Tarantula (1955)

When it comes to 50's horror and sci-fi flicks Jack Arnold's name is one of the first that comes to mind. The director is responsible for such classics as Creature From The Black Lagoon and The Incredible Shrinking Man. He would release this giant spider flick the same year as Revenge Of The Creature. Needless to say the director was very busy at this time.

We have a deranged scientist experimenting with a new serum on animals which results in mass growth. Of course he originally had good intentions with a goal to help feed an over populated world but naturally he sinks into the depraved depths that all of these scientists sink to in these movies and continues with his experiments even after it has been the death of his companion and best friend. In the early part of the movie we get to see giant guinea pigs, giant rats and of course an abnormally sized Tarantula but we also have some human mutations and while not in size (after all this is not The Amazing Colossal Man), when people are injected they look a little more like something from Jack Arnold's other film Monster On The Campus.

When the scientists lab catches fire most of the over sized wild life is killed and burnt to a crisp. That is with the exception of the Tarantula. The giant spider makes its way out of the front door and heads out to the desert mountains. Its not long before the Tarantula is on its murderous rampage, taking out horses and other farm land treats. Naturally the spider becomes to big to ever walk through another doorway. Instead it knocks houses down and causes avalanches in the mountains.

50's monsterama cult icon John Agar (Revenge Of The Creature, The Mole People) is the first to catch wind that there might be a "giant insect" roaming about in the desert and he is the first to try to blow the thing up.

John Agar gets the not so willing police to help him track the thing down. Armed with "sub machine guns" we are treated to the death of two cops who meet their fate in a sexy 50's car that conveniently doesn't start. Its not long before the whole town joins in on the war against the giant bug. They try to take the thing out with a bunch of dynamite but this doesn't faze something that walks through and knocks over electric towers and telephone lines. Nope... This looks like a job for the army, or the air force for that matter. We get a pretty fun climax with missiles and even napalm... Nice!

Tarantula is a bit slow going at times and a bit to talky but it all speeds up eventually and offers up one hell of a climax. Check this creepy-crawling classic out for fun with giant venomous spiders. Oh and the sex appeal comes from a girl named Steve!?!?

Terrifying Girls High School : Lynch Law Classroom (1973)

This is a very strange Pinku film. Its basically a women in prison movie with a school for delinquents instead of an actual prison. It is extremely violent and holds no punches however it suffers a bit in the plot department.

From the director who gave us the amazing Pinku sleaze-fest Girl Boss Guerrilla we get more of the expected female delinquents on motorcycles but this one plays a less like a Yakuza film then it does a horror movie. There are definitely elements from the American Roughies with gratuitous nudity and of course torture. The story tells of three new delinquents who will be attending the "School Of Hope" where the punishment consists of horrible torture and even murder.

Luckily for us actress Miki Sugimoto from violent epics such as Zero Woman : Red Handcuffs, Criminal Woman : Killing Melody, Girl Boss Guerrilla and many more plays our lead delinquent Noriko and is on yet another path of vengeance. When Noriko learns that a fellow gang member was tortured to death in The School For Hope she swears to kill the group of fascist bitches who were responsible. We are treated to plenty of naked Japanese women and of course all the violent stuff that is expected from a Pinku Violence film. In one of the most disturbing scenes a girl has a red hot light buld shoved up her vagina and is forced to do push ups. Another one offers some humiliation and public urination in the same vain as Last House On The Left which came out one year earlier and I'm sure influenced this Japanese flick. We also have a political statement going on about the corruption of Japanese politicians and mainly the police. I find it amazing that one of the most disciplined countries is able to release such rebellious art. In the films climax we get a revolution lead by the high school girls. They take over the school, run amok and go to war with the police.

Terrifying Girls High School suffers a bit with the numerous subplots. We have a greedy reporter trying to blackmail the school board and politicians. This really doesn't add any depth to the film. In fact it hurts it in a way and takes away from what is really going on. Still it is a fun watch and well worth the buy for anyone who is into this brand of trashy Japanese cinema.

Hellbound : Hellraiser 2 (1988)

Hellraiser was an interesting movie. It was completely original for its time and it was very unique in subject matter and visuals. Nothing before was ever quite like it. Unfortunately we can not say the same about the shit-loads of sequels that it spawned.

Hellraiser 2 starts off with a bang. It takes off where the first film left off and Ashley Laurence is inside an insane asylum. Insane this place is... We have lunatics screaming and yelling, a man who's flesh is severely mutilated because he thinks maggots are crawling on him, weirdo's who roam about and of course a mute little girl who likes to solve puzzles. The hospital scenes are very creepy and hold true to the bizarre vibe of the first film. We also get an extremely disturbing scene where our maggot-man slashes into himself with a straight razor until he is almost skinned alive. This scene is pretty fucking gross and gore-hounds we be delighted.

From here on the movie goes down hill plot-wise. Sure if you are completely numb in the head you can still enjoy all the bloodletting but the whole thing doesn't make any sense. That has always been my problem with supernatural movies. They have an excuse to make an incoherent film. Things can happen without reasoning and it tends to get on my nerves. Still the rivers of red stuff makes it all some what watchable. Another big problem with this sequel is the fact that it runs a bit to long. The uncut version clocks in at 99 minutes and since it doesn't make any sense it makes it even more of a painful sit. I think the main problem here is that Hellbound was not directed by writer/director Clive Barker. I think he had a better vision of his own story in the first Hellraiser.

The rest of the Hellraiser movies are not even worthy of a watch so I suppose that says something about this one. Still I recommend sticking with the first film unless if you can substitute substance for blood. In that case Hellbound comes complete with a recap of all the gory moments from Hellraiser including the "Jesus wept" exploding daddy scene. We are also treated to more skinless mayhem, a man who juggles his own eyeballs, lots of maggots, a heart is ripped from a mans chest, faces are diced up, open brain surgery which reminds me of Happy Birthday To Me and we get a very strange vision of what hell might look like. This is all done with cheesy 80's special effects.

Not a very good movie but the beginning is a lot of fun.

Criminal Woman : Killing Melody (1973)

This Pinku Violence movie plays somewhere between a Women In Prison movie and a classic revenge tale in exploitation. Maki is our lead bad-ass female, who is imprisoned for slashing the face of a Yakuza member who is part of the clan that was responsible for her fathers death.

The prison scenes are very reminiscent of the Scorpion : Female Prisoner movies with gratuitous fight scenes and of course the tearing of clothing to show off some naked flesh which is expected from the genre with movies like The Big Doll House and Caged Heat. The unforgettable knife fight scene between Maki and a rival prisoner has to be seen to be believed. The two women hold a rope in their teeth and slash at each other with a broken shard of glass. The object being that if the opponent screams and the rope falls from her teeth she is of course the loser. This scene runs really long at what seems close to ten minutes but is well worth the time.

Between bare breasted cat-fights Maki shares stories with the other delinquent prisoners and we get a bit of back story on each. Maki also plans on finishing what she started and acting out her vengeance against the Yakuza clan that killed her father. She plots out an elaborate plan of attack to destroy the gangsters. The plan is to kill one important gangster and make it look like an assassination which will start an inner conflict and they will kill themselves off. Then the pickings will be slim and Maki can take the boss and the big men out on her own. Now that's a cool fucking plot!

Maki teams up with three fellow delinquent girls from the neighborhood to help her on her path of revenge. We do get our share of nudity but personally I feel we could have had more. The most blatant sexual scene is a bondage S&M scene that reminds me of a cross between De Palma's Scareface and Girl Boss Guerrilla. Maki is stripped nude and bound with rope. She is beaten for information but when she doesn't speak even when a ruthless Yakuza member gets a bit chainsaw happy. Might I point out that this film came out one year before the classic Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Criminal Woman : Killing Melody comes complete with stabbings, slashings, bad-ass shoot em up scenes, tits & ass, tattooed Yakuza bitches, police officers have their achy-breaky skulls smashed with beer bottles, chainsaw-fu (complete with violence towards mannequins, burning cigarettes to the nipple and much more ridiculous Japanese mayhem all done in Pinku bad taste.

A must see for exploitation fans and lovers of female fatal's!

Hedwig And The Angry Inch (2001)

The Rocky Horror Picture Show is of course the most famous transsexual, musical of all time. It is one of the worlds biggest cult films and one of the most successful of all midnight movies from the 70's. I however prefer this strange little title from the 2000's.

Hedwig is a punk rock transvestite from Germany who tells his story through song of how he lost his manhood on his way to America. Growing up Hedwig idolized the likes of David Bowie, Lou Reed and Iggy Pop (which is funny because the actor looks a bit like Iggy). The young German rocker dreams of being an American star. When Hedwig meets a gay, black soldier he decides to get a sex change and marry the American soldier. "The operation gets botched" and Hedwig "is left with a one inch mound of flesh" between his legs. Hence the title The Angry Inch. Hedwig is neither man nor woman and he doesn't mind making a spectacle of himself on stage. Fans of the great Jayne County are sure to love this movie. Sure the music is a bit cheesy with the exception of the song "I got an angry inch" but the bizarre nature of the movie is enough for weirdos like myself to enjoy it.

We also have a sub plot going on about an ex lover of Hedwig who stole all his greatest songs and took all the credit for them. Hedwig's rival ex lover is played by Michael Pitt (Bully) and the viewer can't help but want to beat the shit out of this Hollywood pretty-boy.

Things go from bad to worse as Hedwig struggles along in the music industry and tries to find himself at the same time until he finds a way to feel comfortable in his own skin. This film will go down as a cult classic for lovers of glam rock and punk rock alike. Check it out for some fun with penis chopping and men in makeup.

Fright Night (2011)

The original Fright Night isn't exactly the worlds greatest vampire flick. It is a pretty cheesy 80's movie but still has managed to carry some what of a cult status. Then came Fright Night 2 and I didn't know it was possible to make a worse movie then that one. That is of course until the 2011 remake.

What we have here is another painfully enbarrassing remake from the 2000's. It stars Hollywood boy Colin Farrell whom I have never seen anything else from since big budget Hollywood flicks are not my bag but I hear he is a hit with the ladies and I suppose that is why the director has him walk around in his wife beater and turn on the house wives in the area. Farrell plays the evil vampire who moves next door to a trendy highschool kid. The two will battle it out in an awful mess of cgi and shitty over budgeted special effects. Shitty is an understatement. I am the first to admit that I dont watch these computer graphic time wasters but I would imagine that the average Hollywood shit-fest is slightly better in the f/x department then this one.

This thing was also supposed to be shot in 3D which is also pretty fucking ridiculous. The 3D scenes are wretched with exploding glass and more bad cgi blood which sprays straight at the camera. It looks like shit on its own and I really did not need to see it in a third dimension.

If you remember from the original the great Roddy McDowall (Class Of 1984, Legend Of Hell House) played Peter Vincent : The Vampire Killer. This time around we get some flamboyant schlep who runs around in a glittery cape with a very fake beard. However for me the best character in the original was Evil, the super-nerd-vampire. I suppose the nerd in the remake is the only good character as well but of course he doesn't compare to Evil.

Don't watch this fucking shit!

Acts Of Violence (1985)

"Violence is more American the apple pie". What we have here is a long out of print made for television documentary on the problems of violence or should  I say murder in America. This morbid docu. clocks in at 72 minutes and takes a look at three different killers in the country with the highest murder rate. While each killer was very different in motive and tactic they do have two things in common. The first being that they are murderers and the second being that they are American.

The first part of the film focuses on James Oliver Huberty and his act of mass murder which took place in a McDonalds restuarant on July 18th 1984. James Huberty kissed his wife goodbye and told her that he is "going out to hunt humans". Naturally she didn't question him. James Huberty then walked into McDonalds with a pump action shotgun, a 9mm automatic pistol and a fully automatic Uzi. He opened fire and shot 41 people. 22 of which would die. He killed mothers, fathers, children and infants. We are treated to footage of piled up bodies and the family, friends and neighbors reaction to the grisly massacre.

Next we take a look at John Hinckley Jr. and his attempted assassination of United States president Ronald Reagan. Unlike James Huberty who was angry at society and felt the need to lash out against innocent families Hinckley Jr. was obsessed with the brilliant 1976 Taxi Driver and especially the lead actress Jodie Foster. Trying to catch the actress attention Hickley decided to emulate his hero from Taxi Driver and kill the president of the United States.

Last but certainly not least we take a look at serial killer Henry Lee Lucas who confessed to 360 murders across the U.S.. Henry speaks about his abusive childhood and his younger years of crime which all lead up to murder. He takes us to the scenes of the crimes and describes in detail what he did to the victims. Henry was first arrested for killing his mother. Upon his release he pleaded for the warden to not let him back into society because he knew he could not control his murderous rage. Well they didn't listen and now the country has 360 some odd murders on their hands.

The thing I found very interesting about this documentary is the fact that all three of the killers have reached out for help and were basically rejected. Huberty called the mental health clinic the day before his massacre and was refused. Hinckley Jr. wrote letters to Jodie Foster and Henry blatantly told police officers what he will do.

This documentary is definitely a good watch for anybody who is interested in serial killers, mass murders and multiple murders.

Happy Birthday To Me (1981)

The exploitative poster boasts "Six the most bizarre murders you will ever see" and while this isn't necessarily true it certainly grabed my attention when I was a young horror-hound in the VHS days.

This 80's Slasher follows a college girl named Virginia who runs with an elite group of yuppies who refer to themselves as "The Top Ten". Luckily for us these rich assholes start getting killed one by one by an unknown killer in true 80's stalk and slash fashion.

Happy Birthday To Me comes complete with many red herrings and a twist ending that reminds me of April Fools Day (1986). Personally preferring Happy Birthday To Me over April Fools Day for more then one reason but mainly in the kill department, I find this movie a worthy watch to come back to every so often. In other words it has replay value.

While the movie could have sported some more naked flesh it does offer up severed heads, stabbings, a very cool kill which shows a mans neck scarf being thrown into the moving spokes of a motorcycle. Naturally his face is pulled into the spinnng wheel and comes complete with a bit of splatter. This scene would be ripped off in the horrible Pet Cemetery Part 2. We also have a ridiculous kill with a shish kabab stick as a weapon of choice. Of course this is the moment that the poster so proudly exploits. "John Will never eat Shish Kabab again". Then we are treated to some gory open brain surgery which is pretty damn graphic and might get a squirm from the less jaded of viewers.

It all starts to come together when we learn how twisted Virginia and her family really are. They have some serious birthday party hang ups and in the films climax we are invited to a party but this party is pretty fucking dead if you know what I mean.

The director of this film is known more for his Charles Bronson escapades. He was responsible for titles such as the great 10 To Midnight which I suppose was the closest he ever came to doing a horror movie other then the one in discussion. He would also do The White Buffalo, The Evil That Men Do, Death Wish 4 and a bunch of other Bronson flicks. For someone who wasn't particularly in the horror genre he does a pretty good job on this one.

Not to be mistaken for Bloody Birthday which would come out in the same year.

Zero In And Scream (1971)

Lee Frost is always good for some classic exploitation in bad taste. The director is responsible for such filthy titles as House On Bare Mountain, The Black Gestapo, the great Defilers which he teamed up with fellow exploiteer David Friedman, The Thing With Two Heads, Love Camp 7, Ride Hard Ride Wild and many more.

Zero In And Scream however is not one of the better films from the director. Sure it is sleazy. Sure it was rated X. Sure it was done in pure bad taste, the way way the exploitation gods intended it to be but unfortunately this doesn't save Zero In And Scream from being a big bore.

The truth is Zero In is one of the worst movies I have seen in a very long time and it is a pretty painful sit. It follows a pervert serial killer who uses his high powered rifle as a weapon of choice. He likes to Zero In on couples having sex and pulls the trigger on the man. This of course is just an excuse to show lots of full frontal female and male nudity alike. The sex eats up the majority of the running time and the kills are pretty dull too. Another down side to this one is how quiet the film is. We have some music to fill the sex scenes but other then that there is barely any speaking. From time to time a news cast will update us on the sniper killer but other then that we get one long ranting from the killer where he shares his stupid ideas on women and how they should remain innocent.

It all comes together with a really bad twist ending that doesn't make any sense and will leave you scratching your head and wondering why you do this to yourself. Stay away from this movie unless you enjoy torturing yourself.

Meatballs (1979)

This 79 flick is a look at things to come. The 80's will offer up a shit ton of these forgettable comedies. While there isn't really any bit of a plot here other then a bunch of kids being dropped off at a summer camp there are some funny bits mainly which come from Bill Murray who plays a camp councilor. We also get some shenanigans from the stereotypical fat kid. Other then that these camp comedies are all always pretty much the same.

I suppose I would have liked this one a bit more if it offered some nudity and Pee Wee Herman.

Blood Diner (1987)

Movie-wise there wasn't very much that was good about the 80's. Of course Splatter films and Slashers being the main exception to the rule. Luckily for us Blood Diner is an all out 80's splatter flick.

Its obvious where the director got his inspiration from. With Blood Diner's alternate title being Blood Feast 2 and of course coming out more then a decade before Herschell Gordon Lewis did his own sequel to his classic cult flick. Its not easy for me to admit it either but Blood Diner really does make the better sequel.

The movie is dumb as can be but that is almost expected, after all this is the 80's but there is enough decapitation, dismemberment, cannibalism and nudity to keep a demented gore-hound happy.

Aside from the gore and obvious H.G. Lewis inspiration, Blood Diner also pays homage to the great Doris Wishman with footage spliced in from Another Day Another Man. At least these guys give respect where it is due and that is of course from the forefathers and foremothers of classic exploitation.

This time around we are not having a cannibals feast in the name if Ishtar. This time the Egyptian goddess is Shitaar and she is actually resurrected for a bit of blood letting and gory mayhem. While I of course will take the classic Blood Feast any day over this silly 80's knock off, Blood Diner is good clean fun. Okay maybe it isn't very clean. Its actually quite filthy and its not only filthy due to the senseless sex and violence. The movie is dubbed with some very childish dialogue. Filled with profanity and all that good stuff.

Some of the other treats that Blood Diner has to offer are Nazi wrestlers, Nazi rockers, rockabilly zombies, eyeballs are knocked from their heads, brains talk, stomachs open up and bite the heads from victims. Hooks are shoved through legs, women are split in half from achy-breaky skull to vagina, others have their heads sent flying off with broom as a weapon of choice. We are also treated to a brilliant scene of naked aerobics (complete with gory machine gun massacre). If the 80's is your thing be sure to give Blood Diner a go. Other then that this one is really only for the gore fanatics who are willing to sacrifice a bit of substance if it is made up for with shit-loads of the red stuff.

Joe (1970)

What we have here is my favorite hippie-killer flick from the 70's, right next to The Peace Killers which would come out one year after Joe and offer a savage biker gang that crucifies pacifist hippies. While both films are gritty, The Peace Killers is a total exploitation flick and Joe is a serious piece of cinema from the 70's, complete with social message and a great depiction of two different generations from the time.

Joe played by Peter the-wizard Boyle (Taxi Driver) is your average working class stiff. Or should I say your average Joe? He is filled with hate a resentment for the younger generation which he feels is "shitting on everything he loves and believes in". He looks back fondly to when he served in the war and wishes he could start a new war against the homosexuals, blacks, and especially the hippie-youth of America.

Joe teams up with a high society yuppie who killed a drug-pushing hippie who got his daughter hooked on drugs. Things go from bad to worse with each hour that the two men spend together.

Joe offers up some nudity from Susan (Rocky Horror Picture Show) Sarandon in her first role ever. Sarandon plays the victim in a story that really doesn't offer up any hero's. She is part of the so called love generation which really isn't portrayed in a much better light then the older generation.

The old-timers carry on their ideals of democracy blended with racism, sexism, bigotry and class war while the young hip generation seems to be nothing more then a bunch of back-stabbing, junkie degenerates who lack in loyalty, respect and trust.

Joe really must have been an interesting theatrical experience back in 1970. It is some what of a dangerous film and I can almost picture the young and old leaving the theater together and having learned nothing. Since Joe has no clear message on who is right and who is wrong I think it is safe to say that the average viewer walked out the same person they were before the walked in but the film may have worked as fuel for their own personal political hatred.

I personally feel the film leans more to the left since it shows the hippies as victims of violence and murder but as I mentioned before these kids are no angels.

Joe is a perfect example of what will follow in the movies in the 70's. A dark look at humanity with a very downbeat ending. You don't walk out from this film feeling very good. Yet at the same time there is a lot of very funny moments in the film which we can thank Joe for. Peter Boyle's character is perhaps the most politically incorrect person in any film ever. He is so fucking racist that you have to laugh. "42 percent of all Liberals are queer! ... And that's a fact!"

So if you want some good ole gay-bashing and racial slurs thrown in with your hippie killing be sure to check this one out. The director would go on to do some big films in the 80's like the Karate Kid and Rocky but fuck all that. He would also go on to do a crazy little sex comedy called Cry Uncle which is probably the only other movie worth watching from this director.

Roamin Holiday (1937)

Roamin Holiday is getting close to the end of  the Our Gang shorts. The gang which is not my particular favorite line up consists of Spanky, Alfalfa, Buckwheat, Darla & Porky. In this one reel short the gang decides to run away from home where they can live free of parental law. No more babysitting and for Alfalfa & Spanky especially no more dance lessons.

When the boys hit the road to freedom the come across a bakery where they see an old couple feeding cookies to a dog. They use Pete The Pup for some free cake, cookies, creampuffs and apple pie. Little did they know that the man behind the counter is also the towns constable. He chases after the boy with his trusty shot gun and before the gang can say Oh-Tay they have got stripes thicker then Johnny Cash and they are forced to break rocks behind the mans bakery. The gang makes a run for it and its a lesson learned until the  next escapade. 

While this may not be my favorite years for the rascals I do like the fact that they were so quick and short. By this time The Our Gang shorts were clocking in at about 10 minutes apposed to the early half hour and 20 min. flicks.