The Devil Inside Her (1977)

The Devil Inside Her was the first horror-porn I ever saw. Back in my teenage years when I got my first apartment, an older punk rock dude showed me this movie. I have to admit it was weird at the time watching a porno film with another guy but the movie itself blew my mind. All these years later I finally found my own copy and it is probably among my all time favorites in the satanic-porn genre.

Obviously cashing in on the success of Gerard Damiano's classic The Devil In Miss Jones. This one is far more gritty and almost a bit disturbing. Vile images of depraved sexuality and debauchery fill the running time for this one. It never gets slow or boring with almost non stop satanic sex.

This one is set back in the 1800's on a farm. Faith and Hope are two sisters who love the same man but their domineering, bible bumping father does not approve of their lustful ways. When daddy catches Faith innocently kissing the man she loves he forces her to strip naked while he whips her with a switch from the ground. "Strip naked before god and show him your shame". When Hope learns that her sister is planning on marrying lover-boy she prays to the devil and offers her soul. She gets what she bargains for when a demon appears with some of the most disturbing cock-rings attached to his genitals. The rest of the movie is demonic possession and sex orgies with plenty of shape shifting and appearance changing. The demon takes the form of just about every character in the movie and tricks them all into a life of deviation.

I love this movie. It has a cool blasphemous plot and some really sick and twisted scenes. As I mentioned the demon wears some absurd cock-rings and its almost painful to watch him violently stretch his genitals. He also comes complete with some really bad KISS makeup. Then we have an old witch who is covered in warts and she gets in on the sexy action as well. In one of the grossest scenes a woman lay naked in the mud while masturbating with vegetables. I would imagine there was a yeast infection at the very least after this scene. Another great moment shows a man swinging from a tree while a horny nymph blows his dangling body. Annie Sprinkles shows up in a satanic orgy, we have fisting, golden showers, interracial sex, incest, lesbianism and just about any other depraved sex act you can think of. There is even a vicious dog that attacks a religious man.

I highly recommend this one to anyone who digs nasty porno movies from the 70's. If you like movies like Through The Looking Glass or of course The Devil In Miss Jones then this one is perfect. I know it is available on multiple DVD labels but I have the old Something Weird Video VHS double feature with Count Erotica - Vampire which I have not gotten around to seeing yet. Not sure if the DVD's have been remastered or anything but the old VHS is as gritty and grainy as they get. Personally the grit and grain works perfectly for me. I wouldn't really want to see a polished print of this thing. The Devil Inside Her is as filthy as they get. While it might not be the best option for some sexy alone time it certainly makes for a great party flick to shock your friends with.

 

Bride Of Chucky (1998)

Bride Of Chucky has always been my favorite in the somewhat shitty Child's Play series. It may be lacking in the violence department but where Bride falls short in that area it makes up for it with comedy in pure bad taste. This one goes way over the top when it comes to good raunchy humor.

Jennifer Tilly plays Tiffany, the ex-girlfriend  of the late Charles Lee Ray. She has spent ten years tracking down the remains of the doll. With the help of some sewing needles and a staple gun, its not long before Tiffany has Chucky looking like Frankenstein's monster. With the help of her "voodoo for dummies" book, Tiffany manages to yet again resurrect the soul of Charles Lee Ray into the infamous Good Guy doll. Once Chucky is brought back to life he wastes no time and kills off Tiffany's cheesy, goth, boyfriend. This pussy makes Marilyn Manson look like a hetero sexual. Chucky rips the 90's-bastards lip rings out and smothers him with a pillow while he watches the hot Jennifer Tilly shake her thang.

Tiffany and Chucky start butting heads when Tiffany learns that her serial killer boyfriend never had any plans of marrying her. In one of my favorite scene Jennifer Tilly takes a bubble bath and watches Bride Of Frankenstein. Too bad for her she never sees the ending of the movie because Chucky throws the television into the tub and fries the sexy blond alive. Next Tiffany is resurrected into a doll of her own and the two dolls go on a killing spree while trying to get to the grave of Charles Lee Ray. During the course of the movie we watch the murderous dolls send nails flying into a police officers face, blow another cop to bits in a car explosion scene, knife a man to death and kill a newly wed couple on a water bed with shards of glass. However since this one was done in the late 90's and came out seven years after Child's Play 3 there isn't very much gore to gawk at.

What really makes this one so funny is seeing how the two dolls interact with each other and even other people. In what is probably the most memorable scene we watch Chucky get it on for the first time ever. They even used that as the tagline, "Chucky gets lucky...". Chucky gives it to Tiffany doggy style and delivers the great lines "I don't know about you but I'm beginning to feel like Pinocchio over here" and Tiffany has this to say "I wonder if all the plumbing works". Now that is just great. This of course all ends really badly and the couple fights over who is worse in bed, just like real married couples. It all comes together with a twisted ending in which Tiffany shits out a bloody baby getting us ready for the next sequel, Seed Of Chucky, which is just awful.

Bride Of Chucky is without a doubt the best in the series. If you are only going to watch one, it might as well be this one.

Childs Play 3 (1991)

Here's another Childs Play movie written by brain child Don Mancini. I will give this writer credit for sticking with his love for the little, red-headed, murderous, doll but the thing that probably hurts this series so bad is the fact that each film had a different director. It becomes apparent that aside from Don Mancini everyone else probably took this thing on strictly as a business deal.

While I wouldn't consider the Child's Play series to be the worst franchise of all time, it also isn't all that good either. Personally thinking the first film was a little on the lame side and preferring Child's Play 2 it would have been nice if the third film was even better. This however is not the case. Child's Play part 3 is pretty crappy with minimal gore and very uneventful kills. The film relies more on jokes and silly tongue in cheek moments that come off more embarrassing then actually funny. Sure Chucky is known for his silly one-liners but it is usually followed with a bloody death sequence. "Don't fuck with Chuck" is probably the most memorable of all the cheesy lines in this one and I think this movie is the first time we ever see Chucky flip the middle finger.

 In case you forgot Chucky explodes in the end of the last film but its okay because the Good Guy franchise will yet again salvage the pieces and rebuild the psychotic doll. Once Chucky is back up on his own two feet he wastes no time getting back in to the swing of things. First he kills the greedy owner of Good Guy Dolls with a golf club to the achy-breaky skull. Then the film takes an odd turn and brings Chucky to a military school where he will be reunited with little Andy Barclay who is now eight years older. I guess Chucky only likes young boys because he decides that Andy is no longer the body that he wants to possess and in stead moves on to a young black boy named Tyler. In what just might be the best moment in the movie Chucky tells Andy Barclay that he is going to possess the body of Tyler with these lines "Just think, Chucky's gonna be a bro".

during the 90 minute running time we will witness Chucky slash a mans throat with a straight razor, put live rounds in the rifles during a training event in which a few kids will get shot, he blows a nerd to bits with a hand grenade, crushes a man in a garbage truck and in a very lame scene gives a man a heart attack. The violence is totally dulled down in this one and the only moment in the film with any kind of cool special effects is the climax when we witness Chucky being mangled.

Even as a kid I didn't really like this movie. If I never see this one again, I will be just fine. Child's Play 3 is amongst the worst in an over rated series.

Childs Play 2 (1990)

Personally not being the biggest fan of this series or what I like to call joke-ster horror. You know the type, those Freddy Kruger movies and just about everything else to come out of the late 80's. However while looking at the Childs Play series this one isn't all that bad. I like this sequel much better then the original and that rarely happens.

If you are in the mood for a silly Slasher type movie where you don't have to use your brain, this one can actually be kinda fun. Childs Play 2 takes off where the first film ended. Little Andy Barclay has been sent to an orphanage while his mother is being psycho analyzed in some loony bin but we never even see her in this movie, so fuck her. Of course the authorities don't believe either one of them that they were being stalked by a possessed, serial killer doll and its not long before Chucky pops back up in the picture. It just so happens that all the news around Andy and his mother has made for very bad publicity for Good Guy Dolls incorporated. The company has managed to acquire the so called possessed doll and is putting it through testing to see if the doll was in anyway defective. Well for some reason the company chooses to completely refurbish the ugly red headed killer toy and before you can say "I hate kids" Chucky is back in the swing of things and killing off humans.

Chucky manages to track down his old pal Andy, who is now living with a foster family. Jenny Agutter who I remember best as nurse Alex in American Werewolf In London plays Andy's new foster mother. Chucky makes sure he gives the new family hell before eventually killing everybody off. The best kill scene is when Andy's school teacher has a bicycle pump stabbed deep into her chest and then is beat to death with a yard stick. Other then that most of the kill scenes are typically silly which one could expect from a movie about a talking killer doll that came out in 1990.

However the films best moment is the climax. It is a gory cat and mouse scene in the Good Guy Doll factory. The whole end of the movie is done in good splattery fun. Eyeballs are pushed in, arms are ripped off and we also get a really cool head explosion. Even if the whole first half of the film is mediocre to lame the ending makes it all better. Childs Play 2 also offers up a plastic bag suffocation scene, a twisted neck breaking scene, a stabbing and an electrocution. As far as this series goes, I stick with Bride Of Chucky and this one. The rest of them are all pretty lame.

 

Demons 5 : The Devils Veil (1989)

The legendary Italian director Mario Bava is amongst the greatest film makers in horror history. His son Lamberto Bava although an acquired taste is rather hit or miss. Lamberto Bava started off strong with some very graphic and memorable splatter films from the 80's. Lamberto's earliest work (Demons, Macabre) is without a doubt his best work. As time went on the films of Lamberto Bava seemed to have gotten worse and worse. Demons 5 : The Devils Veil also known as Black Sunday (1989) is a perfect example of Bava Jr's. not so great work.

Lamberto Bava remakes his fathers classic Gothic horror film Black Sunday. He takes the film in a very different direction but somewhere along the way the remake falls very short. It starts off with a group of vacationers skiing in the mountains. They fall into a deep pit with no way out. One of them breaks their leg and the others seem to care less. They find a body buried in the snow with The Mask Of Satan nailed to the face. They remove the mask from the corpse and all hell breaks loose... Literally.

Next the group of vacationers are terrorized by an evil witch named Anibas and the film becomes very repetitive with scenes of sexual deviance and debauchery. It all comes in tact with typical possession & exorcism type stuff. Female nudity, whippings and of course some very bad dialogue. From what I have read this is a pretty rare movie and was barely seen in America. I can't exactly say that this is a bad thing considering that the movie was pretty lame and adds nothing new to Mario's classic tale.

Only worth looking at for Lamberto Bava completest and even so, I wouldn't expect much. The print I saw was almost completely drained of color. The images of gore that splatted its way across the screen were to soft to enjoy but even if someone released a pristine print I do not think it would be much better. My personal favorite moment shows the vacationers telling a girl with a broken leg to "stop crying. Were on vacation and we want to have fun". This one is just bad.

The Malicious Whore (1979)

Most would probably remember Andrea Bianchi best as the sleazy director who did Burial Ground and Strip Nude For The Killer. Bianchi proves yet again that he is a master in the ways of Eurotrash with Malabimba, also known as The Malicious Whore.

Malabimba is pure exhibitionism disguised as an Exorcist ripoff. Sure we have a demon possessed teenage girl but the soul purpose of this movie is to show full fledged female nudity.

The movie starts off with a typically cheesy Italian seance and Bimba, the youngest girl in the house becomes possessed by a an evil force. The demon within Bimba turns her into a total nymphomaniac. She spies on her uncle and his lover and in the uncut version we are treated to some XXX hardcore action. She gets naked at house parties but unfortunately doesn't piss on the carpet in front of a priest.

Bimba is so horny that she sinks to the level of fucking her stuffed animals. She cuts the crotch open on her favorite teddy bear and shoves a candle stick between his legs. I'm sure you can figure out what shes planning on doing next. She even masturbates with a smurf looking stuffed animal.

Its not long before Bimba is down in the basement and performing some oral sex on a bed ridden, crippled relative. She is caught with the meat in her mouth by Mariangela Giordano who I remember best as the hot mom who has her titty eaten by her zombie son in Burial Ground. This time around Mirangela plays a nun by the name of Sister Sofia and our sleazy version of The Exorcist makes its way into Nunsploitation territory.

Sister Sofia does her best to warn the family of Bimba's evil ways but its not long before the nun also falls victim to the sexual deviance of The Malicious Whore.

It is nice to see Mariangela Giordano yet again in the buff and we are treated to a steamy lesbian scene. Oh and did I mention that Bimba is supposed to be 15 years old? Well of course she doesn't look it. In fact she is a bit boyish and the least attractive out of the whole lot. Still the age thing makes Malabimba all the more twisted and bizarre.

Aside from Seytan (The Turkish Exorcist), The Malicious Whore might be my new favorite Exorcist rip. It most certainly has to be the most erotic version I have ever seen and it comes complete with plenty of naked ladies, very silly dialogue and holds back on all the exorcism stuff that tends to make us sleep after a while. Eurotrash fans will love this!

Seytan (1974)

Also known as The Turkish Exorcist and that's exactly what it is. Seytan is basically shot for shot, line for line The Exorcist with much more ridiculous and cheesy special effects of course but that goes without saying.

While your average every day moron would probably condemn Seytan for its obvious flaws in production value and blatant plagiarism it is those very things that make me jump on the Seytan cult following band waggon.

Everything right down to the classic musical score is lifted from the 73 classic and it is a goddamn hoot watching these Turks do their best to play it serious. Seytan is never once meant to be comedic but if you don't laugh while watching this one you have some serious problems. I am sure there are a few bootleg copies circulating with more coherent subtitles but mine is all miss spelled and completely grammatically incorrect which did nothing more but make Seytan even more enjoyable.

Obviously Seytan : The Turkish Exorcist is more of a fun watch for true fans of the original Linda Blair flick. Its virtually impossible to watch the Turkish remake without visualizing the scenes from the more familiar movie.

Some of my personal favorite moments were the scenes where little Regan or in this case Gul is having the series of medical tests done on her. The needle is injected into the neck and the oh so memorable blood sprays out onto the white sheets. Then she gets a spinal tap but next we are treated to the shock treatment scene which is a laugh riot and has to be seen to be believed. One thing that I found very interesting due to religious differences and geographic's is the fact that the Turks took the crucifix out of the movie. However they couldn't loose the gory and shocking virgin-masturbation scene so the supplemented the crucifix for a book mark...? Yep they chose a book mark with a demons face on it which our you possessed victim would shove into her virgin vagina. Unfortunately the infamous "Let Jesus fuck you" was removed as well.

However we still get plenty of silly bed-thumping and I guess the Turks didn't understand the beauty of green pea soup cause they used some kind of green putty like substance. Check it out for a good time with Turkish devils and exorcism. Who says that remakes suck?

Exorcismo (1975)

Paul Nashy is best known for his monster flicks or the Waldemar Daninsky series specifically but the man has 100 titles to his name. This obviously being an Exorcist rip-off.

The Exorcist has been ripped countless times in American and European countries alike. Personally preferring the Eurotrash takes on the 73 classic (Eerie Midnight Horror Show) I have to admit I was a bit let down by this Spanish version.

Exorcismo blends elements of a Gialo with the oh so familiar possession tale. We have scenes that reenact (more graphically) the head being spun by 180 degrees. We also get a fair share of breasts and bush from our possessed actress who takes part in satanic rituals. Paul Nashy on the other hand plays the priest who will act out the exorcism against our demonic antagonist who happens to be a close friend of the family to Nashy.

Exorcismo suffers from long drawn out talky scenes that will lead to great boredom and drooling. Unfortunately the tits and ass isn't quite enough to save this thing from being nothing more then wasted space on the dvd shelf.

Exorcismo isn't shocking enough in the exploitation department to hold attention and it is nowhere near as creepy as the real Exorcist. The fact that our possessed girl looks like she is 30 years old takes a lot away from the film too. On the other hand the makeup does look pretty good and the exorcism is amusing to say the least. Wait until you see the reenactment of the spider-walk... Its a hoot!

I really wouldn't recommend this movie to Nashy fans. Its a let down all around. Stick with Nashy's monster epics or at least a trashier Euro version of the Exorcist.

Oval Portrait (1972)

If I can't punch the actress, I will have to punch myself for buying this shitty movie. This American/Mexican production has to be one of the worst fucking movies I have seen in a while. The Oval Portrait or One Minute Before Death takes from the writings of Edgar Allan Poe and mangles it with wretched visuals and over all inept film making.

A mother and daughter inherit a mansion which is haunted by the ghost of the former resident. The daughter becomes possessed and runs around in an embarrassing manner.

First off the daughter is played by a 50 year old woman and no amount of Botox can help this wrinkled up old bag. Its annoying as hell watching this old bat run around and pretending to be a child. I don't care if she was the worlds greatest actress which she is absolutely not and had the worlds greatest makeup artists making her up. We still wouldn't be fooled. Then we get some really shitty ghost effects and horrible acting all around. The voice over dubbing is horrendous and the plot is totally boring. Luckily for us we have a necrophilia scene (complete with corpse slow-dancing). We also get a tid bit of blood but nowhere near enough to save this vile piece of crap.

Don't ever watch this movie!

Eerie Midnight Horror Show (1974)

70's Italian film makers didn't waste much time when it came to genre flicks and ripoffs. The international success of America's The Exorcist means only one thing... Euro-Trash versions of green vomit spewing demons. Unfortunately for us The Eerie Midnight Horror Show isn't all that trashy or even good for that matter.

The VHS title obviously trying to cash in on The Rocky Horror Picture Show does catch the eye but some of the earlier titles were way better. Also released as Enter The Devil, The Devil Obsession, The Tormented and the awesomely exploitive title The Sexorcist. Which ever title you choose The Eerie Midnight Horror Show is bound to let you down.

A hand carved wooden statue of a crucified Satan is discovered and of course tampered with. Satan comes back to life, pulls himself from the cross and possesses a young girl named Danila who strikes a odd resemblance to Ashley Laurance from Hellraiser. The demonic Danila acts out against the church, family and friends. She tries to indulge in some incest with daddy which leads to some domestic violence (complete with gratuitous daughter slapping). However Danila's level of perversion pales in comparison to her devious mother who likes to run around with the town bad boy. In one of the best scenes Danila spies in on her mother as she is stripped down, thrown on a bed, covered in rose petals and then whipped with roses. Blood and roses (Sounds like a Mario Bava movie or something) is on display and Danila's mother loves every minute of it of course.

We also get a rape scene between the devil and Danila, a sadomasochist priest who likes to whip himself and if they used regular split pea soup in The Exorcist they definitely used chunky for The Eerie Midnight Horror Show.

Aside from the bare breasts and the awesome rose whipping scene we get a pretty cool crucifixion. It doesn't quite compete with the brutal crucifixion in Lucio Fulci's The Beyond but the red stuff does spill as giant railroad spikes a hammered into our female leads hands and feet.

In the end we get the final showdown between good and evil, priest and demon. I'm sure you guessed it but the conclusion is right out of The Exorcist with one dead priest and a healthy Danila. The only difference is that in this one the priest takes a beating from a big heavy chain.

Out of all of The Exorcist ripoffs out there The Eerie Midnight Horror Show isn't a top pick. Aside from the crucifixion and the whips there really isn't much to offer. Check out Exorcismo or Seytan (Turkish Exorcist) for some more silly possession from over seas with devils and exorcism.

Devils Nightmare (1971)

I don't know how this one managed to stay away from me as long as it did but I am glad it finally made its way into my collection. Devils Nightmare is exactly what I have been looking for. This Belgium, Italian production is the perfect concoction of Eurotrash sleaze and Gothic horror.

This one follows seven travelers (who represent the seven deadly sins) who end up at a castle cursed by a succubus who happens to be the incredibly hot Erika Blanc from Kill Baby Kill. Erika lours the seven tourists in one by one with her sex appeal and exploits their personal vices leaving them cold, dead and without a soul. Our beautiful succubus doesn't exactly do any full frontal nudity but bears a bit of nip here and there just to make sure the boys in the audience are not losing their attention and believe me guys... you wont! Devils Nightmare also offers up a decapitation scene, a impaled cat, some sexy lesbian action complete with bare breasts, a rich woman is suffocated with gold, a lesbian meets her demise with the help of some old time torture devices, death by python snake, a man is thrown from a window and impaled on a gate, a bus full of tourists goes over a cliff complete with explosion, a priest is taunted by a hot red head in sexy lingerie, Satan himself appears as a under nourished balding man with swank white gloves and a black cape (He is oddly reminiscent of the creepy guy from Valerie And Her Week Of Wonders but perhaps the real money shot in this sleazy trash-fest is right in the beginning. A new born infant in stabbed to death in its cradle by a kitchen knife wielding Nazi and yes we do get to see it!

Devils Nightmare has it all going on. The plot gets a bit tired by the end of the movie but every time you might start to lose interest some other crazy moments pops up. Devils Nightmare is a must see for fans of trash cinema. After all how often do we get to see babies murdered on screen with giant kitchen knives?

Rabid Grannies (1988)

Belgium film makers have the Troma Team market and distribute they're movie and although much more people have probably seen the final product with the help of Troma, they are given this embarrassing poster. One glance at this glossy, childish poster would tell the average respectable gore-hound to stay far away. It gives the impression that you are in for the worst, shot on video, ride of torture in your life. Well this is not the case. Rabid Grannies was in fact shot in film and looks much better then most of the low budget horror flicks that were coming out of the American sewer at the time. Sure its campy but isn't that the fun in it.

A family of rich spoiled brats are called for a diner party in celebration of their great aunties birthday. Its quite obvious from the beginning that this band of yuppie scum can not stand each other and are only attending for one reason... Money! We have the two old aunties or Grannies according to the title, a rich preppy prick, a fat slob, lesbians, a priest who sits a bit to close to the children, a shy mousy type woman, a balding moron with a case of the giggles and a sexy blond who bares a bit of flesh eventually. The diner party is interrupted when a package arrives from the families black sheep, a devil worshiper who has been out of touch with the family for many years. Once the grannies open their present from their long lost relative they are hit in the face with a sort of mist and they transform into deformed, cannibalistic demons. From here on Rabid Grannies becomes a blood spattered barrage of senseless violence and crazy special effects. The film never takes its self seriously and its sure to get a laugh out of just about everyone. We get crawling hands, split faces, crazy hit and run grannies behind the wheel, faces smashed into bits, destructive children, child decapitation, suicidal priests, gratuitous drool, hands are chopped off, a bit of tit and some really funny dialogue. My main gripe with this film is it is to dark. The lack of proper lighting really keeps some of the special effects and gore for the viewers eyes and that's about as much fun as kissing grandma on her birthday. Rabid Grannies is still a surprisingly fun watch filled with gore and sleaze.

Horror Rises From The Tomb (1973)

Horror Rises From The Tomb is one of my favorites from Paul Naschy. Not because its a epic film but mainly because of the overall madness that goes on throughout the 95 minute run time.

The film opens up with Paul Naschy being accused of black magic. He is then decapitated and his beautiful woman is strung up by her ankles, whipped and burnt at the stake. The whole movie is chock full of gratuitous nudity and violence and although the plot might not be the most comprensive in cinema history it sure is a fun one to watch. The viewer never knows what is coming next but eventually learns that the next frame will probably be as sleazy as the last.

It mixes all the major horror genres into one big mix of zombies, black magic, witches and possessed madmen who run around hacking up pretty women. We also have a John Carradine look alike who's weapon of choice is a slingblade and he does his share of maiming and mangling women. Theres also some gory gun-violence and a really awesome scene involving a execution of two murderers by local vigilantes. The musical score is reminiscent of a classic Hammer film and the dubbing will please Kung Fu fan-boys.

This one is perfect with a group of drunken friends or alone. Not recommended for anyone in the mood for a very serious movie. This one is about as serious as Evil Dead Part 2 : Dead By Dawn.