The Wizard Of Gore (1970)

The genius of Herschell Gordon Lewis titles doesn't leave much room for question. Movies with titles like She Devils On Wheels and Gore Gore Girls. The title above gives you exactly what you expect... a magician and a whole lot of blood letting, gut spilling and general gory mutilation and mayhem.

The film opens up with our magician Montag The Magnificent giving a speech on the human race and the fascination with murder, execution and death. He then sticks his head in a guillotine and pulls the string. His severed head falls in a basket and blood squirts from his neck. Don't worry he is a magician... His head is rejoined with his body so the audience can enjoy a full 95 minutes of dismemberment and ghastly tortures.

They just don't get much better then this. If you're into conventional film making The Wizard Of Gore and any other Herschell Gordon Lewis production is probably not for you because these movies are definitely from mars.

For those familiar with H.G. Lewis and his earlier films like Blood Feast and Color Me Blood Red, the format is the same. Gore substituted for budget and production value but Lewis definitely takes this one to the next level. More blood and much more graphic special effects are used and we end up with a true piece of smut that wouldn't be topped till The release of Gore Gore Girls. There is no doubt about it, The Wizard Of Gore was done in bad taste and that of course is the beauty in it.

This one also stands out in the sense that it is a supernatural film. The Wizard Of Gore and Something Weird are the only two Lewis films that I know of that deal with supernatural powers.

Not only is the gore exaggerated but the acting is so far over the top in almost appears to have been purposely. Some of the gory treats that The Wizard offers is a chainsaw to the torso complete with splatter and flying guts. A spike is hammered through a girls achy-breaky skull complete with brain matter. Hilarious hypnotism complete with nose-bleeds. Swords are rammed down throats of not only one but two girls who are bound at the wrists, An eyeball is popped out of the face of a girl, A man is burned alive, A drill press is pushed through a woman's stomach complete with gut fondling and blood appears on the hands of the magician's victims which is never really explained but I think it has something to do with the hypnotism. It reminds me a bit of The Wolf Man and the pentigram that appears in the palm of Lon Chaney's victims but it just adds to the weirdness that I love so much from a H.G. Lewis flick.

The Wizard Of Gore is the perfect remedy for anybody who is sick of polished horror movies. Stay away from the 2007 remake with Crispin Glover and chill with The Godfather Of Gore who delivered the goods and exploitation for all us filth fans for all those years.

Beatrice Cenci (1969)

To the average horror buff Lucio Fulci's name usually means one thing... GORE! Unfortunately most of his early films go unnoticed by the true horror community. Beatrice Cenci also known as Conspiracy Of Torture is definitely one of Fulci's great gems that has been forgoten and is never spoken of which is a shame because it is one of his greatest works visually and holds a serious social commentary on the Catholic church.

The setting 1599 Italy. The villain Francesco Cenci... or is it religion? Francesco Cenci is a rich and powerful man with a very sinister side. His daughter who goes by the title name of Beatrice Cenci gets the brunt of his abuse. She is beaten and locked inside a concrete dungeon. Beatrice prays for an escape from the tyranny of her evil father. Her dreams of being sent to a nunnery are shattered when her father tells her she will remain in her cell until he is dead. Plan B... kill daddy. Beatrice and her lover plot out the murder of Francesco Cenci along with the help of her mother, two brothers and a infamous criminal. After the murder is acted out Beatrice and the guilty party learn that the horrors of the church and their brutal form of punishment is far worse then anything they could have imagined.

Lucio Fulci didn't make a lot of friends with release of Beatrice Cenci. Italy being a very religious country viewed the film as an assault on the Catholic church and it was. This caused an outrage that ended with theater goers chanting in the streets "kill the director". Luckily for us gore-hounds these religious psychopaths didn't get they're hands on Fulci and the director didn't live out a nasty execution in the name of god. That really would be life imitating art or the other way around.

Fulci would go on to attack the church more then once through celluloid with movies like Don't Torture A Duckling about killer priests and such but its Beatrice Cenci that really portrays Catholics as scary and horrible people. The black hooded men of god seem no different from the executioners who send severed heads-a-rollin. They are fat, sweaty, greedy and most of all corrupt. Whether or not Fulci knew his film would have such an impact on viewers is questionable but there is no second guessing who the director was pointing his finger at.

Beatrice Cenci almost differs from Fulci's typical misogynist undertones at first with a female lead as the victim but soon falls into familiar Fulci territory with questionable ideals. As the film moves on Beatrice almost seems selfish and to be a manipulator of men and I suppose the film leaves her loyalty to her lover open to sugestion from the viewer.

Beatrice Cenci is a masterpiece from a once brilliant director who would be remembered as The Godfather Of Gore (not to be mistaken with Herschell Gordon Lewis). His talent is here and most wouldn't believe what he was capable of. The film plays in true Quentin Tarantino fashion with a story that is told through flashback and no emphasis between runtime and events similar to movies like Pulp Fiction. It has its share of brutality with a scene that shows a man being mauled by wild dogs. We have a father, daughter incest rape scene, a spike is stuck through a mans eyeball (complete with gore), some bare breasts and decapitation. We also get a fair share of nasty torture from various device's in the same vain as Mark Of The Devil but less exploitive.

Fans of Lucio Fulci need to own this movie and pay respect where it is due.

Monstroid (1980)

Monstroid also known as It Came From The Lake, Monster : The Legend That Became A Terror, The Toxic Horror and The Toxic Monster... You can call it what you like but I call it a fucking mess.

Monstroid crawled out of the murky watter and was released upon the world in 1980 which is ridiculous because the production started almost ten years earlier in 1971 and its very obvious. To call movies like Dont Answer The Phone and Maniac polished seems crazy but by the standards of Monstroid's film quality it is very reasonable. The sound is muffled, the colors are faded, and the acting is pretty damn bad but its okay because (Yes you guessed it) John Carradine appears in it. Monstroid is yet another title in the seemingly endless list of sludge from bottom of barrel movies in which Mr. Carradine makes an appearance. Carradine has a bit more screen time then the average awful B-movie that he shows up in with a pretty big character as a priest.
 The print that I own is really shaky ass well. The opening credits jump up and down on the screen as if the film makers were trying to make us nauseous before we even see anything and it only gets worse as the runtime marches on.

Defending this movie is pretty hard to do because Monstroid is no more then another big let down. It had potential with a huge monster that doesn't look half bad if you're into these goofy types of movies but of course they fuck it all up with scenes that are so dark you really can't tell what the hell you are looking at. In one scene two kids snap pictures of the monster as they escape through the woods. When they show the pictures to the adults all you can see is a eye in one picture, scales in another and maybe a few blurry teeth. The pictures were good enough for the grown ups but the blurry and way to dark scene were not good enough for me. Us monster movie hounds want to see our blood, breasts and beasts and it pains me each time when a movie is dark to enjoy.

Of course the inept film making is all part of the fun and we do get plenty of botched up night for day shots of the monster but it really just hurts this flick in a very bad way. Although the monster is sort of a giant Loch Ness Monster, for some reason I couldn't help but be reminded of the far superior sleazy, sea urchin, monster flick Humanoids From The Deep which also came out in 1980 but is a much more gory and trashy monster flick.

The Whip And The Body (1963)

Released the same year as Bava's classic Black Sabbath. The Whip And The Body tells of Sadomasochism, insanity and ghosts.

Also known as What, The Whip And The Flesh, Son Of Satan, Night Is The Phantom and many more.

The story is morbid but it crawls along at a slow pace with lots of talky scenes. Bava's direction, cinematography and lighting are the saviour yet again. With out Bava's artistic sense of direction The Whip And The Body would have been unwatchable.

Christopher Lee plays a sadistic man named Kurt who has been exiled from his wealthy families castle. He returns to torment his family once more. The lead actress is played by Daliah Lavi who reminded me a lot of Barbara Steele (Black Sunday, Caged Heat). Lavi is arranged to marry Kurt's brother but deep down inside Lavi has a secret love for Kurt and S&M of course. At first look it seems there is about to be a violent rape scene with clothes being ripped off and a bit of slap-happy fun but when Kurt brings out the whip Lavi's facial expression changes from horrified to a look of ecstasy. "You haven't changed I see... You always loved violence" Soon after Kurt is mysteriously killed with a dagger through the throat. The other members are of the house are being killed off one by one as Lavi is visited by the ghost of Kurt for some romantic sex and violence.

The Whip And The Body doesn't offer up any naked flesh but does deliver stabbings, a burning corpse, creepy settings, creepy lighting, elegant camera work, a repetitive score and of course whips. Gialo fans should see the predictible ending from a mile away but its still worth a watch for all Mario Bava fans. Although it doesn't match up with movies like Blood And Black Lace which would come out the following year The Whip And The Body is another example of what  Bava can do with limited resources.

Eerie Midnight Horror Show (1974)

70's Italian film makers didn't waste much time when it came to genre flicks and ripoffs. The international success of America's The Exorcist means only one thing... Euro-Trash versions of green vomit spewing demons. Unfortunately for us The Eerie Midnight Horror Show isn't all that trashy or even good for that matter.

The VHS title obviously trying to cash in on The Rocky Horror Picture Show does catch the eye but some of the earlier titles were way better. Also released as Enter The Devil, The Devil Obsession, The Tormented and the awesomely exploitive title The Sexorcist. Which ever title you choose The Eerie Midnight Horror Show is bound to let you down.

A hand carved wooden statue of a crucified Satan is discovered and of course tampered with. Satan comes back to life, pulls himself from the cross and possesses a young girl named Danila who strikes a odd resemblance to Ashley Laurance from Hellraiser. The demonic Danila acts out against the church, family and friends. She tries to indulge in some incest with daddy which leads to some domestic violence (complete with gratuitous daughter slapping). However Danila's level of perversion pales in comparison to her devious mother who likes to run around with the town bad boy. In one of the best scenes Danila spies in on her mother as she is stripped down, thrown on a bed, covered in rose petals and then whipped with roses. Blood and roses (Sounds like a Mario Bava movie or something) is on display and Danila's mother loves every minute of it of course.

We also get a rape scene between the devil and Danila, a sadomasochist priest who likes to whip himself and if they used regular split pea soup in The Exorcist they definitely used chunky for The Eerie Midnight Horror Show.

Aside from the bare breasts and the awesome rose whipping scene we get a pretty cool crucifixion. It doesn't quite compete with the brutal crucifixion in Lucio Fulci's The Beyond but the red stuff does spill as giant railroad spikes a hammered into our female leads hands and feet.

In the end we get the final showdown between good and evil, priest and demon. I'm sure you guessed it but the conclusion is right out of The Exorcist with one dead priest and a healthy Danila. The only difference is that in this one the priest takes a beating from a big heavy chain.

Out of all of The Exorcist ripoffs out there The Eerie Midnight Horror Show isn't a top pick. Aside from the crucifixion and the whips there really isn't much to offer. Check out Exorcismo or Seytan (Turkish Exorcist) for some more silly possession from over seas with devils and exorcism.

Bean (1997)

Mr. Bean or Dr. Bean as he is portrayed in this feature comes to America and terrorizes Hollywood with his insane mannerisms.

Bean is obviously more polished then the T.V. show with an unnecessary bigger budget. Some of the infamous skits from the show were redone here and Rowan (Mr. Bean) Atkinson is hilarious as always in a retarded kind of way.

I didn't mind this one so much because it wasn't really directed towards a children's audience like Mr. Beans Vacation which would come out ten years later. Bean had its share of crude moments and isn't necessarily for the eyes of children, with a perverse scene involving Mr. Bean dry humping random objects in a public bathroom. Then we get a incredibly funny scene where Bean drives around Hollywood Boulevard giving everybody the middle finger.

In another scene Bean gets drunk and sings songs from The Beatles which was pretty odd. He also has a fixation on Dirty Harry and gets himself in trouble with the law more then once. He vandalizes a priceless work of art, blows up a bag of puke on a airplane and pops it (complete with flying vomit), Sticks his head up a turkeys ass and breaks just about anything of value around him. The one thing that I found really weird about this movie is that Bean talks much more then usual. He even gives a speech about art in one scene. Burt Reynolds also shows up as a bad-ass soldier who thinks Bean is some sort of genius. Perhaps a bit of commentary on the intellect of our military?

One big down side to the movie is the soundtrack. Classic songs from The Beatles and even Alice Cooper were redone in easy listening format. Makes ya kinda want to puke. Aside from the awful music and the over budgeted production Bean is a worthy addition to any bean-fan's collection.

Doctor Jekyll And The Werewolf (1972)

Yet another Paul Nashy, León Klimovsky (The Vampires Night Orgy, Devils Possessed) werewolf collaboration. This time writer Paul Nashy blends the tale of Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde with The Wolfman.

Although this one starts off a little on the slow side it becomes quite the spectacle with Nashy of course playing the part of the werewolf and the evil Mr. Hyde. I have heard people call this one confusing but I think they just weren't paying attention because it makes sense. Even the edited, choppy, cut down version still makes sense. The story may be a little bit dumb but it isn't confusing. If you're looking for an intelligent plot you probably shouldn't be watching silly monster movies in the first place. I personally love this movie. It has one of the greatest moments in wolf-man cinema as far as I am concerned. It involves Paul Nashy transforming from Mr. Hyde to the reoccurring character of Waldemar Daninsky to the wolfman in a crazy hippie-delic Go-Go club. These hipsters are dancing they're bell bottoms off while the hairy version of Waldemar goes on a violent drooling rampage. Pretty Awesome!

Jack Taylor who I remember best as Professor Brown in Pieces shows up as Dr. Jekyll whom is of course still experimenting with granddaddy's old serums. (Try to follow me here) He finds an antidote for the evil identity of Mr. Hyde and when Waldemar comes to the Dr. for help he has the brilliant idea to strap Waldemar to a table on the first full moon. Inject him with the old grandpa Mr. Hyde solution. Naturally Mr. Hyde will over power the Wolfman (I don't know why he is so sure of this) and then he will inject the antidote which will "Destroy both demons". Not confusing, just dumb... but fun none the less. Of course the plan gets botched up when Dr.Jekyll gets stabbed in the back by his hot, jealous assistant.

This Spanish production offers up lots of good looking women. Unfortunately my copy is cut so I don't know if we get any bare breasts but I would assume we do. I would like to obtain an uncut print of this but for now my copy is good enough. It offers up a rape scene that is broken up by old barrel chested Paul Nashy while wearing his trademark turtleneck. We get the expected severed head which appears in almost every Nashy flick. Werewolf vs. a nurse in a elevator, Throat ripping, Stabbing, Shooting, Go-Go dancing mayhem, Drooling, Gratuitous "Bitch" calling, A scene where Mr. Hyde pushes a man into a river (just for the kicks), Burning corpses and of course some silly transformation scenes.

In one of the best moments Waldemar's lover watches from a balcony as Waldemar turns from man to wolfman under the full moon. This scene stands out due to the interesting camera angles and creepy lighting. Its a pretty creepy moment that should be appreciated by werewolf fans. Turn the lights down and the disco up and get on the dance floor with Nashy in one of the more entertaining of Nashy's Waldemar Daninsky, Werewolf flicks.

West Side Story (1961)

West Side Story might be the silliest juvenile delinquent picture ever made. The story is a serious commentary on the problems of racism in this country and the affect it has on the youth but due to the fact that its a musical (and probably the greatest musical of all time) its filled with dancing, singing and of course crazy spinning and twirling.

Its a little hard to take these rough and tough street kids seriously when they jump ten feet into the air and do a sort of spinning split but for me that's what makes West Side Story so much fun.

The truth is that West Side Story is a pretty sad movie and you really can get sucked into the story of two lovers torn apart by a race war. Which is why West Side Story is the perfect flick to watch with your best girl but its still nice to sit back with a few friends and some drinks while getting some cheap laughs out of the dance numbers.

Although West Side Story is a sort of modern adaption of Romeo And Juliet looking at it today there are certain things that make it a bit hypocritical. For instance the movie tells of two gangs in NYC. One being a all white gang called The Jets and the other being a Puerto Rican gang called The Sharks. The two gangs are at war and believe segregation is the only way. In a scene at a dance hall which is supposed to be nutural territory The Jets and The Sharks taunt each other with some silly dance routines but for a movie that is making a statement against racism it doesn't come off politically correct. If you look in the background all of the black people are just kind of standing around. They are the only ones who are not dancing and we all know that black people have much more rhythm then white people. Al Sharpton would have a field day with that scene but I just found it interesting in a nostalgic kind of way.

Another thing that comes off a bit weird while watching it today is the fact that the movie never really gives a date to the location. Since it was released in 1961 and the whole duck-tail, greaser true juvenile delinquent films were done and over with the dress code seems a bit out of place and doesn't quite go with the attitude of the street kids.

Russ Tamblyn who would go on to do some sleazies like The Female Bunch, Satan's Sadists and Dracula Vs. Frankenstein plays the leader of The Jets. Its strange to think that a man who did a film that won so many Oscars would go on to work with the likes of Al Adamson. I guess an actor will do a lot of things when hes hungry for work and anything beats a nine to fiver. Whatever Tamblyn's reasoning, I'm glad he got back to the drive-in.

The trailer on my dvd states "Unlike other classics West Side Story grows younger." I don't know if I can totally agree with that but the subject is still relevant today and its a lot of fun to watch.

Halloween : XXX Porn Parody (2011)

As if the Hollywood studios weren't bad enough with all of the classic horror movie remakes... The pron industry is no better. Smash Pictures drops to a new low by shitting out their own Halloween porn parody only months after Zero Tolerance released theirs.

I had a really hard time deciding which one of these horror-porn parodies was worse. Zero Tolerance's Official Halloween Parody was horrible but offered up some real good laughs by Dr. Loomis character played by James Bartholet (Saw : A Hardcore Parody) but Smash Pictures released a movie that is much more true to the classic 1978 John Carpenter's Halloween. All of the main focal points of the original movie are thrown into this one and are of course surrounded with hardcore sex scenes.

The girls are also better looking in this version but the acting is as bad as can be. The character of Dr. Loomis is fucking horrible and had me praying for the laughs from James Bartholet. Another thing that caught my eye was how bruised up all the girls were in the Smash Pictures version.

Laurie is the shy goodie-girl that we know and love in the original and all of her friends think she is a virgin but in reality she is quite the freak. She sits home and masturbated to masked madmen in shitty horror movies. Her fetish fails to be true when Michael Myers is chasing her around the house with a kitchen knife. Myers does get some pussy in this one and he does it in true Jewish fashion, Through a sheet of course. "Can I get your ghost Bob".

This horror-porno-parody offers up memorable quotes from the original, really obnoxious screaming, a throat slashing, stabbings, a sewing needle to the neck, coat hanger to the eye, shootings, strangulation, shitty camera work and black & blue'd porno-sluts. If I had to chose I would say this is the better of the two. Its still ridiculous, offensive and lacks in creativity but what do you expect from a mindless, money-hungry industry?

I would assume that Smash Pictures has broken down the boundaries of pride yet again that all forms of self respect has gone out the window and we can expect more then one remake of the same movie every year.

Only worth a watch if you can't find anything better to do with your time. Unless of course you have some kind of weird fetish for light skin girls with dark bruises.

The Tingler (1959)

My favorite of all William Castle flicks. Released the same year as House On Haunted Hill which also stared Vincent Price. The Tingler has even more wacky spectacle to offer.

Including a new gimmick. Certain chairs were rigged up to an electrical system that would shock members of the audience during key points of the film to induce a tension in the audience. The idea being to cause movie goers to jump and scream and if the movie it self can't do it, a good shock to the ass will. To think that in 1959 movie goers would spend their money to be electrocuted is interesting on its own. Today we would have wimpy, cry baby, yuppies trying to sue theater owners. William Castles form of exploitation brought an audience into something that fell somewhere in between a circus attraction and a play and his films serve as a reminder of what a theatrical experience could and should be like today.

Vincent Price plays a (You guessed it) mad scientist who discovers a living organism inside the human body that grows in size when fear is induced. He calls it The Tingler and this little thing looks like a smaller version of the monster in The Creeping Terror. However size isn't a factor here because The Tingler is quite deadly. It can shatter mans spinal collumn or choke him to death. Once Price removes The Tingler from its natural habitat, the human body, all hell breaks loose. The Tingler goes on a murderous rampage inside an old movie house. Hence the electro-chairs.

The Tingler also offers up a scene where Vincent Price takes L.S.D. Where else can we watch Price take an acid trip? Price doesn't necessarily take a trip to hell like Coffin Joe in Awakening Of The Beast but he does wrestle with a skeleton and tries his best to refrain from screaming as the walls close in on him.

"Its not a drug. Its an acid" Price uses his new tripy drug on a deaf/mute and we are treated to walking corpses, axe throwing gorillas and a colorized scene involving a corpse in a blood filled bathtub.

The Tingler is the perfect remedy for anyone who likes cheesy monster movies from the 50's. Its filled with visible wires and continuity but that just makes it all the more fun. Vincent Price does a excellent job in this one and with his acting the viewer can almost take this ridiculous scenario seriously.

I have not been lucky enough to catch this one in a theater yet but I await the day that I get my asshole shocked with an audience who can enjoy the finer things in life. Electric chairs and monster madness! The Tingler is a must see and must own for William Castle fans.

Which Way Is Up (1977)

For some reason people recognize this movie as a blaxploitation movie but I don't view this thing as a exploitation film at all. There isn't any exploitative material in here at all.

Richard Pryor plays three characters in this one. The first being a lying, cheating fuck-up named Leroy. The second being a foul mouthed bummy old man named Rufus and the third being a pervy priest who has more children then Jesus himself.

Pryor is funny as usual especialy while playing the old man. He over acts the character of Leroy a bit and at times and Leroy's character almost comes off like a typical scared black man is a racist 30's horror film.

In one of the best bits, Leroy tries to kill his wife after he finds out that she cheated on him with the priest and is pregnant with the preachers kid. The tables are turned when his wife learns that Leroy had been shacking up with another girl on the other side of town. They chase each other around the kitchen with kitchen knives and meat cleaver in what might be the funniest scene of domestic violence in cinematic history. In a much more awkward scene Pryor is chained to a bed, whipped against his will and has a vibrator shoved up his ass.

Which Way Is Up is a comedy but tries to hold somewhat of a social commentary which I didn't feel came off very clear or effectively. In the following year Pryor would go on to do a much more serious and political movie called Blue Collar. Blue Collar and Which Way Is  Up share a very similar subject matter but the two films couldn't be more different.

Check it out for some good old 70's, jive jargon and some general silliness.

Curse Of Bigfoot (1978)

What a mess of a movie. Curse Of Bigfoot is the product of a 60's throw away film called Teenagers Battle The Thing with added footage and added confusion. Some how this thing aired frequently on television in the 70's which is even more baffling then the movie it self.

Curse Of Bigfoot opens with a zombie looking monster stalking a women in the woods. As bad as it is, Curse Of Bigfoot gives off the impression that this might be a 70's sickie in the beginning. Well, sick it is but not in the bloody, nasty, disgusting kind of way. It's sick in the so bad it can't be ignored kind of way. Similar to the movies of Ed Wood (Plan 9 From Outer Space) and Al Adamson (Satans Sadists). The decaying faced zombie quickly goes away for good when a school teacher shuts the projector off and gives a speech about 50's and 60's monster movies to his students. "These movies may seem corny today" Then the teacher goes on to talk about Bigfoot or the Yeti or the Abominable Snowman.

Curse Of Bigfoot plays more like a National Geographic movie or an educational film then a horror movie which makes it all the more bizarre. Its good to know that teachers in the 70's dealt in fact with important subjects on Bigfoot and other monsters.

Next a weirdo scientist stands before the classroom and tells his bizarre, incoherent story of when he met Bigfoot in a giant flashback that will eat up the remainder of the runtime. This footage was taken from the earlier Teenagers Battle The Thing and guess what... The thing isn't even a Bigfoot. It's a giant fucking mummy from "hundreds of thousands years ago". It looks more like a monster out of a John Ashly movie like Beast Of Blood or something.

Through the rest of the movie the teenagers pretty much walk around aimlessly in the woods while a driving musical score blares as if something might actually happen. Curse Of Bigfoot comes to what would be recognized as a climax when the kids set the Bigfoot/Mummy on fire.

They really don't get much worse then this. Nothing interesting going on at all except when we see the monster and on top of all that it just doesn't make any fucking sense. Still Curse Of Bigfoot is as weird as they come and definitely deserves points for being a movie from mars. Its best viewed with multiple friends and alcohol but for a much sleazier Bigfoot experience check out the great Shriek Of The Mutilated. It even makes sense. Sort of...