Army Of Darkness (1992)

Army Of Darkness is the third film in the Evil Dead trilogy and its the most ridiculous out of the lot. It continues from the end of Evil Dead 2 with Ash being sucked into a sort of time warp. He ends up in medieval times where he will fight the army of the dead. One of the alternate titles for the film was The Medieval Dead which I thought was pretty witty.

Evil Dead 3 or Army Of Darkness was released 1992 and we all know that the 90's was an awful time for American film in general and horror movies were the bottom of the barrel. Nobody wanted to offend anybody and the cruel, nastiness of the 70's were long gone and the Splatter Flicks of the 80's seemed to be a passed trend as well. Evil Dead (1981) was a campy gore flick and still managed to be creepy at the same time. Evil Dead 2 (Dead By Dawn) (1987) exploited the camp of the first film to the max and gave us an all out horror,comedy, splatter-fest. This time around the movie becomes so overly silly that it can hardly even be considered a horror flick. However the same year as Army Of Darkness another Splatter pioneer,(Peter Jackson) came out with Dead Alive a.k.a. Brain Dead and unlike Raimi, Jackson gave the Evil Dead fans what they really deserved. The two films can't even be compared other then the fact that they both were released in 1992 and their both more silly than a shit filled hat. Dead Alive is one of the goriest movies ever made and still manages to be funny (even funnier then Army Of Darkness) while the final film in the Evil Dead trilogy really only appeals to kids and those of us who grew up with it.

Bruce Campbell of course continues his role as Ash and he really goes above and beyond as far as beating himself up for the movie. He delivers tons of memorable lines "Good... Bad... I'm the guy with the gun", does many of his own stunts and makes some really ridiculous faces while doing it all. I'll admit the special effects were cool and the film is a whole lot of fun. Its just disappointing that Sam Raimi didn't push for some more gore.

Either way now Mr. Raimi and Mr. Jackson are both in the same boat, making shitty Hollywood movies and fist over dollar. Lord Of The Rings might appeal to some but I miss the Bad Taste days.

Horror Rises From The Tomb (1973)

Horror Rises From The Tomb is one of my favorites from Paul Naschy. Not because its a epic film but mainly because of the overall madness that goes on throughout the 95 minute run time.

The film opens up with Paul Naschy being accused of black magic. He is then decapitated and his beautiful woman is strung up by her ankles, whipped and burnt at the stake. The whole movie is chock full of gratuitous nudity and violence and although the plot might not be the most comprensive in cinema history it sure is a fun one to watch. The viewer never knows what is coming next but eventually learns that the next frame will probably be as sleazy as the last.

It mixes all the major horror genres into one big mix of zombies, black magic, witches and possessed madmen who run around hacking up pretty women. We also have a John Carradine look alike who's weapon of choice is a slingblade and he does his share of maiming and mangling women. Theres also some gory gun-violence and a really awesome scene involving a execution of two murderers by local vigilantes. The musical score is reminiscent of a classic Hammer film and the dubbing will please Kung Fu fan-boys.

This one is perfect with a group of drunken friends or alone. Not recommended for anyone in the mood for a very serious movie. This one is about as serious as Evil Dead Part 2 : Dead By Dawn.

Night Of The Living Dead (1968)

Here it is... The movie to blame for my life long obsession with horror films. I first saw Night Of The Living Dead as a young child with my father which is strange because my father isn't much of a horror fan. Still I'm not sure if it was a odd moment of bonding or what but at five years old I remember just loving every minute of the ride. I remember not being to scared which is also odd for a young kid seeing his first flesh eating zombie flick but instead I remember thinking, Wow this is awesome!

Well twenty some odd years later I still think its awesome and I feel lucky that my first zombie experience was with the king of all zombie movies. Still to this day it is by far my favorite zombie flick of all time and even one of my favorite horror movies of all time. Personally I am not the biggest fan of zombie films and I feel that the genre is entirely to big. Any schlep with a camera and a group of nerdy friends feel they have the right to stagger down the zombie path and cop out from making an original film that might require some talent or skill. Don't get me wrong I like my share of Zombie films especially the Italian ones like Zombi, Dr. Butcher M.D. and Burial Ground but the facts are the facts and there are way more bad zombie films then good ones.

Night Of The Living Dead is number one and always will be. We get gut wrenching zombies, rotten corpses, gratuitous bitch slapping, crowbars to the head, bug eating, mommy stabbing, daddy eating, teenagers crash and burn leaving a tasty BBQ treat for the flesh-eaters, and the hero is black. Night Of The Living Dead was ahead of its time and horror movies today still have a hard time living up to it.

Night Of The Giving Head (2008)

Night Of The Giving Head is a all around retarded spoof on the the classic 1968 George A. Romero flesh eating zombie flick. This one opens up with a guy and girl in in a cemetery having a argument. No their names are not Barbara and Johnny. However the argument comes to a end when a topless, staggering ghoul approaches them. The nudie ghoul groans "More cock! More cum!" over and over again and its not long before she is sucking the pants off of the (should be) Johnny character.

Apparently men's seamen is tainted and the "Sperm-a-raise" with in the man goop is turning nubile women into cock & cum hungry nympho sluts. Once a man ejaculates, he dies but the zombie sluts stagger on, looking for more fresh meat.

Night Of The Giving Head is so stupid that its even hard for a brain-dead horror/trash junkie like myself to like it. Sure it offers up a couple of sexy sluts and a nice sex scene here and there (my favorite consists of a lesbian, zombie, strap-on scene) but it really is more of a novelty title. After all the only reason I picked it up was due to the title. I don't care about the toolbox film makers involved, that's for sure.

If this one doesn't sound dumb enough already just try to make it to the films final when the bimbo hero's learn that whipped cream is the solution to the cock and cum sucking zombie epidemic. We have the privilege of watch countless zombie bitches suck down whipped cream. Dumb! Night Of The Giving Head also offers up some decaying flesh, a cheesy goth girl, a giant zombie orgy, nut busting action and some fat zombie bitches who clearly do not belong in this movie. Only watch this one if there is nothing left in the classic section at your local porn store.

Kung Fu Zombie (1982)

Why do I sit through these crazy fucking Chinese horror flicks? I guess because they really are just crazy. Kung Fu Zombie is annoying, ridiculous and most of the time it doesn't make much sense. Its also more of a comedy then a horror movie but for some reason it still manages to be a keeper. Despite the obnoxiousness to it all. Its pure fast paced mayhem with nonstop Kung Fu action and voodoo-esque madness.

Kung Fu Zombie never gets to gory but it does offer up a decapitation, some flesh munching, blood drinking, some metal-spike-fu, sword-fu and a whole lot of saliva flying from the mouths of various beaten victims. Well okay its obviously a mouth full of water and not saliva but the Chinese have a strong fixation on this effect and it is used to the max in this one and as if there just wasn't enough flying saliva scenes, we get all these Kung Fu scenes where our fighters dump buckets of water over their head. This allows for much more flying spit.

Aside from all the face smashing and drool, Kung Fu Zombies offers up blood drinking Vampires, Chinese style hopping zombies, ghosts and a wizard who tries to keep all the ghouls in line with the use of exorcism and weird spells.

My main problem with this one is how annoying all of the characters are, including the monsters. If the film makers toned down the comedy just a touch this one would probably be a lot more tolerable and would surly have more replay value. Still if Kung Fu Zombie finds its way into your collection of the weird, I'm sure it will be there to stay.

                                                                                                                         

Deadgirl (2008)

This one hit close to home with the story of two teenage boys who break into a local abandoned mental institution and find a Deadgirl... Or is she? The reason this film appealed to me at first is because when I was a teenager my friends and I would break into our local abandoned psycho ward. We spent lots of time in that place the only difference is we never found a corpse and we most certainly never fucked it.

At first the girl appears to be dead, the two boys soon learn that the girl is living and breathing but instead of calling the police, the kids decide to keep it a secret. One decides to have a little fun with the girl and he gets his pervy little rocks off. During his sexcapades he snaps the girls neck and it doesn't affect her. Once the kids learn she is a zombie their troubles really begin. One of them wants to call the police but his horny friend wont allow it. The Deadgirl is raped repeatedly and its not long before the secret is spread to other equally sick and horny friends. The teenage boys sink deeper and deeper into depravity and eventually decide to kidnap other girls and bring them to their secret place where they can turn them into other Deadgirl sex slaves.

Deadgirl offers a bit of blood and guts but nothing to overly excessive. We get a exploding diarrhea scene with intestines splashing all over a toilet seat and bathroom stall floor, we get a zombie blowjob complete with castration, a hand is dismembered with a machete, bullet wounds with green gooey puss pouring out, a upper lip is bitten off, faces are beaten bloody and a dog is ripped apart.
Still Deadgirl only comes off disturbing with the corpse fucking scenes and the rest of the movie is unintentionally humorous. Not the worst movie ever made and its worth a watch at least once. There isn't much replay value to this one but most movies made these days aren't worth a watch at all. Its not Nekromantik but its better then any shitty Resident Evil movie.

I Eat Your Skin (1964)

Del Tenney was very busy in 1964. He directed three movies that year. The Horror Of Party Beach, Curse Of The Living Corpse and Zombies. Zombies sat on a shelf, unseen by the world for about six years until the great I Drink Your Blood was released and needed another movie to play as a creature double feature. Zombies name was changed to I Eat Your Skin and a cult film was born.
I Eat Your Skin is cheap, cheesy and no frills but it worked perfect as a second film on a double bill. The Zombies in this one are not the George A. Romero flesh eating Zombies. They are the old school voodoo Zombies but in this one they carry around machete's. One zombie even caries around a giant box of explosives and there is no question to whether or not the box contains explosives because in big bold print, the box says "EXPLOSIVES".
I Eat Your Skin offers up a decapitation by machete (A bit surprising for 1964), a flare gun wound to a stomach, a knife in the back, a decapitated chicken and some pretty girls. We also get some decent special F/X for a low budget flick. Zombie transformations are done Lon Chaney Jr., The Wolf Man style and the Zombies do look pretty cool with decaying flesh and big melted buggely eyes. We also get to see the bullet holes appear in the Zombies chests when they are shot.
I Eat Your Skin isn't the greatest movie ever made but its an entertaining watch. I Drink Your Blood blows it out of the water but the films of Del Tenney have a place in this world and it just so happens that this one belongs right after the end credits of I Drink Your Blood.

Horror Express (1972)

Christopher Lee plays an English anthropologist who discovers a frozen corpse in North Asia which he believes to be proof of evolution. Lee boards a train with his fossil locked in a big crate and its not long before the frozen body thaws out and wreaks havoc on the people aboard the train.

The monster looks pretty cool. Kind of a cross between a Lucio Fulci zombie and a sort of Bigfoot. Its not long before the people realize there is a creature on the train and they star forming they're own opinions on what the creature is. Is he in fact just a thawed out caveman? The religious people think its the devil. The ones who believe in science think its a alien from another planet. The different ideas help keep Horror Express moving along at a nice pace and it stays interesting.
The movie really starts to get good when Telly Savalas (Dirty Dozen, Lisa And The Devil) shows up as a fascist Russian soldier. Savalas enters the train with authority and beats the people for information. When he learns that there is a monster on the train he is ready for war.
Peter Cushing has a big role in this one. He plays a doctor and in one of his finer scenes we get to see Mr. Cushing cut open a head with a hack-saw.

Aside from the head sawing scene Horror Express does have a bit of the red stuff. I wouldn't go as far as to say its gory but it has just enough to satisfy the average horror fanatic. The blood is accompanied by bulging eyeballs that appear to have no pigment left. The blood pours out from the white, bulging eyes and I found it to be slightly disturbing at times.
Another memorable character is a monk. Who rejects his religion for the creature. The monk believes the creature to be Satan and decides to help and protect the monster.
Before the films final, The monster summons up all of his victims and the white eyed corpses come back to life as staggering zombies.
Horror Express is a cool little British/Spanish horror flick from the 70's and it definitely does not disappoint. Usually British films are very tame and tend to not deliver. This is not the case with Horror Express.

Re-Animator (1985)

This is Splatter! Re-Animator is one of my all time favorite Zombie flicks. Its a non-stop gore fest from beginning to end with scenes that just can't be forgotten. It opens up with a mans eyes bulging out of his head until they pop. Then it gets crazier and gorier with decapitated talking heads and exploding entrails. The most memorable scene is probably the one where the talking severed head performs oral sex on Barbara Crampton. One detail that I never noticed until my last viewing was that there is a sex scene between Cramton and the main character and there is a poster on the wall for the band The Talking Heads, of course foreshadowing the great scene that I just mentioned. Another memorable moment concerns a dead cat with a broken back who is brought back to life. The cat screams in pain and our great anti-hero has this to say... "Birth is always painful". Then we have brain surgery, lobotomies, a bone saw rips through a zombies back and comes out its chest. We have fingers being bit off, heads thrown across the room, zombie nudity(complete with swinging zombie dick), people are strangles with intestines, severed zombie arms and just a whole mess of splattery madness.
Re-Animator is one of those horror flicks that stays fun no matter how many times you see it. Its full of great quotes and the gore is off the wall. If you like mad scientist's and you like zombies, I can't see you not liking this movie. All out 80's fun done the right way.

Cemetery Man (1994)

Michele Soavi gives a perfect blend of entertainment and art. Cemetery Man is a zombie film with a thought provoking message and surreal cinematography all mixed together with a bit of humor. The zombies in the film are almost there as filler in a story of a man who runs a cemetery and has completely lost touch with reality. Cemetery Man is one of those movies that people spend hours talking about. So I will not go into my idea on what all it means but I really feel that if you watch the movie a few times its not really that hard to figure it out. What I will tell you is that Cemetery Man has it all. It has flying/talking zombie heads, vomiting retards, plenty of zombies, gory flesh eating, In one of my favorite scenes a motorcycle gang crashes into a bus full of boy scouts. The gangs heads splatter all over the place with brains that look like blueberry pie. The movie also stars the beautiful Anna Falchi who bares it all for us. we also get castration, dead nuns. dead priests, dead nurses, prostitute college girl massacre, a street gang massacre and whole bunch of great one liners. "Id give my life to be dead"
This ones really got something for everyone. Zombies, Sex, Murder, Comedy, Art and Style. Check it out.

Dead Alive (1992)

One of the best splatter flicks ever made. If you're into horror movies or especially splatter films Dead Alive or Brain Dead is a must own. Its loaded with gallons and gallons of blood. Its one of the goriest movies ever made. Filled with gut and puss spewing zombies. To even attempt to list all of the madness and crazy shit that goes on in Dead Alive would take forever. Its just a relentless nonstop gore hound delight from beginning to end. Some of the highlights is dog eating, a ridiculous zombie baby, impalement's, priest kung fu, castrations, decapitations, any kind of dismemberment you can think of, a huge naked mother zombie, flying puss, a lawnmower massacre, claymation rats, eye popping, face riping, exploding zombies etc. etc. The best part is that its all so campy and never takes itself seriously, kinda similar to Evil Dead 2 : Dead By Dawn but Evil Dead doesn't even come close to the gratuitous gore that Dead Alive offers. I actually got to see this thing in the theater a few years back and the audience went as nuts as the movie did. A fight actually broke out between some roller derby girls. It was perfect. Its always hard for me to believe that this thing was directed by Peter Jackson, the same guy who would go on to do Lord Of The Rings and King Kong (2005). I mean he went from doing some of the greatest practical special effects in horror history to making huge budget cgi Hollywood crap. If you're a horror fan and you have not seen this movie you must be living under a rock or something, Its a must see and so is my personal favorite Peter Jackson film Bad Taste. Put on your rain coat and prepare yourself for some serious splatter!