The Entity (1982)

The Entity is an early 80's horror film that is based off of a true story. It wasn't intended for this ghost story to play like an exploitation movie but for many cult fans like myself this thing is total exploitation.

Barbara Hershey plays a single mother who is being haunted and terrorized by a ghost. The ghost is quite the horny fucker and he rapes Barbara Hershey repeatedly. Obviously she seems to be insane. After all who would ever believe a woman who claims to have been raped by a ghost? It all comes together with some nerdy ghost-hunters who believe her story. We get a really cheesy ending. In fact its just out right bad and in my humble opinion it actually hurts the film. The Entity also runs a bit to long. The final runtime clocks in at 125 minutes. Fortunately for us the majority of the film is pretty entertaining with ghost-rape and other ridiculous happenings. As ludicrous as it all sounds the viewer can almost buy into these absurd scenes of a rapist-ghost.

What I'm about to say now will probably earn me a lot of respect from p.c. idiots and feminists alike but Barbara Hershey looks pretty damn good in this movie and while the rape scenes are obviously somewhat disturbing it is also a pretty entertaining watch for pervy bastards like myself who think this invisible-rape shit is kinda hot!

There are lots of rape-happy ghosts in movies. One that comes to mind is Chinese Torture Chamber Story. Even the sickie, Japanese splatter flick Entrails Of A Beautiful Woman seems to have lifted scenes and special effects from The Entity but the truth is that The Entity is the grand daddy of all ghost-rapists and it is also the best.

I find it hard to believe that The Entity was even pitched and marketed as a Hollywood film but it is here and should be watched and enjoyed if not for anything else its totally bizarre plot. The beauty of The Entity is that it can be enjoyed by people who want to take it seriously and then by exploitation nut-bags who think the whole thing is a hoot.

The Hunger Games (2012)

So this is what everybody is talking about? The Hunger Games comes from the same director who did that Hollywood piece of shit in the 90's which went by the name of Pleasantville. I guess The Hunger Games is better then that sappy nonsense but it still makes for a typically over priced waste if time.

The Hunger Games is set in the future and depicts a world of two classes. That of the starving and that of the filthy rich. Those who are hungry will fight till the death. The winner will join the rest of the rich scumbags.

Now I have not read the novel so I can not compare the two but the movie is just dumb. Sure its a good idea but when it all comes together it is an overly predictable and sappy bore. Its just fucking stupid.

If you took Soylent Green and Battle Royale and Hollywood-ized them up with tons of bad c.g.i. and tagged on an upbeat happy ending you would be stuck with something like this. For me the sad part is that people are actually arguing over whether or not The Hunger Games is actually better then Battle Royale. Obviously this thing doesn't rank anywhere near the brilliance of the Japanese flick and it is a pretty useless argument all together. I have not heard anybody compare it to Soylent Green and I suppose I will be thankful for that.

The Hunger Games does have a few entertaining moments of action and murder but for the most part it is a modern p.c. fuck-tard of a movie with the most obvious of endings. Don't bother to see for yourself. Just stick with Battle Royale. Even B.R.'s sequel is better then this!

Tower Of Evil (1972)

Somehow this British slasher flick didn't make it to the Video Nasty list. We are treated to 89 minutes of sex and death. Plenty of gore for us splat-hounds and enough bare breasts for all you pervy dementos. Tower Of Evil also goes under title of Beyond The Fog but is mostly recognized as The Horror Of Snape Island.

Three out of four American teenagers (played by English actors with really bad fake American accents) are brutally murdered while on vacation on Snape Island. An Island that contains an old watch tower and a horrible reputation to go along with it. Amongst the "American" teens is Robin Askwith (Horror Hospital, Flesh And Blood Show). Askwith meets his fate when he is impaled by a giant golden sword that is pushed through his torso and leaves him a swingin on a door. We are treated to some Askwith nudity and a couple of other bare-ass men for all the ladies out there but the real humor comes from watching Askwith put on his best American accent. Jump forward in time and a group of archaeologists explore Snape Island in search of ancient buried treasure that has been hidden in the caves bellow Snape Island.

The archaeologists get more then they bargained for when they start getting knocked off one by one from the maniac who prowls Snape Island. We get decapitations (complete with rolling severed heads), Heads are twisted by 90 degrees in true Exorcist fashion, Machete's are embedded into achy-breaky skulls, stabbings, neck breaking, and some serious third degree burns.

Aside from the sex and violence Tower Of Evil holds somewhat of a creepy atmosphere as well. The fog is layed on thick and it works better then the expected dim lighting that comes complete with scenes that are to dark to enjoy. The fog is used excellently and the sets and locations are creepy all in there own.

Tower Of Evil is another example of a English horror flick that can deliver the goods. Fans of British director Peter Walker should check this one out. It holds the same nasty vibe that Walker delivers in many of his movie. Tower Of Evil is available on a British horror set with the great Horror Hospital, the bloody alien ripoff Inseminoid and the beyond awful Curse Of The Voodoo. The set is a good buy and well worth owning. Its just to bad they had to throw that shitty voodoo flick on there. Check it out for a bloody good time from the U.K.

Dracula (1931)

Dracula, the movie that made Bela Lugosi immortal. In the film he can be killed with a stake through the heart but due to this film Bela Lugosi's name will live on and he will forever be remembered as the count in the black cloak.

This 1931 early talking film from Universal Studios comes from the brilliant silent film director Tod Browning. Most would argue but I personally feel that outside of Freaks which would be released one year after Dracula his best work was done in the silent era. Movies like The Unholy Three and Alonzo The Armless just seem like they came natural to Browning where it is obvious that Dracula really should have been silent as well.

Tod Browning did not feel comfortable with the new talkies and in my humble opinion it really shows through in Dracula. The classic vampire tale is still a good film but it has a weird pace and awkward silence that flows with it. For this reason I prefer Browning's earlier work or even Nosferatu (1922) over the Lugosi classic. As a kid Frankenstein always appealed to me more then vampires. I still am not the biggest fan of the sharp toothed monsters today, despite my lifetime horror obsession but with that said Dracula is amongst my favorites in the vampire genre.

Comfortable or not Tod Browning's direction is excellent. The sets are fantastic and creepy and Gothic. Castle Dracula obviously set in Transylvania is very dark with shadows and massive amounts of spider webs. Perhaps one of the biggest single spider webs in cinematic history. The castle is full of bugs and giant rodents. Rats, possums and even armadillos scatter around with insects and Dracula's brides. These scenes are morbid, creepy and dark and it really is to bad that Mr. Browning couldn't have made the movie that he would have been more comfortable making.

Initially Tod Browning wanted to use long term companion and brilliant character actor Lon Chaney but unfortunately the man of a thousand faces met his death before Dracula started production. One can't help but wonder what would have happened if Chaney got the vampiric lead role. History would have been completely rewritten. Would Dracula have been the major success that it became with Bela Lugosi? If not, would Frankenstein have been made? If not, would there be monster films today? Its one of those things that you can think about for hours. Either way Dracula is a timeless classic that is here to stay unlike some of Browning's long lost vampire films from the silent age. I want London After Midnight and then I will know for sure if Dracula would have been better if done without sound.

Bloodrage (1979)

If you had to lump Bloodrage into a certain genre I guess it could be considered a slasher. Sort of... It really is just a horror/drama and stays as far away from a conventional stalk and slash movie as possible.

This one comes from director Joseph Zito who would go on to do the much more gruesome The Prowler and Friday The 13th The Final Chapter. BloodRage on the other hand is a very weird movie. Its slow and virtually bloodless. We do have a sick and twisted killer on the loose but his motive is never really deeply explored. The slow and bizarre pace mixed with the gritty, sleazy atmosphere makes Bloodrage a unique watch. It doesn't really tend to bore, even during long stretches between the murder scenes. The film somehow manages to hold the viewers attention due to the fact that our killer is so impulsive and nothing is ever written out for us.

The film starts off with a prostitute who murdered by a young teenage boy. Her face is pushed through a window and her throat is slit with broken glass. This is one of the few scenes of gore in the whole movie. Our young killer cleans up the scene of the crime and runs off to New York City where he can blend in with the rest of the scum. He is aware that the prostitutes lover was a police officer and that the cops will be after him. Bloodrage depicts NYC as the cesspool that it was. Seedy hotel rooms and raunchy theaters are shown as they were and the degenerates that terrorized the streets stagger passed the camera for an added touch of grit. I guess old habits are hard to break because its not long before our main character is killing hookers again. Most of the murder scenes are pretty lame and might as well just have been off screen murders. The nudity on the other hand is frequent and makes up for the lack of blood. Our killer is a voyeuristic nut. He enjoys peeping into prostitutes windows. That is until they notice him. The he goes in for a bit of the rough stuff. The wildest and most disturbing scene in the movie involves a dog killing. This scene has to be seen to be believed.

Bloodrage comes complete with strangulation, drownings, lots of bush and breasts, weirdo old perverts, weirdo young perverts, slit throats, pimps that throw a public beating, animal murder, foul mouthed junkie girls and an amazing climax that comes complete with some nasty straight razor slashing.

Bloodrage also known as Never Pick Up A Stranger might have the worlds ugliest cast. Our main character is one ugly fucker and we also have this ugly hippie chick who gets naked on screen for some added nausea. This busted up hippie chick makes the Manson girls look like Raquel Welsh. I think the ugly people and the ugly locations just add to what turns out to be a strange, and unusual ugly movie.

It really shouldn't work but it does. It holds very little replay value but is worth a watch for the dog scene and just how strange the final product is.

Carrie (1976)

 You don't really get more classic then Carrie. It has to be one of the saddest horror films ever made and of course we can thank Steven King and Brian De Palma combined for that. Between King's story and De Palma's masterful direction Carrie comes together as a heart wrenching drama with a horrific climax.

Carrie sports an all around excellent cast. Of course Sissy Spacek does an excellent job as the lead actress, who plays Carrie White a telekinetic teenager with a psychotic, religious mother. The kids in school hate her and she will eventually have her revenge through her super natural powers. Piper Laurie (The Hustler, Trauma) plays the insane mother of Carrie and her screen presence is creepy to say the least. Brian De Palma favorite Nancy Allen (Dressed To Kill) plays the hot highschool bully/bitch who gets her rocks off on tormenting Carrie. A young John Trovolta shows up as the "Dumb-Shit" boyfriend of Nancy Allen. This is only the second film that Trovolta has ever appeared in and he takes on scenes in which he slaps his girlfriend around, drinks and drives, kills a pig with a sledge hammer to the achy-breaky skull and meets his fate in a violent crash and burn car accident. P.J. Soles who most would probably remember best as the naked teen in Halloween who gets strangled in the infamous "Can I get your ghost Bob" scene or Riff Randel from The Ramones and Roger Corman collaboration Rock 'N' Roll Highschool also shows up as a mindless teenage follower who joins in on the heartless bullying of Carrie White. We are also blessed with the screen presence of one of cinemas most awkward and bizarre actors of all time. The great Sydney Lassick who I remember best as the cry baby lunatic who goes bats and screams "I want my cigarettes" in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest appears as a nerd-tastic teacher who enjoys teasing Carrie in front of the classroom. Mr. Lassick gets what he deserves and is fried alive in one of the films most memorable moments.            

Carrie mixes the wrongs of religious fanaticism with the cruel realities of highschool kids. Carrie's home life sucks. Carrie's social life sucks. Even the walls in school are graffiti with rude gestures. Watch for the scene in the gym when the janitor is cleaning the doors. "Carrie White eats shit" is written on the wall. Anybody who has been to school has seen kids doing horrible things to other and usual innocent kids. Carrie finally catches a break when a boy asks her out to the prom. What happens after that is just heart breaking but it all comes together with a highschool massacre. Everybody dies. We have people being crushed with heavy objects, electrocutions, explosions, stabbings and an amazing Crucifixion scene.

Of course they made a shitty sequel to this in the 90's that just isn't worth the time or effort. The also did a remake in the 2000's which I haven't seen and really don't want to. Some claim it to be more accurate in the sense that it is closer to Steven King's novel. Well I remember when they said that about The Shining. Need I say anymore? Skip church and stick with this 70's classic or else "they're all gonna laugh at you".

Dr. Terrors House Of Horrors (1965)

I first discovered this low budget Amicus Production on late night television in my young teens. It stars the familiar British horror duo Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing in some what of a different situation.

Five men on a train have they're fortune told by Dr. Schreck also known as Dr. Terror. Each one of them are doomed to die and a very simple formula for an anthology film unravels. Dr. Terror is played by Peter Cushing and amongst the five other men is Christopher Lee as a condescending art critic and a young Donald Southerland in one of first movies. Dr. Terrors House Of Horrors was released the same year as Southerland's Die Die My Darling but his acting ability shines through much more in this film which is pretty funny considering how bad of a movie this really is but I say bad in a good way. If you like anthology horror films like Tales From The Crypt then Dr. Terrors House Of Horrors is a must see. While it isn't quite as good as Tales From The Crypt it is however the first of Amicus horror anthology films and for that reason alone should deserve a watch.

Three out of the five stories are pretty messy and when I say messy I don't mean gory. I mean plot-wise they are paper thin and full of unexplained moments. What else would you expect from a 98 min. movie that tries to cram five stories into it?

The first story is very confused. It is supposed to be a werewolf story but plays much more like a vampire tale. According to this movie werewolves sleep in coffins and shape shift not only from man to wolf but mist as well. Then we have an awesome nature gone wrong story about a family that is murdered by the plants that grow from the garden. Even the innocent dog meets its fate in the vines of this hungry plant. This probably my favorite segment in the whole movie and every time I watch it I can't help but be reminded of Creepshow. Up next we have the movies most boring and useless story of a man who has a voodoo curse placed on him after he steals some ancient music from the cult. Up next Christopher Lee runs Michael Gough (Horror Hospital, Crucible Of Horror, Legend Of Hell House), whom plays an artist down with his vehicle and leaves him to die in the street. The artists life is spared but his hand was severed in the accident. Instead of leading a meaningless life the artist commits suicide with a bullet to the achy-breaky skull but his dismembered hand comes back to haunt and kill Christopher Lee. This story is a whole lot of fun and makes the whole movie worth while. Last but not least Donald Southerland goes to war with his vampire wife and is betrayed by his best friend. This one comes complete with neck biting, stakes through the heart and typically bad bat transformation scenes but if the first werewolf story was allowed to bend the rules I guess this one can too. For some reason vampires are not affected by sun light in this movie.

This one should only be watched by fans of B-movies. If you take this thing seriously you will surely hate it. Watch only with a cheesy brain and you might find yourself a guilty pleasure.

Curse Of The Voodoo (1965)

Now this is what I call a shitty movie. Curse Of The Voodoo which also went under titles such as Curse Of Simba, Lion Man and the incredibly inaccurate exploitation title of Voodoo Blood Death is a total shit-bomb about a man who has a curse placed on him by an African tribe known as the Simbasa whom worship Simba the lion god and practice voodoo.

Apparently this thing ran on a double bill with Frankenstein Meets The Space Monster which I have not seen but for the sake of those sitting in the theater I can only pray that it is better then Curse Of The Voodoo or Curse Of The Doo-Doo as I think is the more appropriate fitting title. It comes from the same director who did Devil Doll and stars the same lead actor. However in Devil Doll the ventriloquist has a beard and the actors awful acne is hidden. This is not the case in Curse Of The Voodoo.

Our scar-face hero is placed under the curse for killing a lion in Simbasa territory. When he makes his way back to the U.K. he starts dying slowly and is haunted by Simbasa spirits or something. Nothing of any entertainment happens till the very end when our hunting man goes back to Africa to battle it out with the man who placed the curse on him.

Do yourself a favor and watch Devil Doll instead. This one serves no purpose at all. It is just plain boring. The only bit of entertainment I got from the whole thing was a scene where a dancing black woman is doing her best voodoo-shake in pants that look like they were taken from the 42nd street smut flick Aroused and a moment where a tribesmen is run over by a truck and has his broken body mangled between the tire and the wheel well. Skip it!

Sid! By those Who Really Knew Him (2009)

I have no idea how many movies and documentaries I have seen on Sid Vicious and The Sex Pistols. The classics like The Great Rock N' Roll Swindle and Sid And Nancy are just scratching the surface of the seemingly countless documentaries on the infamous British punk group.

As it says on the DVD cover this one is filled with interviews from people who actually knew Sid Vicious very well. Girls that he used to run around with, friends and ex band members. With that said you would think that there is no way that this one could fail. The truth is that this is probably my least favorite documentary on the nihilistic punk rocker. Movies like The Filth And The Fury far surpass this flick in every way imaginable.

We do get some cool stories about the early years of Sidney but the majority of the film is about fashion. How great Sid looked. How original he looked. How everybody wanted to look like Sid. How he was destined to be a star. Blah blah blah. Anybody and everybody who is into punk rock is aware that Sid Vicious made a great poster-boy and his striking image alone is enough for any young punk rocker to grasp onto and sort of instantly identify with it. His angry snarl, his ripped up clothes, his messy hair all screamed out to the nihilistic youth of a certain generation but to base a 90 min. film around what a kid wore is pretty fucking lame.

The movie also spends a lot of time trying to bring the man out of the myth which is pretty hard to do considering he lived such a short and reckless life. His friends talk a lot about how nice he really was. How shy and insecure he was and how occasionally he would get himself into some trouble. An ex girlfriend in particular holds the best interviews, with stories about how Sidney would wet the bed every night and when they would wake up covered in his piss he would laugh and make jokes about it because it "Smelled like pure brown ale which is what he drank all day". She also talks about how he would just burp and fart constantly in public and giggle about his own vile bodily noises.

Members of The Damned speak of some of his more violent moments. Apparently Sid Vicious blinded a girl at a Damned show when he tossed an empty pint glass at The Damned while they were on stage. He missed and the broken glass punctured a young girls eye whom became blinded permanently. Naturally I preferred all of these stories more then how afraid he was of women.

The documentary comes complete with a bunch of stills of the punk legend and the oh so familiar interviews. However it sported one rare interview with a young Sid Vicious that I don't think I have ever seen before. Sid speaks about being a Skinhead in his younger years which I found to be pretty typical but also very interesting at the same time.

Over all its a very weak and uninformative documentary. Most of his friends believe him to be innocent of Nancy's murder and claim his suicide to be a complete accident. One thing that really bothered me is that they seemed to have completely forgotten to mention his fucking suicide note. How the hell does a documentary that is questioning a mans suicide not even mention his death note? What the fuck! "I'll be dead before I'm 21".

Shameless Tasteless : Trash Cinema From The Soviet Union Underground (2009)

Yes its all there in the title of this filthy compilation from the Soviet Union. The one thing that seems to go largely unnoticed is that director Yakov Levi is not in fact Slavic. He is actually Canadian and simply chooses to direct his brand of smut in the Soviet for financial and controversial reasoning alone. P.S. his real name is Jeff...

A large amount of these Yakov short films stars Baba Alla or better known to the fans of these trashy movies as "The Sexy Babushka" Now be warned, there is nothing sexy about Baba Alla at all and I guess that is the main focal point of interest here. She is sort of like another version of John Waters favorite Edith Massey but The Sexy Babushka might be slightly more disgusting. Baba Alla is willing to bare it all and it takes a strong stomach to make it through some of her screen presence. Nasty! The Sexy Babushka's two most  infamous titles are Shameless and Tasteless, hence the dvd title but she also appears in a short called Matroshka Dolls Of Doom which is pretty damn shitty and doesn't even really offer up any laughs. Baba also appears in a whole shit-load of extras on this disc of doom.

Its also pretty obvious that Yakov Levi is a pretty big pervert and especially fixated on lesbians. Just about every other short film on this disc is about lesbianism. Some of the dyke excursions that is on display here come from titles like Vanity Insanity and The Ghost Of Marquis De Sade. The big down side is that none of these babes really get naked. These films although very perverse are also very softcore. The girls basically hang out in their underwear, make out and rub each other. This is the sort of thing you would expect from a 60's tease-o-rama flick or something. I would assume this has to do with Slavic censorship or the film festivals. Otherwise I'm sure these sick flicks would be loaded with tit.

The best short out of the whole pack is a movie called The Killer Bra. It has some pretty funny moments in it and it also shows some bare breasted bimbos. This one is about a girl who's bra is haunted by the soul of a dead women who wants revenge. The lead actress basically does all of the action scenes topless and while its all a bit pathetic it is quite gutsy at the same time. Other then The Killer Bra and the Sexy Babushka stuff these films are pretty wretched and serves as better background visual for a party then an actual watch.

Diary Of A Serial Killer (1995)

This Chinese Cat. III film is pretty much a direct ripoff of Danny Lee's Dr. Lamb. It opens with the arrest of a demented man who is accused of killing 14 prostitutes and the entire story is told through a flashback from our sicko killer.

Diary Of A Serial Killer is pure exploitation. It is perverse, brutal and just plain sick. In some senses it can be on the realistic side with our over sexed killer being a chronic masturbator. "My brain can't control my body" While on the other side it is totally far fetched and pretty ridiculous. For instance he brings his victims home into his loft where he will rape, torture and murder them all the while his wife and kids are downstairs. Yeah I don't buy it. Our murdering scumbag goes by the name of Bill and is often referred to as "Brother Bill" in the movie. Bill has some crazy ideas about women. Prostitutes specifically.

Brother Bill hates prostitutes and views them as the lowest life form. He kills them so it is possible for them to be reincarnated and come back as something better in the next life. I personally believe that Bill is just a sick fuck who loves prostitutes. Or at least love to rape them, kill them and then chop them into little bits. His philosophy is just a cover up for his actions. He needs to feel that he is doing the world a favor, when in reality he gets off on sex and murder.

This movie blatantly rips from Dr. Lamb with scenes of necrophilia and corpse mutilation. Breasts and vagina's are removed from the body in gruesome detail. It is sure to turn a few stomachs. Especially for those who are not used to this type of cinematic trash.

Most would argue it but I personally prefer Diary Of A Serial Killer over Dr. Lamb. I feel there is more going on plot-wise and the movie never seems to slow down or bore. Dr. Lamb may have been first but this exploitative duplicate uses the formula perfectly. We get strangulation, murder by hair pick, murder by chop stick, fire crackers are wedged between fingers and toes and dynamite is shoved into a vagina for a nasty, mean spirited explosion. We have an incredibly sleazy scene that shows Brother Bill masturbating to bondage porn. His wife brings out the vegetable oil and lends him a hand. As she wacks away with the greasy cooking oil their daughter comes out crying. Mother waits for Bills O.K. before tending to the child. She pours the dirty dick-oil from the palm of her hand back into the container to be used for a meal later on. Now that's what I call an efficient house wife. We get lots of rape on display, a collection of pubic hair (the Japs would be offended), some gun violence, some nasty kitchen knife stabbing, lots of blood and it all makes for one twisted fucking movie.

Fans of this movie should check out The Untold Story also known as The Bun Man which is amongst the best of Category III films.

Inseminoid (1981)

I have come to the realization that British horror/cult director Norman J. Warren is a fucking madman. He is responsible for guilty pleasures of mine such as Bloody New Year and Satans Slave. So far everything I have seen from this guy has some basic commonalities. First being that the movies are dumb and if you try to make sense of them you are fucking doomed. Second being that the acting is atrocious and as unbelievable as can be. The third and final link is a positive one. His movies always seem to be done in bad taste and are usually pretty damn gory. For this reason his movies have some what of a replay value for me and sort of linger around in my mind for a while.

Check out that poster above. It just lets you know right away that this thing is going to be pretty sleazy. Even my dvd cover shows a baby monster that resembles a sort of mutant penis similar to something you would see in a Troma movie or Frank Henenlotter's Brain Damage or something.

Inseminoid which also goes under the title of Horror Planet is sort of Friday The 13th meets Alien. It rips from Alien as much as possible but the overall sleazy story makes this thing run a bit more like a slasher film. It tells of a woman (who looks a whole lot like Dee Wallace) who is raped by an giant slimy alien and impregnated with the monsters babies. The rape scene is bound to make you feel a bit uneasy and the thought of these mutants incubating in this woman isn't so pleasant either.

People are knocked off one by one in true slasher fashion. Most of them are mangled pretty badly. Some of them are even hung up on doors and one can't help but wonder if Jason Vorhees is decorating the place.

A woman saws her foot off, another is chopped into with a pair of scissors, guts are ripped out, legs are blown apart in explosions and we even get a bit of cannibalism. The little aliens also like to feast on human blood and we just have tons of red stuff to keep us awake while the world dumbest characters set themselves up for the next cheesy murder scene. Once just about everybody in the whole movie is dead and we already surpassed what would have been a perfect conclusion the film decides to go on for an extra few minutes which I couldn't understand for the life of me.

If you're looking for something British that will most likely burn out your last few brain cells while still delivering the goods, this might be the one for you. Fans of this movie should be sure to check out some of the other weird films from the director as well.

Whats The Matter With Helen? (1971)

Ever want to see Shelly Winters as a ape-shit psychopath? Well here's your chance. This one was directed by Curtis Harrington, the same lunatic who gave us the incredibly bizarre Denis Hopper flick Night Tide. He also went on to do a bunch of odd television movies like Killer Bees and Devil Dog : The Hound From Hell.

Whats The Matter With Helen? plays like a typical Harrington flick in the sense that its weird enough to hold your attention but its a little on the soft side as if it was intended to be acceptable for television. For this reason alone the film gets knocked down a few pegs. Everybody knows that a good horror flick is trashy and gritty. This film is more of a thriller then a horror movie and is slightly to classy for its own good. Whats The Matter With Helen isn't exactly a bad movie. The characters are well enough developed and the story is interesting enough to hold the attention of the average mongoloid. Its just to bad that they didn't go down the stalk and slash route. Instead this movie plays like a less memorable version of Misery.

This one tells of two women who's sons committed a brutal murder and are arrested by the police. There are some angry people amongst the towns folk who want revenge and who better to take it out on then the mothers of the murdering bastards. The two women take off for Hollywood where they will change they're identities and open up a dance school for young talent. It is then that the two women learn how different they really are. Shelly Winters plays the hyper religious Helen and yes there is something the matter with her. Debbie Reynolds plays the glamorous blond who is as obsessed with the high life as Helen is in the lord. They continue to be stalked and its not long before they become murderers themselves. We get a twist ending that really isn't all that satisfying and a pretty downbeat climax.

The film offers up stabbings, a rabbit massacre (complete with lots of fluffy, white bunnies with their throats slit), a man is pushed into some sharp blades on a old time gardening vehicle (complete with red stuff), we have achy-breaky skulls in a scene where a man is pushed down the stairs and we get plenty of mental health issues from Shelly Winters.

Not the worst thing you could watch but only recommended for people who prefer classy thriller type movies over sleazy horror flicks from the 70's. For more trashy time with chubby-slasher-mamma's you could always try Crazy Fat Ethel.