Horror Hospital (1973)

Horror Hospital is a twisted British gem from the 70's. Sleaze wise it falls in the ranks of Peter Walker films and even stars a Walker familiar (Robin Askwith) from The Flesh And Blood Show. This time Askwith plays a long haired rocker named Jason who is off for some sun and fresh air on what the English call a holiday. In fact it is a "Hairy holiday" as it is advertised in the film. A holiday for the youth. The only problem is Jason doesn't get much relaxation. Instead he ends up in a strange hotel with a lunatic scientist that must have got his schooling from Dr. Frankenstein.

Before Jason's arrival at the Horror Hospital he meets up with a sexy young British slag named Judy. Don't worry guys the VHS box doesn't lie. Judy gets naked in a gratuitous shower scene that comes complete with bush and a typical horror film jump-scare.

Michael Gough (Legend Of Hell House) plays the mad scientist who practices his absurd brain surgery on the youth and makes them into his own instruments of pleasure. Of course they are in a zombie like state and not to pretty to look at. They come complete with white face paint and big scars down their forehead's where the scalpel ripped the flesh. We also have a bunch of guys running around in leather motorcycle gear, complete with boots, helmet and leather jackets. These guys serve as body guards for wheelchair ridden Michael Gough. Was Michael Gough actually in a wheel chair in 1973? I find it odd that he is cripple in both Hell House and Horror Hospital. We also get a midget-slave and a monster running around for added fun. The midget serves as pure entertainment in what was supposed to be comical scenes but I find it pretty funny when he is whipped in the face with a riding crop.

While I wouldn't exactly call Horror Hospital a splatter film it is pretty gory. We have open brain surgery, an axe to the head and multiple decapitations from a unproportioned and completely ridiculous contraption that is built into the doctors car. The car comes complete with giant switchblades that pop out from the side of the car and sears heads off. The severed heads land perfectly into a basket that is also hanging from the car. We also have a pretty nasty burn victim and a zombie meltdown as well. Horror Hospital also goes under titles such as Computer Killers, Doctor Bloodbath, Dr. Frankensteins Horrorklinik, and many other foreign titles. I however prefer Horror Hospital since that is how I first saw it in the VHS days. Directed by Anthony Balch the same madman who gave us the incredibly strange Bizarre Secrets Of Sex, or the artsy-fartsy Towers Open Fire and the annoyingly awesome The Cut Ups with William S. Burroughs. Anybody familiar with Balch's work would know that Horror Hospital is going to be a weird one and a must see. Check it out for a trashy good time with gore, monsters and midgets.

Tower Of Evil (1972)

Somehow this British slasher flick didn't make it to the Video Nasty list. We are treated to 89 minutes of sex and death. Plenty of gore for us splat-hounds and enough bare breasts for all you pervy dementos. Tower Of Evil also goes under title of Beyond The Fog but is mostly recognized as The Horror Of Snape Island.

Three out of four American teenagers (played by English actors with really bad fake American accents) are brutally murdered while on vacation on Snape Island. An Island that contains an old watch tower and a horrible reputation to go along with it. Amongst the "American" teens is Robin Askwith (Horror Hospital, Flesh And Blood Show). Askwith meets his fate when he is impaled by a giant golden sword that is pushed through his torso and leaves him a swingin on a door. We are treated to some Askwith nudity and a couple of other bare-ass men for all the ladies out there but the real humor comes from watching Askwith put on his best American accent. Jump forward in time and a group of archaeologists explore Snape Island in search of ancient buried treasure that has been hidden in the caves bellow Snape Island.

The archaeologists get more then they bargained for when they start getting knocked off one by one from the maniac who prowls Snape Island. We get decapitations (complete with rolling severed heads), Heads are twisted by 90 degrees in true Exorcist fashion, Machete's are embedded into achy-breaky skulls, stabbings, neck breaking, and some serious third degree burns.

Aside from the sex and violence Tower Of Evil holds somewhat of a creepy atmosphere as well. The fog is layed on thick and it works better then the expected dim lighting that comes complete with scenes that are to dark to enjoy. The fog is used excellently and the sets and locations are creepy all in there own.

Tower Of Evil is another example of a English horror flick that can deliver the goods. Fans of British director Peter Walker should check this one out. It holds the same nasty vibe that Walker delivers in many of his movie. Tower Of Evil is available on a British horror set with the great Horror Hospital, the bloody alien ripoff Inseminoid and the beyond awful Curse Of The Voodoo. The set is a good buy and well worth owning. Its just to bad they had to throw that shitty voodoo flick on there. Check it out for a bloody good time from the U.K.

Horror Of Dracula (1958)

The British horror Hammer Productions have never been something I was all that interested in. I find the films to be a bit slow with not enough sleaze-factor. I am also very partial to Vampire movies in general with the exception of the ultra trashy or just totally bizarre ones.

With that being said you would think that Horror Of Dracula would probably find its way into my nearest garbage can. The truth is I kind of dig this one. First off this was the first of Hammer vampire flicks and we all know that the first is almost always the best. This Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee combo was originally titled Dracula and was intended to be taken as a modern retelling of the classic Dracula (1931) with Bela Lugosi. It would be latter retitled The Horror Of Dracula in the United States which I think was a wise decision. I mean it is unoriginal enough to make yet another Dracula film but the least you can do is give it a different name.

For some reason in this British take on the evil vampire, Dracula's castle is located somewhere in Germany. Transylvania is never mentioned. It all starts off pretty slow with the oh so familiar tale of Johnathan Harker slowly being drained of life from the evil count but Harker finds the underground sleeping place of Dracula and his bride and drives a steak through the vampiric brides hart. Harker falls victim of Dracula's fangs and Christopher (Dracula) Lee takes revenge by making Johnathan's wife his new vampire bride.  This is where the film gets moving... Peter Cushing plays the part of Van Helsing and teams up with Michael Gough (Horror Hospital, Legend Of Hell House) and they track down the count and battle it out in an awesome climax.

The end of the film makes it all worth while with a really cool vampire melt down. The special effects may not be the best but it still makes for a fun watch. The Horror Of Dracula offers up a tid bit of blood here and there with steaks through the heart and of course throat biting. One thing I noticed is that Christopher Lee doesn't seem to be a neat eater because he always has blood running down his cheeks, even in his sleep. Somebody should get this guy a bib.

Check it out to see where it all started in Hammer studios. The director would go on to do a shit-load more of these Hammer horror flicks including Dracula : Prince Of Darkness which is a cool follow up. Brides Of Dracula and The Revenge Of Frankenstein.

Crucible Of Horror (1971)

Were we watching the same movie? I couldn't believe the reviews that this thing got on IMDB.Com. Apparently everybody thinks that Crucible Of  Horror also known as The Corpse is a work of genius but in reality it is nothing more then a ripoff of Diabolique and when its all finished it doesn't make any sense.

Its not that I thought the movie was horrible but there are so many plot holes in this movie that one can't help but be annoyed at the films ending.

Crucible Of Horror not to be confused with Crucible Of Terror stars Michael Gough who I remember best from his role in Horror Hospital as the mad doctor who drives around in his car with giant blades on it and cuts the heads off of his victims. I guess I'm just a weirdo because most other people like him in those Batman movies. Well anyway this time Gough plays an abusive father with some serious repressed sexual tension towards his sexy 16 year old daughter played by Sharon Gurney (Raw Meat). Gough waits till his daughter comes home from a long bike ride and then caresses the bicycle seat. When he's not feeling his daughters seats. He usually likes to viciously beat her with a riding crop and he is pretty damn good with that thing because he leaves her a bloody mess when he is done.

Goughs wife and daughter decide to kill the abusive man of the house and together they poison good ole dad at gun point.  Dad's body somehow disappears and then shows up in completely different places and one can't help but wonder if someone is playing tricks on them but eventually Gough comes back to life to abuse the ladies in his life once again. According to IMDB Crucible Of Horror is supposed to be 91 minutes and the dvd that I picked up is only 88 so perhaps this is part of the reason that I felt the movie was so disjointed but I really don't think so. I really do just think that it makes no sense.

On the upper hand Crucible Of Horror does offer up a bit of tit from Sharon Gurney. We also get the bike-seat rubbing and the violent whippings that I mentioned early, A mysterious corpse swinging from the ceiling as if this was a Friday The 13th movie, Sleazy pedophiles and some really bad wardrobe worn by Gurney. Not to much to recommend here but it is fun watching Michael Gough in another demented role.

Dr. Terrors House Of Horrors (1965)

I first discovered this low budget Amicus Production on late night television in my young teens. It stars the familiar British horror duo Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing in some what of a different situation.

Five men on a train have they're fortune told by Dr. Schreck also known as Dr. Terror. Each one of them are doomed to die and a very simple formula for an anthology film unravels. Dr. Terror is played by Peter Cushing and amongst the five other men is Christopher Lee as a condescending art critic and a young Donald Southerland in one of first movies. Dr. Terrors House Of Horrors was released the same year as Southerland's Die Die My Darling but his acting ability shines through much more in this film which is pretty funny considering how bad of a movie this really is but I say bad in a good way. If you like anthology horror films like Tales From The Crypt then Dr. Terrors House Of Horrors is a must see. While it isn't quite as good as Tales From The Crypt it is however the first of Amicus horror anthology films and for that reason alone should deserve a watch.

Three out of the five stories are pretty messy and when I say messy I don't mean gory. I mean plot-wise they are paper thin and full of unexplained moments. What else would you expect from a 98 min. movie that tries to cram five stories into it?

The first story is very confused. It is supposed to be a werewolf story but plays much more like a vampire tale. According to this movie werewolves sleep in coffins and shape shift not only from man to wolf but mist as well. Then we have an awesome nature gone wrong story about a family that is murdered by the plants that grow from the garden. Even the innocent dog meets its fate in the vines of this hungry plant. This probably my favorite segment in the whole movie and every time I watch it I can't help but be reminded of Creepshow. Up next we have the movies most boring and useless story of a man who has a voodoo curse placed on him after he steals some ancient music from the cult. Up next Christopher Lee runs Michael Gough (Horror Hospital, Crucible Of Horror, Legend Of Hell House), whom plays an artist down with his vehicle and leaves him to die in the street. The artists life is spared but his hand was severed in the accident. Instead of leading a meaningless life the artist commits suicide with a bullet to the achy-breaky skull but his dismembered hand comes back to haunt and kill Christopher Lee. This story is a whole lot of fun and makes the whole movie worth while. Last but not least Donald Southerland goes to war with his vampire wife and is betrayed by his best friend. This one comes complete with neck biting, stakes through the heart and typically bad bat transformation scenes but if the first werewolf story was allowed to bend the rules I guess this one can too. For some reason vampires are not affected by sun light in this movie.

This one should only be watched by fans of B-movies. If you take this thing seriously you will surely hate it. Watch only with a cheesy brain and you might find yourself a guilty pleasure.

Legend Of Hell House (1973)

Four people researching paranormal activity (not the movie) join up and visit an old haunted mansion known as Hell House with the mission to prove whether or not there is in fact any haunting's. Amongst the researchers is a scientist, his useless yet sexy wife, a religious medium, and Roddy McDowall who is the only survivor of a previous visit to Hell House and McDowall does a great job explaining the evils of the house "Drug addiction, alcoholism, sadism, bestiality, mutilation, murder, vampirism, necrophilia, cannibalism, not to mention a gamut of sexual goodies. Shall I go on?".

Its your typical ghosts and hauntings flick with creaky doors that open and close on there own and random objects fly from tables for no apparent reason, except this one offers a couple of really affective moments. The best being a all out ghost attack on our logical thinking scientist. He is cut by flying glass and thrown from his seat at the dinner table, nearly burnt to a crisp by a fireplace that turns into a sort of flame thrower and nearly crushed by a falling chandelier. Legend Of Hell House also offers up a scene in which a possessed cat goes ape-shit and claws up our religious fanatic. Death by falling crucifix and a legless Michael Gough (Crucible Of Horror, The Skull) who I remember best as the psycho who drives around and decapitates his victims in Horror Hospital.

Roddy McDowall is great as usual, playing yet again the sensitive, soft spoken, sympathetic character but this time around he becomes possessed and goes into violent, over acted convulsions. He also goes to war with the spirits of the house in a final showdown. We also have the privilege of seeing McDowall smack around a naked nympho.

One of the better of 70's haunted house flicks and worth a watch for fans of these types of horror flicks. Aside from McDowall all the other actors do a good job as well. Legend Of Hell House is a all around good film, with nice camera work and excellent framing. However, seeing it for the first time on the big screen I couldn't help but notice the extreme close-ups on the actors. Especially side profiles. So if you have some kind of weird nose fetish you might want to check this one out as well.

White Dog (1982)

White Dog tells the gritty tale of a white German Shepard that is trained to attack and kill. However this is not your average attack dog. This is a "White Dog" meaning that it was bread by white racists to attack and kill black people.

While most directors would have taken this movie in one of two directions. Either the straight up exploitation rout or the sappy Hollywood moralist direction. The great Sam Fuller opts to make a art-house type horror film with a serious social commentary. The White Dog of course being a metaphor for the problems of racism in America and how easy it is to corrupt an innocent mind. The outcome is extremely dangerous. Not only is this dog dangerous but the subject matter is equally dangerous for any director to touch upon in 1982 and Fuller definitely paid the price.

The director fell victim to rabid critics who just didn't understand the film. Anyone familiar with Sam Fuller's work (The Naked Kiss, Shock Corridor) would blatantly see that racism and its affects on society is a theme that constantly comes back in the writer/directors films and this one is as touching as any other.

The horror on the other hand also works very well. When a struggling actress named Julie accidentally hits the dog with her car she does the humane thing and rushes the wounded animal to the hospital. She takes the dog home and falls in love with it. The first scene of violence shows the dog protecting its new owner against a rapist but its not long before innocent people start dying. Innocent black people that is. When Julie learns what is happening she takes her new pet to some professional animal trainers who have already dealt with a White Dog. The plan is to correct the dogs behaviour by mental reconditioning. The dog escapes and the murders continue but out of love for her dog Julie does not turn him in to the authorities.

White Dog artistically mixes horror and drama together. It finishes on a bit of a down note and comes complete with somewhat of a twist ending. There is also a delightful bit of gory mayhem that takes place in a church that needs to be seen to be believed. Check it out for a great Sam Fuller experience with racist animals, blood and a ending that would make Bambi viewers stop crying and shit their pants instead.

Bizarre (1970)

As you can tell by the poster above, this thing originally went under the title of Secrets Of Sex but I prefer the video title because Bizarre is exactly what we have here. Its one strange piece of cinema and if I didn't know any better that this thing came from England I would definitely believe that this is a movie from mars. I suppose we could always combine both titles and call it Bizarre Secrets Of Sex. I would say that title would suit it best.

Bizarre is not your run of the mill sexploitation flick. It was directed by Antony Balch who most would remember best for his Michael Gough slash-em-up flick Horror Hospital but he also did a bunch of really weird artsy-fartsy stuff like Towers Open fire and The Cut-Ups with William S. Burroughs. Those Burroughs flicks are really fucking Bizarre and doesn't make much sense for normal folk.

Bizarre on the other hand plays like a typical sexploitation flick from the 70's but throws in all the crazy hippie-dellic and artsy-fartsy stuff to keep it unique and separate it from the seemingly endless supply of nudie-cuties. First off Bizarre is an anthology film which in narrated by a thousand year old mummy. The mummy is fucking awesome and his appearance automatically makes Bizarre a strange watch but once he starts telling his stories the movie just gets weirder and weirder.

We get a crazy introduction to the sexes. That is male and female and the on going struggle that both sexes encounter throughout life. We get sexy Go-Go babes having rotten fruits and vegetables thrown at them from machine gun wielding men. The rotten fruits are smashed between their large breasts and their sexy go-go undies. The girls are packing straight razors and get us ready for some violent orgy action or at least for some of the madness that is in store for the viewer.

One of the better stories offers up some nasty S&M and tells of a man who is tortured by a female photographer and her sexy assistant who want realism in their photos. The man is chained up to a weighted device that pulls him down onto a sharp blade that cuts through his genitals. The man bleeds to death and the women get the photo they have been waiting for.

Another tells of a woman who carries a Bizarre genetic disease and gives birth to something that looks like a cross between the baby in Combat Shock and Eraserhead.

Then we have a story about a female cat burglar who breaks into a mans house and when caught bribes the man with a night full of sex and bathes. She of course blackmails the guy and gets away with the goods anyway. This story offers up some leather, whips and a hot brunette. Then theres a story about a female secret agent who gives plenty of up-skirt shots complete with white cotton panties.

Then we get another weird one about a woman who traps the souls of her ex-lovers inside plants. She of course waters them daily and speaks upon them with fond memory. She meats her fate with some strangulation in her own green house.      Perhaps the most Bizarre story in the whole movie follows a young hippie who calls for a prostitute and ends up in a strange parallel world filled with giant dinosaurs. Don't ask... Your guess is as good as mine. I'm not sure what it all means but I do know it all makes for a very strange watch and I wouldn't expect anything less from Antony Balch. Aside from how Bizarre it all is, Secrets Of Sex was done beautifully with some really interesting lighting, camera angels and sets alike. I would assume that the average Joe who went to see some quick tits and ass in the local smut-house was quite taken once this thing started rolling. 

Apparently upon its theatrical release Bizarre Secrets Of Sex was cut down by 9 minutes but fortunately for us it is available in its uncut form on dvd and I recommend picking yourself up a copy.  

                                      

Death Wish 2 (1982)

It took eight years for the first sequel to Death Wish to come but it came at us with guns blazin and still stays true to the original. Perhaps if they took their time on the sequels to follow they would have been as interesting as this follow up to the classic rape/revenge tale.

Yet again Bronson proves that it never pays to be close to him. His daughter is raped yet again by another gang of vicious punks but this time she doesn't make it out alive. After the violent rape scene she tries to make her escape but ends up impaled on a metal, spiked pole from a fence in a scene that looks like it should have been in a horror movie. For those who remember correctly in the first Death Wish Bronson's daughter was not the only victim of sexual abuse. His wife was also attacked and killed by the scum bags. I guess the film makers decided that if there was two rapes in the first film there had to be at least two rapes in the sequel. The second rape victim in Death Wish 2 is Bronson's maid. The scum take turns with her and then smash her achy-breaky skull in. Naturally there is vengeance to pay.

Charles Bronson takes to the Hollywood streets. Oh yeah this one takes place in California since the police forced him out of New York City in the first film. He searches every sleaze-ball corner for the degenerates who killed his friend and daughter but what he finds instead is criminals in every parking garage, bus and arcade but the main difference between the sequel and the original is this time around he actually finds the low lives that harmed his family. He finds a few rapping a woman and he shoots them to shit. He takes out a few more in a big shoot out scene when he catches them purchasing automatic weapons.

He drops a cheesy line in one scene when he asks one of the punks "Do you believe in Jesus? You're gonna meet him" the he shoots him full of holes and takes back to the streets for more revenge.

In my favorite scene, the only remaining gang member beats the shit out of half the police force while high on P.C.P. after his arrest he is sent to a rehabilitation hospital. Bronson poses as a doctor and sneaks into the hospital for a final fight scene where Charlie gets stabbed full of holes.

Laurence Fishburne (Apocalypse Now, King Of New York) shows up as one of the rapists. He meets his fate with a bullet to the face. Fishburne walks around with a ghetto blaster and does some silly dances but he sure does have some cool sun glasses. We also get a death by electrocution, some knife violence, dead cops and a really sneaky Charles Bronson. It all makes for a great follow up.

Psycho II (1983)

22 years after the Bates Motel massacre Norman Bates is released from the mental hospital. He is set up with a job at a local restaurant where he befriends Mary played by Meg Tilly. The only problem is that Mary's last name is Loomis which means she is a relative of the woman that Norman slashed up in the shower all those years back.

When he invites Mary to live with him it becomes a little to much stress on ole Norman. Lets just say that Norman starts to not feel so well again and people start getting knocked off one by one in true slasher fashion.

Psycho is one of those timeless horror movies where it seems pointless to do a remake or a sequel. Obviously Psycho 2 can't compete with Alfred Hitchcock's classic as far as style and originality goes but I generally like this follow up. In fact it is the only sequel or remake in the series that is worth watching at all and it is fun for what it is.

I feel that the film makers went in exactly the right direction with this one. If you can't out do the original just make it slightly more sleazy. Add in more gruesome murder and a bit of tit and we are on the right track.

Norman Bates still enjoys watching the ladies shower and luckily for us Meg Tilly offers up a quick nudie scene. Then we have a couple of horny teenagers who sneak into the old Bates house to smoke some dope and have sex but that ends pretty quickly at the end of a kitchen knife. My personal favorite character is Mr. Toomey a sleazoid who has been running the Bates Motel while Normal was locked up. When Norman fires the scummy motel manager, Toomey decides he is going to hurt Norman physically "Go ahead Psycho! Pick up the knife". Well Toomey ends up with a kitchen knife stuck through his face and is found later at the bottom of the swamp where Norman is oh so famous for dumping bodies and victims cars.

Then in the films most gory moment a woman has a knife shoved into her mouth which comes out by the back of her neck. Another man is stabbed in the guts and as he falls down the stairs the blade is pushed further and further into his body, An old woman is hit over the achy-breaky skull with a shovel and Norman Bates gets cut up pretty badly himself this time around.

The thing that makes this movie so fun, aside from the increase in violence is the relationship between Norman Bates and Mary Loomis. I wont spoil the ending but it does come with a little twist but most will probably see it coming.

Keep an open mind and don't expect anything spectacular and you might enjoy this one.

Blacula (1972)

Second best Blaxploitation horror flick of all time. Number one is the other William Marshal epic William Girdler film, Abby. Or the Blaxorcist as my friends like to call it. The director went on to do another pretty cool one called Doctor Black And Mister Hyde. Theres also a sequel to this thing called Scream Blacula Scream which you can also read about on my blogspot.
Blacula is fun all the way through, its got all the crazy 70's pimp-wear that ya could ask for including capes. We got homosexual vampires, super bad 70's jargon, ridiculous black funk bands complete with huge Afro's and crazy dancing, Stakes to the heart, Vampire melt down complete with maggots, transformation from human to bat, and a few racial slurs and fag bashing here and there. One of my favorite scenes consists of a vampire massacre where the weapon of choice is Kerosene lamps. Apparently these lamps explode on contact and don't need any sort of spark or flame. Where exactly does one get a self exploding Kerosene lamp? Theres also some very obvious continuity, in one scene a dead woman is laying down on the slab in a morgue completely naked with only a towel over her and then in the next scene shes running around with one of those hospital gown. We also have a police officer massacre, Blacula electrocutes one cop, throws garbage cans at a few and fucks up about half the force. Its also a love story so if you can convince your girl to watch some jive ass vampires she will probably enjoy it.