psycho, Touch Of Evil) shows up along side her daughter Jamie Lee Curtis (Halloween) and the cult icon Tom Atkins (Night Of The Creeps, Halloween III : Season Of The Witch) shows up as the drunken lover-boy of Jamie Lee. You also might recognize some other John Carpenter familiars such as Nancy Kyes who's character goes by the name of cough... cough... Sandy Loomis.

A strong plot, memorable characters and zombie-ghost-pirates make The Fog the classic that it is. We have sharp objects shoved through eyeballs, swords through torsos a dead priest and plenty more. Due to the lack of visual graphic violence and nudity I always recommend The Fog as a great horror movie for parents to show to their pre-teen children who are interested in horror movies. Why this movie got a {R} rating, I am not really sure. I feel that it should have been {PG-13}. I have not seen the 2005 remake and I don't want to. The Fog is a childhood favorite and we all know that the remakes of the 2000's are awful.

"I don't know what happened to Antonio Bay tonight. Something came out of the fog and tried to destroy us. In one moment, it vanished. But if this has been anything but a nightmare, and if we don't wake up to find ourselves safe in our beds, it could come again. To the ships at sea who can hear my voice, look across the water, into the darkness. Look for the fog."

The Perfect Brat (1989)

I think The Perfect Brat was nothing more then Tom Byron's attempt to prove to everyone that he is not a 16 year old boy. Tom Byron rocks a mullet and a sweet mustache and an earring. He also tries to act like somewhat of a bad-ass and it is totally ridiculous because the subject is a pretty soft one.

The title really has nothing to do with the movie and if it does I am not sure who the brat is. Maybe it is Tom Byron. Anyway, Byron plays an alcoholic who has been going to new meetings with his girl. They are taught that it is more healthy to fuck then it is to drink but being born and raised in New York, theSTD capital of America, I am not sure how true this is. Well that is really it as far as the paper thin plot goes. Tom Byron gets drunk, Tom Byron gets laid and um well thats just about it.

The Perfect Brat is pretty much a perfect piece of shit and unless you really want to see Tom Byron with a 80's mustache and doing his worst acting job of all time I would say don't waste your time. I guess its still better then the fuck-tapes that people watch these days but who is to say? After all, shit is in the eye of the beholder.

Edge Of The Axe (1988)

This late 80's Slasher comes in just a step above the average shot on video crap from this time. There is nothing very memorable to speak of with the exception of one semi graphic murder scene in which a street walking female is chopped into over and over again with an axe.

Edge Of The Axe tries its best to be interesting but fails miserably. The characters are boring. The dialogue is boring, the story is boring and there just is not enough axe-em-up mayhem to keep the viewer happy through all the bad romance scenes which eats up most of the run time. You would think due to the cool poster that Edge Of The Axe is going to be a pretty trashy slasher but this just isn't the case. The film focuses on the love lives of two couples and some of the females aren't all that bad to look at but the film doesn't even have the decency to offer up and naked flesh. However we do have a character who looks a lot like Jim Carrey which is kind of interesting I guess because no matter how bad Edge Of The Axe is, it is still better then anything that Hollywood boy Jim Carrey has ever done. We also have a case of life imitating art here. Edge Of The Axe could be considered a sci-fi movie if you wasn't because it predicts the Internet, Its pretty funny to see this early version of a fictional Internet, all of which is in Dos Prompt.

It also comes to a climax with a twist ending. I would have preferred a twisted ending but hey maybe its to much to ask for some mindless violence in my slasher flicks. The pile of 80's slasher films is pretty damn big. If you pass this one by you really wouldn't be missing much. However the German title for this one is pretty cool. Axolution.

Invaders From Mars (1986)

Yep, even in the 80's remakes were just awful. This one had just about everything going for it. Dan O'Bannon (Return Of The Living Dead) gives us the new screenplay and Tobe Hooper the director of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is living out his life dream and directing the remake of his childhood favorite movie.

For those familiar with the 1953 classic, the story is almost identical. A science fiction nerd looks out his window and witnesses a flying saucer landing over the hill behind his house. The boy takes off running to warn his parents what he has seen. Naturally they don't believe him and send him back to his room. When he wakes in the morning daddy isn't acting quite normal. The Invaders From Mars have taken over dads body and its not long before they have mom as well. The school teachers, students, police and townsfolk all become a walking disguise for the aliens and it is up to the kid to save the day.

Karen Black plays the school nurse and is the only one who believes the little boy. Together they enter the flying saucer and fight the monsters that are inside.

The original Invaders From Mars may be campy and unintentionally funny by todays standards but in 53 that was a scary movie for a kid to see. One morning you wake up and your dad is no longer your dad. Your mom is not your mom. Your teacher is not your teacher and they all want to harm you. Who would believe you. The kid feels alone in a world of adults and monsters. It is a nightmare come true and the thing that made the original work so well was the fact that it was told through a little kids point of view. Even the camera angles are all taken from a low point of view. It is very clear who that movie was marketed for. Young monster-kids! The 1980's remake doesn't work so well for anybody.

In the most memorable scene Louise Fletcher who we all remember best as Nurse Ratched is One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest eats a frog. I liked this scene a lot because just like Ratched, Fletcher plays yet another total unlikable twat. Seeing nurse Rathed eat a frog brought me great pleasure. Other then that James Karen who plays Frank in Return Of The Living Dead shows up as a over acting military man which was pretty funny but everything else is pretty bad. It is way to comedic and even the monsters look like big dumb, useless piles of shit. The kids grandmother could probably out run these things so I don't see why he is so affraid. The sets are pretty elaborate and we do get some big explosions but all in all this 80's remake is just a waste of time.

It really confuses me how someone like Tobe Hooper can go from doing something like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre or even Eaten Alive to silly 80's shit like this. Stick with the original. Even if it was marketed for kids it is more intelligent then this nonsense.

Demon Of Paradise (1987)

I had some high hopes for this one. Director Cirio H. Santiago has a whole slew of classic exploitation titles to his name including the blaxploitation classic TNT Jackson. Not to mention it was produced by Roger Corman. From what I have read, Demon Of Paradise is yet another attempt at Piranha success or a Jaws ripoff if you will.

Well this ain't Piranha. Demon Of Paradise is yet another victim of the terrible 80's where comedy and goofiness takes the place of any real substance the film might have had.

We have a bunch of morons who nobody would ever give a shit about being knocked off by a giant lizard like monster. The monster looks silly enough to have entertained the average Creature From The Black Lagoon fan but everything else about the movie is just wretched. From the acting to the dubbing. This piece of garbage should be blown to bits with the dynamite that woke our lizard-man up.

There really isn't anything here that is worth talking about. One gore scene and a few girls running around in bikinis is not enough to save Demon Of Paradise from being returned to the used bin at the local music and dvd store. For a much better time with under water sea monsters from the 80's I would say check out Humanoids From The Deep. That one is good trashy fun that never gets old. Or you could always just stick with the 70's classic piranha but if you are like me you will probably not take this advice. Surly you will find the next awful Jaws ripoff and live to give another bad review.

Skip this movie. Nothing happens through most of the running time and when it finally does it is nothing more then silly 80's antics. This one is just bad.

Death Proof (2007)

In 2007 Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino put together a double feature known as Grindhouse. Rodriguez's feature was an 80's style zombie flick called Planet Terror and Tarantino's being a Slasher crossed with a 70's carsploitation flick, known as Death Proof.

Kurt Russel (The Thing, Escape From New York) plays Stunt-Man Mike, a deranged ex stunt-man who now gets his rocks off by stalking hot girls and killing them with his car. "Do I scare you? Is it my scar? No. Its your car."

The car chase scenes are pretty amazing in this movie. Cars flip, motorcycles crash, girls hang from the hood of the car and we have plenty of homage to American car flicks, especially Vanishing Point. Anyone interested in Tarantino's influences for the fast paced car action in Death Proof might want to check out a documentary called Not Quite Hollywood : The Wild Untold Story Of Ozploitation. In this documentary Tarantino discusses Australian car flicks and the influence they had on him.

Death Proof even has a bit of dialogue that mentions Australia when Someone mistakes Zoe Bell's New Zealand accent for an Australian one. Death Proof is full of the normal witty dialogue one would expect from Quentin Tarantino and in one scene the director recreates the memorable diner sequence from Reservoir Dogs with an all female cast.

Death Proof is loaded with homage to classic influential films and actors. In one of my favorite frames Sydney Tamiia Poiter (Daughter of Sidney Poitier) copies Briggite Bardot who is posing in a poster above her. Foot fetishists should find Death Proof to be a bit stimulating to say the least. Every other frame in the movie seems to have a close up of foxy females toes and in the films trashiest moment Kurt Russel licks Rosario Dawson's feet while she sleeps.

Death Proof eventually shifts gears into some what of a revenge flick but before the revenge takes place some of the high notes consist of Rose McGowan (Doom Generation) having her achy-breaky skull smashed in, in a brutal car crash. Another girl has her head sawed in half by a flying tire, legs are severed and sent flying, we have some gun violence, a pipe to the face, a head is stomped into the pavement and a whole lot of damage to really nice cars. We also have an amazing soundtrack which is pretty normal for a Tarantino movie.

I personally like to watch Planet Terror and Death Proof together, the way the gods intended them to be seen but if I had to choose between the two I think I prefer Death Proof over Planet Terror. Death Proof plays more like a true 70's exploitation film despite the use of cellphones and modern female chit-chat. I was lucky enough to catch both films in the theater upon the Grindhouse release. They came complete with all those great fake trailers. The films worked well together in that memory for me. For everyone else who wasn't able to catch the theatrical release, I can't really see how much they would appreciate either one of these movies.

Death Proof was made by a fan-boy, for fan-boys and it is a shame that when the two movies were released for dvd the films were split up with all the added fun missing. For me it almost feels like I am watching a cut down version of the movie and we all know how much it sucks to watch a cut film. I still await the proper dvd release of Grindhouse.

He Who Gets Slapped (1924)

When it comes to Lon Chaney it is never easy to choose but if I had to Laugh Clown Laugh is probably my favorite of all Chaney movies. So when I learned that he also played a clown in He Who Gets Slapped and many considered the character to be more sinister I had to see it.

This time Lon Chaney plays a scientist named Paul. Paul has two loves in his life. His work and his wife. It just so happens that Paul has proven his theory on the origins of mankind and he is going to become rich and famous. Well at least he would be. Paul's wife has been cheating on him with his best friend and now the two will give him one final slap in the face and steal his work and claim it to be their own discovery. Paul sinks into an awful depression and joins the circus as "He" the clown who gets slapped. He is gaining a lot of attention and is becoming the main attraction of the town. Paul has been slapped in the face by his loved ones and laughed at by everyone else. At least now he is getting paid to be slapped and laughed at by complete strangers.

The only thing is that underneath all of the makeup. He is plotting out his revenge. When his old friend no longer had a use for Paul's wife he left her for a young girl in the circus. This just so happens to be the girl that Paul or He is falling in love with. He refuses to be slapped again and he decides to kill the man who has brought him so much grief.

This time around Lon Chaney uses a circus lion as his murder weapon. For those familiar with The Unholy Three and the epic killer ape ending, it was most likely heavily influenced by this film which would be released on year earlier. The final fight is more emotional then it is thrilling. Lon Chaney pours it on thick as he gets revenge. "We will see who will have the last laugh".

The truth is I still prefer Laugh Clown Laugh over He Who Gets Slapped. While I am glad I picked this one up and very happy to have added to my collection I am still yet to find a Chaney movie that brings the amount of emotion that Laugh Clown Laugh does. None the less Chaney fans will not be disappointed by this one. It is artsy, metaphoric, emotional and creepy.

Psycho II (1983)

22 years after the Bates Motel massacre Norman Bates is released from the mental hospital. He is set up with a job at a local restaurant where he befriends Mary played by Meg Tilly. The only problem is that Mary's last name is Loomis which means she is a relative of the woman that Norman slashed up in the shower all those years back.

When he invites Mary to live with him it becomes a little to much stress on ole Norman. Lets just say that Norman starts to not feel so well again and people start getting knocked off one by one in true slasher fashion.

Psycho is one of those timeless horror movies where it seems pointless to do a remake or a sequel. Obviously Psycho 2 can't compete with Alfred Hitchcock's classic as far as style and originality goes but I generally like this follow up. In fact it is the only sequel or remake in the series that is worth watching at all and it is fun for what it is.

I feel that the film makers went in exactly the right direction with this one. If you can't out do the original just make it slightly more sleazy. Add in more gruesome murder and a bit of tit and we are on the right track.

Norman Bates still enjoys watching the ladies shower and luckily for us Meg Tilly offers up a quick nudie scene. Then we have a couple of horny teenagers who sneak into the old Bates house to smoke some dope and have sex but that ends pretty quickly at the end of a kitchen knife. My personal favorite character is Mr. Toomey a sleazoid who has been running the Bates Motel while Normal was locked up. When Norman fires the scummy motel manager, Toomey decides he is going to hurt Norman physically "Go ahead Psycho! Pick up the knife". Well Toomey ends up with a kitchen knife stuck through his face and is found later at the bottom of the swamp where Norman is oh so famous for dumping bodies and victims cars.

Then in the films most gory moment a woman has a knife shoved into her mouth which comes out by the back of her neck. Another man is stabbed in the guts and as he falls down the stairs the blade is pushed further and further into his body, An old woman is hit over the achy-breaky skull with a shovel and Norman Bates gets cut up pretty badly himself this time around.

The thing that makes this movie so fun, aside from the increase in violence is the relationship between Norman Bates and Mary Loomis. I wont spoil the ending but it does come with a little twist but most will probably see it coming.

Keep an open mind and don't expect anything spectacular and you might enjoy this one.

Strange Invaders (1983)

Strange Invaders is a 1980's homage to 50's science fiction movies and a lot of the film takes place in the 50's. The wardrobe, haircuts and cars are all somewhat believable but the film falls short with its Hollywood type style and {PG} rating. Of course most of the science fiction films of the 50's would be considered {PG} today but those films also came off extremely independent. They didn't seem completely commercialized which is what we get with Strange Invaders. It just looks like something that should be played on television.

Speaking of the way it looks, For some reason the print that I saw has very soft and washed out color to it and I am not talking about the scenes that are supposed to look like we are in the 50's. The whole movie is pretty soft and it was even a bit blurry. It also lacks that level of camp value that we all love the 50's horror/sci-fi flicks for and instead offers up some very early and very bad computer graphics. So those who argue that Strange Invaders is a great homage to those old black and white movies from the past I couldn't disagree more. Sure it tries but it just doesn't quite make it. The cast on the other hand was okay but the characters are all very boring. Louise Fletcher who I remember best from One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest shows up as FBI agent, Diana Scarwid (Mommie Dearest, Rumble Fish) plays an alien mother of a child from earth and Brian De Palma favorite Nancy Allen (Dressed To Kill, Carrie) takes on what has to be her most unsexy role of all time as a short haired, shoulder pad wearing magazine publisher.

Strange Invaders does have some nice special effects. Faces are ripped off, children melt, and the aliens spew out this yellowish green blood that reminds me of Phantasm. We also have a bunch of car explosions and a giant flying saucer. However this is not enough to save Strange Invaders from being just another piece of crap from the 80's. Don't waste your time.

A Lizard In Womans Skin (1971)

A Lizard In A Woman's Skin is the very first of Lucio Fulci's Giallo's and it really does have a nice look to it. The cinematography is great and so is the lighting and the sets. Even the murders are cool but there are definitely some key elements which knocks this one down a few pegs.

As time went on Lucio Fulci's films would get more and more gory and they would also make less and less sense. It was almost as if the Italian Godfather Of Gore just said to himself, well the audience wants gore and they don't care about plot, so fuck it! This film however makes perfect sense, the only problem is that it is just so god damn elaborate that you have to be hopped up on speed and not blink once to follow it. I always hated when mystery movies and especially Giallo flicks are over complicated and that is exactly what we have here.

It really is a damn shame too because A Lizard In Woman's Skin has a lot going for it. It has some amazing scenes. My personal favorite shows a girl being chased through an old church by a psychotic killer with a knife. It truly is a heart pounding scene and Fulci even manages to throw bats and a sniper into the mix and that's just fucking awesome. Then we have the nasty split-dogs scene where we see a bunch of white dogs split down the middle with a bunch of tubes hooked up to them and red gore spilling all over the place. The film is loaded with female nudity including some hot lesbian action and it also has a very hippiedellic vibe to it. Then we have some crazy images of a giant flying swan with a hole in it. So we have tons of really cool things going on.

Its all just very unfortunate that we are forced to sit through ten million twists and turns and I personally can never remember the final outcome even days after viewing the film. Still I guess this is nothing new to Giallo fans and those who would follow Lucio Fulci throughout his career shouldn't be to fazed. After all it is close to impossible to make sense out of the majority of his movies without hard drugs or at least a strong attention span.

Despite the confusion of the plot A Lizard In Woman's Skin well worth the watch for the gore and camera work alone.

Spooks Run Wild (1941)

When I think of The Bowery Boys this is the most memorable of all the movies. Perhaps its the fact that they meet Bela Lugosi. Perhaps its the title. Whatever it is, Spooks Run Wild is the first one that comes to mind.

In this 65 minute movie The East Side Kids are taken from the big city and sent to a summer camp. They sneak off in the middle of the night to meet a blond bimbo soda-jerk for a date. Apparently in the 40's teenage boys joined giant mobs for a date with a girl. The Bowery Boys end up getting lost and cutting through a cemetery where one of them is filled with buck-shot by a shotgun wielding madmen. They take off running and find themselves at an old spooky mansion which in inhabited by none other the Mr. Dracula himself, Bela Lugosi. It is your typical 40's cat and mouse run through the old mansion with Lugosi hot on the tail of the teenage boys. In one of my favorite moments The Bowery Boys decide to stop running and do what they do best... "Clobber him". I found it quit entertaining to see a bunch of juvenile delinquents jump Bela Lugosi.

From here we get the oh so familiar gags and goofs that pretty much took place in all of these old horror/comedies. Ghosts float about, spiders drop from the celling, skeletons roam around, zombies walk and Bela Lugosi pretty much acts the way Bela Lugosi always acts. We get some 1940's racism thrown about which can be kind of funny depending on how sensitive you are and it all comes complete with a sort of twist ending.  Spooks Run Wild is very short. It runs just over a hour at 65 minutes and it goes by pretty quickly. It never tends to get to slow or bore. Its cheesy, its not politically correct and it serves as entertaining nostalgia.

I would say the best audience for this flick would be anyone who digs the Abbot And Costello horror outings and lovers of the weird and bizarre wouldn't mind adding this crazy title to their collection of the strange.

Five Deadly Venoms (1978)

A dying teachers last request is for his newest student to keep five former students, known as the
"Poison Clan" or the Five Deadly Venom's from getting their greedy little kung-fu hands on his "treasure". The only problem is that the new student is no match for these five killers and the teacher doesn't mind letting him know this right from the beginning.

Each of the Five Deadly Venom's specializes in their own special kung fu technique and style. We got The Toad, The Snake, The Centipede, The Scorpion and The Lizard. The Toad has super human strength and can smash steel with his bare fists. The Lizard is very light weighted so he can climb walls and shit. So basically if these guys get together they are a force that is not to be reckoned with. Luckily for the newest student most of these guys have gone their own separate ways but this doesn't mean that they will not rejoin to kick some ass in search of the teachers treasure.

Aside from the amazing opening scene where we witness first hand The Poison Clan in training and smashing bowls, pottery, candles and basically just fucking shit up. The film also offers up a few nasty murders. On guy has a giant needle shoved up his nose and into his brain. Ouch! Another has a hook shoved down his throat which rips apart his insides. Then we have an awesome torture scene which seems like it would fit better into something like Chinese Torture Chamber Story. A man is shoved into a medieval torture device and has thousands of nails stuck through his body. We have a suffocation scene, some ninja throwing stars and of course some crazy flying kicks and wall climbing. This is all put together with really bad dubbing (depending on the version you see) and a cheesy plot that will keep you entertained until the next fight scene.

So if you like crazy kung fu flicks from the 70's with masked villains you might want to check this one out. I'm just glad I now know who the real Human Centipede is.