Ilsa The Wicked Warden (1977)

What happens when sleaze master Jesus Franco feels the influence of Ilsa : She Wolf Of The S.S.? He makes his own version of course. Originally titled Greta : Wicked Warden and then Wanda The Wicked Warden Dyanne Thorne plays... Well the Wicked Warden in another demented women in prison flick.

Since there is no real connection between the Ilsa movies aside from porno star Dyanne Thorne (Point Of Terror, Blood Sabbath) there is no need to set this movie in Nazi Germany. I guess its safe to say that the Ilsa series plays more like a Japanese Yakuza film series where connection is completely unnecessary.

Abbie although innocent fakes her nymphomania in order to be checked into the female prison run by Greta (Dyanne Thorne). Abbie's sister was checked into the prison over a year ago and was never released. Desperate to learn her sisters fate Abbie is subjected to torture and sexual abuse from Greta and the other female inmates.

Amongst the female prisoners is Lina Romay (Female Vampire) and she offers up some expected trashy moments. She has a S&M lesbian scene with Dyanne Thorne in which sewing needles are stuck into her bare breasts but perhaps the sickest moment in the film shows Romay on the toilet taking a steamy dump. She forces Abbie to lick her boots while she sits on the john. Next she has Abbie lick her ass clean. Yuck! This is of course followed by vomit. Then of course we get the shower scenes and the occasional naked cat fight but this one doesn't shy off on the whips and shock therapy. Women are treated pretty badly in this place and it is all being recorded live from the prison and sold to some sick fuck who pays handsomely for some nice snuff flicks. One girl has her eye ripped out and the others are covered in scars. I have to admit the makeup looks pretty good on some of these girls. One of the girls has a nasty scar running down her eye and it looks pretty damn real. Growing up in New York I am oh so familiar with the marks that are left on a face after it is slashed up and I can't help but wonder if this particular girl is in fact scared in real life. Ilsa : The Wicked Warden also offers up a very nasty rape orgy. When some male inmates from another prison are invited over to the women's prison for a bit of love making which will all be filmed for financial purposes, the dudes rip at the clothes of the women and their flesh as well. The clothes drop and the blood drips and Franco shows it all.

As with most of these women in prison flicks there is a bit of revolution and revenge at the end of the film but of course it doesn't equal the brutality that the victims of this prison had to endure. Ilsa, Greta, Wanda... What ever you want to call it, makes for high entertainment in true trashy Franco fashion. This one even offers up footage of tigers and lions ripping away at flesh during a human cannibal scene. Check it out for some disgusting fun with Dyanne Thorne and Lina Romay. Thanks Jess Franco, ya sick fucker!

Faces Of Death III (1985)

Well these Faces Of Death movies just get worse and worse don't they? The first film is good mondo fun. Faces Of Death part 2 was even more disturbing with nastier and more gruesome death on display. This one is just a straight up piece of shit with almost every single scene in the movie being a badly done reenactment of real scenarios involving death.

Dr. Francis B. Gross takes us through yet another look at death but the stylish elements from the first film are completely absent this time around. Director John Alan Schwartz has a cameo in F.O.D. 3. He plays a serial rapist and murderer on trial for video taping the sexual abuse and killing of a young Asian woman. By this time the series has become redundant and even the narration is totally repetitive. If I keep "exploring the many Faces Of Death" it is going to be the death of me.

With nothing new to offer F.O.D. 3 gives reenactments of suicide, deadly rattle snake bites, a skid row serial killer who dumps the lifeless bums bodies in dumpsters and some violent p.c.p. addicts. It seems the only real footage here is animal murder and if that is your thing you might as well join some dumb animals rights group and watch Kentucky Fried Chicken videos all day.

I'm pretty sure F.O.D. stands for fuck off and die..

Planet Terror (2007)

In 2007 Robert Rodriguez (Roadracers, Machete) and Quentin Tarantino (Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs) would co direct an experimental double bill called Grindhouse which came complete with two full length, exploitation style films and a bunch of fake trailers.

Due to box office failure the films were distributed separately on dvd and unfortunately a lot of the fun stuff was left out.

Robert Rodriguez feature is an all out zombie flick called Planet Terror which stars the incredibly sexy Rose McGowen as a Go-Go dancer who has her leg amputated after a zombie attack. She teams up with a bunch of weirdo's and battles the flesh eating ghouls all the way to Mexico.

Planet Terror was never intended to be taken seriously. It is an all out gore-fest from beginning to end with gut munching, head explosions, car explosions and plenty of cheesy dialogue. This tongue in cheek homage to 70's and 80's exploitation films is nothing new for the director. All of his films pretty much play the same way and this is amongst the directors best.

Big budget, modern, Hollywood horror is the last thing that I usually would praise but these homage films from the 2000's serve a place in my collection. Of course Grindhouse jump started it all but the films to come after would surpass it in my humble opinion. Machete is good clean Mexploitaion fun and my personal favorite being Black Dynamite. I show respect where it is due and if it wasn't for two fan-boys like Quentin and Robert there might not have been a Black Dynamite.

If you want to see Tom Savini ripped to shreds or a little kid blow his own brains out or a woman snap her own wrist or Rose McGowan have a gun implanted where her leg used to be or Bruce Willis mutate and melt down or a mad scientist collect human testicles or zombies being yet again decapitated by helicopter propellers, then you should check out Planet Terror. Or you could always just watch all the movies that it pays homage to. Either way this is the closest we get to exploitation in America in the 2000's.

Black Girl (1972)

Why do people like this movie? For some strange reason it is really hard to find anything negative said about this one on the Internet and that just really baffles me. From the looks of the movie poster one can't help but think that Black Girl is going to be a bad-ass 70's Blaxploitation flick. Well I might as well give fair warning to cult film enthusiasts... This is not the case. Black Girl is basically a soap opera with some foul language and some really bad dancing.

The picture on the left should give you a pretty good idea of Black Girl's contents. What we get is about 97 minutes of manipulative girls arguing.

The whole first half of the movie is as boring as can be with endless chit chat and plenty of dramatics. The later half gets somewhat interesting when the plot shifts gears and the emotion is layed on even thicker. When its all said and done it makes for a pretty depressing movie. Its just to bad that nothing really happens at all.

Billy Jean is a teenager who drops out of school and gets a gob dancing at some shit-hole bar where she makes three dollars a day. Her back stabbing older sisters rat Billy Jean out to their neglectful mother, Momma Rosie. Momma Rosie has a knack for getting knocked up by different men and having daughters. She gives her kids a roof over their heads but that is about it. Lets just say there isn't any love in the air. Momma Rosie also likes taking in stray runaway kids and prefers one in particular over her own children. This of course results in jealousy and hatred for the runaway foster child. Billy Jean and her older sisters come up with a plan to get rid of mommy's little golden child.

This thing was directed by the same guy who did Cotton Comes To Harlem which I have not yet seen but I'm sure it has to be more interesting then this one. If you are into exploitation films do yourself a favor and avoid Black Girl. That is unless you really dig boo-hoo sappy stories about under privileged African American girls.

The Incredible Melting Man (1977)

People love to hate this movie but the truth is that The Incredible Melting Man is incredible from start to finish in all of its gory glory.

This one almost plays like a remake of the 1950's classic monster flick The Hideous Sun Demon which is also amazing. However this 70's ripoff follows an astronaut named Steve who returns from a voyage to Saturn!?!? with a bit of a problem. He was exposed to an unknown source that causes him to become a violent, murderous madman on a blood-crazed path to destruction. Oh and there is one more thing... He is melting. Melting fast for that matter and it seems the only gratification that Steve will get from here on is to tear people apart and eat them. Yep this movie has it all! Melting astronauts and cannibals. What more do you need?

Naturally most people despise this movie for its bad acting, low budget and constant plot holes. For me this just adds to the madness of this 70's gore epic. It sports a beautiful moment where The Incredible Melting Man decapitates a fishermen and throws the severed head into the river. The scene cuts away to some very young kids smoking cigarettes and eventually cuts back to the head floating down the river and dropping from a waterfall where it will eventually come crashing down onto some rocks. The head bursts open on impact with red splatter sent flying towards the camera. Beautiful!

There are a bunch of genuinely dumb moments including one that shows a fat nurse on the run from the melting man. She runs clean through a glass door rather then opening it and of course she becomes a pretty healthy meal for our cannibalistic villain.

However the weirdest entity within this movie is that it tries to play like a 50's sci-fi monster movie. It is clear that this is where the film makers inspiration came from and there are so many 50's horror cliches thrown into the mix including the constant use of a giger counter.

Even if they are paying homage to the 50's it just never comes off right because The Incredible Melting Man is just so 70's in its sleaze factor. Despite the over the top gore, the film also offers up some tit in an overly trashy scene with actress Cheryl Smith who shows up in equally trashy delights such as Caged Heat, Pom Pom Girls and Massacre At Central High. This time around miss Smith plays a model who has her top ripped off by her scummy photographer who just really wants to see some tits. I wish I could have had a talk with this pervert and told him to just rent some of her other movies and he would have seen all he wanted but thanks to him we get some more bare boobage in a much appreciated scene.

The movie also offers up a senior citizen couple being devoured, eyeballs fall from the sockets, strangulation, severed arms, electrocution, a shoot out and all the melty action you deserve. Watch it! Embrace it! Love it! Its from the incredible 70's man!

White Dog (1982)

White Dog tells the gritty tale of a white German Shepard that is trained to attack and kill. However this is not your average attack dog. This is a "White Dog" meaning that it was bread by white racists to attack and kill black people.

While most directors would have taken this movie in one of two directions. Either the straight up exploitation rout or the sappy Hollywood moralist direction. The great Sam Fuller opts to make a art-house type horror film with a serious social commentary. The White Dog of course being a metaphor for the problems of racism in America and how easy it is to corrupt an innocent mind. The outcome is extremely dangerous. Not only is this dog dangerous but the subject matter is equally dangerous for any director to touch upon in 1982 and Fuller definitely paid the price.

The director fell victim to rabid critics who just didn't understand the film. Anyone familiar with Sam Fuller's work (The Naked Kiss, Shock Corridor) would blatantly see that racism and its affects on society is a theme that constantly comes back in the writer/directors films and this one is as touching as any other.

The horror on the other hand also works very well. When a struggling actress named Julie accidentally hits the dog with her car she does the humane thing and rushes the wounded animal to the hospital. She takes the dog home and falls in love with it. The first scene of violence shows the dog protecting its new owner against a rapist but its not long before innocent people start dying. Innocent black people that is. When Julie learns what is happening she takes her new pet to some professional animal trainers who have already dealt with a White Dog. The plan is to correct the dogs behaviour by mental reconditioning. The dog escapes and the murders continue but out of love for her dog Julie does not turn him in to the authorities.

White Dog artistically mixes horror and drama together. It finishes on a bit of a down note and comes complete with somewhat of a twist ending. There is also a delightful bit of gory mayhem that takes place in a church that needs to be seen to be believed. Check it out for a great Sam Fuller experience with racist animals, blood and a ending that would make Bambi viewers stop crying and shit their pants instead.

Grizzly (1976)

The most successful of all William Girdler films and it is understandable. Personally being a huge Girdler fan and a lover of his work that some consider unwatchable such as 3 On A Meathook and Asylum Of Satan, Grizzly is by far his most polished film and really goes to prove what the director was capable of.

Grizzly is just awesome from start to finish. With scenes of great brutality and bloodshed.

Christopher George (Pieces, The Exterminator, City Of The Living Dead) plays Kelly. Yep that's right his name is Kelly but he ain't no bitch. Kelly is a park ranger with a serious problem on his hands. When two pretty young girls turn up ripped to shreds he believes it to be a 15 foot Grizzly Bear which is not native to the woods that he is in control of. Kelly rounds up his men and take to the forest in search of the killer bear but he is always a step behind.

The bodies keep piling up and the Grizzly leaves a trail of body parts in his wake. Arms are severed, Heads are sent rolling, a woman is smashed into trees and left a mangled corpse, a bathing beauty meets her fate by the claws of the bear, a man is attacked from on top of a watch tower, another meets his fate by a killer bare hug and in the best and most controversial scene a little boy has his leg torn off at the knee, leaving a bloody stump for us to gawk at.  These are just some of the highlights that Grizzly has to offer but there is even more bloodletting that I haven't mentioned. The film also offers up explosions, helicopters and a real life giant Grizzly Bear which is unheard of for a Girdler film. In the films climax Kelly meets with the bear face to face and the battle has to be seen to be believed.

In the following year William Girdler will direct another nature gone wrong flick called Day Of The Animals also known as Something Is Out There but it just doesn't compare to the epic blood-bath that is Grizzly. Still true Girdler fans can't pass it up!

Grizzly caught a lot of flack from reviewers and critics upon its release. Most called it a Jaws ripoff. Some were witty enough to coin it as "Jaws With Claws" but this is of course a bit ridiculous. Yes there are similarities between the two films but did anybody accuse Steven Spielberg of ripping off Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds? Or Frogs or any of the other countless killer animals movies that came first. Of course not. Ripoff or not, I will take Grizzly any day over Jaws. Its the slasher flick of all killer animals movies and the only reason critics were so harsh on it is because the it came out right after the release of the giant budgeted Jaws.

The Worst Of Faces Of Death (1987)

I recently picked up Faces Of Death 1-5 plus a documentary called Faces Of Death Fact Or Fiction and this title. I some what reluctantly have been forcing myself to watch em all in chronological order. This one might be the most pathetic of the lot.

The title claims it to be "The Worst" Of Faces Of Death and I just might agree for the fact that is nothing more then a composit of Faces Of Death 1, 2 and 3. They cut together what they felt is the most gruesome moments from the three films and offer up this compilation of blood, guts and gore.

As the viewer there is nothing like taking the easy way out of things. We should all have to endure the equal amount of torture by sitting through the full films. As a film maker this video is nothing more then another marketing and money making scheme. There is nothing more to say about this so called movie with the exception of the opening where we are told that Dr. Gross is now dead himself and that his experiments and studies are still being examined for future Faces Of Death movies.

For a better time check out Mondo Cane or Africa Addio. Or just stick with the original Faces Of Death. That one at least got a theatrical run, unlike this deserved straight to video shit.

Food Of The Gods Part 2 (1989)

This 1989 follow up to the 70's animals gone bad cult classic shows giant killer rats one more time. The giant rodents and the title is really the only way you can connect the two films because they are as different in plot as possible.

When a young boy is the subject of a hormonal growth experiment, his attitude changes along with his size. The once sweet little boy now says things like "Fuck you, Bitch! Get out of my fucking room" Naturally scientist need to find an antidote and use lab rats to continue their experiments. Well this is a Nature Gone Wrong flick and before you can whistle three blind mice these giant rats are running amok on a college campus. Surprisingly enough this late 80's flick was shot on 35mm and some of the special effects are a bit gruesome. The killer rats first attack an animal rights activist group in a scene that reminded me very much of the opening of 28 Days Later. The leader of the activist group has his eyeballs gnawed out.

Limbs are chewed off, backs are ripped out and heads are severed. We even get a completely out of place melt down in a scene that seems like it belongs more in something like Street Trash rather then A Food Of The Gods movie. Despite the bloodletting that I just mentioned Food Of The Gods Part 2 follows the style of many other B grade horror flicks from this era where we see more of the gory aftermath rather then the victims actually being torn apart. The movie is very unbalanced in this way. Some of the murder is on screen but in my humble opinion way to much of it is off screen. There is also a bit to much of a silly tongue in cheek tone that flows throughout the sequel. Where as the 70's original did its best to play it straight and of course no matter how ludicrous the subject matter, playing it as serious as possible is always the way to go.

Another problem I had with the sequel is the fact that the rodent slaughter at the end is nowhere near as graphic, disturbing or believable. I can assure that no rats were harmed during the filming of this one. We get a bunch of wire tricks whenever a giant rat is shot and well, it just doesn't look real. On the upper hand Food Of The Gods 2 does offer up some bare breasted action, foul mouthed children and a bare assed man running down a public street. The rats chase after him and take chunks out of the mans ass. Boom mic's are visible throughout the film as well and we also get an exterminator who is putting on his best Clint Eastwood impression.

Still I recommend sticking with the original. 70's is king and this late 80's flick just doesn't compete.

Faces Of Death 2 (1981)

Faces Of Death part 2 is just further proof that true Mondo Films are dead. Three years after the release of the first film this sequel follows up in a pretty stong way.

This time around there is much less fake stuff. The truth is that its a pretty rough sit. I personally sink into a bit of depression when ever I watch these movies and I really can't say why I do it to myself. I guess a part of me almost feels obligated to see how they went about it and how true it can stay to the traditional style of mondo cinema.

I suppose the first couple of Faces Of Death movies have slight more class then the average straight to video shenanigans. They at least try to be a documentary and can even be some what informative at times. Still when it is all said and done it is a pretty grim look at humanity and the evil that man is capable of. We are haunted by images of a live execution which would be used in many other straight to video pseudo mondo flicks including World Of Death but for me the more grisly stuff is the atrocities of war. Victims of bombs, napalm and radiation is quite revolting and they don't exclude children from the wrath of the cameras eye. In fact it seems they dwell more on the innocent children who lost their lives during war.

Some other moments that stand out is a woman who was hit in the head with an axe when she got a bit lippy with her husband. A violent shoot out with the police the results in one dead hostage, a man bleeding in the street with a bullet in his guts and another man shot and killed on site. We get a boxing match that ended fatally and a bunch of stunt men who lost their lives to their own brand of art.

This time they spare us the monkey brains but they do show us what happens when monkeys are injected with hard drugs. They also show a dolphin massacre in Japan, Whale hunters, Seal clubbers and plenty of other dead animals. It takes a special kind of person to sit through these movies. It takes another kind of person to enjoy them. Those might be the kind of people I do not want to meet. Still movies like Faces Of Death serves a place in society and I personally believe they shouldn't be ignored. I might not go as far as to agree with writer/director when he says "They should be embraced" but still they are here and are depictions of factual mayhem. For that reason alone they serve some importance. So get a barf bag and squirm your way through this nasty follow up to the cult classic Faces Of Death.

Imprint (2006)

Back in 2006 there was a pretty awful series of horror films being screened on Showtime television. The series was called Masters Of Horror and the idea was for all the biggest horror directors to do a one hour movie where anything goes. There was supposed to be no worries from the censorship board and the film makers were supposed to have 100% artistic control over their movie. Since television totally fucking sucks this was obviously not the case.

Amongst the dozens of shitty Masters Of Horror short films only two stood out. The first being Dario Argento's Pelts and the second being Imprint.

Japanese renegade, Takashi Miike was the director behind Imprint and to make a long story short, it never saw the time of day on the t.v. series. The losers back peddled on everything they said and immediately denied a screening of Imprint due to the violence, nudity and extremely morbid nature of the film. Luckily for us Takashi Miike fans, the film was saved and released by Anchor Bay on dvd. It truly is a nasty picture.

The subject matter alone is enough to turn a few stomachs. Throw in the gruesome torture scenes and wham! a classic is born. Imprint is told through a series of flashbacks that depict a horrifying life of a disfigured prostitute. We witness abortion in nasty detail. The dead fetus's float past the camera in a river that they are dumped in to. Then we are treated to incestuous rape scenes and a pedophile Buddhist priest. A child kills her alcoholic father with a rock to the achy-breaky skull. Then we get the infamous torture scenes that shows a prostitute bound with rope and burned. She has needles shoved underneath her fingernails in a extremely disgusting scene that is sure to make the most jaded of gore-hounds cringe. Metal wires are also shoved between the gums and teeth of the poor woman and she is eventually murdered. Imprint also offers up death by gun shot, strangulation and even a mutant Siamese twin.

When its all said and done Imprint will stick in your brains and make you feel uncomfortable for a while. It sure beats the hell out of anything you will see on television and it should make movies like Saw hide its head in shame for being called torture porn.

Bikini Beach (1964)

Bikini Beach trails along after Beach Party and would be released the same year as Muscle Beach Party. These Beach Party Flicks are all pretty wacky and tend to be all over the place.

Frankie and Annette have several obstacles in their way. First off we have a British rock & roll sensation named Potato Bug who is clearly a mockery of The Beatles. Potato Bug is played by Frankie Avalon but you wouldn't notice at first. With the gap in his teeth and the 60's garage-rock style mop top swaggy and shaggy haircut. Potato Bug distracts Annette from pretty boy Frankie for a while and it isn't all holding hands, singing and night walks on the beach. Of course all of that expected nonsense is there but luckily for us its a bit limited. Then we have an old timer who is trying to ban the teenagers from the beach. He drags them through the mud in the news paper claiming they are sex crazed delinquents. If only this were true Beach Party Movies might be more entertaining and not the lowest denominator on the exploitation scale.

We get plenty of Go-Go dancing scenes and a couple of catchy songs. Mainly the title song Bikini Beach but there is also a ridiculous little ditty called Secret Weapon and of course little Stevie Wonder shows up for some blind rockin & rollin.

We also have a man in a monkey suit running around and making the teenage youth look bad. The monkey can out-surf, out-dance and even beat them in drag races. This of course having something to say about the mental capacity of the teenage beach bums. The retarded biker gang The Rats tries to bring Frankie and his pack down again and we get a big fight scene for a climax which is probably the most entertaining scene in the whole movie.

I personally have never been the biggest fan of the beach flicks. Partially due to how silly they are but mainly because they are just to soft. The beauty of exploitation movies is that they push the envelope. They can be more sexy, more violent and more graphic then a major studio production which has to much to loose. These childish comedies really do not offer that and bikini clad babes only go so far. Still I punish myself and watch this mind numbing crap in a daze of confusion and bewilder. If these movies don't offer anything else at least we can dig the music.

This one also sports a Boris Karloff cameo and oddly enough the director would go on to do the awesome 80's slasher Night Warning. Now that you should see.

Erotic Nights Of The Living Dead (1980)

The great Joe D'Amato and George Eastman (Anthropophagus) team up again for another romp in terror and eroticism. Written and staring George Eastman and of course directed by D'Amato the two make yet another zombie porno flick. For those familiar with Porno Holocaust which the the two would do in the following year, you get exactly what you expect.

The truth is I prefer The Erotic Nights Of The Living Dead over Porno Holocaust. This is the better film. The zombies are much more disgusting. These maggot infested corpses hold up to anything that Lucio Fulci (Zombie, The Beyond) has done special effects wise and there is one truly scary moment where a corpse gets up from an autopsy table and rips out the throat of a mortician. Yuck!

The main problem with this movie and Porno Holocaust is that they both run to long. The runing time on the uncut version of Erotic Nights Of The Living Dead is 112 minutes and of course this is due to the fact that they needed a significant amount of XXX stuff but also needed a story and zombie-fu at the same time.

Still somehow the movie seems to contain to much filler, with repetitive shots of the victims running in circles on the island.

The Black Emanuell, Laura Gemser shows up here as one of the only survivors on "Cat Island". Surrounding islands believe that Cat Island is inhabited by zombies led by a black cat. Well this turns out to be true and the film sort of suggests that Laura Gemser might be the black cat. Gemser offers up tits, ass and fluffy bush. She has a beautifully shot sex scene with George Eastman and a slightly more trashy lesbian scene with a fellow nympho.

The climax completely rips off Lucio Fulci's Zombi with the old mummified looking corpses being set a blaze.

Erotic Nights Of The Living Dead also went under the title of Sexy Nights Of The Living Dead, Queen Of The Zombies and Nite Of The Zombies. All of which have been heavily cut and holds back on most of the hardcore shenanigans.

Some added treats that this one has to offer is visible genital warts. A very trashy scene where a girl sticks a wine bottle where the sun don't shine and pops the cork inside. Now that's talent! A zombie has his face blown off by a riffle. We get head explosions, decapitation, a hook through the head, lots of maggots and a man with a giant bubble on his head.

If only this thing ran a bit faster in pace it would be an unforgettable gem. Still worth a watch and way better then Porno Holocaust.